The Journey Outside
by badboysam
Summary: Against the backdrop of a divided dystopian society, the lives of two people who ordinarily would never have met are dramatically thrown together, forcing them to embark on the most epic journey of their lives. (Repost 2016 edit)
1. Chapter 1

_**Surprise!**_

 ** _Sorry to disappoint but this isn't a new story, I actually posted it here on Fanfiction a couple of years ago. I took it down because I'd intended to self publish it as the original story it started life as as (I had the idea and twisted it around to fit Samcedes, not the other way around). But obviously that hasn't happened and probably never will so I've decided to leave it back here for the fandom. I know there aren't many of you left but for those who stayed I wanted to give something back. (Plus those who've watched the recent series of Dr Who you'll know there's something at the beginning of_** ** _one of the episodes that brought this fic right back to my mind.)_**

 ** _For those who haven't read this story before, on the one hand it's a departure from what I normally write and on the other hand it isn't. The first time around some people said it was like the Hunger Games because of the Sector concept. I still haven't seen it (I know!) to make a comparison but it wasn't my intention to make it similar to anything else and the Sectors is just a backdrop so I can't really change that._**

 ** _This first part isn't really the first chapter. It's just the Prologue/Author's Note/Scene Setter. I still think this is important because it explains why the characters are the way they are._**

 ** _So please enjoy!_**

 ** _Vicky x_**

* * *

The Journey Outside is an AU story is set in a dystopian World which is split into numbered Sectors, each populated with people of their own 'kind'. It wasn't always that way, but nobody can really remember how it all came to be. No one knows what came first, the Sectors or the cultures contained within those Sectors. It just is and everyone accepts it as their reality.

For the majority life is simple. 95% of them are born, grow up, live and finally die in their home Sector with no real desire to leave or explore the outside World. There's no real attraction or encouragement to explore beyond what they already know. Each Sector is a 'World' in itself, clearly defined and extremely large in size, much as modern 'States' in current day America are, encompassing vast swathes of rural areas as well as multiple cities. But the differences between the inhabitants are far more marked, with each Sector having its own 'culture', traditions and belief systems which are strictly adhered to at risk of punishment. In many Sectors the punishment for disobedience is severe but not necessarily thought to be unjust. Each Sectors is vast, often several days travel to cross, self-contained and self-sufficient which perpetuates the lack of desire to leave or learn anything of other Sectors. Everything anyone could need to have or know is already exists in one place.

Although everyone in this parallel universe speaks the same language, there are clear distinctions in the speech and accents of each Sector. As well as the often strikingly different physical features such as skin colour, hair type and genetic features, other things such as styles of dress, food preparation and even types of rulership also separate the inhabitants of Sectors from their other numbered counterparts.

Yet despite this twisted and segregated world, in each generation and within each Sector there are a tiny minority who _do_ dream of something else. They might not quite know _what_ that something else is, but they dream of it anyway. Where this strange desire comes from is a mystery, as are some of the other things that these individuals seem to be able to Perceive, but to those who experience this desire, it's all consuming, even to the point of driving a few of the affected individuals to madness after dealing with a lifetime of the frustrated desire for something different.

Between these vast Sectors are smaller Transit Sectors. The few who are intrepid enough to dare travel, negotiate their way through them at the risk of their own lives. The one thing that all Sectors agree on is the distain they hold for the Transit Sectors. Despite the fact that they're a necessity, providing links for the export and import of basic items as well as trade, they are places that most Citizens seek to avoid, the one area where people of all Sectors actually do mix and see things they would never experience in their own Sectors. Due to the general avoidance by the masses, they're places most frequented by the underclasses, the unwanted and especially the criminal community.  
Only a few from each Sector are brave enough even to seek legitimate employment in these areas out of fear of those they might encounter. For the dreamers however, the Transit Sectors are the only way they get to experience anything other than the Worlds in which they are born and destined to die in.  
It is a different World.

But here's the thing…

For all these words, and descriptive details, this story isn't actually about this dystopian World. It's simply the backdrop, the curtain of the stage with the players under the spotlight.

Because in a world as complex and fractured as this, the real stories aren't the ones about the world itself, but about the individuals within it.

This, my dear readers, is one such story…


	2. Chapter 2

_Whatever you do, never look them straight in the eyes..._

Alex turned and fired as soon as he heard the sound, the silencer on his gun muffling the sound of the shot. The man slumped back silently, eyes still wide open, frozen with the expression of shock and disbelief. The expression in his eyes immediately faded due to the perfectly circular crimson hole that was now between them. The exit wound at the back of his head was far less neat and the resulting splatter of blood, bone and brain matter on the wall behind him was decidedly messy.

Night was falling and the small roadside diner in Transit Sector 57 had already closed. Alex had watched and waited until the staff had gone. He'd counted them carefully, five in and five out. The last to leave, the mad who was most likely the owner hadn't locked the door. Clearly he knew his property was going to be in use after hours and was turning a blind eye.

The dead man now slumped on the linoleum floor had not been alone. He'd come to make a deal with Romanov Kijczek, the real target of tonight's assassination. This unnamed man was simply collateral damage, death by association. Yet Alex felt no guilt because he knew that this still warm man was also scum. One of the unending stream of henchmen who did the dirty work for their overlords. These men were all the same and were two a penny. They lived fast, got paid well for the risk and mostly died young.

At twenty-seven Alex was already considered 'old' for those in his line of work. The money was excellent because most never stayed alive long enough to actually spend most of it. But Alex knew that there was a simple formula for lasting in this career. It was a very simple one. If you don't leave witnesses, you don't get caught. Adding inexhaustible patience and immaculate preparation to the mix made him a cut above the rest and the top of his game.

Most would call him scum along with those he was paid to kill and in some ways they were right, but he liked to think that he _did_ hold to his own moral code. It might not be the one that his or other Sectors would openly condone or accept, but it left him with a sense of discipline that he hoped, rendered him a cut above the average messy and senseless killer.

He turned at the sound of the bathroom door opening. Romanov was whistling as he came through. It was a fatal mistake. It meant that he wasn't alert. By the time he finally caught sight of Alex, he was stood in front of him, gun aimed right between his eyes. Without moving his head, the large heavy built man with the bulging belly of a good life cast his gaze over to the slumped body of his associate before sighing. "Who sent you?"

"Zeben." Another thing Alex didn't waste in these situations were his words.

Romanov nodded slowly in realization. "Of course."

They were his final words.

Alex fired twice in rapid succession, one shot between the eyes and the other through the heart. One or other would have been sufficient for a kill, but when it came to Romanov, Zeben was sending out a message and that message needed to be sent loud and clear.

A split second after the second shot he heard a gasp. Spinning around immediately he pointed the gun between the eyes of the person who'd just come out of the kitchen. It was a girl, clearly she worked there and was leaving later than the rest. Alex could have sworn that both he and Romanov had checked the place was clear before the meeting went down but maybe they weren't as thorough as they should have been. Instinct immediately kicked in, but somehow, for the first time in his life, so did something else. He should have immediately pulled the trigger to eliminate the witness and clean the crime scene but for some inexplicable reason he didn't. Something was off. She was just a girl, skin dark and rich like moist fertile earth and a body soft and curvaceous which was characteristic of girls from the 17th Sector which they were next to. Her hand was clasped tightly over her mouth, clearly fractionally too late to suppress the sound which had already escaped from it.

Then it happened.

For the first time in his professional career Alex made a mistake.

Normally in this situation, people got scared and stared into the barrel of the gun. This girl was different. She ignored the gun and stared straight at him. So he stared right back at her. Not just at her face, but right in the eyes. He had no idea of what caused him to do it but now he was caught like a deer in headlights. Only these weren't headlights. These were eyes like molten molasses, rich, dark, sweet and sticky enough to simultaneously drown and suffocate you.

For the first time in his life Alex was stuck. He knew he _should_ pull the trigger but he couldn't. He'd been sucked into a vat of molasses too thick to move. This had never happened to him before. He'd never seen this girl before in his life. He didn't know her. So killing her shouldn't even factor onto his radar.

She said nothing and neither did he. They simply stood, facing each other and staring into each other's eyes for what felt like a painfully silent eternity.

 _He couldn't kill her. She was an angel. It would be wrong to kill an angel!_

But neither could he let her live. He was being watched. He knew for a fact that there was surveillance in this building as there was in most Transit Sector Public Buildings and his employers would be tapped into it to ensure the job got done. If it Alex botched it up in any way, or left witnesses, then _he_ would become the target.

So he _had_ to kill her.

He knew this, and yet even as the thought went through his head, his arm lowered of its own accord and suddenly he was no longer pointing the gun at her.

"You- you _killed_ them!"

He should have felt annoyed that she was stating the obvious, but he was lost, not on her words, but on the melodious sound of her voice. His brain screamed that he was in danger but his body refused to cooperate. If he believed in these things he'd think he'd been bewitched. A spell cast over his all too human body. Or maybe she was a siren, like those ancient mythological sea creatures from the cartoons he used to watch as a child. Beautiful and alluring, but deadly. The second you get too close you meet your death. Maybe this was all an elaborate setup to mark the end of his career. Perhaps the powers that be had decided he'd lived too long and was too old for this business. He knew too much about too many in the underworld. He understood how thin the line was between being considered an asset and being found to be a liability. Sometimes that line was as thin as a person's mood and perception.

But this girl was no threat. He knew it. How did he know? It wasn't just in her eyes, it was also in her voice. Her tone.

The fear.

Experience meant Alex knew wasn't possible to fake genuine gut wrenching fear. It changes the baritone in your voice. This girl, her voice was melodious but fearful. He cast his eyes over her body. Oh what a body! Women in his Sector didn't have softness like that and through his travels he'd come to wonder why the hell not. His quick scan did however provide an answer his underlying question. Plenty of softness and warm flesh, but no concealed weapons.

If there were he'd happily die trying to find them.

 _Why the hell was he thinking like this?_

He struggled to fathom what it was that was holding him back before reaching a disturbing conclusion. She reminded him of his sister. Not physically of course, but the innocence of her expression. It was like she saw him but saw straight through him. She saw not only that he was extremely dangerous, but also that he was a person. Barely seconds had passed and he hadn't even started to breathe, but it felt like a lifetime.

"Are you going to kill me?" She spoke again, softly this time in that shaky musical voice.

"No." _Why was he doing this to himself?_ He knew it was the wrong answer and cursed himself for giving his word. Now it was literally going to cost him his life to keep it.

"But you killed those men!"

"And you talk too much!" he snapped, suddenly starting to come back to his senses.

She kissed her teeth and cut her eyes at him. A life and death situation and she _cut her fucking eyes at him!_ If he wasn't already so fascinated with her he'd have blown her brains out for sure!

But he didn't. Instead he put the gun back into the waistband of his pants to avoid the temptation of changing his mind and killing her there and then, and grabbed her roughly by the arm despite her resisting.

"Are you kidnapping me?"

"No. For some unexplained reason I'm saving your fucking life. So MOVE!" Tugging her roughly he pulled her through the door and onto the rapidly darkening street. "This way!"

"But I live in the other-"

He didn't give her time to finish. He had higher priorities than the beautiful girl who wouldn't shut up. He wished he didn't, but he did. Ignoring the sudden shrill sound that filled the air, alerting everyone to the fact that the nightly Transit Sector curfew was about come into effect, he ran down the street, still pulling her with him. She was short and her legs worked hard to keep up with him. He expected more of a fight from her but she didn't resist or try to get away which is the first thing he would have tried to do in that situation. This girl simply seemed resigned to whatever kind of fate it was that was about to befall her.

"Where are we going?"

He ignored her.

"Why didn't you kill me?"

He didn't bother to reply and she clearly took it as him not hearing so she repeated the question. "Why didn't you kill me?"

"I don't know!" His jaw clenched in annoyance. She was being too loud.

"How can you not know?"

He wanted to kill her and her stupid questions, he really did, but now wasn't the time. He stopped and suddenly turned into a dark alley, raising his finger to his lips for her to hush.

She didn't get it.

"Where are we-" This time one harsh stare was enough to silence her and restore her fear. He really didn't have the time or inclination to be dealing with the extra layer of difficulty he'd just dragged along with him. Sentimentality is what got people killed. He had seen it over and over again and had no intention of becoming a statistic tonight. He'd dump her as soon as he could and leave the job of killing her to someone else. There were several metal crates along the side of alley that they were now in. Alex headed straight for the fifth crate along and ran his hand along the back. This was the money drop off point. There should be a wad of cash taped to the back of the crate, the balance of his payment for the hit.

But here was nothing there.

Alex felt a pounding of his chest and he began to sweat. It was news of the worst kind. _He hadn't been paid!_ Instantly he knew it meant three things. First, there had definitely been surveillance at the site of the hit so they knew he'd left a witness behind. Second, henchmen would have been instantly dispatched to take both him and the girl out. Third, they would know that he'd come and look for his payment so this would be the most likely location for an ambush-

"Get down!"

He felt her hand grab him and pull and as he was on his way to hit the ground he actually heard and felt the bullet that flew millimeters past his face.

He stared at her, shocked. She'd literally just saved his life and probably didn't even know it. Maybe he was meant not to kill her so that she could save him.

 _She really was an angel!_

But there wasn't time to say anything. Instinct and adrenaline kicked in with full force. Pulling his gun he shot his head up briefly before discharging the remaining three bullets at the spot where he'd seen a shadow move. He was rewarded with the sound of a man groaning.

Without hesitation he took the girl's hand. "Run!"

Thankfully she listened and was a fast runner. They were nearly at the end of the alley when he heard the shot and instinct made him push himself in front of them and pull them to the ground. Once there he pulled her tightly against him and rolled them both to the side where they could shelter behind the nearest crate.

The fact that she looked soft was nothing to the way she felt in his arms. It was distracting in the worst kind of way. But there was no time to enjoy it. Now there were voices in the alley. He recognized the sound of Sector Patrol officers shouting questions. The sound of gunshots must have alerted them and their exchange with his assailants sounded terse.

This was his chance! With the greatest reluctance he let her go and grabbed her hand again. "Let's go!"

Her response this time was immediate. They fled the alley and ran to the end of the street. Once there he paused, trying to gain his bearings. He knew the route to that particular alley, but needed to think where the safest place to run to would be.

"This way!" The girl pulled at his hand this time and led him down a cross street. "I know where we are!"

With nothing left to lose he allowed her to lead them down what looked like a dead end. At the end she followed the fence until she came to a slight warp in it. Pushing firmly, it opened like a gate and there was darkness on the other side.

Alex was stunned. He had never seen anything like it. He knew damn well there hadn't been any gate there until the moment she'd started to push the fence. He eyes the darkness beyond warily. "Which Sector is through there?"

"No Sector."

That made no sense. "Like another Transit Sector?"

For the first time she smiled and it lit up her face. "Like _outside_ of Sectors!"

It was a concept he struggled with. But suddenly something bothered him more. As she turned towards him he saw the front of her hoodie. It had a familiar red stain. "You're bleeding!"

"Huh?" Her eyes widened with shock and she looked down, quickly touching herself. "No, not me. It must be..."

He followed the direction of her eyes to the front of his shirt. There was blood. Significantly more than hers.

"You're hurt." Suddenly both her eyes and her voice softened significantly. Whatever she must have thought of him seemed to be overruled by the fact that he was injured.

And he was. Now that he thought about it there was pain below his ribs on his side. Maybe the adrenaline of the moment had stopped him from immediately feeling it.

"Come quick and we'll look at it when you're safe." She held open the gate and he had no choice but to follow her into no-man's-land.

And by no choice he meant he had nothing to lose…


	3. Chapter 3

He still didn't understand where he was.

The ground was grassy and soft with the falling of darkness he couldn't see too far. It was just like walking through any green space.

Now that he was aware of being wounded he actually started to feel the pain with each step. The girl kept shooting him concerned looks but he walked as straight as he could, regardless. They soon reached a large tree where she told him to sit. Alex wasn't used to a girl telling him what to do but somehow his legs buckled regardless.

"Let me see." She tried to lift his shirt but the darkness made it difficult to see clearly. There was more blood than he'd expected. "Here, use this!" She uncoiled a long strip of fabric from her hair, causing thick braids to fall from the bun at the back of her head onto her shoulders into more of a ponytail. Folding it into a pad she handed it to him "Use this to put pressure on the wound. How do you feel?"

"I'll be okay to continue."

"Good. Because I can't carry you." Involuntarily the corner of his mouth fractionally raised into what could almost be described as the beginnings of a wry smile. But it wasn't enough of a movement to be noticed and she continued humorlessly, "It takes about twenty five minutes to walk to my home from here seeing as you took us farther away." He didn't know why but somehow she'd decided that she was going to help him. He didn't deserve her help. Thirty minutes ago he'd had a gun to her head and every intention of killing her just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The facts remained the same. Either he was going to have to kill her himself or let somebody else do it. As far as he was concerned she was already walking dead. They both were. Unaware of his thoughts, she looked down at herself again and rubbed the patch of blood on her front. "Noooo! My dad's already going to kill me for getting home after curfew!"

"You live with your dad?" The idea of it made him nervous.

She looked at him incredulously as if it should be obvious to him. "Of course!"

"So..." _Where the hell was she taking him?_

She shot him an expression that smacked of exasperation with an undercurrent of something a little harder that surprised him. "So you have you have a choice, go back and be killed by men like you, or come with me and make yourself useful."

"Useful?"

She nodded. "Yes. To me. _Very useful_."

That definitely piqued his interest. How could he possibly be useful to her? Did she want him to kill somebody for her? For some reason she didn't seem the type to want that. And there was another, more pressing issue which caused him to frown. "So you're taking me into your Sector. Won't I be harmed?"

She cast him an unreadable expression. "Why do you think that? Is it because you're a _spirit_?"

 _That was a new term to him._ "Spirit?"

"Spirit. Ghost. Pale person. We've had your kind in our Sector before you know. People might stare a bit but you won't come to any harm." She chuckled bitterly, "That being said, I'm sure the same wouldn't apply to me in _your_ Sector. I've heard all about what can and what _does_ happen to people who look like me there!" He opened his mouth to disagree then closed it again because deep down he couldn't. It's just the way it was. Some kinds of people just didn't belong. Instead he allowed her to continue to speak. "Try not to judge everyone to the standards of your people. The more I learn the more I find out about a thing called injustice. Not all people are judged equally, not all Sectors are viewed as equal and people like me are rarely given chances. So on the rare occasions that they do actually come along, we have to take them, regardless of the risk. _You_ are _my_ chance and I'm taking you!" She looked back at his blood stained clothing and the hard edge of her voice softened a little. "Besides, you're wounded. It would be wrong of me to leave you."

Alex knew better than to attempt a reply before knowing more about this situation bizarre situation he'd found himself in. Breaking out of her thoughtfulness she strained to look at her watch in the darkness. "We need to move faster. Nothing good happens out here this late."

He still had no true concept of where 'out here' actually was but he followed her regardless. The pain was worsening as he walked but he didn't want to alarm her. The idea of her being in control pissed him off but at this point he had no better ideas. It wasn't as if he could just go back. The bounty on his head would be huge and every single trigger happy lowlife would be eagerly considering it theirs.

They walked in silence for a several minutes before she suddenly stopped, wiping at her clothes and loudly kissed her teeth again. 'I'm never going to be able to explain away this blood!"

Pausing, she looked down at herself for a moment before undoing the hoodie she was wearing over her uniform and turning it inside out so that the blood was no longer visible. He tried not to notice that the diner uniform she was wearing underneath fit her to perfection, as if it had been made specifically for her unique shape. She was talking again, handing the top over to him. "Wear this to cover yourself."

He took it and silently put it on, the strain of stretching causing a sharp pain in his wound and even though she didn't acknowledge it, he knew that she saw him wince. "It's not far now, but there's a high chance of being spotted on this stretch." She pressed her hand over her mouth looked at him thoughtfully as if weighing up what she was going to do next. There was a moment's pause and exhale before a strange glint came into her eye as if she'd just had an idea. Finally spoke but this time with an edge of reluctance. "Look… whatever I may say or do from this moment on… just don't take it personally, I'm just doing what I can to keep you hidden. There's method to my madness, I promise." She frowned as if doubting herself, "There just isn't time to explain it all."

By now he was in too much pain to really care and he didn't even flinch when she reached up to pull the hood over his head. "Your hair is too distinctive," she muttered, suddenly looking significantly more nervous than she had moments before, "We're very close to the entrance to my Sector and I'm not the only one who sneaks Outside. People come out here when they don't want to be caught, especially after curfew."

Her cryptic statement simply confused him even more, but the pain meant that his focus now was mostly on the simple effort of staying upright. He was feeling more and more lightheaded by each moment and although he didn't want to concern her it was starting to worry him, knowing it would make him vulnerable. They carefully approached a small area of trees and she suddenly took his hand. In return to his questioning glance he was simply given a 'just go with it' expression. "Couples who aren't married come out here", was her simple and unhelpful hushed explanation.

They'd nearly made it through to the other side when they heard a twig snap and a giggle. Hushed voices slowly made their way towards them and there was no place to hide.

She tugged him towards her and backed herself against the nearest tree. It wasn't what he was expecting. "What-"

"Shhhh, just play along!"

 _Play along with what?_

The answer was instantaneous. She pulled him close against her front and brought her hands up around his neck, bringing his face down to hers and kissing him on the lips. He instantly pulled back in shock but she kept her hands locked around his neck, forcing him back, her eyes desperately begging him to play along. So he did.

He let her kiss him. The kiss was clumsy and inexperienced but not entirely unpleasant. Without realizing it his hands had automatically settled themselves on her ample hips. It was a reflex action. Suddenly the sound of the giggle was directly behind his head and a female voice triumphantly announced "I _caught_ you!"

His reflex was to reach for his gun but she held on to him tightly, raising her head and pulling his face into her neck. Despite the tinge of fried diner food, she still smelled good underneath, like she'd applied some perfume just before leaving. Without even thinking his lips found her pulse point. A second reflex, which allowed him to feel the vibration of her neck as she spoke out, "Please don't tell my dad!"

Her voice sounded scared, but it didn't quite have the tone of fear that it did when he was holding a gun to her head. Suddenly he understood. _She was faking it!_

And then it dawned on him. _This was her plan. To keep his face and bloody clothing hidden while she dealt with whoever it was that spotted them._ He continued to pretend to nuzzle lovingly at her neck, ever on guard to pull out his gun at the first opportunity. It contained a now empty clip because he hadn't had a chance to reload, but only he knew that.

"Diva is that you?" The voice came again. "Well shit! Talk about good girl gone bad! You're the last person I expected to see out here like this!"

He felt her body tense in his arms as she heard the words and formulated her response. "Yeah well you're the _first_ person I'd expect to see here!"

This time the giggle was tinged with sarcasm. "Touché, Diva, touché!"

"Look, Rachel, we both know the drill. Neither of us were here and neither of us saw anything."

The voice sounded like it had come a little closer, making him hold on to the girl a little tighter as he listened carefully to the reply. "Of course. But I feel it my duty to warn innocent girls like you that what you're doing right now… that good shit is how babies get made!"

"And you'd know that better than anyone else!"

"Hey! Play nice! I'm just being a model Citizen. I know to keep my 'loose ways' outside the walls of your squeaky clean Sector. But good upright girls like you can get into trouble very quickly when you don't know what you're doing, and believe me, you want the fun to last _without_ the consequences!"

He could feel the girl in his arms getting more and more annoyed at the words of the person behind but he continued to keep his face hidden, praying she would end the conversation quickly. Thankfully she did. "Yeah well I'd love to stay and chat but you can see I'm busy and I'm already late for curfew so let's just call it quits!"

"For now Diva, only for now. Goodnight _loverboy_!" There was the sound of her departure and then nothing. Suddenly he felt himself being rudely pushed away, only for her to apologize when he winced in pain.

"She's gone. Let's go. It's beyond late now!"

"Do you think she'll tell your dad?"

She smiled cryptically. "I'm counting on it!"

Alex didn't know what to make of that answer. This girl was a complete mystery to him and kept surprising him at every turn. He followed closely as she continued to move on quickly, acting as if what just happened had never happened at all.

Suddenly they were at a fence. He didn't see it in front of him but when he reached his hand forward he was touching it. Too much weirdness was going on for his liking. The girl expertly felt along the fence which was only now becoming visible because he was looking directly at it, and after a few seconds clearly found what she was looking for. A small push revealed it to be an entrance to her Sector. With only the briefest hesitation he followed her through and stepped directly onto a sidewalk. Turning back to where they'd come he expected to see the gate but saw nothing but a solid brick wall. It confused him. Maybe the blood loss was affecting his head.

The streets were deserted and they moved quickly and in the shadows. Now _this_ he was used to. In one corner she did pause under a light and assess her uniform for blood. Satisfied there wasn't any she smoothed down her clothing. "Not far now!"

Five minutes more and a brief walk through a green space found them finally stopping at a single story house. Again she took his hand and this time she led him around the back.

"Wait here!" She helped him to sit underneath a darkened window and rapidly disappeared. He sighed, grateful for the rest. The constant travel had taken its toll, making him feel truly unwell and the prospect of being killed was suddenly becoming more and more appealing. It didn't feel right to leave his wellbeing in someone's hands especially when that someone was from Sector 17. And it wasn't just the Sector. It was also the fact that she was a _girl!_

Any other time he would fight this but right now he was feeling too weak. He knew that he'd lost blood and his energy was rapidly failing. Taking his gun and reloading it, he made sure that it was still within easy reach before sinking heavily against the wall that was propping him up and waiting for the girl with no name who strangely enough seemed to hold his fate in her hands…


	4. Chapter 4

It seemed like an age that he had been left outside the window but his watch told him that it was only thirty minutes. Just as he was starting to feel abandoned a light tapping sound from behind alerted him to her presence. Turning his head he saw that not only was the room now lit, but the window was open and the girl had her head leaning out. "Sorry but you're going to have to climb in. Dad's watching the evening news so he won't move from where he is." She lifted the window wide and offered her hand. The climb caused a shooting pain in his wound that made him involuntarily gasp out loud.

"Shhhh!" She hushed him as he landed heavily with a thud.

The room was larger than he expected. The door was to the side, a large bed sat in the middle and in the narrow gap on the floor between the bed and the window a camping mat, blanket and pillow had been laid. Her voice was all business. "Take off your shoes and lie here, I need to look at your wound."

Still weak from his injury and stunned by the unexpected and thoroughly undeserved kindness he had no choice but to do as he was told, allowing her to remove the hoodie and unbutton his shirt. "I'm sorry I took so long. My dad lectured me for being late. Then he lectured me for 'losing' my jacket. Then he made me sit with him and eat. I couldn't get away any faster..." He saw the way her eyes glazed when she saw his bare chest and it raised a faint ironic smile. That look was a common female response. He worked hard to take care of his body and maintain his physique. His job required a strong body and a strong mind and he prided himself on having both. Of even greater fascination to her was the tattoo of an angel that he had over his heart. It was an intricate drawing of a chubby smiling little girl baby with wispy blond hair. Her wings were wide, one wrapped around her like a soothing blanket and the other slightly extended, seemingly wrapping itself around both her and him, then reaching up, the tip creeping up onto his neck, sometimes high enough to peek slightly above his collar depending on what he was wearing. It was an image that meant the world to him.

He watched as she tore her eyes away from his body art and focused back on the task in hand. The time that had elapsed since the injury allowed his shirt to start to stick to his wound and the exertion of climbing in through the window had caused it to start bleeding again.

"Did you keep the pressure on?" Her voice seemed to bring him back to what was happening and he nodded, showing her the now ruined hair tie which he'd been using. He knew enough basic first aid to understand the importance of pressure on a bleeding wound. But again he winced as she slowly pried his caked and stiffened shirt from the injury. "I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do to make this part-"

"Don't worry!" He hadn't meant to snap at her in response. It was the pain talking, but she already seemed to understand that. Taking the pillow she propped it upright against the wall. "Here, sit back. It'll help." He pulled himself back against the wall and again caught her admiring his muscles, but her eyes always returned to the tattoo. He waited for her to ask about it but no question was ever forthcoming. "Nearly done..." She finally finished easing his shirt away and he helped her by sliding out of it completely. Averting her eyes from his naked torso she began cleaning the wound with a cloth which she dipped in a small bowl of warm water. "It's not too bad!" He watched as she carefully cleaned the wound. "The bullet skimmed your skin but didn't penetrate fully. The outer edge of the wound is deeper and it seems to have taken a bit of flesh with it but thankfully it doesn't seem to have hit anything internally. It's a nasty laceration so it'll definitely leave a scar. It looks like you'll be okay without stitches as long as we keep the edges of the wound together."

Her calmness as she worked amazed him. "You sound as if you're used to dealing with gunshot wounds!"

She shot him a searching look and shook her head. "Just what I've seen on TV. I always wanted to be a doctor but here only men can be doctors. I heard that in other Sectors women have more career choices." She wrung out the cloth and continued to clean the wound, avoiding his stare. ''No Sector is perfect. This one is good for some things but not so great for others. We all need to learn from each other and take the best from each world." Refusing to meet his eyes she shrugged. "But what do I know? I'm just little old me and my opinion's not important."

That wasn't true. "I disagree. You speak more sense than most out there, believe me."

"Yeah, well..." She'd finished cleaning the wound and was checking the skin around it for debris and other injuries. Her touch was light and made him breathe that little bit more deeply. "I'm sorry we don't have much first aid stuff so I have to improvise. She pulled out a small knife and before he could question what was happening an aloe vera leaf appeared and she sliced into it. "This will keep the wound sterile and promote healing at the same time." She sliced the piece lengthwise and put the cut side against the wound covering it completely. He took another sharp intake of breath. It stung like hell. She secured it with surgical tape from a very old looking kit. Then came another of the long pieces of fabric she used in her hair. This time she wrapped it right around his torso to secure it. He had to lean forward to allow her to get the fabric all the way around him and the movement put them in close proximity. He used the opportunity to watch her, unobserved. Everything about her was still angelic despite the fact that he knew she was definitely human. And a Sector 17 human at that!

When she finished she admired her work before tossing him a shirt. "It belongs to my brother. He's away at the moment and won't miss it." She turned her back and allowed him to slip it on himself. Once done she turned around and actually did something that was half way towards a smile. "There, that's better." She got up and vanished from sight returning a couple of seconds later carrying a small tray bearing a mug and a plate. "I'm sorry there's no more dinner left but I've made you a warm chocolate and malt drink which is really filling and there's some bread, butter and cheese to have with it. I made the bread fresh this morning and I can assure you its good.' He eyed the items hungrily. It hadn't occurred to him until that very second that he'd eaten nothing since breakfast and the smell of the drink was making his mouth water. Before touching them however, he eyed the two white capsules on the plate next to the bread warily.

"Just something for the pain so that you can get some sleep. If you don't trust me you can leave them, I won't be upset. I'm just trying to be helpful." She started to look uncomfortable again. "You go ahead and eat while I go in the bathroom and get ready for bed." He'd totally missed the small door to the side on first appraisal of the room. The pain was obviously dulling his senses. How could he not notice that she had an ensuite! "Anyway..." She rocked back on her heels and quickly stood up and frowned, at a loss for further words.

Before she could turn away he did something completely out of character. Somehow without thinking he'd reached out and grabbed her hand and now he looked straight up at her. "Thank you!"

Her face broke out into a megawatt smile that was like a ray of sunshine. He hadn't seen a full smile on her face until now. And strangely enough he liked it. "You're welcome. And thanks for not killing me and taking an injury for me. To tell you the truth… I guess wasn't ready to die today." Then she turned and was gone. He heard the sound of teeth being brushed then moments later she returned wearing a set of blue striped pajamas and sat on the bed watching him in silence for a few minutes before speaking again.

"While you're eating I'm going to set out a few ground rules. Firstly, keep your voice down at _all_ times. It's deep and I don't want anyone to hear it. Secondly, you are the first man outside of my family to ever set foot in this room and if you in any way attempt to abuse that privilege I will not hesitate to hurt you. I am my daddy's baby girl and he taught me self-defense before he taught me how to walk. Being the only girl in this family, my dad is respectful of my privacy and never comes in here. If, by any chance he does look through the door, you're shielded by my bed as long as you stay on the floor. Thirdly, and most important, this bed is my personal space. You do not look at it and you do not touch it. The same goes for me. What happened outside by the tree was just to get us out of the situation. I know the conversation I had made me sound like I'm one of those girls but I'm not. I may need you, but I don't need you for _that!_ "

His curiosity got the better of him. "So what _do_ you need me for?"

"To get out of here." The answer surprised him and she stared back at him hard. "But I'm still working on my plan so I'll tell you more about it tomorrow."

"And what does you plan mean for me?"

"It means that you don't die."

At this point, he couldn't really ask for anything better than that. He also couldn't fight the huge yawn that escaped his mouth. He'd opted to take his chance with the pain killers and they had worked quickly. Nobody was ever going to follow him into Sector 17. Hell, nobody would ever expect the likes of him to even step foot there! Now that the adrenaline had gone and his wound was dressed, his body had automatically entered rest mode. He knew she was eyeing him carefully but a second, larger yawn escaped anyway.

"We'll talk more in the morning. You need to rest." He watched as she climbed under her covers. "In the bathroom is a spare toothbrush and towel. You need to stay down on the floor at all times and use the bathroom only when I'm in the room. And don't even _think_ of trying to move around the house during the night. I've locked the bedroom door and the key is hidden where you'll never find it."

"Are you scared of me?" He didn't know why he asked but he needed to know. She looked at him with those big dark eyes. "Yes. Yes I am still scared of you. But it's not the kind of fear you think it is. I know you're not going to kill me. I can see it in your eyes. Besides, there are other things scare me far more than you."

It made him feel good to know that she was still scared of him even if he didn't quite understand what she meant about other things. To a degree he was at her mercy right now, but her fear of him still left him some power which he could use in the future if it became necessary. Safe in that knowledge he used the bathroom before putting the pillow onto the camping mat and pulling the blanket over himself with another yawn.

The next words out of his mouth came as a shock to him. "Diva is a pretty name."

She paused. "Diva is not my name."

"But that girl- she called you…"

"It's a nickname. A title. My name is Mercedes."

"Mershaydis?" His tongue struggled with the sound because it was a name he'd never heard before and it sounded foreign to his ears. She snorted in amusement at his accent.

"It's pronounced Mer-say-dees!"

"That's what I said. Mershaydis!"

She giggled and a wave of anger shot through him. How dare a Sector 17 girl laugh at him! Then he remembered that not only could he not raise his voice, this girl had done for him what nobody from his own Sector would have done. The thought calmed him as he listened to her continue, "You're funny! When I was little and couldn't say my whole name properly I used to call myself Jay. It's short for my middle name which is Jael. You can call me Jay."

Jay was definitely easier and he liked it. "They're nice names."

"They're from the bible. They were both good women, and Jael in particular was a heroine who saved a nation. She, like me, was not to be messed with, and not afraid of men."

He felt himself being drawn into a conversation he was too tired to be getting in to. "Well thank you for saving my life today Jay."

"Thanks for not killing me! It seems strange, we've been through so much together and I don't even know your name either!"

"My name's Al-" He paused. Was telling her his name really such a good idea? "You know what. Maybe I shouldn't tell you my name. People are still looking for me. Bad people. It's a protection for you if you don't know who I am."

She pushed herself to the side of the bed and looked down at him. "I don't think it's fair that you know my name but I don't know yours. What am I supposed to call you?"

"You can call me whatever you like!"

Her eyes hardened. "So I can call you gunman?"

"You could. But that's not really a name."

She thought about it for a moment. "You want me to _give_ you a name?"

That was an interesting idea to him. "If you want."

"In some Sectors people are given names based on who they are. People get to know them first then they give them a name that they think is fitting."

"So if I tell you my story you'll give me a name?"

"Yeah."

"And if I won't tell you my story?"

"Then I call you 'gunman'. But I don't want to. When I looked into your eyes tonight I saw that you were far more than that."

It unnerved him that she appeared to have peered right inside him at the very moment they'd met and Alex didn't yet feel ready to share his story with this stranger. He suddenly felt defensive. "Then 'gunman' will have to do!" He pulled the blanket over his shoulders and turned his back to her. "Goodnight Jay."

Silence.

He knew that she was staring at him but she didn't care. He didn't want to talk.

"Fine!" She switched off the light and he heard her turn her back to him. "Goodnight _murderer_!"

He's been through a lot, but this whole situation had to be the strangest thing to have happened to him.


	5. Chapter 5

He stared quietly the darkness, listening to the sound of the strangest girl he'd ever met shifting around under the covers, sleep clearly as far away from her as it was from him despite his fatigue. He lay still for an absolute age, waiting to hear her breathing change to indicate that she was asleep but it didn't. He didn't like the way their conversation had just ended. He shouldn't really care what she thought about him as long as he was alive.

Then again, this girl, this foreign Sector girl was the first person to ever show him kindness. Yes Zeben had taken him in as a child, but the word kind would never be one used to describe the man. This girl, one from a Sector for whom he had absolutely no respect, had saved him, taken him to her home, tended his wound _and_ given him food and lodging! All for a reason he didn't yet know but it didn't strike him as malicious. Why would somebody be like that?

He lay with his thoughts for a long time. The medication had rendered his pain to a dull ache and he'd suffered far worse injuries than that in silence. Eventually though, the guilt got to him and so did the darkness. His demons always came in the dark. Something strange was happening. He'd always been a man of few words and even fewer friends, but for the first time in his life he felt like he actually wanted to talk. Throwing caution to the wind he adjusted his weight slightly to relieve the pressure on his injured side and let out a loud whisper. "Jay? Are you sleeping Jay?"

There was the sound of her shifting in the bed but she didn't reply. She was probably still mad at him.

Undeterred the words started to flow unbidden. "I was seven when it happened", he said softly.

There was a pause and her disembodied voice came from the direction of the bed. "When what happened?"

"When my family died."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

He stared into the darkness. It was so much easier telling the story when he didn't actually have to look at anyone. It took him a while to start, but when he did he couldn't stop. "I went through a phase of not sleeping in my bed. I had a tent in the middle of my bedroom floor and I slept in there while my bed stayed perfectly made. One night, I woke up in the early hours. I was thirsty so I went to the kitchen to get a drink. As I came back to the top of the stairs I heard a noise then saw a man walk from my bedroom into my parent's room. He was holding a gun. I didn't know why but I followed him. I stood in the doorway and watched as he shot my mom and dad while they slept. They never even saw him. But my sister did. Her crib was at the side of their room. She was only eighteen months old. The sound of someone in the room must have woken her. I was frozen to the spot in fear as I watched her stand up in the crib and smile at the man. I willed her to stay still and silent but she just giggled and held her arms out to him. He turned at looked at her for a few seconds then walked over to the crib. I thought he was going to pick her up and take her but he simply held up the gun and shot her point blank in the chest…" His voice wobbled at the memory and he heard Jay gasp.

Despite the pitch darkness he knew that she was crying. "Inside my head I was screaming but in reality I was like an ice cold statue, stood watching powerlessly as he calmly placed the gun on her changing mat and started searching through my parent's closet. I knew it was too late for me to save my family but I could at least avenge them. The man was so busy searching for whatever he'd come for that he didn't hear me cross to the changing mat and take the gun. The safety was still off and I pointed it right at him. He must have heard something at that point because he started to turn around so I pulled the trigger. The shot blew half his head away and the force kicked me back onto the floor, and injured my shoulder.

"I was still sat on the floor with the gun in my hand when Zeben found me ten minutes later. My family was gone and I had nobody so he took me in. He found the men who hired the man who killed my family and made them pay. They weren't supposed to have died that night. The man's instructions were only to threaten and retrieve a hidden file. There was no excuse for killing a sleeping family and a baby in cold blood. I should have been dead too. Apparently there were three bullets fired into my tent."

He stopped talking and listened to the sound of Jay sniffing. He knew that she regretted asking but once he'd started there was no way that he wasn't going to complete his sad tale. "For years I didn't know who Zeben was. He always said that he was a friend of my father and I took his word for it. I didn't do well at school so he didn't make me go. I expected the authorities to try and force me but they never did. Nobody ever did. To me, Zeben was a father figure and he took me under his wing and told me that I was special. It wasn't until much later that I found out there had been surveillance planted in the house the night my family died and he had seen how and was impressed by how calmly I'd calmly shot the intruder. Instead of forcing me to go to the school that I hated he personally taught me how to use a gun properly. He took me with him into the Transit Sectors and I met other men like him. I always knew that he employed many men but I didn't know what for. It wasn't was fourteen when I discovered Zeben was what's called an 'Enforcer'. He's the man that everybody's scared of. And nobody ever messed with me because I was under his protection. Once he'd taught me how to handle a gun properly, he told me how there were many men like those who killed my family. Men with no heart and no conscience. These men needed to be taken out before they hurt others like I had been hurt. I had no problem doing it. As a teenager it was easier for me to slip around unseen and unsuspected. I considered my work a public service. A public service I got paid well for. A job I did for years until…" he pause and collected his words, "… until one day I find that I can't pull the trigger on an innocent girl with the same expression in her eyes as my little sister that fateful night and suddenly the hunter finds himself being the hunted."

He stopped talking then. This was the first time that he'd ever told the entire story aloud and now he felt physically ill. He hated himself and he hated his life. This he already knew because it wasn't anything new. But somehow it really mattered to him what the girl up on the bed thought of him. She'd taken him in, fed him and patched him up, but he could still yet be thrown out to the dogs at any point. She could decide that she didn't want his particular brand of dead weight to bring her down too. She was innocence personified while he was the definition of corruption and all things rotten in life.

He could tell she was thinking. The silence stretched between them before finally she spoke. He didn't know what he expected her to say but her questioning words still took him by surprise. "But who gave you the right to take life?"

He wasn't expecting a question from her. And he definitely wasn't expecting that one. It wasn't as if it was a question he could actually answer.

His pause obviously made her think that he hadn't heard. "I said, who gave _you_ the right to take life?"

Her questioning made him uncomfortable. All this time he was fine as long as he didn't think about things like that. "It's what I do Jay. It's what I was raised to do, it's what I was trained to do and it's all I know."

She stayed silent for a moment. "You can learn new things. You can be better."

"In my Sector we have a saying, 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks'."

"You're not old, and nobody is beyond redemption if their heart motivates them to want to do what's right."

He scoffed. _What could she possibly know?_ "I like you outlook on the world. Its naïve and oversimplistic but somehow it warms those cold dark recesses previously known as my heart."

He heard her shift in her bed again but she said nothing in response to the thinly veiled sarcasm. After a few moments he began to feel guilty about his little outburst. "Now that you know what I am, if you want me to leave in the morning I will, just show me how to get back to the Outside area and I'll be fine. I can fend for myself."

She still said nothing but he was sure she hadn't yet fallen asleep. Just as his own eyes finally grew heavy he thought he heard her voice. "Huh?"

"I said Samuel."

"Samuel?"

"From the bible. He also grew up away from his parents and was taught a career that he had no choice over from a young age. Only his career was for good, not for evil. Samuel became a good man and a prophet."

"Samuel." He rolled the name around his tongue and it flowed easily, much easier than hers.

"And if you want to keep it even more simple you can just say Sam."

"Sam." He liked that. He like that a _lot._

After another silence she started talking again. "There used to be a spirit family that lived just under an hour walk from here when I was growing up. Their surname was Evans. We can pretend that you're some sort of relative of theirs. Their hair was dark like ours, not golden brown like yours, but we can fix that."

"Evans." That rolled off the tongue pretty easily too. "Samuel Evans. Sam Evans." He liked the simplicity of single syllable foreign names. Far easier to get on with. To adapt to.

"Sam Evans isn't a killer." Her voice floated back over to him again.

"He isn't?"

"Sam Evans is a good man. He's a man of honesty and heart. Do you think you can be that?"

 _I can be anything you want me to be, my angel._ Alex nodded into the darkness. His previous life was over anyway. It would do him good for it to be erased completely. "I can be Sam Evans if you want me to be."

She was silent for a moment. "I want you to be. I need you to be."

"Then I accept the name."

"Good, because it's late and I'd sleep easier knowing the man on the floor next to me isn't a killer."

"Sam Evans is not a killer." The words sounded alien to him. It was going to take some getting used to, but the alternative to not accepting it was unthinkable.

Her musical voice drifted over to him. "I'm glad to hear it."

"Goodnight Jay, and thank you."

"You're welcome Sam. Sleep well."

He shuffled under the blanket and closed his eyes, hoping for sleep to finally come.

A picture of his sister's gummy smile filled his head.

 _From this moment I am Sam. This is my second chance._

 _Let me use it wisely._


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 5**

 _The blood was everywhere. Blood on the walls, on the floor and all over him, and through it they marched..._

"Sam?"

 _The men without faces, they marched tirelessly and relentlessly towards him. Their headless bodies were covered in blood and the space where they should have faces blown away leaving grotesque lumps of flesh. Despite it he still knew who each and every one of them was by their clothing._

"Sam?"

 _Who was Sam?_

 _Usually the march was silent, but this time they had a voice. The voice sounded choked, the words more like a blood filled gargle from a faceless throat. And they all asked the same question over and over: "Who gave you the right to take life?"_

"Sam! Wake up! Sam!"

He felt something touch his arm and immediately lashed out, connecting with something, or rather _someone_ soft. Opening his eyes he took in his unfamiliar surroundings and the silhouette of the girl clutching her breast painfully.

 _Shit! Not only had he lashed out at her, he hadn't been awake enough to appreciate that he had connected with one of those beautiful ample breasts!_

She didn't look pleased which was understandable given the circumstance but before he could say anything she beat him to it with a harsh whisper. "You were having a bad dream. I don't mind that, but you were groaning and making too much noise!"

"I'm sorry." He kept his voice as a low whisper. "I'm sorry for the noise and I'm sorry I hit you. Especially… you know… _there_."

She glared at him but nodded. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean anything by it. At least you didn't pull a gun on me this time!"

That was true. And very lucky because the gun was still loaded and currently under his pillow. In fact, he had no idea why he _hadn't_ reached for it in his usual reflex. His eyes adjusted further to the lack of light. "What time is it?"

"Just after two."

He exhaled his frustration. "Is that all?"

"That's all." She sounded tired.

It felt like a whole night had already passed. And now that he'd had the nightmare he knew that there was no way that he was going to get back to sleep. He listened to the sound of her sigh as she climbed back up into her bed. "What time do you have to get up in the morning?"

"Just after six. I have to make breakfast for me and dad. I'll get something for you too."

There was silence for a while. "Goodnight Sam."

 _That's you. You're Sam now. Remember she named you?_

"Goodnight Mershdish." He pretended that he didn't hear her laugh at his pronunciation and resolved to work on it throughout the day. The least he could do was get her actual name right rather than cheating and using her nickname. He had no right to use it.

"At least the nightmares prove you have a conscience." Her whisper pierced the darkness. He thought that she'd fallen back asleep ages ago. He heard her shift in the bed so that she was facing towards him again. "What do you see? In your nightmare I mean."

 _He really didn't want to talk about it._ "Men."

"The ones you killed?"

"Yeah." _Why the hell was he telling her all this? What was it about the darkness that let him lay bare his soul? Was it the fact that he didn't have to actually look anyone in the eye while he was talking about it?_

"Do you ever see your family in your dreams?"

"Sometimes." Those dreams were the worst. Especially when he dreamed about his sister. She was always there, standing up in her crib with her arms outstretched, her eyes begging him to save her but he never makes it in time... He needed to change the subject. "So when are you going to tell me about this plan that you have for me?"

He heard her shift slightly then pause. "It's still a work in progress but now that you're here it needs to be executed soon. I can't keep you hidden in my room forever."

"So where do you propose I go?"

"You mean where _we go?"_

That was an interesting development. "What? Both of us?"

"Yep. You're my ticket out of here Sam. There's a place. A place I need to go and see. And you're going to help me get there."

"Where is it?"

"I'm tired Sam. I'll tell you tomorrow, I promise. I've had kind of a stressful day and I need to sleep!"

He'd forgotten about that. He'd been so concerned about how events affected him that he hadn't thought about the girl who had gone to work in a diner, thinking it would just be a normal day like any other, only to end up running for her life and harboring a trained killer. She sure as hell needed her sleep.

"Sleep tight." He turned over painfully and said nothing more.

* * *

He woke to the sound of movement next to him and nearly sent the tray flying out of her hands. He apologized for his jumpiness and she glared at him as she laid down a tray next to him. Warm toast, two hard boiled eggs, an orange and a cup of coffee. "It's the best I could do. Dad and I need to get some groceries."

He thanked her and tried to stand. Before anything he needed to use the bathroom. Offering her arm she helped him up and he resented the need for assistance. He could have done it on his own. It's only that the blood was a little slow returning to his legs.

"You have fifteen minutes to get washed and use the bathroom before I leave. I want to check your wound before I go too."

He hated being told what to do but realized it was in his own interests to get a move on. He took the clothes she offered him and quickly set to work. Catching sight of his reflection he stared at his pale skin and dark circles under his eyes. The injury had clearly taken more of a toll than he had anticipated, as well as the poor night's sleep. Noting the lack of time he got washed as best he could and slipped into the pair of sweatpants he'd been given, noting they were actually a pretty good fit. His chest was still bare and he was just unwrapping his wound when he heard the tap on the door. "Are you decent?"

"Yes."

Her head poked round, eyeing him carefully, noting the damp hair and towel. Saying nothing she helped him remove the temporary dressing. The wound still looked raw and damp because of aloe vera. But it also looked less angry. "Not bad." She pulled out another cut piece of leaf and redressed it. Only as she was tying it off did he notice that she was wearing her diner uniform.

"Are you going to work?"

"I have to!"

"You have no job. The diner will be closed!"

"I'm not supposed to know that yet. As far as my dad and everyone else is concerned I left work as normal last night and came home. Whatever else went on happened after I'd left."

A sudden feeling of dread filled his chest and his voice rose into a harsh whisper. "You can't go. You'll be killed the moment you step foot into the Transit Sector! They'll be looking for you same as they're looking for me! It's not safe!"

Worry streaked her face. She clearly hadn't thought about that and there was no way that he could let her walk straight to her death. The night before her fate hadn't really been of any concern him, but now, suddenly the thought of her being hurt and the sense of panic it created in him was alarming. "Just say you're sick or something!"

She shook her head. "I can't, it'll raise suspicion."

"Just don't go Jay. You can't. You'll die! You said last night that you're not ready to die yet." _And I'm not ready for my Angel to die yet either._

"Right now I can't do anything that seems suspicious," she looked at her watch, "and that includes breaking my routine. I have to leave as if I'm going to work but I'm sure I'll be told to turn back before I have to leave this Sector."

He wasn't convinced, but he could see from her face that there was nothing he could do to stop her. It's just- that feeling that he had when he thought of her stepping into the Transit Sector and putting herself at risk- it actually scared him. Alex didn't do scared and Sam wasn't prepared to either. "So what am I supposed to do?"

"Nothing. You stay here, eat your breakfast and you wait until I get back. Then we can discuss the Plan." He followed her back out of the bathroom and settled back onto his spot on the floor, sipping his now lukewarm coffee. If he wasn't feeling so weak from the injury he'd fight her on this, but he knew it was in his best interests to stay quiet and go along with things until he could come up with his own solution. Hiding out in this girl's bedroom in a Sector where no one would follow while he regained his energy was infinitely better than being on the run while wounded. "My dad is home this morning. He shouldn't come anywhere near this room but stay quiet and stay down anyway. Hopefully because of the situation you caused I should be back sooner rather than later."

There was more he wanted to ask but time was passing and he knew that she needed to go. He didn't want her to but he appreciated that she didn't really have a choice. All he had to do was not get caught and not kill her dad before she came back. That shouldn't be too hard. He had no desire to meet the man. Sector 17 men weren't to be messed with.

But it was hard watching her go.

During the night something had changed. He was no longer Alex the cold blooded killer. He was Sam. And Sam was different. Sam didn't want this girl to die.


	7. Chapter 7

Thankfully she was back within the hour. But it had been the longest hour he'd ever experienced. It hadn't occurred to Sam until moments after she'd left to ask what would happen if she didn't return. The answer was obvious. Her dad would come into the room and one or both of them would have surely ended up dead.

Her smile was genuine as she approached him, only the second time he'd actually seen her smile. "I didn't even get to the edge of the Sector. I was stopped by Sector Patrol, I know the guy and went to school with his younger brother. He told me there'd been an incident, asked me if I had seen anything unusual when leaving work last night then sent me back home, saying I could be called up for further questioning but he didn't think it would be necessary."

The relief he felt was immeasurable. It wasn't like him to worry about another person, but this was the girl he owed his life to. "I'm glad you're okay." He said the words softly, as shocked to be saying them as she was to hear them. She simply looked him hard in the eyes and said nothing.

"I'm going out again. Dad's taking me to the store. We're low on food and stuff. Then he's going to work and I'll be working from here."

"I thought the diner was your job!"

"The diner is _one_ of my jobs _. Was_ one of my jobs... I'm also a seamstress which I do from home. It's a job that's far more acceptable for me to have than the diner. Not many people knew about that one anyway. Dad hates me going into the Transit Sector but he learned a long time ago that he can't stop me."

"Why didn't I see you enter the diner yesterday?"

She frowned at him.

"I was watching. Five staff went in and five staff went out. Then your crooked employer got paid to conveniently forgot to lock the front door."

The frown deepened. "You suspect me of something? You were watching the diner?"

"I knew what was going to go down and thought I'd made sure that everyone had cleared out first. I wouldn't have done anything if I knew anyone innocent was still in the building."

She didn't look like she'd believed him. "I did a double shift. The ones you saw come and go were the afternoon crew that I'm usually part of. Pedro was shot staffed so I started early. I was already there before they arrived and I was on trash duty. Whoever takes out the trash goes out the back door and locks it behind them."

He knew she was speaking the truth and hated that she thought he suspected her. "I thought I'd made a mistake, that I'd missed something. I wasn't implying your involvement in any way."

Her lips thinned and he could still see her displeasure.

"I'm not trying to give you the third degree, I'm just trying to understand. I have questions about you and this whole travelling through Sectors thing."

"I know. And I'll answer them when I come back."

Again he was left behind, but this time he was relaxed enough to catch up on a little sleep knowing that the house was empty and he was locked in the room.

She returned in a jovial mood. "I love shopping. It's something I'm really going to miss." Handing him a candy bar that she'd stashed in her pocket she lowered herself onto the floor next to him and before unwrapping one of her own. "I'll answer some of your questions now and some later when I've done some work. What's your first question?"

He didn't even know where to start, there were so many. "The Plan?"

Mercedes shook her head. "Too complicated. Save that question for later. Ask something else."

"Tell me about Outside. I still don't really understand it." Sam hated admitting his ignorance, especially to this girl who should be the one to be far more ignorant than him.

She nibbled on her chocolate. "It's simple. Outside is the place between Sectors. And when I say between Sectors I'm including the Transit Sectors in that." She grinned, "I'm about to blow your mind with this simple truth… Not all the Sectors are completely joined together along all their edges! We're all taught that there are Sectors and Transit Sectors between them. What nobody ever talks about is the fact that there are also sections of Outside, that run between the Sectors and Transit Sectors like seams. They're patches of untouched land, sometimes small like the one I cut across and sometimes vast spaces encompassing hills and mountains and valleys, but all land in its natural untouched state. Where we were with the grass and the trees, that was Outside. I've been using it as a shortcut for years to get between here and the Transit Sector. It's like stepping across a small river instead of walking along the shore to find a bridge then doubling back on yourself along the other side."

 _Mindblowing!_

"So how come I didn't know about Outside?" Being a man, it definitely made him uncomfortable that this girl knew about things that he didn't.

"Most people don't know. All we know are Sectors. All we're told of is of Sectors. We're taught that all that exists between Sectors are Transit Sectors. For the average person going about their life there's no need to know about anything more than that. But I'm _not_ your average person."

"Yeah. I noticed. So come you know about Outside?"

She smiled the smile of someone remembering. "I found it. I saw the gate one day and I went through it."

"Right! I needed to ask you that. How do you do the whole passing through thing? Knowing there was a fence at the end of a dead ended alley and seemingly passing through a brick wall to get into this Sector?"

She smiled. "I'm special. I have Perception."

"Perception?"

"The entrances to Outside. They've always been there, in full view of everybody but nobody chooses to see them because they're not looking for them. If you don't know what Outside is, why go looking for it?"

"But you were looking?"

"Like I said, I'm different. Ever since I was a child I knew that there had to be something more. This Sector stifled me and I didn't feel like I belonged. Everyone walks around wearing blinkers and nobody has the desire to explore. I struck up a friendship with Quinn. She was the daughter of the _spirit_ family I told you about. They weren't very well liked and she was pretty much my only friend. She used to tell me about life in her Sector 6 and how it was so different to here. Her family had travelled through many Sectors as she grew up and she'd seen many things. She showed me a gate to Outside and I immediately went through it. She was stunned, said that most people she'd shown couldn't even _see_ the entrance right in front of them. It's because they have no desire to see so their eyes do not register it. A few managed to see it but had no desire to investigate. I was the first and only one to go straight through. We used to play on the grass together and run between the trees. Once I'd seen one entrance suddenly I could see all the others. It was like a cloud had been lifted. Everything made sense to me. Places people walked past every day were suddenly entrances to another world and everybody was just blindly walking past them! Quinn was the one who told me about The Sea. She said she didn't remember it but she was born there and they travelled from there while she was still a small baby. Her description of it made me decide that I wanted to see it for myself and that my life's mission would be to see the Sea."

The word meant nothing to him. "What's the Sea?"

She stared at him hard. "You've never heard of it?"

Not wanting to sound even more ignorant if front of the girl he immediately went on the defensive. "Of course I've heard the word, just not the explanation!"

"The Sea is a body of water." She smiled again as she spoke and he knew that whatever the hell it was, it had to be something that made her happy. "It's bigger than a river and bigger than a lake."

He had never seen a body of water bigger than a lake before. "Just how big are we talking about?"

"Huge. It stretches farther than they eye can see. It stretches for days and weeks and months. And the water is different. It's full of salt and it moves all the time. Not like rivers which flow in one direction, it travels back and forth along the edge of the land but it never actually goes anywhere."

"I don't get that."

"Neither do I! I'm told it's something you have to see to understand. It's called a Tide and it's controlled by the moon. There's so much to learn and I want to see it for myself. I want to swim in it. I want to watch the sun rise over it in the morning and set over it in the evening."

"And your friend, she was sure about this place?"

"Oh yes. Her parents spoke of it, and through the years I've met people in the Transit Sector who've seen it."

Sam nodded, not really sure what to believe. "So what happened to Quinn?"

"I don't know. One day her whole family were gone. I looked everywhere but there was no sign of them. My dad said they'd appeared suddenly so it didn't surprise him that they disappeared like that too. I knew that they would have travelled again but was sad at not having the opportunity to say goodbye. The next time I went Outside I saw something next to our favorite tree. It was a gift and a note." She reached under her pillow and showed him a small round item. He'd never seen anything like it before. It had an arrow that span around and four letters equally spaced around the edge like a clock face: N, E, S and W.

She handed it to him and he ran his fingers over it. "What is it?"

"It's called a compass. It tells you what direction you're going. The sun rises in the East and sets in the West. The Snow falls in the North and the Sea is at the furthest point when you head South."

"So you're going to follow this to find the Sea?"

She looked at him and his disbelief incredulously. "It's basic geography Sam! I know you might think it, but I'm not basing my life's dream on a myth. Land has to end somewhere and I want to get to the place where the land stops and the Sea starts."

"And what do you plan to do when you get there?"

"Live out the rest of my days looking out at the sea and knowing that I had the courage to achieve my dream." For all her craziness he couldn't fault her determination.

"And where do I fit into all of this?"

"You?" She took to compass from him and played with it between her fingers. "You're going to help me. I don't want to do this trip on my own. I _can't_ do it on my own. Quinn was safe because she had her family with her. My family, they aren't like me. Like most they're happy here, they have their lives here and they'll die here. They have no desire to leave. And they would never let me go on my own."

"So why don't you just run away?"

"Because I don't want to hurt them or bring shame on them. In this Sector a girl will only leave home if she's married. There is no other valid reason. And I have no intention of getting married. To do that would tie me here forever! Unfortunately remaining unmarried is a huge shame too and I cannot break my father's heart by shaming him. The third option is to have to run away and get married. It's the kind of thing that'll end up happening to the likes of Rachel who we came across Outside. To be 'with child' while unmarried means that you'll be sent away or have to run away. There is no place in this society for unwed mothers, but unlike other places, the life of the unborn is treasured so the mother is given the chance to make a go of her life elsewhere as long as she promises never to return and bring shame on her family. It means saying goodbye to your family and community, but holds greater respect here because it does not involve taking an innocent life and the knowledge that you're doing the right thing."

"That's strange."

"I know. But that's the way it is. It's supposed to be a form of punishment but many have used it as a form of escape. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission, and this sector is pretty big on forgiveness. The life of an unborn child is more important than the mother and there is no sin greater than taking the life off an innocent. Anything done and any sacrifice made to prevent that from happening is seen as an honourable thing to do."

Sam felt uncomfortable. Even though the lives he'd taken were not in any way innocent, he was still conscious that he was now in a community that held life as far more sacred than he did and it was something that he was eventually going to be at odds with. Worse than that, he was starting to see how this girl's plans were starting to come together and by the sounds of it she was needing him to play some kind of fake baby daddy as an excuse to run away! "So that time when we were outside and you kissed me..."

"It was all part of the Plan. Rachel has a big mouth. It's only a matter of time before she says something to my dad about me being seen. I'm too much of a good girl for him to believe it from me, it has to come from somebody else. Somebody who would be in the position to catch me and feel that I should be reported."

"This Rachel sounds awful!"

"Not awful. Just deluded. We used to be good friends until she decided that she was better than me. She used to do everything she could to be the most popular but that wasn't my thing. I always kept my head down and behaved well. I didn't want to be first all the time, I just wanted to be a good Citizen and I guess that eventually wound her up. She loved the idea of setting herself up as my competition but the sad thing is that I was never in competition with her. She has her life and I have mine. I avoid attention while she craves it. We're different people and that's all. She just wants to dent my reputation but I don't resent her for it because ultimately she'll unwittingly play a part in helping to realize my dream."

Suddenly he felt his frustration start to grow. This was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard! "You're forgetting one important detail in your plan!"

"What's that?"

"Me!"

She frowned. "What about you?"

"What happens if I say no? What happens if I refuse to do this?"

She shot him a cold hard stare. "Then you can go and fend for yourself. The key for my plan to work is to find somebody equally as desperate with nothing to lose. You fit the bill. You're also just about young enough to pass convincingly as someone who could get me into trouble."

"So you just want me for my looks!" Despite himself he grinned at the sheer craziness of what she'd just said.

"I don't care about your looks. It's not as if this is all for real! Don't flatter yourself on that front. I just need you because you look strong and I need someone to carry a water filter for us to use while we travel! We wouldn't last long without one."

Something about his terse reply made him stop short. She really had been giving thought to this plan. This crazy stupid plan. "And what about your dad? What if he tries to kill me for allegedly getting his daughter pregnant?"

She looked at him as if he was crazy. "Yet again, not everybody is you. Not everybody uses killing people as a solution!"

It was starting to annoy him. "You act as if what I did was a hobby, something I did for fun! It was my job and only my job. Underneath it all, surprisingly I am _not_ a psychopath! If I was then you wouldn't still be here discussing your crazy plan. You'd be six foot under!"

"Oh so I'm crazy am I!"

"Yep. Definitely! Have you actually _listened_ to your crazy half-baked Plan?"

Her eyes lit up with anger. "Oh so you think you can do better than this 'stupid' idea do you? Well please, do go ahead! I'm all ears!"

 _It shouldn't be that difficult to come up with something! How hard could it be?_

He didn't get a chance to reply because she'd left the room in a huff, leaving him to his thoughts.


	8. Chapter 8

After a couple of hours he'd calmed down and could smell food being prepared. It was tempting to leave the room and see what she was doing but he had no idea when her dad was coming home and had no intention of putting either of them in jeopardy. The worst part was, try as he might, he wasn't able to come up with a better plan. It was clear that his only chance of escape _was_ to go Outside. And if he was totally honest, he didn't really like the idea of going on his own either. For a start, he doubted that he'd be able to see the entrances without help, and for all her mysterious talk of places he'd never heard of she _did_ sound rational and logical. Sam decided that instead of dismissing her as he'd done at first, he would at least try to find out a little more about her before making any decision. After all, if she _was_ crazy, there was no way that he would want to be stuck on the Outside with her anyway.

She didn't return to the room until evening when she brought him a bowl of food. She handed it to him in silence and turned to leave again when he took her arm gently. "Thanks for the food. And I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to undermine you. I-I think your plan is a good one."

She looked at him hard for a moment before nodding. "My dad will be home soon so you have to stay in here. I have to eat with him but afterwards I'll come back so you can have the light on."

"Thanks." The light outside was already starting to dim so he took his bowl to eat near the window. The bowl contained a generous portion of rice, meat and a spicy sauce. He had no idea what was in the sauce or even what kind of meat it was but it was definitely one of the best meals he'd ever eaten in his life. Zeben had been many things, but a cook wasn't one of them. And in his solo life Sam hadn't exactly taken the time to learn a woman's work. Not when there were plenty of Transit Sector diners to fill his belly.

Later he heard voices and realized that her dad was back. Another hour or so passed before her door opened and he heard her shouting goodnight. It wasn't late but she was saying something about having a book to read.

This when she came in she turned on some music to mask any noises. Her face registered surprise that he'd washed his bowl and spoon of his own accord. But he was a man used to living alone. There was no woman in his life to clean up after him.

She sat on her bed and simply frowned at him for a couple of moments, looking as if she wanted to say something but not having the words. He didn't like it when she wasn't smiling. He needed to see that smile back on her face so he spoke first. "I really have thought about your plan and meant what I said when I told you I like it."

Her eyes widened. "You do?"

No. Not really. But he also knew that he didn't really have any other choice. He couldn't hide in this room forever and the second he went outside in this Sector his pale skin would ensure he'd stick out like a sore thumb and become the focus of the wrong kind of attention. "How long do you think it will take? To reach the Sea I mean."

She shrugged. "I don't know. Quinn was a baby when they made the journey and they travelled and stopped at other places over the years. It could be days, weeks or even months. I've no way of telling at this point because I don't know how far away we are in relation to it."

That sounded logical. He quietly ran several thoughts through his head. "We'll need equipment."

She nodded. "My family used to go camping a lot when I was growing up. I have a tent, things for sleeping and even lightweight travel rations. But I can't carry everything I'd need. The water filter alone takes up half a backpack but obviously it's essential. Plus I have money. I've been saving since the day I started earning."

Clearly she'd given this much more thought than he gave her credit for. But he also needed to think of himself. "And if we do this, when we get to the Sea I'm free to do what I like and go where I want?"

"Of course. My dream is to stay by the Sea. I don't expect it to be yours. You have your own new life to make and you can carry on travelling until you find the place where you want to permanently lay your head."

It was tempting…

Sam knew he was backed into a corner with his situation and right now anything was better than nothing. And staying here wasn't going to be a workable option. It was time to literally 'bite the bullet'.

"Okay… Then I'll do this with you. There's always risks but we're safer together and we both get what we want at the end."

A new life in a new place far away. It definitely was an appealing idea. Having had the afternoon to sit quietly and calm down and think about it, he'd decided this was actually a win-win situation. The Transit Highway was out of the question. Not only was he without a vehicle, the Highway was crawling with men who would be desperate for the bounty that his head now carried. This girl wanted to get away and so did he. Maybe _this_ was the reason why he couldn't kill her.

Plus there was another thing that dawned on him while he was alone with his thoughts throughout the day. He _wanted_ to be there to protect her for the journey. _An Angel shouldn't be forced to do this on her own. She was Angel who saved his life and was now trying to find her wings. Who are you to deny her the opportunity? What if this was a gift from his sister?_

He was embarrassed to admit that the best part of his acceptance was her smile. It made her face radiant and her eyes dance. If he'd known he could make her this happy he would have agreed straight away instead of being so belligerent. Exchanging angry words with her had made him feel bad. Normally nothing could make him feel bad. Until now he had no idea that taking on a new name also caused him to take on new emotions. The simple act of her smiling at something he'd said held power. It made him feel good. Zeben gave acknowledgement and even occasionally praise but he rarely smiled. His mom had smiled all the time. He associated warm smiles with her love. With his innocence. With good times.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Huh?"

"You were smiling. The kind of smile like you were remembering something good. A happy thought."

He wasn't good at sharing his thoughts but if he was going to be travelling with this girl he was going to learn to have to. Sam Smith sounded like the type of man who would confide in her. After all, there was going to be no-one else.

"I was thinking about my mother. She had a beautiful smile, just like you."

She totally ignored the compliment and looked at him seriously. "You must miss her."

"Yeah. I do. She gave great hugs and told great stories."

She simply nodded and started to look sad herself. "What about you? You only ever mention your dad."

"My mom... she'd dead too. She died when I was fourteen."

That surprised him. "I'm sorry. What happened?"

As soon as he asked the question he regretted it. Not a polite question to ask. That's the problem with being brought up in the environment that he was. There was no woman to soften the edges and to teach him the times when a little delicacy and tact would go a long way. "No. I shouldn't have said that. Please ignore me."

"It's okay. My story isn't an unusual one. Have you heard of the Hardness?"

"The Hardness? No."

"I didn't expect you would. The Hardness is a sickness which is common specifically in this Sector. It's the biggest cause of death in women here. Some statistics say it eventually claims the life of up to one in three."

"What does it do?"

"It affects the stomach and causes pain. Your stomach swells like you're pregnant but the rest of your body fades away. Then at the end the pain stops and it leaves you just enough time to say goodbye to your friends and family before it takes you for good."

"Isn't there a cure?"

"No. Doctors are looking but they haven't found one yet. It also doesn't help that all the doctors are men. They have other priorities. Somehow they forget that this is happening to their moms and sisters and daughters."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah. Well so am I. But nothing I can do can change that."

"Tell me about her. What was she like?"

Mercedes' smile turned into a sad one. "She was beautiful. She had glorious thick hair and she had the singing voice of an angel because she loved to sing. She was a midwife and all the Citizens loved her. My dad was heartbroken when she died and he's only just started to get himself back together again."

"So it's just you and your dad who live here now?"

"Yes. I have a younger brother but he's away at school training to be a Minister. It's his clothes that you're wearing now because he left most of his things here. I also have an older brother who's married. They share a small house with another couple but his wife is expecting their second baby. If I go then they could move in here. It would be good for them and good for dad. But that would never happen if I'm here. If I go it would actually make things easier for everybody. They don't have much money for rent and dad would be lonely in an empty house."

She went quiet for a moment and he left her with her thoughts while he had a few of his own. Then she suddenly perked up again. "Hey Sam, I got some stuff for you." She reached down to a bag which she'd dumped on the bed earlier in the day. I told dad I needed some personal items and went to the pharmacy. Now I can dress your wound properly. Plus I also took the liberty of buying some things for the trip." Putting a small first aid kit and some medications to the side she pulled out some dressings and antiseptic cream she removed the aloe vera and bandaged him properly.

When it was done he smiled at her gratefully. "Thank you Mercedes!"

She gasped in surprise. "Hey you got my name right!"

Of course he'd spent the entire afternoon practicing, putting together the syllables which would normally never be next to each other in his native accent. But again, the smile that he was rewarded with made everything worth it. For all she was doing for him, the least he could do was say her name correctly! "Thanks for making the effort Sam. I appreciate it."

* * *

The next couple of days were good. He was still trapped in the room on the floor but in all honesty the enforced rest did him good and allowed him to heal. In the evenings, after spending time with her dad, she would spend time with him and they would talk. Or rather, she would talk and he would little. Used to living a solitary life he had very little to say but was rapidly getting used to being referred to as Sam while Mercedes always had something to fill the silences. It was exhausting but also fascinating. While she was out or working during the day she pointed out her large collection of books. He'd smiled and nodded but was too embarrassed to let on that his lack of schooling meant that his reading skills were extremely poor. He hated books and sometimes still struggled with seemingly simple words. Mercedes, on the other hand, was a fountain of knowledge. She'd read every book she could get her hands on. She craved knowledge of the world around her and had taken work in the Transit Sector specifically because she wanted the opportunity to mix with and speak to other people who had travelled. Her understanding of geography and science both baffled and slightly intimidated him, but even when it felt like she was talking endlessly for hours, the lyrical quality of her voice captivated him in a way that it was impossible to explain.

But the day after that he nearly blew it.

It was morning and as usually she got to use the bathroom first. When she returned from the bathroom she caught him busy cleaning his gun. He didn't even need to look up to feel her disapproving stare.

"I'm not comfortable with that thing in here." Her voice was cold and hard.

He stared back at her. "Then I'll leave. It stays with me. I need it."

"You don't need it. Nobody needs weapons."

He said nothing. She didn't understand. There was no way a girl like her could possibly understand. The gun was an extension of his hand. It was all that he knew and his source of protection. But she was his only chance. The whole situation was messed up but somehow this girl and his gun with its six remaining bullets were his only chance of survival. The irony was that here was actually the safest place for him. Nobody would be looking for him in this Sector because nobody would expect him to be here.

"If it makes you feel better I won't kill you or your family."

"It doesn't." Her words were like ice.

She didn't speak to him again for the rest of the day. She hadn't out rightly told him to get rid of it but that was the implication.

But he couldn't.

After that setback it took a couple more days before she trusted him enough to let him in other rooms of the house while her dad was out. The living room was where she did her work, making custom made to measure dresses on the large sewing machine in the middle of the dining table. He would have to hide in her room when clients came to pick up their pieces, make payments or be measured up, but the rest of the time he would sit and watch television as she worked. The television fascinated him. Some of the shows were similar to the ones he had at home but everyone on it looked different. They were dark like the people of the Sector. There was nobody on the screen who looked like him. It was almost as if people like him didn't exist in their World.

Or maybe they didn't.

The fascination with the television didn't last, and before long he would pretend to watch the screen when really he was watching her work, her brow creased with concentration as swathes of beautifully colored fabric were passed under the machine or finished by hand. When it was time to cook he would stand in the kitchen with her, watching as she used spices he'd never seen before to effortlessly create delicious dishes.

The day after that was strange. She was up even earlier than usual and brought him a large breakfast and a sandwich wrapped up for later. "Today we'll be out all day so you'll have to stay in here."

"Going anywhere nice?"

"Today we have Worship. I wish I could make you come with us but obviously that's not possible."

It was a shame. He wasn't a Worship kind of a guy, but the dress she'd put on in her bathroom was so pretty that he would have followed her anywhere in it.

They came home late and she was in a serious mood when she returned, far less talkative. He would have liked to have known why but figured that's just the effect that Worship had on her. Maybe harboring a murderer in her bedroom was playing on her conscience and he didn't want to do anything to make her throw him out.

Because the passing of time made him more than willing to admit that he actually liked being around her.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day she was back to her normal self and even showed him some of her dress designs while she worked. He started to wonder how long it would be before she started to put her Plan into action. Clearly she was giving him time to heal.

But it was getting harder. The more he stayed inside the more claustrophobic he felt. Sam may have not had much in his life, just a small room that that he rented but barely even slept in, opting to sleep in his car more often than not as drove, often for days up and down the Transit Highway, to complete his assigned jobs. The freedom and the space was what he missed. The Transit Highway was mostly tunnel but occasionally it opened out to the most spectacular views. For years he'd believed these places were remote sections of various Sectors. But now he started to wonder if they were parts of the Outside that it was impossible to hide.

He often thought of Mercedes' words. How come she had this gift of Perception? Why didn't he? They were together and yet he failed to see what was right in front of him! She was right, they DID live in a strange world. Why had he never thought to question it? He'd been taught so many things about the world which weren't true. What else wasn't true? Maybe the things he'd learned about other sectors? The dark people of Sector 17 were said to be among the lowest of low, uneducated, unkind, angry and unruly but he hadn't seen this. They were looked down on and avoided by people of his sector and he expected reciprocal treatment. Instead, this girl, who incidentally was actually far prettier than he ever expected from a Sector 17, had taken him in and continued to care for him at her own risk.

He wasn't supposed to like her. But he did.

Each day she would check and redress his wound. He didn't like to admit it but this was one of his favorite times of the day. Nobody ever really touched him with that amount of care and gentleness and he relished it. His body fascinated her, he knew it did. He could tell that whenever she looked at him she would bite her tongue. She was holding something back. Eventually it would get the better of her and finally it did.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" She'd just finished applying ointment to his wound and whatever was in that stuff was really making him heal quickly.

"Sure." After the revelation of the story of the death of his family, Mercedes had always been careful not to go too deep with her questions so it didn't bother him to be asked. But for some reason, something about him really seemed to be bothering her and he was curious to find out what it was going to be. He knew from the way that she looked at his body that it would be one of two things, quite possibly both.

"It's about… your earring. Men in my Sector, they don't wear any jewellery except for a wedding ring. And even a daring man would never have something as personal as an earring. Here it's seen as a feminine thing. Yet you… well you have this whole kind of 'hole' in your ear that doesn't make sense to me…" Her voice faded off and she finally met his eyes. Her ears were pierced but she wore very simple plain hoops.

Of all things for her to be curious about it never occurred to him that it could be something as simple as that. He had expected her to go for the tattoo. The earring might be something unusual to her but it was second nature to him. He raised his fingers to his right ear and stroked the half an inch flesh tunnel silver ear gauge ring that was embedded in his lobe. It was something that was pretty unique to his Sector but he'd figured if she hadn't asked about it right away she wasn't going to. There was no reason to be shy about asking. "It's a common thing for boys in my Sector to have their right ear lobe pierced and stretched. My dad had had his done, and when I was small it was already being done to me. The night my parents… That night… When Zeben rescued me, I took nothing from the house but one of my dad's rings. The hole in his ear was half an inch. Mine was smaller at the time, but I stretched it to the same size so that I could wear his ring. It's the only physical thing of my past that I have. This way I can't accidentally lose it or have it stolen."

"Oh." Her fingers twitched and he expected her to ask to touch it but he didn't. Instead she frowned. "Skin marking and other forms of body modification aren't allowed here." She couldn't meet his eyes, "But it's your way of remembering your family and so I understand its significance to you. It's your remembrance for them."

"I guess it is. Nobody can take this ring off me easily! It's a part of me", he said simply.

Finally she looked back up at him. "Does it hurt?"

"No."

"Did it hurt to do?"

"Not really. You do it gradually. The skin stretches and adapts to the new normal."

"Okay." She focused back on clearing up the items that she had used.

He decided to volunteer the rest of the information that he knew she was seeking. "I guess your rules on body modification that mean you disprove of my tattoo?"

"I'd never seen a real one up close before." She paused, her eyes trained on his chest even though it was now covered with a shirt. "I expected it to be ugly but it's... it's actually beautiful."

"It means a lot to me."

"Of course it does. It's over your heart." She curled up on her bed, facing him. "So your Sector doesn't believe in God but you believe in angels?"

"I believe that certain people are Angels."

"But people don't have wings."

He said nothing for a while. "I designed the picture myself. It was based on stories I'd heard from people I came across as I was growing up. I didn't want to forget her."

"The angel is your sister?"

"Her name was Stasia. When she was first born I hated her. I'd had my parents all to myself and I didn't want to share them. All she did was scream and cry. My mom would pick her up and hold her for hours until she stopped. One day mom had to run out to the store and left her with me for five minutes. She cried and screamed until I decided to pick her up. When I did she stopped. She just looked up at me with her tear stained face and stared at me like she was fascinated. Then she put her hand on my mouth and tried to pull my lips off which made me laugh. Then she laughed at me laughing at her. And after that we were friends. Whenever she cried she would stop if I held her or pulled faces at her. I helped her learn how to walk and played with her for hours while she chatted nonsense. I loved her and she loved me. I'll never be able to unsee the image of seeing her die, but I'll always be able to keep a happy picture of her on my heart forever. She's my angel because she's always with me and her wing comes up to my neck just like the embrace she always pulled me into when I carried her."

He looked up at Naomi who was staring down at him with a sympathetic expression. He could tell that whatever prejudices she was holding against him for his unorthodox appearance were slowly melting away. "I know I don't look like the people from your Sector and I know some of the things about me are different, but I'm not all bad. Thank you for not judging me based purely on what you see."

She sighed. "I have to admit. I know we're not supposed to judge, but in this Sector there are things that are right and things that are wrong. At first sight everything about you is wrong, and everything I've done to help you is unwise, but the closer I look, the more the lines are blurred."

"I guess we're both a lesson on how you shouldn't judge by appearances."

She tried to smile but it didn't quite meet her eyes. "I guess so."

* * *

But the questions didn't end there.

"Sam?"

"Yeah."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure."

They were lying in the darkness, after lights out. It was the only time of day that he truly felt comfortable answering questions about himself. Not that comfortable was the right word, more like it was less uncomfortable.

"Have you ever killed anyone from this Sector?"

He was silent for a moment as his brain flicked through the faces of all the men that he'd killed like a pack of cards. He was ready to say the answer was 'no' when his brain stopped at one. The man was dark, tall and slender like the men from her Sector with the classically high cheekbones. The sigh that left his lips was involuntary. His brain had nearly made it to the end of the pack with nothing. _Shit!_ "There was one." He hoped beyond all hope that she wouldn't push any further but it was pointless.

He heard the sound of her shifting in the bed to face towards him. "Who was he?"

"His name was Michael." He knew he should have left it there but for some reason he didn't. "I didn't know his surname but he was known as the Snake."

She let out a gasp. She knew him! He wondered how because he had been a particularly nasty piece of work and one of the few hits that he would happily have disposed of without charge. What was his connection with Naomi?

"His mom was a midwife. She's retired now but she trained my mom and she's a regular customer of mine."

"Did you know him?"

"Not well. He was creepy and everyone knew he was trouble. We all just thought that he'd run away or decided with his lifestyle to stay away out of shame. His mom had thrown him out of the house years ago. I had no idea what had really happened."

"He wasn't a good person Mercedes."

"That didn't give you the right to kill him Sam!" He could hear the passion in her voice.

Why did it always come to this? "I thought we already established that Sam isn't a killer."

"We did. But Sam still has a gun so I'm not so sure about him anymore. There's a good chance that Sam may have to deal with the consequences of the actions of the man who was before him."

For some reason those words sent a chill down his spine. It sounded less like a statement and more like a prophecy…


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, he decided to stay in the room rather than sit with Mercedes while she worked. She had several clients coming and going and it was easier to stay completely out of the he still couldn't shake the feeling of foreboding in his gut and over the years had learned his gut instincts tended not to lead him wrong.

He was sat on the floor looking through some of the pictures in one of her science books when suddenly she came in with a strange expression on her face.

"Do you believe in Karma?"

Weird question. "Karma?"

"Karma. It's a concept. The bible says that you reap what you sow. Some Sectors call it Karma, getting back what you gave. Do you believe that Sam?"

He thought back at his life. He'd done a hell of a lot of bad. But then a lot of bad had happened to him too. "It makes sense." He spoke quietly, the sense of foreboding completely consuming him at her words. Something bad was going to happen, he could feel it in his bones.

"Remember I asked you last night if you had ever killed anybody from this Sector?" Of course he remembered. It was the closest he had felt to remorse in a long time.

The next words to come out of her mouth were something he would never have expected. "His mother is here. She wasn't supposed to have come but I think she got her days mixed up. But maybe it's a sign after what we were talking about last night. So do you think you could look an old woman in the eye and confess to killing her son?"

He literally felt the blood drain from his face. "What? Why?"

"I think it would be good if you apologize. It would give you some peace."

There's no way she could be serious about this! His heart began to race. As a man he didn't feel fear but this was downright frightening! "Do I have to?"

"It's the right thing to do Sam. It'll make you feel better. Confession is good for the soul."

 _He had no soul._

"But what if she tells somebody?"

"She won't. She knows her son wasn't good. She hasn't spoken to him or about him for years. But she's still a mother. She deserves closure."

He could feel anger brewing in the pit of his stomach at his hands being forced by this girl. "So you just want me to go in and say 'hi, how are you doing? I think that dress really suits you, and by the way, I'm the man who killed your son'?"

He rolled his eyes at her sarcastically and she shot him a glare so deadly that it took his breath away. She wasn't joking and she wasn't about to be messed with. Not on this. She was deathly serious. Why was that?

He really didn't want to have to do this. There were so many things that could go horribly wrong for him if he did. What was to say that this woman wouldn't pull out a gun and shoot him out of vengeance? Were things really so innocently clear cut in this girl's head? She'd taken him in, a killer, hidden him in her bedroom and asked him to run away and find some mythical land with her. Why had it only taken him up until this point to realize that despite appearances, she was actually completely and utterly deranged? Perhaps he could just pretend to go along with this and humor her. Mercedes' level of morality and inane sense of right, wrong, good and bad was maddening but maybe he was going to have to play along until they parted ways in safety. He would have to assess the situation when he actually met the woman.

With a sigh he pretended to be resigned. "So what exactly are you expecting me to do?"

"Just go in, admit what you've done, tell her that you're sorry and wish for her forgiveness."

This girl was clearly insane! Was there going to be any reasoning with her? "It happened _three years ago_ Mercedes! Why should I have to do it now?"

"Sam, I thought you were a good person!"

"I am!"

"So prove it!"

"But why like this?" Their argument was a harsh exchange of whispers which somehow felt even more heated than if they'd actually been shouting at each other.

She stared at him hard. "If you're a real man, you won't be afraid to stand up and admit you were wrong. You can't bring him back but you can make peace."

Why did she have to go and say that? Insulting his manhood was the worst thing a girl like her could possibly do to him. Besides, peace was what he'd always craved. Peace and freedom from his demons, his nightmares and his darkness. She stared straight into his eyes and he could feel that dangerous stickiness starting to pull him in again. Maybe she had some kind of evil hold on him. He wasn't sure, but whatever it was, she seemed to just be able to look him right in the eye and he'd become hypnotized. It was just like the first moment he saw her, when his brain screamed for him to pull the trigger while his arm had lowered itself of its own accord.

Now it was happening all over again. He could hear himself agreeing even though inside his head he was resisting her at every turn. This was the stupidest and most dangerous idea in the world and the only the only way it could possibly go would be horribly wrong! Nothing good ever came out of walking up to someone and telling them you'd killed their child. Yet suddenly his hand was inside hers and she was leading him through the house towards a fate worse than death.

Still questioning why the hell he was doing this, he followed her through into the reasonably large living room. Mercedes' fabrics and sewing machine were on the table as usual and a bespectacled old woman with thinning white hair and sun wrinkled skin was sat in the in the soft comfy chair. She was tiny and looked frail and he suddenly wondered what the hell he'd been nervous about.

"Auntie? Auntie, I've found someone who has something to say to you."

The old woman looked at Mercedes as if she barely even recognized who she was. "I'm sorry dear?"

"This man. He needs to speak to you about something important. He needs to ask your forgiveness for something." She gave him a little shove and he stepped before the old woman. This was going to be easier than he thought. She was old and probably already starting to suffer from some degree of dementia which explained why she had turned up on the wrong day. He wasn't entirely sure her hearing was the sharpest either.

"Do you have a name son?"

He shook his head. "No."

At this point he didn't. He couldn't give her his real name, but at the same time he was not prepared to taint the clean slate that was Sam Smith. Sam was an idea that over the last few days he'd seriously warmed to. Mercedes liked Sam and he wanted to keep it that way. Hell, even he liked Sam too!

The lack of a name didn't seem to fluster her and she beckoned him closer, pushing her glasses further up her nose, clearly trying to get a good look at him. She reached out her hands to him and he shot a look towards Mercedes who simply nodded. Accepting her encouragement he stepped forward and took the woman's hand in both of his before kneeling in front of her.

"Look at me son."

He didn't want to but he did, confused as to why she would refer to someone from another Sector as son. Raising his head he noticed she had those same entrancing eyes as Mercedes but with less of the warmth. When Mercedes looked at him she seemed to pierce his soul but this woman was slightly more dead behind the eyes. He put it down to her age which had caused a slight milkiness to her eyes and a weakening mental state.

"What is it that you want to tell me?"

"It's about Michael."

She instantly stiffened and stared hard at him. "What do you want from me?"

He looked at her and saw a frail old woman. A mother who had lost her child. It may have been a wayward child but a child nonetheless. Somehow it made this easier. "I want forgiveness."

She pulled his head and rested it on her lap, stroking and playing with his hair gently. He looked over at Mercedes who smiled back at him with an expression of relief. It didn't occur to him until that point that even she had been unsure as to what the outcome of this meeting might be and was glad that things turned out well. It was all going to be okay.

"Guys, I'm going to get us a drink. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

That couple of minutes was three and a half to be precise. If she'd stretched it to four he would probably have been dead. As it was, there was a good chance that his nose was broken, as well as the fact that his lip was split, the wound on his side was now open and bleeding again and he had at least one bruised or possibly cracked rib.

He didn't understand what happened. One moment the old lady was stroking his head and he was basking like a child in the unfamiliar warmth of love and forgiveness, the next, her knee had come up to his face and he'd been sent reeling! This tiny frail old woman had picked up a chair and beaten him with it, breaking one of the legs on it in the process. And he had taken every blow. It's not like he could hit an old woman back. And it's not like he hadn't killed her son in cold blood, slimy piece of shit or not.

But she somehow she had flipped and suddenly gained some superhuman strength, all the while chanting in a low voice: 'You killed my baby boy!'

Then, as suddenly as she had started, she stopped, lowering the chair that was held high above her head and, appearing confused for a few seconds, leaving him to wonder if she really was actually suffering from some form of dementia. But then she'd straightened and looked straight at him, her eyes clear as day. "My son was not a good man. I accept that, but nobody gave you the right to take life. I mourned my son after he disappeared and I dealt with it, accepting that it was the life he chose that took him away from me. But it wasn't. It was you! A lowly _spirit_! I can't hate you and I'd already forgiven you before I met you, but that doesn't mean that I can't make you feel pain. Any pain you feel is a fraction of what I felt. That being said, I have to thank you for looking me in the eye and asking forgiveness. I'll never like you but I will respect you for that."

With those words she offered her hand and he had no choice but to take it and allow her to pull him up. That was the precise moment that Mercedes returned to ask if they wanted sugar in their coffee. He heard her gasp at the sight of his injuries, nearly dropping the tray in shock. She automatically went to help him but the old woman shook her head. He had this coming. There would be no help for him, but neither would there be any hard feelings. As he painfully made his way to his feet she spoke one last time. "I never want to see you again."

"I know. You won't." His mouth was already starting to swell and the pain was excruciating but he held his head up with dignity. Without looking at Mercedes he walked past her and hobbled back to the bedroom.

By the time she joined him there he'd cleaned himself up and was applying antiseptic to the cuts on his face.

Mercedes looked devastated. "I'm sorry. I had no idea she would do that as soon as my back was turned! I didn't even know she was that strong! And she… she made me promise not to help you."

"I know she would. I wouldn't expect anything less. This is my… what was that word you used? Karma! This was my karma. I have to deal with it. I have to live with it. I _did_ kill her son." He replaced the cap on the antiseptic. "I was just doing my job when I killed those men, but I never gave a thought to those left behind and the pain that they might feel. I should have known, I was left behind myself, but I was numb. It's important for me to feel the pain right now." Somehow, although the entire situation was entirely fucked up, he felt that he was actually learning an important lesson. Considering he'd shot the man who killed his family, a few bruises was getting off lightly!

Mercedes nodded slowly. Looking at him in pain she knew that he just wanted to lie down but embarrassingly she had something she needed to ask first now that the woman had gone. "Before you rest would you be able to-"

He knew what was coming. "I'll fix the chair before your dad gets back, don't worry."

She looked as if she was fighting back tears at the whole situation that she'd unwittingly created. "And do you think she'll say anything… you know, about you being here? I'm so sorry I introduced you. For a moment I forgot you were in hiding. I didn't mean to put you in jeopardy!" She looked like a confused child who knew she'd done something wrong but couldn't fully comprehend what it was.

He was surprised at himself when he realized that he wasn't even mad at her for this. He'd been angrier at her before the event rather than after and he was quick to reassure. "She won't. She's made her own peace already. She knows what her son was and it's all history now, for both of us. Think of it as closure."

Strangely enough, he genuinely did feel a sense of calm after the event. The hardest part for him was seeing poor Mercedes struggling with the unexpected turn of events. It was a huge blow to her innocent naivety.

But it was also a lesson she needed to learn.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Special thanks to Lamini25 and Storm Carson for your thought out reviews. They give me more encouragement than you'll ever know!**_

* * *

The next day he felt ten times as sore. When Mercedes caught sight of his face she'd gasped and her eyes had filled with tears again. Checking out his reflection in the bathroom mirror he could see why. It was totally unrecognizable. His nose wasn't broken but it was inflamed, sore and had bled for nearly an hour. He had two black eyes and one was swollen shut. There was a cut on his cheek and a cut on his bottom lip which had swelled to gigantic proportions from its already naturally swollen nature. His ribs hurt but again they were only bruised. If the woman had been any younger there was no telling how much damage she would have done to him. Thankfully most of the damage she did do was to his face and torso. His legs were still good for walking and this event made it all the more likely that they would have to leave pretty soon.

Mercedes couldn't look him in the eye. She'd spoken of him facing consequences to his actions but the reality of it was still a shock to her. He had to keep reminding himself that that she lived in her own very innocent and oversimplified world. So much of what she knew was theory because of her extremely sheltered life, and he spent most of the day trying to ease her guilt for having let this happen but it was a difficult process. Plus he knew he deserved the beating and couldn't begrudge the pain although he did take a few more of her pain relief tablets to help him sleep.

By the next morning she'd adjusted to the sight of his mashed up face and came up with a new plan which seemed to excite her before disappearing off after giving him an early lunch. That afternoon she slipped two small boxes in front of him.

"What are these?"

She smiled. "Your ticket out of here. Tonight you're going to meet my father!"

It was a simple plan. The two boxes contained hair dye and blue contact lenses and the bruising on his face made things even easier. They would become part of his cover story. Mercedes hummed as she washed the color into his hair. He loved it when she hummed. It made him feel calm. She'd taken to humming to him in the night if he woke with his nightmares, and because of it he'd been sleeping better than he had in years. The gentle touch of her fingers on his scalp was also soothing. She was back in full Angel mode and he definitely sensed a softening in her attitude towards him since the beating.

Next came the lenses. He only needed to wear one as the other eye was swollen shut. It was uncomfortable to put in but the change in appearance was dramatic when combined with his new hair. If it wasn't for the bruising he would even have considered the new look as pretty handsome! Now all he had to do was wait…

* * *

Sam stayed in the room and listened as the raised voices came closer and closser. It lasted a while before she finally came for him. As they headed towards his fate he quickly turned to her, having suddenly thought of all the questions he should have asked buy hadn't. "Mercedes what's your surname? What do I call you dad?"

"Jackson. Mr Jackson is fine."

Nothing was fine as far as Sam was concerned but all he had to do was play along. They'd rehearsed his cover story until he knew it back to front. He needed to use his injuries to his advantage and evoke sympathy. If her plan worked it would result in her dad helping them to escape. She'd also come up with a new plan to ensure nobody came after them. Her dad was sure to mourn her leaving so decided to fake her death by getting her father to plant a rumor that she'd been afraid of a green eyed man who had been out to kill her in connection with the Transit Sector diner killing. The rumor would travel and hopefully the hunt would be called off as the trail ran cold. People stayed away from anything to do with the Transit Sector. As far as they would be concerned, her curiosity had brought it on herself. She would be dead and he would be vanished. And best of all, no shame would be brought upon her family because nobody else need know about the fake pregnancy.

But first he had to get through this part. Mr Jackson was heavier set that the average man from the Sector although he still had the height. Sam put it down to Mercedes's fantastic cooking. Unfortunately it also made him look even more intimidating. His voice was deep and booming as he took one look at Sam's battered appearance. "What the hell happened to you?"

"My dad found out that I was seeing a girl from this Sector and he wasn't happy." Probably not far from the truth if his dad had been alive.

"So he beat you?"

Sam nodded. "Yes sir. He told me to stop seeing her but I said that I couldn't. I love your daughter and I love our unborn child and we want to go somewhere that we can legally marry and be a proper family." He stood behind Mercedes and placed a protective hand on her soft and slightly rounded belly. There was no sense in wasting the perfect opportunity to actually touch her beautiful softness while he gave his award winning performance. "Pa said if I was to do that then I was no longer a son of his!" He saw the thunder in the man's eyes but continue with the ruse, turning to Mercedes and painfully smiling at her, playing his role perfectly, "Mercedes said that her father was far a more loving and accepting man and even if I lost the family from my home Sector we would always have you. A Good Samaritan like you sir is more than I could possibly wish for right now."

They knew that it was a deliberate play straight at the heart strings but it was their best shot. Mr Jackson looked at him with an expression that clearly said that he'd like to have been the one inflicting bruises for touching his only daughter, but in truth he _was_ the better man, and there was no way that he could harm somebody who'd already taken a beating in been disowned for the sake of standing up for his daughter.

And scripture dictated he had to show this poor injured man kindness.

It took him the longest time to unclench his jaw and be able to speak. "And you love my baby girl?"

"Yes sir, very much, and I want to marry her as soon as possible."

"Even though she's only nineteen?"

 _Nineteen!_ That was news to him. He knew she was young but he hadn't counted on her being _that_ young! It was a not so minor detail that she had omitted to tell him. Admittedly he had initially thought she might be younger but her knowledge and understanding of science and the world had made him think her older. On the whole she definitely acted far more maturely and nineteen year old girls in his Sector. But this was right here right now, and unfortunately they'd reached the point of no return! He felt her place her hand over his in an attempt to calm him from reeling at the age revelation.

"I'm nearly-"

Her father gave her the parental glare that was always effective at silencing. "You're _still_ nineteen Mercedes! And how old are you Samuel?"

"Twenty-seven sir!" He didn't think fast enough to lie. Now he felt Mercedes respond in shock. She clearly thought he was younger. This was going to be more of an issue that he thought!

Mr Jackson was _not_ happy. "And you know that the Law in our Sector says that a girl must be twenty one before she marries?"

 _Oh shit! Why hadn't she told him any of this beforehand?_ _He looked the man who held their future in his hands squarely in the eye._ "No sir. I wasn't aware of that. In my Sector girls are free to marry once they turn eighteen and I'd hoped that the same applied here."

"But daddy!" Mercedes was in full pleading mode, "You know that Law was changed only recently to increase the age. And I can still get married from the age of eighteen with parental consent!"

"And why would I give my consent to this?"

"Because it's your grandchild!"

"Who I will _never be able to see_!" For the first time Sam could see just how pained Mr Jackson looked at the whole situation. "Imagine how I feel Mercedes. I hear a rumor from _Rachel_ of all people that you'd been spotted fornicating. I defended you when she spoke out of turn. I defended your honor! Then you come and throw this on me!"

"I'm sorry dad! I really am. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean to fall for him!"

"This is why I didn't want you to take that job in the Transit Sector. You don't need to mix with other people. Everything you need is right here. Why do you have to go and find difficulty and bring it back with you? Why couldn't you be like your brothers?"

"Because I'm _not them_! I'm nothing like them and never have been."

"No. Because you have your strange ways!"

"They're not 'strange ways'. I have Perception! It's not witchcraft or magic. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean there's anything 'mystical' about it. Perception just means I see the world the way it really is. Perception is clearly documented in the Writings. It's nothing new. It just means that I want more from life. I want more than just this Sector! You've known that ever since I was small I've been fascinated by Outside-"

That just seemed to make him angrier. "You and your Outside! Nothing good ever happens Outside! What happened to your job that you cried so hard for me to let you have? You lose it after six weeks because somebody got _killed_ there. People out there, they do evil things like _murder!_ There's diners right here you can work in where you'll be safe! Where you won't meet men who are only interested in you for _carnal_ reasons!" He eyed Sam at the mention of the word and even though he'd never touched her Sam still had the decency to blush. "Everyone knows that Sector 17 women are the most beautiful and you allowed yourself to be taken by the first male you came across when there are so many men here who are far more worthy of you! What does an Other Sector man have to offer that we don't? Here you'll find men who won't take advantage and make you lower your moral standards for sinful pleasure-"

"I've made my choice father! You know I love you and I always will but I've grown up. I can't stay your little girl forever. You know me and I'm not like the girls like Rachel. I take my life and my body seriously. I already made my commitment to Sam and we're a family."

"I know!"

Sam could see the tears in her father's eyes and he felt for him. He was a man suddenly realizing that he was about to lose both his child and his theoretical grandchild. "You can't travel in your condition Mercedes, it's not safe!"

"It's perfectly safe daddy, you know that." Her voice softened and she reached to take his arm. "And you also know mom would have said it was safe now too. I'm strong and I'm healthy. But she also would have said that I'd need to leave as soon as possible before I get too big to travel. I need to be settled before the baby gets here."

His voice weakened. "And then I'll never see you again?"

Mercedes' face was a mask of sadness, reflecting the pain of her father. "No dad. You won't. But you'll know that I'm fine which is something you would never quite be sure of if I stayed here. You already know what happens to people with Perception. You don't want me to go mad do you?"

Mr Jackson looked at Sam's bruised face and shook his head, seeing that there was no way that he could prevent the inevitable from happening. "What can I do to help you?" Not wanting his final moments with his daughter to be ones filled with anger he volunteered to help come up with a plan to give them the best chance possible. This wasn't for Sam, this was for the life of the innocent in his daughter's womb.

It made for an uncomfortable situation and an extremely uncomfortable evening, but the three of them sat down together over a meal and came up with a plan for their departure.


	12. Chapter 12

Hezekiah Jackson gave him ten days. Ten days to rest and let his injuries heal before they left for Outside. Those ten days were torture for Sam. He knew the old man hated him, hell he'd feel exactly the same way if he was in the man's position, yet he was still being kind. And that kindness was killing him. By the third day he would have infinitely preferred a second beating to sitting sharing meals at the table of the man whose life he was irrevocably ripping to shreds.

Mercedes had pleaded his case and somehow managed to get her father to agree to keep his presence a secret. Sam now had free run to move about the house but was still a prisoner inside of it. Mr Jackson didn't like the idea of leaving his daughter alone in the house with Sam when he went to work, but figured the damage had already been done and his daughter had work projects of her own to finish before she left. But the thing he _was_ able to ruin was their sleeping arrangement. The patriarch may not have been able to control what happened in the day, but he could certainly control what happened under his roof night. The camping mat was moved into the old man's room and Sam spent his nights listening to deep snores instead of late night whispered conversations in the dark. Her soothing voice and songs were no longer there to help him with the nightmares and the lack of sleep was making him cranky. It was also harder because whenever Mr Jackson was around, he needed to make sure he had the colored lenses in his eyes. Their story of her avoiding a green eyed golden haired man had to hold true, even for him if it was going to come over as genuine.

The more Sam spoke to Mercedes as the days passed, the more he realized that just how much thought and planning she'd put into what she was going to do. She'd sat him down and showed him the items that she'd already put together for the journey. They ranged from the water filter and purification tablets to toiletries, foot protection and the most amazing dehydrated food he had ever seen. It consisted of small individually wrapped cubes in different flavors, that, when mixed with either hot or cold water, made a more than generous and filling portion of a nutritionally balanced porridge. She even had four types of medicine, one each for pain, fever, allergy and infection. It pretty much covered most eventualities but it was difficult when they were limited in what it was physically possible to carry.

Taking him into her younger brother's room one day, Mercedes showed him his camping equipment. "He won't be needing these anymore so you can have them." Sam took the backpack, sleeping bag, and mat as well as both clothing and shoes that fit.

"Do you miss your brother?" He had to ask. She didn't talk about him much.

"Sometimes. But it's hard. I'm already used to him not being around. Training begins at the age of thirteen. He comes home for one month every year. That month ended a few weeks ago, which is why he has these things. Each time we see him he's grown so much that we buy him a few sets of new clothes but he always leaves them behind. They only wear simple robes at the Academy where he studies so he has no need for them there. I guess for us they're more for sentimental value than anything else. By the time he comes back he'd have outgrown them again so it doesn't really matter what you take."

She was sitting on his bed with a sad expression on her face as she slowly ran her hand over the bedspread and he felt bad for her. She wanted to go, but she was going to be leaving a lot behind. Only now was he really starting to see this. "How long will he be at the Academy?"

"Seventeen years."

Sam nearly choked. That was nearly as long as she'd been alive! " _Seventeen!_ "

"It takes years of study and training to be a Minister. That's why they start so young. But it's a great thing to be if you can do it and a huge honor to your family. My dad wanted me to marry a Minister. In his ideal world I would stay at home for a couple more years to look after him then marry a newly ordained Minister and the both of us would live here with him. It would give me a good position in the community but… I know that personally it would feel like a death sentence. I would never be able to handle that kind of a lifestyle. It would literally kill me from the inside out."

It was the first time that she had spoken so openly about her feelings and Sam was starting to fully appreciate what exactly it was that made this girl tick. When she said that she didn't belong, she really genuinely meant it.

"Are there other things you need to get? Because... I have money. You're supplying everything and as we're travelling together I need to contribute." The gun wasn't the only thing he'd been hiding away.

"It won't be safe. I can't draw any attention to myself by buying things out of the norm right now. And anyway, I already said I've been saving."

"Well we can pool our finances." He didn't know where this bout of honesty had come from. He'd initially had no intention of declaring his money, but Mercedes was the most devout, decent and trustworthy person he'd ever come across. He wanted her to know and share it.

"How much do you have?"

He told her to wait while he retrieved the paper envelope. Handing it to her she gasped as she looked at the contents. She didn't even count it but he knew it would take her a hell of a long time to make that kind of money making and selling clothes and working a few hours in a diner.

"How come you had so much money on you?"

"It's the first part of my payment that I got at the beginning of the night you met me. The second part was what I should have collected afterwards in the alley but it wasn't there."

She looked hard at the money before suddenly throwing it on the ground as if it had burned her.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't take it!"

"Why not? It's just money."

"It's _blood_ money. I can't accept it!"

"But it can still be used to do good!"

She shot him an expression that let him know how frustrated she was that he didn't understand. "That money is the value of somebody's life. I don't want it near me. It's your money to do with as you please. Buy yourself whatever you like with it but _I_ want no part of it. I don't want you to spend any of it on me and I don't want to benefit from anything that was bought from it."

" _But Mercedes!_ "

She stood. "It's not up for discussion Sam." Turning quickly she left the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts, staring at the envelope on the floor, knowing he had just screwed something up but not being quite sure what exactly it was.

* * *

"Do you ever wonder what it would be like if things were different?"

She eyed him carefully. "What do you mean?"

"I mean if that night never happened. If you'd left the diner on time and we never met."

"Or if you'd killed me."

He shot her a wry smile. "I could never have killed you."

She shrugged. "Either way I would have died that night. Whether it was from a bullet or being banned from returning to the Transit Sector by my dad – ultimately that would have done it too. Looking back I've come to believe that one way or another something was going to change that night. To be banned from the Transit Sector would still kill me, just slower."

"Is it really that bad?"

Her eyes filled with tears and she nodded. "Nobody understands. They think I should just be content with the way things are. But I can't be. It eats at my insides and burns through my soul. I can't do this life. It would break my spirit." Sam watched as she clenched her hands together. "I've seen what happens to people like me. The frustration eats them alive. They become sad, the bitter and angry then eventually insane because nobody can see what they do. I don't want to become one of those old women who everybody avoids. I don't want to be one of those women who randomly ups and leaves their family with no explanation simply because they just can't handle living a lie and having to conform anymore. I _have_ to get out. The choice was taken out of my hands a long time ago."

Her voice rose with the passion of her speech and her desperation was clear. Her fear of being trapped was greater than her fear of him and her fear of death. At least through Zeben he'd always had the freedom of travel through the Transit Sector. She was stuck here and it was eating away at her like gangrene. It saddened him that this desire affected more women than men in a Sector where they were powerless to do anything about it. He wondered if people in other Sectors suffered the same fate. And how come only some people had this? What factors made it that way?

Reaching across he touched her arm. "I understand. I may not have Perception or fully comprehend what it entails, but I do understand frustration and feeling trapped."

She put her hand on top of his and squeezed it gently. "Thank you Sam. That meant a lot."

Then she turned and went back to her work with a grave expression on her face.

* * *

One thing he struggled with was the fact that she was only nineteen. She didn't come across as someone that young. Her knowledge was vast which he attributed to her extensive reading and exposure to different types of people in the Transit Sector. And when it came to her looks and her body… well there she was _definitely_ all-woman! Her features were very different to the women he was used to but contrary to what he'd been told that didn't make her any less attractive. After eating her lunch she would often read for an hour or so before resuming her work. She would curl up on her bed with a book and he'd resume his position on her floor, looking through the illustrations of the many textbooks she owned, suddenly for the first time in his life feeling inadequate when it came to his levels of education. Often she'd curl up on her side facing away from him as she read, and in doing so, the fabric of her pants would tighten and strain against her ass making his mouth water. He couldn't help it. He was still a red blooded male. Women where he was from didn't have an ass like that, and just like her hair, he was aching to touch it, but knew better than to try. Plus the ' _do not touch'_ vibe that she gave off wasn't just a hint of an aura, it was a whole damn force-field! It was a shame because her looks had him constantly reminding himself of her age and forcing him to keep his thoughts on track and wholesome like she was.

He only thing that really hinted at her youth was the innocent naïveté that she sometimes displayed together with her simplistic outlook on life. A perfect example of that had been his encounter with Michael's mother. Somewhere deep down she must genuinely have thought that they would be all hugs and butterflies and forgiveness. But real life didn't work that way and she'd seen that very clearly. You can't rip away a person's child and expect it to be shrugged off as nothing. Even a sweet innocent person can and does contain rage. The fact that a frail looking little old lady could beat the shit out him didn't surprise him at all. It clearly shocked Mercedes, but she hadn't seen as much of the dark side of people as he had.

That's not to say that he wasn't trying hard to be the person she wanted him to be because he was. He felt that being the good guy suited him. But every couple of days he'd ask her if she was still scared of him and each time she would say 'yes'. At first he liked the idea that she feared him but as time passed he felt the balance of their relationship changing and he could sense that this fear was causing her to hold back from him a little. It pleased him and upset him at the same time and he couldn't work out why.

* * *

By the seventh day his bruises were starting to fade. As he washed his face in the morning he still chuckled when he took in his appearance. It never ceased to amaze him that all of this damage was caused by a woman. An _old_ woman. A _tiny_ old woman. A woman who, in his own Sector, he would have had every right to hit back and faced no recourse whatsoever.

The chuckle stopped.

It wasn't funny at all.

Mercedes's words from the first night rang in his ears about how differently she would be treated in his Sector because of who she was. If the roles were reversed, she would have found nobody to shelter her or tend her wounds. His story of being beaten for standing up for insisting on being in love with her was a stretch, not because of the beating, but because in reality it would have been by more than just his father, and he wouldn't have been able to get up and walk away after it.

Those somber thoughts stayed with him all day. This world definitely wasn't right. Maybe there _was_ somewhere better that they could be. There were so many things in his life that he'd never thought about or questioned. He simply accepted them because it was the way that things always had been. Mercedes' curse of seeing beyond the obvious was becoming clearer and clearer to him each day.

The final couple of days were the most difficult. He could tell that the reality of leaving was starting to hit Mercedes hard. She was going to have to say goodbye to her family. Forever. He wanted to reach out to her but she seemed to be shutting him out and it hurt more than it really should have. He didn't owe her anything. He was doing her a favor by going along with her, albeit a favor that also helped him too.

Even though it went against everything he was, the loner man of few words, he wouldn't have minded talking to her about it. Except that for the first time, the girl that he had nearly shot on more than one occasion simply because she wouldn't shut up, wasn't talking about the one thing that she probably should have been. And here he was feeling proud for opening up to her. In the two weeks that they'd been around each other, he'd opened up to her far more than he had to anyone else in his entire life. Zeben had clothed and fed him but he was in no way a confidante.

What he didn't expect was to meet her elder brother. Daniel Jackson had keys to the house and let himself in on their penultimate evening during dinner. When he saw Sam there he was pissed off for a whole heap of reasons, the worst being that he hadn't been consulted at all in this. They were going to let him honestly believe that she was dead. Mercedes's eyes welled up as she held on to his arm and assured him it was the best. The less people that knew the truth, the less who had to hold on to the burden of that lie. The grief would still be grief, one way or the other, but in this sense it would be more real. They sat him down and told him the same version of events as they had told her father. Daniel said nothing before asking to speak to Sam outside for a moment. This time Mercedes did look scared for him after having learned her lesson from the Michael incident, but her dad simply nodded and he followed the larger man through the door like a man walking towards death row. His only calming thought was than in this Sector, murder was frowned upon so he was unlikely to be killed by this huge muscular man.

What did happen was that he was pinned to the wall by his throat and threatened to within an inch of his life before being shoved to the floor as the unlikely sight of tears appeared in the other man's eyes and he suddenly turned and fled the house, slamming the door on his way out. Mercedes immediately came, looked at the front door and flew to his side as he sat against the wall, still regaining his breath from the chokehold. She looked scared for him and he didn't blame her. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

Sam shook his head. "I'm fine." Yet again, the pain of the strangle hold was nothing compared to what Daniel must have been feeling right now. This time she looked at him with sadness and insisted on helping him to his feet, stoking his face gently as she looked at him intently to make sure that he wasn't hurt.

Her father came out of the dining room and stood in the doorway, just silently watching their exchange and saying nothing. Sam just wanted to lie down on his makeshift bed and be left alone with his thoughts. He'd never in his whole life he'd spent a fraction of the time thinking over the consequences of his actions, as he had over the last few days. Thinking about how different people were affected and what they would then have to live with forevermore.

He had just lain down and assured Mercedes for the third time that he was fine when he heard the front door again. Daniel had returned. Of course he would. He touched Mercedes's arm. "Go and talk to him. He loves you. He just wanted to make sure that I would always take care of you because he can't be there to."

Mercedes nodded, cast him one final sad look, and left to join the men again. The arguments continued and Sam winced at being constantly referred to simply as 'Other Sector' and his hear plummeted at the impassioned plea from Daniel as he reminded her that she wasn't even going to get to say goodbye to her sister in law and two year old nephew. Sam could literally feel all the hurt radiating from the other room. He didn't even bother getting changed as he curled up on the mat. He simply lay there and listened to the sound of their voices until he fell into his usual fitful sleep.

* * *

When the day arrived the mood was somber. They were up before daylight, the plan, to leave just before dawn, giving them the entire day to travel before her father would raise the alarm at nightfall. It would allow them the chance to cover as much distance as possible.

They ate breakfast in silence and Mercedes embraced her father for the final time. He touched Mercedes's belly gently and Sam again felt terrible for the lie that they were feeding him about her pregnancy. He then acknowledged Sam with a nod and Sam felt tears pricking his own eyes and he wasn't even sure who the hell they were for.

Mercedes took two steps before turning and flinging herself back into her father's arms. "Daddy I-"

"Shhh…" He pressed his finger to her lips and gently kissed her forehead. "No more turning back Mercedes. I've said everything I need. I want the last words you hear from me to be 'I love you'."

With one final kiss he wiped his eye and turned, not pausing until the front door shut behind him.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Special thanks to Lamini25 and Krazykay23 for your reviews. I wanted to send you PMs but the review responses don't seem to be working at the moment!**_

* * *

It was finally happening!

Sam had expected Mercedes to break down after her father turned away but she didn't. The stricken expression remained on her face as she mouthed the words 'I love you too' to his retreating form. Then she closed her eyes for a few seconds, remaining completely still before slowly exhaling, straightening her spine, lifting her head and leading the way. He didn't doubt she was going to break down at some point, but her pride meant it was unlikely she would ever do it in front of him.

They retraced the steps that he vaguely remembered them making the night he was wounded, before hitting the wall and passing through to the Outside with the grass and the trees.

"Are you okay Mercedes?"

She'd said nothing from the moment they had stepped away from her house. "We need to cover as much distance as possible Sam." Her eyes remained straight ahead as the rising sun started to illuminate their route. It was still bitterly cold until the sun fully rose and he watched her breath condense as she spoke and he zipped his fleece right up to his chin.

"So let's do this!"

He watched as she pulled out her compass, waited for everything on it to stop moving, then pointed in the direction they needed to walk. Her explanation of how the compass used the earth's magnetic force to point the right direction confused him slightly, but he was more than confident that she knew what she was doing. They walked for hours in silence. The trees became thinner and the area became grassier. They stopped for a snack and a drink then continued. The whole time, in complete silence.

Finally it got too much for him. "You know they'll be okay, don't you."

"I know."

"Daniel and his family will move in with your dad and it'll be the distraction he needs, especially with their second baby on the way."

"I said _I know_!" She adjusted the strap of her backpack on her shoulder and continued walking, leaving him to stare at her ass as she walked on ahead. Finally stopping she turned, shooting him a frustrated look. "Are you coming?"

"Are you going to ignore me for this entire journey? Because I didn't sign up for the permanent cold shoulder when I agreed to this!" He hadn't meant to sound so harsh in his tone but he still wasn't really used to dealing with people, especially girls, on the one to one in situations like this, and his frustration at not being able to help and comfort her was starting to show.

She sighed. "I'm sorry Sam. I'm just still adjusting to the fact that I've just made a life changing decision that I can never go back on." She stopped walking and stared at the ground. "This is real. This is actually happening. I've burned my bridges so even if I wanted to I _can't ever go back!_ "

He laughed bitterly. "Welcome to my world. You know there's only one thing you can do when you're in this position." Taking her arm, he gently guided her to start walking again. "You just have to keep moving forward 'til you get to where you're going. And that's exactly what we're doing."

"Yeah. I guess we are."

They walked for a few moments before Sam realized his arm was still linked with hers and he awkwardly removed it. "Why don't you sing?"

"Sing?"

"Yeah. When you hum and sing it helps me feel better. I can't believe it doesn't make you feel better too. Maybe you can teach me one of your songs."

"Teach you?"

"Yeah. I'm not a bad singer you know!"

For the first time that day she cracked a smile. "Really?"

"Yeah. Really!"

"So sing something."

He did. And her jaw dropped. "Wow! You _can_ sing!"

"That's what I just said! So teach me something?"

She looked up at him as if he was full of surprises and he felt good, like he'd managed to break through some sort of a wall with her and distract her from her pain. "Okay. I'll teach you something."

He walked closer to her and listened as she effortlessly belted out a melody and literally felt her mood lighten as she did so. They walked and walked and walked. He was hungry but didn't dare mention it. He knew they needed to travel as far as they could today and that any stoppages would lessen the distance they would cover. Eventually though, the sun of the day did start to fade. "We're going to have to find somewhere to set up camp."

She nodded. As it grew darker the temperature rapidly dropped and he could tell she was getting cold. In just a day the landscape had already started changing. The next large tree they came across was where they decided to stop for the night. The pop up tent took seconds to assemble and within minutes they were sitting, watching the water heat on the tiny camping stove.

"I still can't believe we're doing this," she said quietly, not taking her eyes off the water which was now starting to form tiny bubbles at the bottom of the pan. "It's nearly curfew. Dad will be just about to raise the alarm."

Sam said nothing, willing the water to boil faster so that he could have something to do with his hands again. "He'll be fine."

"I know. But it still hurts. It's not a life I could have lived forever but it's still all I've ever known."

She watched as Sam took their compressible mugs and bowls from his bag before placing a small cube in each bowl. "I thought as this was our first night we'd go with milk chocolate porridge to eat and white chocolate to drink."

She nodded, not looking as if she'd disagree with him on anything right now. They ate in silence, grateful for the warm food in their bellies as the night chill started to kick in. Sam finished his quickly. "This food is surprisingly good!" It was a marvel. He'd been so hungry before but now he wasn't. Mercedes still had plenty left though. She seemed distracted and that worried him. "You need to keep your energy up Mercedes."

"I know. But I'm not hungry. My stomach's in knots right now. You finish this, I've still got my drink to go."

Satisfied that she'd eaten enough for now and was going to get more energy from the drink he finished her portion and cleaned the bowl. "I was thinking. As it's nearly dark and getting colder by the second, we should have our drinks in the tent."

She nodded. "Good idea." Looking up at the sky and standing, she grabbed her bag. "I just going to… er… to do my thing. Before it gets completely dark."

"Sure. Just stay within yelling distance."

"Of course."

The second she disappeared from sight he felt alone and busied himself with setting up for the night. The tent wasn't very big. Barely enough room for the both of them with a small strip of space in between them, and only tall enough for them to sit up, not stand. He rolled out their sleeping mats, sleeping bags and inflatable pillows were a luxury they couldn't carry so it had to be folded up clothing. They had three wind-up flashlights, one of which stood upright on its own, and he put it in the center of the tent to light it. When Mercedes returned he handed her a drink and excused himself to handle his own business. By the time he got back she was zipped inside her sleeping bag with a hat on her head and her back to him.

"Do you mind if I turn out the light?"

"Sure. I'm tired."

"Okay. Goodnight Mercedes."

"Goodnight Sam."

And then he plunged them into darkness.

* * *

It was cold. _Really cold._ He couldn't sleep and judging by the lack of the sound of her regular heavy breathing next to him, neither could she. He contemplated grabbing an extra piece of clothing from his bag but that involved moving, and he was too cold for that.

"Was your home Sector very far away?"

Her voice cut through the darkness and she was whispering, even though technically there was no longer any need for them to have to be quiet.

Her question made sense. Days before she'd explained that the Sectors weren't numbered in sequential order and nobody really know if the numbers were randomly selected. He shifted slightly so that he was facing towards her voice. The cold was biting and the tip of his nose was suffering but he was eager to make the most of the break in the silence. "It took over two days to drive. I'd been living in Transit Sector for a week when I arrived."

"So did you come there specifically to- no, sorry, I won't ask... So you can drive."

"Yeah. A car would have made this journey a hell of a lot easier."

"Except neither of us can risk the Transit Highway. Plus I planned this trip to happen by foot. Why did you do that? Can't you drive at all?"

"Girls don't learn to drive in my Sector. Or rather, girls aren't taught... It's a skill which won't really help us out here anyway."

"I guess not. But if you'd had the choice would you have learned?"

"Of course."

"Girls in my Sector can drive. They're actually considered safer drivers. They can train to be doctors too."

"Sounds idyllic."

"It's not. They face other pressures, to look a certain way, act a certain way, and everyone wants to be popular. It gets quite vicious sometimes and they can be really cruel to each other. Genuine friendship and loyalty are rare. It's all about appearances. Plus there's a lot of loveless marriages. People get married for the wrong reasons and realise too late that they'll never be happy. I'm sure that can't be easy."

"I'm sure it isn't. My parents married for love and I can't imagine it any other way."

"I don't think there is any other way. Not if you want to be truly happy."

There was silence for a long while. "Did you leave anyone behind Sam?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, well, I got to say my goodbyes, sort of, but you were already far away from home and had to run in literally the clothes you were standing in. You've never talked about anybody other than Zeben. Was there someone you wished you could've said goodbye to?"

Sam thought through all the people in his life. He didn't have close friends, he was a loner and always had been. When you don't fit in you become good at making yourself invisible. Even when it came to women there was nobody special. Sure were those who'd fulfilled a need, but it was only on a physical level, not an emotional one. At one stage he'd become embroiled in a clandestine affair with the wife of one of Zeben's associates who was too rich, too thin and too bored with the world around her. He knew she only wanted him for the thrill of taking risks under her husband's nose and what man would turn down the attentions of a woman in her sexual prime who was being neglected by her husband. The brief affair had ended when her husband had caught her in bed with another young man. Sam had been relieved that he wasn't the one caught but to this day wondered just how many young men the woman had actually been seeing and how she'd gotten away with it for so long! It was a sad state of affairs when at his age, a six week fling had been his longest relationship.

In truth, Zeben was the only person who'd been consistent in his life. And Zeben had clearly ordered his erasure the moment he had failed to kill Mercedes! There was no payment for the job done. No second chance. Zeben, the man he'd been closest to, had signed his death warrant without a moment's hesitation. There was no going back for Alex.

His silence seemed to disturb her. "I'm guessing that if you have to think about it that long, then the answer is no."

He shuffled slightly in his sleeping bag. Only slightly because too much movement ran the risk of touching a cold part of the bag and that was really wasn't fun. Plus for the second time today there was a prickling sensation at the back of his eyes that he really wasn't happy with. There was a reason why he didn't think about these things.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was soft but it still pierced the dark night. "I can't begin to imagine what it's like to have no one."

"Don't be sorry. I've managed all this time."

Another pause. "You know you have me now, right?"

 _Did he?_ "Of course."

"I'm glad."

"So am I. It's good to know."

And it was. Good, that is. A heavy silence fell after that, neither of them asleep yet neither of them speaking. It was too cold to move within their little cocoons and they waited impatiently for the next day to break.

* * *

 _ **Happy New Year everyone x x**_


	14. Chapter 14

Getting up was hard. They were tired, sore and cold. Thankfully the camping stove was quick to heat the water for them to make a hot breakfast and have a warming drink. It wasn't quite light yet but even without consultation they'd agreed the need to get something inside them was greater than wasting time failing to sleep. Cold fingers made packing up difficult and progress was much slower until the day warmed up.

By mid-morning the temperature was bearable and just after midday it was positively warm. With the warming of the temperature came a warming of their mood and they talked about funny things they remembered from when they were small until Sam had a funny memory of his sister that made him sad and Mercedes had to change the subject. As they covered the ground the landscape began to change even more. Trees were almost non-existent now and hills rolled as far as the eye could see. It was hard not to appreciate the beauty of the nature they were in. Sam had grown up being used to city life. Travel had been through Transit Sectors and the Transit Highway. There wasn't much opportunity to step back and admire the vastness that surrounded him. Small parts of the Transit Highway were open and exposed but never in any area that a person would actually have the desire to leave it and explore. Mercedes would occasionally stop to look at a flower or other item of nature. Sam didn't have the heart to hurry her along and in truth he was enjoying it as much as she was. He just saw a pretty flower but she would often know the name and if it had any additional uses.

By evening there was no tree for them to set up their tent under. As the darkness fell the cold returned quickly. Sam tried bringing the stove inside the tent but it quickly became cold once it was off. Plus the compact fuel pack that ran it was only good for one hundred hours and there was no telling how long this journey was going to take. They'd limited themselves to a maximum of one hour usage per day, less if at all possible, just in case things took longer than they had planned, and Mercedes had assured him that as they got further south the temperature would get warmer and they would need it less. There was no vegetation around that could be used to fuel a fire so for a second night they froze in the tent. This time they were too cold even to speak to each other, and yet again they got little if any sleep.

* * *

Travel was even harder going the next day and the lack of sleep was definitely takin its toll. He felt grouchy, Mercedes was _definitely_ grouchy and homesick, and their initial enthusiasm had completely waned. On more than one occasion he saw that she was silently crying. She hid her tears well but sometimes she wasn't quite fast enough. But he had no idea what to do. Was he supposed to comfort her? She was trying hard not to even know that she was upset. And what was he supposed to do to make her feel better? He couldn't take her back to her home and family. Unlike him, she'd chosen and planned this so she needed to suck it up. He was her travel companion not her father or some girlfriend she could cry to. It was actually a relief that she wasn't revealing her tears to him because there wasn't anything he could do about it.

By the time the icy darkness fell on the third night it was clear their arrangement for attempting sleep was not going to work. Sam had a good idea of what _would_ work, but he didn't know how to suggest it without making himself sound like a total creep. They both sat with their post meal hot drinks, silently sipping slowly to make the moment last as long as possible to put off the inevitable. It was an uncomfortable silence. In the end he was so cold he decided to just bite the bullet and speak, but she clearly also chose exactly that moment to do the same.

"So I was thinking maybe-"  
"There's a scripture that says-"

They both laughed nervously at having spoken over each other after such an extended silence and he smiled at her.

"You first."

"No, it's okay-"

"Seriously. I'll do mine after. What was it that you were trying to say?"

She shifted her hands nervously. "There's this verse in the bible… and it says… well, you know how it's so cold at night, it sort of says that… In Ecclesiastes… Look I'll just show you and you can read it for yourself..."

Sam shook his head. He wasn't going to be reading anything if he could help it. He doubted she knew just how bad his education was and he didn't want her to know either. Plus he really couldn't understand why, with her limited space, she had insisted on carrying a small bible in her bag. "It's okay. You don't need to move. Just quote it or paraphrase it to me."

She shot him a look and then closed her eyes, seeming to find it easier to do this if she wasn't looking at him. "You might think this is weird but there's a passage that says… that if two lie down together, they can keep warm because how can a person keep warm if they're just on their own?"

The words brought a smile to his lips. He'd never had any interest in anything religious but those words were music to his ears. "Are you trying to say what I think you're saying Mercedes?"

She refused to meet his eyes. "What I'm saying is that our sleeping bags are part of a set. They can be zipped together to make one big bag and we can sleep together… for warmth." Her words came out quickly and nervously. "But it doesn't matter – I shouldn't have said it... So what were _you_ going to say?"

"The same."

Her head spun with whiplash speed as she quickly looked up at him. If her skin hadn't been so dark he would have sworn that she paled. "The same?"

"Yeah. Only without the bible quote obviously." He ignored her shocked expression to continue talking. "Look, think about this rationally. We're cold at night and it's stopping us from sleeping. This makes us tired during the day, slows down our pace and puts us at increased risk of sickness and injury. Plus sleep deprivation will ultimately affect out thinking abilities and make us more likely to make stupid mistakes, not to mention the fact that we're both getting grouchy. We need our sleep, it's essential. And if being close together in one bag is what it takes to get it, then I'm more than prepared to do that if you are."

She looked at him uncertainly. "I guess I am. I just don't want you to think that I'm inviting…"

 _For goodness sake!_ "Look, we're just two people travelling together. You happen to be a girl and I happen to be a guy. There's nothing more to it than that. If I was going to be a threat to you while you slept I'd have taken one of the countless opportunities I already had since we met. But I'm not. This is all above board Mercedes. You're cold, I'm cold. You're tired, I'm tired. Let's just do this already!"

She looked as if she were about to argue but thankfully didn't.

Initially it was awkward. They tidied their things away did performed their nighttime rituals. The bags were zipped together but neither wanted to be the first to lie down. Eventually they decided to do it at the same time. It was rapidly getting too cold to be stupid and the tent itself was only tall enough for sitting up. Once inside the bag with their hats on, Sam zipped it up. If it was physically possible, Mercedes still seemed to have managed to leave a gap between them. But they weren't going to get warm unless they were completely pressed together."

Mercedes, are you still scared of me?"

It was dark so he couldn't read her facial expression. "Why?"

"Because you need to move closer. And to do that you need to trust me. And you can't fully trust me if you're scared of me."

There was a long pause. "I'm not scared of you."

Her voice didn't sound convinced.

"Then come closer. I promise I won't harm you. Listen, I promised your father I'd take care of his baby girl and I'm a man of my word. I won't let anything bad happen and I won't cause anything bad."

He could tell that she was resisting. But he could also tell that she was still cold so he persisted one last time. "You're an intelligent girl. This is science. You know how this has to work if it's going to work at all." Finally he felt her reluctantly press her chest against his and instantly felt transference of warmth.

"There. That wasn't so hard was it!" He enjoyed a few moments of finally feeling comfortable. Her hat covered head was nestled under his chin and he slipped one arm around her in what he hoped was a non-creepy way. "Goodnight Mercedes."

Judging by her breathing, the exhausted girl was already asleep.

* * *

Sam woke up first. He was warm. Warm and comfortable. Somehow his arms were completely wrapped around Mercedes and he didn't dare move them in case the sudden coldness it would cause to her back accidentally woke her up. Instead, he took the opportunity to savor the feeling of waking up in somebody's arms. It had never happened before. All the women he had been with had all been long gone before the morning reality came knocking. And now here he was, with this girl pressed against his chest, having had the best night sleep he'd had in what felt like forever. As far as he could recall he didn't even have a nightmare.

Mercedes murmured and nestled her head against his chest. He held his breath for a second, seeing if she was going to wake up and break the moment, but thankfully she didn't. It was good because he was only just starting to admit to himself that he was enjoying these few minutes. For all the times he'd stared at her soft body when she wasn't looking, trying to work out how good it would feel, nothing was close to the reality. Until now, all he had in his brain's archives were the brief seconds he had rolled her along the ground on the night they had met. But now he had the luxury of taking time to make a more detailed appreciation of her. The hat on her head tickled his nose and her face was turned away from his. But the absolute best part was her breasts. They were like soft warm cushions and they were pressed right up against him, chest to chest, the best way to get warmth from each other. But he was sure they hadn't been pressed up _this_ close to each other when they'd first fallen asleep.

Those breasts though. They felt amazing. Women in his Sector just didn't have breasts like this. Too much emphasis was placed on a slender frame for something like that to happen naturally and it only really happened to married women after childbirth who had more important priorities than being thin. There was currently a trend back home for women to have surgically enhanced breasts. They definitely looked good but they felt like crap. They were as hard as the frames of the women who bore them. He should know, he'd felt enough of them in his time. And now he had the softest, warmest pair of breasts pressed against him and he was already feeling sad for the moment that she'd waken and pull away from him.

He felt the precise moment she finally woke up. First she snuggled, unaware of her surroundings. Then, as soon as she remembered where she was, she stiffened.

It brought a smile to his lips. "Morning Mercedes. Sleep well?"

She nodded without looking at him and he knew that she was blushing. But this was the way it was going to be from now on if they wanted to get any sleep at night.

They soon got into a routine. Days were spent walking while nights were spent cuddling and talking. It was strictly platonic, she _was_ just a kid after all.

It's just that most mornings when he awoke, his brain had to forcibly remind other parts of his body about that minor detail.


	15. Chapter 15

After nine days it rained.

They'd spent most of the day walking through a landscape with trees and rocky hills when Mercedes first spotted the dark swirling clouds. "Sam, I think there's rain coming."

He followed her gaze back up the hill they had just passed. "I think you're right. Maybe we should find a tree and set up camp early so we can wait it out."

She said nothing. She'd stopped walking and was now staring at the rapidly approaching cloud intently. When she finally spoke there was an edge of nervousness to her voice. "It's not that kind or rain Sam. We need proper shelter."

The tension in her voice instantly made her take her seriously. "Are you sure?"

She frowned at him and her expression made him feel like he was a little stupid and she paused to point up at the sky. "Look at the way those clouds are formed and the speed they're moving. This isn't just a rain shower!"

He looked again and couldn't help but feel that she was right. In few the moments they'd spent talking it was already growing darker and thunder rumbled in the distance. "We need to head for the trees Sam, and we need to RUN!"

The raw fear in her tone was infectious and he followed without question as she sped towards the trees. The darkness seemed to follow them like a shadow and he felt his levels of anxiety rising. He was still looking for a big tree to shelter under but she seemed to be looking for something else.

It was getting darker by the second.

"Over there!"

"Where?" She was pointing but he couldn't make out what she was pointing at. Taking his hand she pulled him behind her and he allowed himself to be dragged through the thickening undergrowth.

"This would be perfect but I'm scared of what might already be inside." Somehow she'd managed to find a crack in the rocky side of the hill. The wind had suddenly and rapidly picked up and he now understood why just a tree wasn't going to be enough.

In truth he was feeling just as anxious as her but there was no way he was going to show it. He was here to protect her and he had a job to do. "Come on!"

Tightening his grip on her hand he led them closer. At the entrance he stopped, reaching for the flashlights in his bag. For all they knew, they weren't the only creatures looking for shelter from the oncoming storm. He had his gun but didn't want her to know that unless it was absolutely necessary. Holding two lights in front of him, he shone their light into the darkness and was relieved to see that the crack led into some sort of sheltered cave. It wasn't that big a space and there was nothing in it. At least nothing large. It was at around four times the size their tent and the walls were moss covered stone. A small outcropping sheltered the entrance and was the reason he hadn't seen it initially. Although the inside was wide he could just about stand up in it. In terms of a shelter though, it was pretty perfect. "I think it's okay but I just want to be sure." Rushing back out he grabbed a fallen branch and used it to sweep the ground of the small cave, making sure there were no snakes or other nasties underfoot. Once he was confident that there wasn't, he pitched their tent and put their bags inside it. "We'll sit and wait here until it stops."

She shook her head. "No. It could take a while. We should gather some firewood."

The sound of the wind had already reached a howl and he wasn't keen on venturing back outside. "If we get wet we won't be able to get warm."

"If we have no fire we won't be able to get warm! Plus it'll prevent anything else from coming in."

She stared at him hard and won the argument. Leaving the upright flashlight on, they headed out. It was horrible. The wind was already picking up towards a gale. "Just grab what you can!" She shouted to him.

They filled their arms and dumped the wood back into the cave. Without even pausing she headed back out. Sam fought to be heard over the wind as against his better judgement he followed her and gathered another two times. Still she didn't seem happy with the pile. "We need more than this! Plus dry leaves and grass for kindling!"

"I think we have enough! Mercedes. It's getting wild out there!"

"I'm going back!"

"No!" It wasn't safe anymore and they were having to go farther and farther away to find bits to collect.

But before he could stop her she was gone. _How the hell was he supposed to keep her safe if she was going to act irresponsibly like this?_ "Mercedes COME BACK!" Forcing down the lump which had appeared in his throat he ran after her and tried to pull her back to safety as she gathered more.

She pulled her arm from his grip and glared at him with eyes of steel. "Just help me Sam!"

He didn't want to, but as he was already out here he might as well. Big drops of water were starting to land on him as were cold hard pieces that felt more like hail. " _Run!_ "

They fled towards the cave, stumbling as they went and nearly driven sideways by the wind, managing to squeeze in just before the hail came down in earnest. Sam dumped his collection down next the rest before turning and glaring at her. "Don't you _ever_ run off like that again!"

Her spine straightened and her eyes flashed with anger. "Don't yell at me like I'm a child!"

"Then don't behave like one!"

She let out an exasperated sound before forcing her voice to sound calm. "Sam... We're going to need to keep a fire going here. Once the rain falls and everything gets wet we'll have nothing to feed the fire with. Wet tinder won't light and even if we managed to get some to shoulder, we'd suffocate from the smoke it produces in this confined space. For all we know we could be stuck in here for days. It was worth the risk. What it _wasn't_ worth it was you shouting and grabbing me like that!"

"I was scared! You were like a little kid running out into the middle of the road towards oncoming traffic!"

The illustration went down badly and hurt spread through her features as well as the anger as she rubbed her arm where he'd grabbed her and he hoped he hadn't hurt her in his panic. "As far as you're concerned, I'm just a little kid, and that's all I ever will be!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It doesn't matter!" She turned her back to him which made him even madder.

"Clearly it does to you!"

"Look, just forget it. Okay? There are more important things at stake right now, like the fact that we need to get a fire going right now and dry off!"

He'd never heard her raise her voice and lose it like that before. She didn't speak to him for the next few hours and quite frankly he was glad. He hadn't been lying when he said that he got scared when she ran back out.

He just hated the fact that he'd had to admit it.

* * *

The rain lasted for two solid days and it was hard on the both of them. Lack of light was an issue, as was the cold. Sam had apologized for his outburst and by the end of the second day could have kissed her for her last minute suggestion of going out for more firewood. Even with the extra they were going through it at an alarming rate. They needed to keep the fire going day and night for their warmth and protection and safety, and the solid rain outside meant that just as Mercedes had said, there was no way they'd be able to find any more dry kindling.

The days were boring and long. The perpetual gray sky and howling outside causing their moods to be low. And with no idea how long the bad weather was going to last, the feeling of claustrophobia in their confined space grew worse and worse with each waking hour. Clearly nervous, Mercedes was in full chatter mood and much as he loved the sound of her voice, her incessant talking in the background was taking its toll and it took every ounce of his willpower to hold himself back from snapping at her again. Yes it would stop her from talking, but then he'd feel bad, she'd be upset, and being in such a confined place with such a bad atmosphere was the recipe for a complete disaster of epic proportions. Especially as he still had the gun.

The key to them staying warm was to stay dry. The unfortunate problem was that calls of nature due to the constant hot drinks they needed to stay warm, were continually taking them outside in the wet. The umbrellas they had offered little protection if the wind was driving the rain in all directions and it was far harder for Mercedes to keep a hand free to hold it up while doing her business than it was for him. The only thing they didn't have an issue with was water. Leaving out their mugs and bowls they quickly replenished their stock and ran it through the filter. Even their light had to be rationed, using one flashlight at a time with the knowledge they wouldn't be able to do a solar recharge for a while and not wanting to be completely plunged into darkness which is what would happen if they allowed the batteries to drain completely. Their only external entertainment was a small set of playing cards and they'd resorted to actually making up games to entertain themselves. Sam only knew games that involved gambling and she refused to play them so they'd had to reach a compromise. In the end they managed to have some laughs over it. The acoustics of the cave was also excellent for singing and the making up of new songs also passed some of the time when they weren't being mad at each other.

Still, by day the end of the second day, things were understandably strained. Thankfully they woke up on the third morning to sunlight and birdsong. Sam heard the sound first, but tempting as it was to investigate the second he woke up, being pinned down by a sleeping Mercedes was something he wasn't prepared to cut short. How she slept so comfortably against him when he was sure he smelled even worse than the moss on the walls was a mystery to him but if she didn't mind he wasn't going to complain. The last of the firewood had burned out during the night and the temperature had dropped. It had woken him but she slept on. Conscious of the fact that they were no longer protected by the fire from any animals potentially seeking shelter Sam stayed awake with his ears on full alert. But sentry duty wasn't so hard when he had plenty of time to enjoy the girl in his arms, even if it was too dark in the cave to look at her properly.

The ground outside was extremely wet and waterlogged in some places, but it was a relief just to get out. The intensity of the sunshine after the rain was drying the area rapidly, despite the cover from the trees, and much as they were both ready to move on, they came to the decision to wait one more day for the ground to dry a little before attempting to continue. They each only had one spare set of shoes and it made no sense to get them unnecessarily wet and muddy. But just the knowledge that they were going to move on made the mood lighter. They giggled and laughed as they played a card game which required speed and dexterity, and by speed and dexterity it meant attempting to slap away the other person's hand when a card was put down that they wanted. The constant brushing together of their fingers made him feel warm, just like the night-time sleeping arrangements, until he remembered who it was and how young she was and the guilt started to set in again.

There was something not right about the way he was starting to feel about her, even after three days of her incessant chatter driving him to distraction.


	16. Chapter 16

Days turned into weeks as they continued to travel, establishing a routine that worked for them both. Mercedes was surprisingly fit and they covered far more ground than Sam expected. As the landscape changed so did the weather, just as she had predicted. The nights gradually grew warmer and they days were starting to get extremely warm. Part of the increased daytime temperature was because they were moving, but there was no denying the definite change in climate. Despite the extended travelling time Mercedes was positive. Her random bouts of silent tears had vanished and she seemed to be becoming more and more enthusiastic and tireless. She explained to him that the change in climate was a good sign because it proved they were travelling in the correct direction. Apparently the weather by the Sea was warm, even in the evenings. All indications were that they were definitely well on their way to reaching the Sea.

The food situation was starting to worry him. Even though their food was ultra-compact, they were still getting through it at a rapid rate. When they entered wooded areas, Mercedes was often able to identify berries and sometimes fruits that were safe for them to eat. They would gorge on those days, happy for a respite from the endless porridge they'd been eating. But it still wasn't enough. Sam was a man who enjoyed his food and the desire to chew on rather than simply slurp each meal with a spoon was getting stronger by the day. And as for the craving for meat- it was something that he found it better to simply not think about.

Often they would follow the course of rivers as they travelled, ensuring they had a constant source of water as well as the opportunity for regular bathing. Mercedes was nervous both of bathing alone and of bathing with him. They had an agreement to bathe at the same time for safety, but to stand back to back. And mostly he honored his promise not to peek. But only mostly. He was human after all, and she was so… so soft…

He only caught glimpses of the length of her back but her dark soft skin fascinated him.

They were both tired, he knew they were, but he was still surprised when she suddenly made a statement one day after breakfast.

"I don't feel like walking today."

Sam looked at her, surprised. "Okay..."

"We've been walking for weeks and I think we should rest for a whole day so that we don't get sick. I'm feeling pretty tired and a little run down and don't want to come down with something."

It was true. Although they'd had some late starts and early stops for extra rest, other than the time it had rained, they had never taken a whole day off. Always in the back of their minds was the desire to put as much distance behind them as possible. And now looking at her face, Sam realized that she _did_ look tired. More tired than usual. She'd spent far longer getting ready in the morning than usual too.

He didn't need much convincing to take a day out to chill but she still seemed to feel that she had to justify her decision. "We're in a good location here. We have shelter, the river and food in the forest. And we can always walk a little further tomorrow to make up for this."

He couldn't help but feel protective. She seemed almost worried about his reaction. "It's fine Mercedes. Really. I'm happy to rest. It's you I'm concerned about. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Me? Yeah I'm fine." Immediately back on the defensive.

"But you said you weren't feeling too great. Are you sick? Do you need to take something?" He reached forward to touch her forehead to see if she had a fever but she jerked away suddenly. Other than when they slept together, she wasn't really a fan of being touched. But this was even worse than usual.

"I'm okay. I just want to go back to sleep for a little bit." She seemed to be experiencing a little discomfort as she stood but was clearly trying to hide it.

Not knowing what else to do, he let her, leaving her to rest while he went to gather some fruit and berries from the forest. There were plenty of things on offer but Mercedes only picked those that she recognized, knowing that there could be highly poisonous foods next to things that were perfectly fine. She instructed him to not even touch things he wasn't sure about because some poisonous plants could be harmful even through the skin. She'd brought medicine for allergies, which he had had occasion to use after accidentally making his way through some poison oak while relieving a night time call of nature but they weren't going to waste it because of having eaten something that they shouldn't. By this point Sam knew some of what he could pick, and decided to get some of the sweet berries to cheer her up. Feeling proud of his collection, together with the plain mushrooms he knew were safe, if tasteless, but which provided a much needed 'bite' to their porridge, he hurried back to the tent.

He quickly regretted hurrying and not paying attention when his foot caught on a tree root that he hadn't seen and he landed heavily on his left knee. "Shit!" His first attempt at standing resulted in the knee buckling and him lying back down on the ground, writhing with pain. A second attempt minutes later was more successful but agonizing. It was a slow and painful hobble back to where they were camped. This was the worst possible thing that could happen and he cursed himself for being less careful with where he stepped.

"What's wrong Sam?" After resting up a little to see if it helped, he'd just limped over to pick something up when he heard her voice behind him.

"It's okay." He wanted to reassure her but her face said she was anything but reassured.

"No it isn't. You're hurt. What happened?"

There was something about Mercedes which made him incapable of lying to her. "I fell. I think I twisted my knee but I'm sure it'll be fine."

She was already feeling his knee through his pants and he winced in pain as she pressed down on it. "How long ago did it happen?"

"A couple of hours ago."

"A couple of hours! And you didn't say anything?"

"I didn't want to bother you."

"You being injured doesn't bother me. But you leaving it untreated for the first couple of hours _does_!" She glared at him and he felt chastened. "Can you walk on it?"

"Not well."

She looked as if she might curse but she didn't. She never did. As well as being an Angel she was also a fucking saint! Before he had a chance to react she'd already propped his foot up and was rolling up the leg of his pants.

"What are you doing?"

"What you should have done a couple of hours ago."

Sam was shocked to see just how swollen his knee actually was when she uncovered it. She kissed her teeth at the sight. It was actually throbbing and painful but he didn't want to admit to it even though he knew that she could already tell. She sighed and shook her head. "What am I going to do with you?"

He grinned back up at her and cast huge puppy dog eyes to lighten the mood. "Keep me?"

"Shut up!" Despite her tone she returned the smile.

Just like she had on the night they met, she unraveled a long piece of cloth from her hair, but this time she used it to bind his knee tightly. "Keep your leg raised and make sure the bandage stays tight. I'll be back in a minute."

After disappearing for a short while she returned with her dinner bowl full of river water and a cloth. Dipping the cloth in the water she then placed it over his knee. It was cold. "Keep doing this to cool down the injury and reduce the swelling. Don't worry about bandages getting wet. It just makes them colder anyway."

He took the items from her and continued with the treatment. She disappeared into the tent and returned with two pills. "Take these for the pain."

Shaking his head he refused. "I'm fine." He wasn't because his knee hurt like hell, but he knew they only had limited medication. She shot him an emphatic look and he compromised. "I'll take them tonight. That way when you kick me in your sleep it won't hurt so much."

She grinned at that. "I don't kick in my sleep!"

 _Maybe you don't kick, but you do snuggle. And I really like it when you do that._

"But seriously Sam," her face was serious again, "You have to rest your leg. Sit down and keep it elevated. And definitely don't try and walk."

"Yes ma'am!" He gave her a mock salute.

"Yes ma'am indeed…" She rolled her eyes but lost the battle against the smile that played at the corner of her mouth.

"Anyway. You're the one who's not feeling great. Did the extra rest help?"

"I'm fine!" Her angrily snapped reply took him aback. He was only trying to be nice and she was fine until he mentioned it! The change in mood had been instantaneous. Sensing it wasn't worth picking her up on her strange behavior he decided to let it pass. "Well it's a good job this is a rest day for us. And I'm sorry but I'm not sure I'll be up for walking tomorrow either."

She shook her head. "This will set us back three or four days at least!"

"I'm sure I won't need that long!"

"Sam. We're walking all day every day. It makes no sense to strain yourself again when you can heal properly the first time."

He could have kicked himself for being such an idiot and getting himself hurt. "I'm sorry for the time we're losing." He felt bad holding them back because of his own clumsiness.

"It's fine." He watched her face carefully, expecting her to be fighting back her annoyance at the situation but she really did seem to be fine. In fact, he'd even go so far as to say she looked relieved.

Unfortunately she didn't give him the chance to question her on it, instead, quickly leaping up and disappearing into the trees. Minutes later she returned with a big thick stick. "Use this when you have to walk and try not to weight bear too much." Seriously, she thought of everything!

"Thanks Mercedes."

She frowned. "For what?"

"For always taking care of me. I promised your dad I'd take care of you but sometimes I feel like it's the other way round!"

She just shrugged but he could tell she got the meaning of his words. He reached beside him. "I got you these. I was bringing them back for you when I fell. I wanted to cheer you up because you weren't feeling good."

He handed her the pouch of sweet berries and she squealed with delight when she saw them. "Thanks Sam. I love these!"

"I know."

Taking the pouch and a bowl she split the berries into two portions. One she saved for later and the other she put into the other bowl. Sitting next to him with the bowl in her lap she cleaned them one by one. "I'm sorry I've been so snappy Sam. I promise I'll improve."

He opened his mouth to reply but she used the opportunity to shove the first berry into his open mouth, making him laugh. By the time he'd eaten it she was looking away, embarrassed and probably surprised at herself for the overfamiliar action. And he had learned enough about her to understand that she was silently telling him to not take what she had said any further and she was all good with him again.

So he accepted the apology and moved on.

* * *

Sam felt like an idiot. It took him two days being camped with a sore knee to work out what was wrong with Mercedes. Now that he realized, the grouchy mood swings, frequent bathing, clothes washing and disappearing acts could only point to one thing. He hadn't spent huge amounts of time with women, but he knew they had certain times of the month which were difficult. Now that they'd been travelling a few weeks it made perfect sense. It also explained why she wanted to stay where they were, where everything was to hand and where she could wash and rest as much as she liked. No wonder she was so relieved they couldn't continue because of his injury.

Luckily, even though he only knew a little, he knew enough to understand that it would be rude of him to mention that he knew what was going on with her, but made sure he was extra considerate just in case.

The time spent in one place gave Mercedes the chance to build a little more confidence going into the forest on her own. Her knowledge rewarded them with a different type of mushroom that she was strangely excited about. They were much larger with darker skins than the small pale ones they'd been eating whenever they reached wooded areas. She chopped these new mushrooms and cooked them gently over the camping stove, watching as they reduced in size and developed crispy golden edges before breaking into the small supply of salt that she was carrying, more for medical disinfecting purposes than seasoning, but as a treat, sprinkling a little on top once the mushrooms had cooked.

Her levels of excitement grew as they cooked and even he felt his mouth watering from the smell. He nearly burned his mouth on the first piece as soon as she handed him his bowl. It was probably one of the most delicious things he'd ever tasted! "Wow!"

She grinned back. "I know! We have these at home. They're nearly as good as meat and we use them during meat fasts. You have to cook them when they're really fresh. Unfortunately they don't keep well so we can't take them with us."

"So we'll stay an extra day!" After weeks of endless porridge, only recently with the addition of plain mushrooms which added little in the way of taste but much desired chewing resistance, this new mushroom meat-like goodness, was sheer bliss for Sam! And not just because it was a break from their usual fare. It was actually genuinely good!

Luckily his knee improved fast but they stayed an extra couple of days just in case, gorging on the mushrooms and packing as much fruit and berries as they could carry. The break left them feeling refreshed and mentally more prepared for the continuation of their journey ahead and whatever it might bring them.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam couldn't understand how his hair took him seconds to wash but Mercedes could disappear for an entire afternoon to go and do hers. Sure it was thick but did it really take that long?

They'd decided to take a half day off from their trek after finding a nice camping spot near a river at lunchtime. It was a beautiful day and the weather was warm, perfect for getting some downtime, doing some laundry knowing it would be able to dry quickly and maybe hunting for a little something extra to eat. Sam had tried, yet again unsuccessfully, to get Mercedes to join him for a swim. He knew she _could_ swim, but she never wanted to get her hair wet, and tempting as it was to sneak over and dunk her, something told him that he'd suffer a fate worse than death if he ever attempted to try. Instead he allowed her to disappear to do her hair while he got some exercise. One of the things he missed most was not being able to go to the gym and the adrenaline he got from having a little time to himself to provide some alternative exercise to his muscles was precious. He'd taken to filling the heavy water filter and using it for lifting, working his various muscle groups from arm curls to weighted squats, the burn in his muscles making him feel alive.

After being cooped up in the cave during the rain they'd established that they needed to schedule personal time for their own mental wellbeing and it was something they'd really come to appreciate. Mercedes used it to do her hair and whatever other things females do while Sam loved to kick back. They tried to take their breaks when they were near water so that as well as filtering and replenishing their stores, Sam could go for a swim which was his favorite thing to do after he'd been exercising. Mercedes always begged him to be careful but he loved the water and couldn't stay away.

When his foot skidded on a slippery rock under the water and he fell on his side he could almost hear her voice telling him to pay closer attention. But it was fine.

Actually, he'd scraped up the side of his arm a little but a quick rinse in the water stopped the bleeding and it didn't cross his mind again until much later.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

He felt embarrassed to ask, knowing how touchy she was on the subject, but the curiosity had got the better of him. "Why do you cover your hair at night?" At first he'd thought the fact that she wore a hat to bed was to do with the cold. Hell _he'd_ worn a hat to bed the first few nights. But as it got warmer he stopped. Mercedes had stuck with her hat a little longer until he could tell it was making her overheat. Then she started taking a square of black satin and tying it over her head instead. She'd used the satin when she was at home too. It frustrated him because he'd hoped to secretly touch her hair one morning while she was still asleep to satisfy his curiosity, but it was always tied well away before she even climbed into the bag.

"Why do I tie my hair? It's for protection." He touched her hair which was freshly braided down against her scalp and brought together into four plaits that hung down the back of her neck. It looked good but he preferred the chunkier braids that fell loose. "My hair takes a long time to do, especially without my big mirror. I don't want to get it messed up when I move my head on the pillow at night."

It made sense. He smiled when she added, "The bedhead look doesn't look as good on me as it does on you. Would you like some more mushrooms?" There she went again. Any time he brought up the subject of her hair she'd be brief then immediately change the subject.

"Sure." He held out his bowl and took the rest of the mushrooms. For some reason he was hungry today. It was probably the workout that did it.

"Do you have an itch?"

"What?"

"You were rubbing at your arm Sam. Like to was itchy."

It must have been subconsciously because he had no idea he'd been doing it. "Yeah, probably a piece of grass up my sleeve or something."

She immediately accepted his answer and shifted her focus back to her food, leaving him to wonder why it was that he'd felt the need to lie to her about it. Over the course of the evening however, the itch turned to soreness, and as soon as Mercedes went to do her nightly ritual he opened the side pocket of her back which contained the first aid kit and hastily applied some antiseptic and a dressing before she returned.

By the next morning it wasn't feeling any better and had started to throb. With no desire to seem like a baby he powered through, not wanting to risk her attention by taking more antiseptic.

By lunchtime he knew something was wrong. His whole arm was heavy and a peek while answering the call of nature showed the whole area was now red. It seemed stupid that a scratch so small should hurt so much and he felt silly making a fuss about it. So he didn't.

By the time they'd stopped and set up camp he was feeling hot and light headed.

For the first time at dinner he had no appetite. Mercedes shot him a look of concern. He always ate plenty and this was extremely unlike him.

"Are you feeling okay?"

He shrugged. "Sure. I'm just a bit tired, that's all."

Her expression said that she didn't believe him. "You look pale."

For some reason her concern just made him feel angry. "I said I'm _fine_."

Actually he wasn't, but he didn't want to appear weak in front of her. In an attempt to save face he ate several spoonfuls of his porridge, only to have to leave two minutes later and vomit it back up as soon as he'd been able to get out of earshot.

"Sam what's wrong?"

Her eyes were on him as he made his way back and it irritated the hell out of him.

"I told you it was nothing."

"Sam you're pale and sweaty. It's not nothing."

"Okay so I have a headache. It's okay for you to have them so why can't I?"

It was true. His head was actually pounding. She refused to reply, clearly upset by his tone. He softened his expression out of guilt. "I'm sorry. I just feel a bit off today. I'm going to lie down early and I'm sure I'll be fine again in the morning."

He stood slowly, wobbling slightly as the world started to spin around him as he moved. She reached up to grasp his arm to steady him and the pain of her contact caused pain to ricochet through his body and make him to gasp.

This time there was more of an edge of panic to her voice. "What's wrong Sam? What happened to your arm?"

"NOTHING! Just leave me ALONE!"

He didn't mean to shout at her but he was suddenly feeling terrible. Without even turning back to her he staggered into the tent and crawled into the bag, unable to stop the shivering which had suddenly overcome his body. He knew that he should apologize but he didn't feel like speaking. The sound of her clearing up outside the tent were ringing through his head as if at a thousand decibels and the noise disturbed him. Something wasn't right, he knew it, but all he wanted to do was sleep.

* * *

 _Drink…_

There was something cold and wet against his lips.

 _Please Sam…_

He could hear a beautiful voice but she seemed so far away. Everything hurt and it was somehow about a thousand degrees.

 _Who was Sam?_

He was shivering uncontrollably. He knew that it wasn't cold yet he couldn't stop himself. His teeth were chattering yet he was hot and lightheaded. It was a strange sensation and he didn't like it.

His lips felt dry and parched but someone was dripping cool water on them. It took all of his strength to open his mouth slightly and take a couple of sips. Even the effort of that seemed to be exhausting but he felt refreshed for having taken in the liquid. He knew that he wasn't right, but he was too exhausted to reflect on what might have been wrong. His world was floating before his eyes. Mostly he saw his baby sister with her wings. She looked so happy and so peaceful. He tried to call out to her and talk to her but whenever there was a reply it was in a different voice, a musical voice, but he couldn't really make out the words well.

Somebody was making him drink a vile tasting liquid. He didn't want to but somehow he knew that he should. Whenever he did he was rewarded with refreshing coolness. Somebody was wiping him down with what felt like a cool wet cloth. Whatever it was and whoever it was, it was one of the greatest feelings he had ever experienced. One arm felt heavy and limp but it didn't matter when the rest of him was being cared for so well.

 _Shhhh…_

He was speaking. He knew that he was speaking but he also knew that the words made no sense. Somehow his mom was there and she was stroking his brow. He missed this and he missed her. When he was sick she always took such good care of him and it was great to have her back. She sang to him softly and rested his head on her lap, playing with his lengthening hair between her fingers as he reveled in her gentle touch.

 _Rest…_

* * *

Sam woke up feeling like shit. His head was like lead and his body ached. Mercedes was next to him but something felt different. His mouth felt stale and as parched as a river bed in drought and if it wasn't for the fact that they had no alcohol he would have sworn he had a hangover. Also his bladder felt ready to burst. A small shifting movement instantly revealed several things at once. He was wearing different clothes to the ones he went to bed in. Wait- make that a different top because he wasn't even sure he was wearing pants at all! He just sneaked a look at his arm which was less sore and mysteriously properly bandaged when he felt Mercedes stir. A split second later she was fully alert and staring at him.

"You're awake!"

He opened his mouth to reply but all that came out was a hoarse scratchy sound. Mercedes just kept staring at him with an expression which was 90% relief and 10% something else he couldn't work out.

"Here. Sip this." She held a bottle to his lips and without questioning it he took a few sips of the water, letting it loosen his tongue from the roof of his mouth. As he drank she touched her hand to his head as if checking for a fever and again looked relieved.

"Mercedes?" He struggled to sit up but everything started to spin.

"Not so fast-"

"Pee!"

"Oh…" Sensing the urgency she unzipped the bag. "Do you need a hand?"

 _Why the hell would he need a hand to pee?_

Staggering out of the tent he understood why. Barely able to stand with the dizziness and nausea and too desperate to be ashamed of the fact he was only in his underpants he staggered about 5 steps before having to relieve himself where he stood. It should have been further away from the tent but he just couldn't make it. It urine was extremely dark, strong and smelled terrible. What the hell was wrong with him?

Two steps back to the tent his legs gave way and he sank to his knees.

* * *

It was dark and Mercedes wasn't there.

Sam frowned, struggling to remember. He went to pee and Mercedes had had to help him back.

Then… nothing!

But at least he was feeling a little better.

Turning to the side he saw his water bottle and next to it the boxes of fever and infection medication which were nearly empty.

And then it dawned on him.

First he drank the water and shut his eyes for a few seconds, letting his body absorb the liquid, before seeing the neatly tied dressing and noting his arm was far less red and angry. Dragging himself up he pulled on some pants and took a deep breath before unzipping the entrance of the tent.

Mercedes was there by the fire with her back to him. He knew she had to have heard his approach but she didn't move or turn towards him. Instead he saw as she stiffened her shoulders and wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I was just about to wake you up. I've made us something to eat…"

"Mercedes." He gently touched her arm and she jerked as if he were a stranger. "Mercedes?"

She turned and looked up at him with eyes shiny from tears. It hurt him to see her like that, her eyes as big as saucers as she struggled to find words. "You're, you're feeling better now?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Thanks to you."

She stared at him with an unreadable expression. "Good. I'm glad you're doing better because now I can _kill_ you!" Reaching forward she shoved him, making him lose his balance for a split second, before forming her hands into fists and starting to pummel his chest.

"Hey!" He caught her hands easily, there was no force to the blows and the second he touched her she dissolved into sobs. Instinctively he pulled her close into his chest and let her cry there.

"I was so scared Sam! I thought you were going to-"

"Shhh…" He kept his voice soothing but that only made her angrier.

"Don't shush me! How could you be so stupid? Why didn't you _say_ anything?" Again she dissolved into tears, her pain evident.

Her reaction and the fact that he'd got through so much medication told him just how serious this was. "How long was I out?"

"Nearly two days." She took a ragged deep breath and pulled back from him, again wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "The night you went to bed early you ran a fever. You didn't even know who I was and I had to struggle to get water and medicine into you. It didn't break until the early hours of this morning. And then you just slept. You must have been exhausted. We both were."

He didn't doubt it. He had visions of Mercedes up with him while he was delirious with fever. Words would never be able to express how thankful he was for it. His Guardian Angel in oh so many ways. He touched her face to force her to look him in the eyes. "Thank you Mercedes. Thank you for saving my life yet again."

Yet again he was mesmerized and lost in the deep dark pools of her eyes. They held the stare for several heartbeats before she finally broke it, dipping her head and pretending to busy herself with the food. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was only a graze. I didn't want to worry you."

"I wouldn't have worried. Why don't you understand that?"

Sam hung his head. "I understand that now. I'm sorry I yelled at you before." It was two nights ago and he'd been sick, but she still deserved the apology.

She nodded. "I know. You didn't mean it."

How she could always be so forgiving he would never know.

She handed him his bowl and pulled herself together. "So how did you even hurt yourself anyway?"

As he ate and explained what happened the exhaustion hit. For the second time he was unable to finish his food. it was starting to make him feel sick. This time he decided to be honest with her. His priorities were to pee again and rest his heavy head. But no he didn't need any help.

It was still early and when she returned to the tent she didn't immediately lie down. Instead she maneuvered herself to sit behind him so that she could rest his head on her lap. It was an oddly intimate thing for her to do. The space was cramped and yet it also felt like a familiar position and he wondered how much of the last two days they had unknowingly spent like that. His body seemed to melt against his and he could only watch as she took the spare water bottle from her side of the tent and gave it to him. Still feeling parched he reached for it, thankful at her kindness. Bur when the liquid from his bottle hit his lips he immediately recoiled. It tasted vile! This wasn't water!

"What the _hell_ is this!"

She glared at him. "It has fever medicine, a bit of extra salt and the broad spec antibiotics in it. You were in no fit condition to be able to swallow tablets and you're overdue your next dose."

"I'm not drinking that! It tastes like shit!"

She glared at him and he couldn't be sure if the angry stare was more for the refusal or the use of cursing. It was clear that she wasn't backing down. "That stuff saved your life Sam. You drank it when you were semi-conscious and you'll drink it now!"

Her expression was like stone and he had no inclination or energy to disobey, swallowing the bitter liquid like an obedient child, hating that she was right. When every drop was gone she handed him her own bottle. "This is just fresh water to wash it down. You're going to have to flush through a lot of liquid in the next couple of days."

He silently agreed with her. His pee had still been dark and disgusting and smelly. Not surprising if he hadn't been for two days. He needed to get his body out of its shutdown.

"Mercedes?"

"Yeah…"

"I'm sorry."

"You already apologized."

"I know, but..." He shifted uncomfortably but didn't want to lose his physical contact with her, "I'm sorry I didn't say anything about my arm. It didn't realize how serious it was. I shouldn't have allowed my pride to stop me from asking for your advice on what to do as soon as I started to feel off. It was wrong of me."

She nodded but said nothing. But something about her expression made him think that maybe she knew just how hard it had been for him to say that. How it went against the grain for a man like him to say something like that to a girl like her. More so for the fact that he genuinely meant it. He didn't do humility. It wasn't part of his upbringing or his Sector Culture, but he was having to because it was the right thing. He _knew_ that it was the right thing and he needed her to know that he knew that.

Yes he was the man, but she… she was something else!

Even thinking was exhausting and his head was comfortable on her lap while she was absently played with strands of his hair, twirling them around her finger. He spent the next few moments basking in the feeling of relaxing in comfort, knowing that the comfort wasn't coming from the sleeping mat which had seen better days. It was _her._ He raised his head slightly and looked back into her eyes. "Thanks for taking care of me."

She looked down at him with an unreadable expression. "I had no choice."

"Yes you did. You had a choice right from the start and every single time you've chosen me. I nearly killed you but you helped me and took care of me every step of the way."

"It's what I had to do."

"You didn't _have_ to."

"I respect life Sam. _All_ life. I'm not here to judge. It would have made a hypocrite of me to read my bible then leave you to die. Respect for life comes in different forms. It's not about just killing, it's also about taking care."

"Is that why you wanted to be a doctor?"

"Partly. And partly because I know I would be able to pass the exams if I was allowed to train."

"Maybe when we get to the Sea you can train. I'm living evidence that you'd make a fantastic doctor."

"It was just a fever."

"I don't doubt for a minute that I could have died without your intervention. If I'd been alone I would have ignored my arm until it was too late. With nobody to give me water and medicine and cool my fever who knows what would have happened."

"You might have been okay."

"No I wouldn't. _You_ made it okay." He wanted to say more but he was overtaken by a huge yawn.

"Shhh… Go back to sleep for a bit and when you wake up we'll try and eat something again. You have to keep your energy up."

He simply nodded, suddenly feeling too tired to argue.

* * *

When he awoke he could tell that it was late, but Mercedes still fixed something small for them to share so that he wouldn't have to pass the night on an empty stomach. She was stunned when he admitted that he'd never had anyone care for him like that since his parents died. Sam's arm still felt heavy and he assumed it was the remaining infection in his wound but it was already so much better than before. When they turned in for the night, his mind drifted to the fact that she'd undressed him. How much had she seen? Maybe he'd never find out as he doubted she'd ever admit it. But somehow things now felt a whole lot more intimate.

They both lay awake in the dark, listening to the sound of the great outdoors. Normally they'd fall asleep quickly but this time the emotion and disturbed sleep pattern of the day left them both tired yet awake. Clearly his words were still playing on her mind because suddenly she asked him a question.

"What was it like living with Zeben?"

Her words surprised him. They never really spoke once they hit the sleeping bag. It always seemed strangely _intimate._ But hell, now that she'd already stripped him down and wiped his body with cool cloths during the worst of his fever a little conversation could no longer really be seen as intimate.

"It was okay."

"Did you miss your parents?"

"At first. But then I got used to being with Zeben and didn't really remember much about my life before. I remembered events rather than day to day life."

"Didn't Zeben ever take care of you when you got sick?"

He chose his words carefully. "Zeben was practical. I didn't get sick very often but if I did he'd me medicine. But for what you're thinking the answer is no, he wouldn't have made me soup or sat with me through a fever. He believed in men being tough. From the moment I moved in he treated me like a man."

"So he wasn't really a father figure?"

"Zeben had no kids. He never spoke about his own upbringing either. Everything for him was about being practical and functional. He didn't treat me badly, he just didn't do the whole father thing. Like with school. If I didn't want to go he didn't make me. When I chose to quit he didn't force me to go back."

She paused. "Is that why you don't like reading?"

So she _had_ noticed! "Partly." Again the darkness helped him to speak. "Letters and words get jumbled up for me. I always had a hard time at school so it was easier not to go. I can read enough… to get by."

Again she paused. "I can help you with that you know."

He stayed silent.

"That's if you're actually prepared enough to swallow your pride and accept help."

She knew him _far_ too well!

Her voice continued to fill the silence. "The jumbled up letters thing – that's called dyslexia. Most teachers don't know how to deal with it or won't take the time."

That got his interest. He'd never heard that before. "How… how do you know about that?"

"Quinn. She was dyslexic. She was home schooled by her parents. I saw how they taught her and how they made things easier to understand."

Sam stayed silent again for the longest time, contemplating how he felt about her offer. It said a lot about him that for the first time he didn't give an instant offended refusal. "Can I think about it?"

"Sure you can." She snuggled closer and tucked her head against his chest. "Goodnight Sam."

Yet again she proved how well she knew him, not pushing the issue like others might have. What the hell had he managed to do right in his pathetic life to manage to find her and have her with him?

"Goodnight Mercedes."

And it _was_ a good night. He was no longer sick and Mercedes was safe here in his arms.


	18. Chapter 18

Another couple of weeks passed. Sam didn't want to say anything but his anxiety over their supplies was growing each day. They were getting more and more adventurous with their foraging but the monotony of food was becoming stressful. The highlights weren't the days but the nights. They were getting warmer but there was no question that they wouldn't keep sleeping together. Whatever type of day they'd had, even if they were mad at each other in the evening, they would still sleep together and snuggle close. It was like there was some unwritten rule that said the sleeping bag was neutral territory.

Sam loved the sleeping bag. He just hated the resulting little 'problem' of his which he had to be extra careful not to poke her with in the mornings.

One particular day they were sat at the top of a hill, resting as it had grown unusually warm and taking the time to enjoy the spectacular view of the valley ahead when she attempted to point something out.

"Sam, when you look down and to the left, what do you see?"

He followed the direction of her pointing finger. "Grass. Lots of grass. It would probably make decent farmland because it's so flat. Why do you ask?"

She looked disappointed. "Is that really all you can see?"

"That's all that's there Mercedes. And I know my vision is good. So what are you trying to ask me?"

"I wanted to see if you had any of it at all. You didn't seem to notice so far but I needed to be sure."

"See if I had any what? I didn't seem to notice what?"

"Perception." She drew a deep breath. "There's the edge of a Transit Sector down there."

Sam squinted hard for several seconds but still saw nothing. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Positive. We've passed by a few in the distance but I thought, with people after you, we should probably stay clear."

Sam was still pissed off at the fact that he still couldn't see the things. "We're far away from where we were now."

"I know." Her face was serious, "That's why I wanted to make a suggestion. Our supplies are getting low."

"I noticed. It's been worrying me too but I didn't want to scare you."

Mercedes seemed relieved that he was on the same wavelength. "So I was wondering… if you think it was worth a brief trip into a Transit Sector?" She looked at him questioningly. "Just to get some essential supplies. It's risky but I'm not sure we have much of a choice. I- I can't say how much longer we have to go before we reach the Sea."

Sam clenched his jaw in thought. Entering a Transit Sector was risky, very risky. But they also really _did_ need the supplies. The answer was simple.

"I'll go. Just show me the entrance and I'll get what we need."

In a mirror image of himself, her jaw clenched and her soft eyes hardened. "No Sam. We both go. That way we can split up and get things faster."

"Nope. I don't want you in there alone Mercedes."

She scowled at him, immediately on the defensive. "It would be far more risky for us to be spotted together. You don't have the blue contact lenses anymore, your hair dye has mostly grown out and faded and we'd draw less attention as individuals than we would moving around together. Don't make me remind you that we make an 'odd' couple."

He didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. But her reasoning was sound. "It could be dangerous."

"This whole journey has been dangerous Sam, but we've come this far. And we need supplies Sam, desperately. There's no avoiding that fact."

There wasn't. But the idea of entering the Transit Sector made him nervous. They'd been walking for weeks, but the distance they had travelled would take a fraction of that time in a vehicle on the Transit Highway.

She could tell that the whole thing was making him anxious and he hated dealing with anxiety. "We don't need to do it today Sam. We'll come up with a plan together later, but for now, I think we should relax for the rest of the day, set up camp and find something sweet to eat in that forest over there. What do you say?"

He was still lost in his thoughts about the dangers they would have to face getting the supplies they needed but he forced a smile. "I say why not. The river's not far so we should go swimming!"

Mercedes no longer showed reluctance around water. After having to go over a week without the opportunity for proper bathing they both were anxious for any opportunity they came across to be able to get clean. Mercedes never really smelled that bad but her was pretty sure that there were occasions when he was completely ripe and he had no idea how she could still lay down next to him and fall asleep.

The swim was exactly what they needed to lighten the mood. As always Mercedes just had her usual wash, only getting her hair wet on the set occasions when she was actually going to wash it, while he played in the water, diving down and holding his breath for as long as he could before doing flips and stupid tricks to make her laugh. The other reason he liked being under the water was that it gave him an opportunity to look at her strong legs and thighs without casting suspicion over himself. Again she warned him about not getting hurt but he _was_ being careful. Leaving him to his antics she set about washing their clothes and setting them out to dry. If they were going to be around people in the Transit Sector they needed to give no indication that they'd been sleeping rough.

They then collected berries and, despite Mercedes saying she would never gamble, he managed to persuade her to play a card game that involved berries as a reward. They both started with an equal number of berries and each time one of them won, they'd be able to eat one of their own berries, but each time one of them lost, they'd have to feed one of their berries to the other person.

Sam laughed heartily as she'd had to feed him her last remaining berry while he still had five left. She grinned back at him as he pretended to try and bite her finger in the process and then reached higher to touch the corner of his eye. "You know, when you laugh or grin really hard, you get these wrinkles here at the corner of you eye like an old man."

"Hey I'm not old!"

"I know. But your life is showing on your eyes. I kinda like it tho. It goes with your beard!" She ran a finger down his sideburn and along his cheek, fascinated. It had hadn't taken long for him to progress from stubble to impressive beard that changed his looks pretty dramatically.

"I'm glad you like it missy, because when you get laughter lines of your own I'll be the first to laugh at you!"

"No you won't. We have a saying in my Sector 'black don't crack'. I'm going to be _old_ before I even begin to wrinkle!"

He started to smile at the thought before reality hit him. He'd be long gone before she ever developed her first line! And he wouldn't have minded being around to see it. Not wanting his expression to change in front of her he quickly replaced it with another smile. "That's the beauty of youth! Enjoy being a teenager!"

She shifted slightly. "But I'm not a teenager anymore now!"

"What? You mean you had your birthday? When? And you never said anything?"

She shrugged. "It was last week. And it's not as if I could have baked myself a cake and lit candles."

Sam felt bad for her. She'd passed a landmark without any acknowledgement whatsoever. "But you-"

"Besides, it wouldn't have made a difference to how you view me. I'm just a kid with a dream that you're babysitting."

She seemed so sad when she said the words. Especially as there was no truth in it at all. His heart started to pound in his chest. Now that he knew she was no longer a teenager a huge line of defense was gone and it added a level of legitimacy to the various feelings that completely unnerved him. A seven year age gap didn't sound quite as bad as eight. They were just two people in their twenties, only one was early and one was late.

"It doesn't change the way I feel about you Mercedes," he lied, "but I don't feel like I'm babysitting either." It was time for him to make an admission. "The truth is, you're taking as much care of me as I am of you! More actually, considering I'm the one who always seems to get hurt and you're the most amazing carer in the history of womankind. So I think we're actually a pretty damn good team!"

"Yeah. I guess we _are_ a good team." But her voice lacked its usual enthusiasm and there was the edge of disappointment in it. She didn't seem to realize that it was a protection for him to view her that way, especially now more than ever. As much as he loved going to sleep with her each night, his dreams were now plagued with fantasies of things he really shouldn't be doing with her, and his mornings were an uncomfortable attempt to disguise the resulting arousal that a night spent pressed up against her softness invariably brought. It was the sweetest torture and something she would never be able to know about if they were going to keep their sleeping arrangement.

Sam hated that she didn't look happy about what he'd said but he didn't know how to change it to make it better. Her mood stayed low for the rest of the day and nothing he did seemed to improve it until an idea suddenly struck him. Just before dinner he excused himself and scrabbled around for every wild flower he could find. Finally gathering a bunch big enough to look a little better than pathetic, he took one with a long stem and tied it around the other stems to make a proper bunch.

He got back to see her putting water on to boil. She clearly knew he was back but didn't bother turning around, allowing him to sneak up behind her. "Happy birthday for last week Mercedes!" He tapped her on one side then appeared at the other, something she never failed to fall for no matter how many times he did it. Putting on his brightest smile he held out the flowers. "I'm sorry I don't really have anything I can give you..."

She looked at him uncertainly before breaking into huge smile, her eyes brighter and shiner than he'd ever seen them. Then they dimmed and started to well up. "Nobody ever gave me flowers before." She spoke quietly as she lifted them to her nose and inhaled them. "It's the best birthday present ever!" She spontaneously reached forward kissed his face, a tiny peck on the front of his cheek, the only part which wasn't covered with his beard. Her innocent action made his chest skip. It was only a split second thing but her lips had felt soft and warm against his skin and he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he'd tilted his face in order to make it linger.

This was getting dangerous. _Very_ dangerous. Yet it there was one thing he did with danger... He stared it right in the face. Taking one of the flowers from the bunch, he broke the stem to make it shorter before sliding in into her hair, just above her right ear.

She immediately jerked back, staring as if he'd touched her inappropriately and he could have sworn that beneath her dark skin she was blushing. He frowned. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No! Well... Yeah. It's just that you shouldn't really touch my hair. But it's okay. You didn't know."

"Alright... So I won't touch your hair..." He wanted to ask why but her facial expression begged him not to so he didn't. It was a shame because he found the unique texture of it fascinating and had been dying to explore it properly since he'd met her. As always, Mercedes had cultural elements to her that confused him but he was willing to learn. "But it does look pretty, you know, with the flower."

She smiled and touched the flower with her fingertips. There was no mirror so she had to take his word for it. Then again she still looked beautiful without the flower, yet he knew it would cross an unspoken line to tell her that.

Sam knew he was going to have to be careful from now on. The fact that she was no longer nineteen anymore… the fact that she was no longer a teenager but a twenty year old _woman_ … well it was really making a difference.

In fact it was making _one hell_ of a difference!


	19. Chapter 19

They waited two days before making their entry into the Transit Sector. They'd worried it would be difficult to come up with a plan of action but it was actually surprisingly easy. Both knew they needed certain things and neither wanted to be in there long. The solution had been to set a deadline. One hour to get what they needed and meet back. All they had to do was draw up a list of what was needed and decide who was going to get what. The fact that Mercedes already had experience of a Transit Sector alleviated his anxiety, but only fractionally. Because she had the experience of camping and the kind of stores that stocked supplies, she was to collect all the items connected to their backpacks. Once he'd thought about it Sam was happy with this. After all, she'd sourced and bought their original items and every single one of them had been useful. Sam was in charge of getting other essential items such as new shoes.

It was nerve wracking to say the least, and setting up camp in a hidden spot not too close to the area in case they needed to make a break for it, they decided to make a dry run to acquaint themselves with where they were going. Only Mercedes could actually see the entrance and there was no telling what was on the other side of it.

Even when they were right outside, Sam was frustrated that he saw nothing. It was only when she pushed her hand into what appeared to be a small bush that he saw it open into a doorway. Sticking her head through, she paused.

"What can you see?"

She pulled her head back. "It's an alley. But there seems to be a busy street at the end of it. Take a look for yourself."

Sam was dying to. Putting his head through, he saw what she'd seen. It was an alley not dissimilar to the one he was almost shot in. The sense of dejavu it gave him was almost overwhelming. One glance was all he dared to take before settling back down on the ground with her outside. She stared up at him with hope in her eyes and he nodded.

She smiled. "So it _is_ like the others then!" She'd only seen one Transit Sector. He had seen several and therefore he knew that they were all built to roughly the same specifications. If you'd seen one you'd seen them all. Everything should roughly be in the same places as the Transit Sector where they'd met. That meant she already knew where the stores would be for the supplies they needed, and he also had a good idea of where he wanted to go too.

"Do you think you can get everything in forty-five minutes?" The less time they spent in there the better and the memories that seeing the alley brought back were making him even more wary.

"Yep. Can you?"

He didn't even bother answering. He knew he should have been smiling but he couldn't. Even forty-five minutes of her not being by his side was making his stomach knot. He wouldn't be there to protect her if anything happened. For all her moodiness and their disagreements, she was still his Angel.

"It'll be okay Sam. You have a beard now and I… well I don't really look like myself either." She patted down her pants which had become significantly looser as the journey had progressed. When her back was turned, Sam still did exercises to try and maintain his physique, but the constant exercise and reduced food was causing her softness to start to melt away, much to his disappointment.

Her ass was still nice and round though.

But he reluctantly had to concede that they didn't quite look like the version of themselves that had left Sector 17 all that time ago. Yet still didn't stop him from worrying. "What happens if one of us doesn't make it back?"

She touched his arm reassuringly. "We'll both make it back Sam. If we want it badly enough it will happen."

 _Oh he definitely wanted it badly enough..._

* * *

The next twenty-four hours were both the fastest and the slowest he'd ever experienced. One moment they were making plans then suddenly they were both stood by the bush, ready to enter the Transit Sector. After consulting each other and weighing up the pros and the cons, they decided mid-afternoon would be the best time to make their entry. After lunch things tended to be quieter. Those who were in the underworld tended to make their appearances in the evenings but they planned to be long gone by nightfall and they definitely did _not_ want to accidentally get caught up in any unexpected curfew.

The plan and their shopping lists had been run over so many times that it was completely committed to memory and before they knew it they were outside the entrance and everything was in place. Their watches were synchronized and it was twelve minutes past two. They were due to meet back in the alley dead on three. Sam fingered the money in his pocket that she'd given him while he watched Mercedes as she stood with her eyes closed and her lips silently moving. He knew that she was praying and admired her for the fact that with everything they'd been through so far, her faith was still as strong as ever.

"I prayed for you too." He was staring so hard he hadn't actually noticed her open her eyes and smile at him. Glancing at her watch she stepped forward and threw her arms around him. "It'll be okay. We can do this!"

He nodded and squeezed her back, praying in his own way that this wouldn't be the last time he ever got to hold her. "Good luck Mercedes!"

"It's not about luck Sam." They were now in the countdown of their final minute and she released a shaky breath as she stepped away from him and opened the entrance gate. He peeked through to make sure that the coast was clear before stepping back to let her past. She was to go through first and hide behind a trash can. He would come through a minute later and leave the alley first. If the coast was clear he'd whistle as he turned onto the street. She would then follow a minute later and turn in the opposite direction.

He walked through the alley, past the trash can where he knew she was hiding and resisted the strong temptation to grab her and run back to their precious Outside world, instead continuing the walk to the end of the alley before whistling a jaunty tune as he turned onto the street, noting just one car and a woman carrying heavy groceries on the other side of the street. He wanted to turn his head to see her leaving the alley but didn't dare. He had no idea what the surveillance was like in this Transit Sector and wanted to draw no more attention than walking out of a seemingly empty alley would already cause to anybody who may have been bothering to pay attention. He had a job to do, and the sooner it got done, the sooner they would be back together.

* * *

 _She was five minutes late!_ Sam was crouched behind the trashcan with his purchases, desperately trying not to panic. He'd completed everything he needed to do plus got a few things that were extra and _still_ had time to spare. Having arrived back in the alley nearly ten minutes early he used the time to see if he could see the entrance to the Outside for himself, but for the life of him it just wasn't visible. Then the panic had set in. What if something happened to Mercedes? He would _never_ be able to get back Outside! On the other hand, he didn't think he could continue the journey without her!

It was tempting to go to the entrance of the alley and see if she was coming but he knew he had to stay down. The only thing he could do was keep checking his watch at thirty second intervals. As three o'clock came and went his panic reached fever pitch. His body broke out into a sweat and his chest started experiencing waves of pain. Each thirty seconds that passed without her arrival was torture. He regretted not bringing his gun. He'd spent a lot of the night wondering if he should, before reaching the conclusion that if he was stopped and it was found on him, it would only make things harder to explain, not easier.

 _Seven minutes late!_ Something had to be wrong. There was no way she would keep him waiting. She wasn't like that. She was organized and liked precision. They'd already spoken at length and agreed that if they felt they were going to be late for the deadline they would simply abort the task they were doing and come straight back. They could always try another day.

So where was she?

Mercedes wouldn't leave him would she? Because without her, he was nothing! It was a hard admission to make but that didn't make it any less true.

 _Eight and a half minutes!_ He rubbed his beard with his hands to give himself something to do. Something to distract himself from the terrifying thoughts that currently raced through his head. Visions of her body sprawled on the cold ground, beautiful eyes lifeless with a bullet hole between them. Visions of lowlifes who decided they wanted to have a little perverted fun with her beautiful body before ending her. He saw her eyes filled with tears and terror, her gagged mouth unable to scream while hands touched her in places they had no right to. He saw her beautiful face bruised and bleeding as she was tortured for details of his whereabouts. There were so many scenarios and none of them were good.

He was so distracted he nearly almost hear the sound of footsteps running towards him. He stayed still and silent as they approached, 90% sure that they were her steps, but hesitant to fall into any kind of strange trap that may have been elaborately set up to flush him out.

"Sam?" Her voice was a loud whisper but to him it was the greatest sound on the planet. He raised his head and saw her looking towards his hiding place with a panicked stare. The relief in her expression when she caught sight of him was immense. Without pausing she headed to a spot further along the wall. "Let's go."

He didn't need telling twice! He grabbed his bags and followed her as she seemingly disappeared through the wall. As soon as he was sure the gate was closed behind him everything was dropped and he pulled her into his arms, holding her as tightly as she held him. "Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again!"

"I'm so sorry Sam-"

"Dammit Mercedes! I thought you... I thought you'd..." There was no way he was ever going to put words to some of the things he thought had happened to her.

"I came as fast as I could. First the guy in the camping shop was trying to flirt and chat me up so it took me ages to get away from him, then there were two Sector Patrols stood near the entrance of the alley."

That made him tense up again. "Sector Patrols?"

"Don't worry Sam. They were only smoking. Just leaning against the wall taking a break. I didn't want them to watch me turn into the alley so I had to kill some time by going into another store to wait it out. I ended up buying a book so that I didn't raise suspicion for hanging around for so long."

"Had they gone when you came down the alley?"

She nodded. "I waited until it was clear then held back for one more minute just in case anyone turned back. It's fine Sam. I'm just sorry that my doing that made you wait and worry."

He was sorry too. But more than that, he was just happy to have her back. Without even caring he pulled her into another tight embrace, relishing the feel of her against him and knowing he was never going to let her be in danger like that again. "You're safe, we made it, we got what we needed and that's the important thing."

He was still basking in intense relief but reluctantly released her from his arms before he completely squeezed the life out of her. "Did you get everything Sam?"

He nodded and smiled for the first time as she looked at his bags with curiosity. "I got everything, and then some!"

"You bought extras? You know you'll have to be the one to carry it. What did you get?" She sniffed the air with a questioning expression then dived excitedly for his bag. "Sam, something smells really _really_ good! Tell me what did you get?"

He grinned. "It's a surprise. Come on, let's get back to the camp and go through our new stuff. Race you back!" Grabbing her heaviest bags he took off into a run and she followed him, laughing. Yet another sound he had feared he would never get to hear again.

As he ran his chest almost burst with happiness. Mercedes was back with him and she was safe. His Angel was going to be around a little longer and he intended to do what he could to make her happy too.


	20. Chapter 20

Once they reached the tent she grabbed for the bags but he held her back. "We're going to eat early today and we can look at our new things while we eat." After lighting the small stove he grabbed the brown paper bag that smelled so good it made his belly literally hurt in anticipation. "I know you used to work in a diner and this probably isn't as exciting for you as it is for me but-"

"Oh Sam!" He watched her face as she shrieked with delight at the contents. He'd asked for the various items to be packed separately so that they could be reheated and freshly assembled. There were hamburger patties with separate sliced onions, cheese slices, tomato relish sauce, shredded lettuce and burger buns.

Mercedes's eyes literally bugged out of her head and her stomach made a very unladylike noise. Grinning in agreement, Sam put one of the burgers to heat. "We're going to have to wait for the burgers to get hot because I want the cheese to melt and go all-"

Mercedes was making a sound like she was having an orgasm and he momentarily lost his train of thought. _What kind of sound would she make if she was really having an orgasm? Would she be loud and scream out his name, would it be a long drawn out moan? Or maybe she would be one of those girls who goes completely silent…_ Obviously she was a virgin so the correct answer wasn't out there in the universe yet.

 _The food!_ Thoughts of Mercedes and orgasms were for private time only!

He fought to bring himself back to the conversation. "But don't worry. I've got us something to eat while we wait for it to heat up." Pulling out two smaller, slightly greasy bags, he handed one to her and watched her facial expression with delight as she opened hers and screamed. "Chicken wings! And fries!"

"I know they're cold but-" He couldn't finish his reply because her arms were flung around his neck and she was kissing his bearded cheeks, despite her constant claims of her not liking facial hair. "Sam I love- I love that you've done this! I would never have thought to. This is the best treat _ever_! Thankyouythankyou!"

He laughed and reveled in the kisses wishing they were far less platonic. He quickly cleared his throat and played off his resulting discomfort. "If I were you I'd eat those quick because once I finish mine I'm starting on yours!"

"No way!" She made a big deal of putting her back to him as she tucked in. Cold wings that had been left too long in a paper bag never tasted so good!

Sam was in a state of bliss. Mercedes was safe and he had meat. Right now nothing could make him happier. Within moments the bags were empty and their appetites whetted for the next course. There was only space to heat one burger at a time so they carefully assembled it while putting the next one to heat. Sam halved it and they both ate in ecstatic silence.

"We're supposed to be showing each other what we bought!"

She shook her head. "Let's concentrate on this first." She moaned with pleasure as she took another bite of her juicy burger while he groaned internally and used every ounce of his willpower to not use his tongue to clean up the bit of relish which had fallen just before it reached her mouth. It would be so simple to lean forward, lick the delicious sauce from her full bottom lip before capturing it between his teeth and not letting go until she moaned again. He looked away and bit down hard on his own instead. Finally the temptation grew too much. "You have a bit of..." he pointed to his own lip. After a moment she worked out what he was getting at and swept her long tongue along her bottom lip until she found it.

 _Dammit! That was even sexier!_

Sam was relieved when the food was finally all gone, just for the sake of his own sanity. She showed him her purchases, starting with more of the porridge food. He could happily have never seen another one of those cubes again but understood their necessity and in their situation there really was nothing nutritionally better for when they had no access to any other food. But at least these cubes were different flavors. She'd also picked up sticks of dried meat and jerky to help with his cravings, concentrated liquid flavoring so that they didn't have to keep drinking plain water, dehydrated soup mixes for variety as well as extra salt and seasonings. There was also a heat diffusing flat plate which would make it easier for him to cook larger items or greater quantities on the tiny stove as well as a brand new power pack. There was also more medicine which was useful as he'd depleted their stock when he developed his fever, as well as a small sewing kit, extra thread, sunglasses, sunhats and burn cream. She'd bought new water bottles, a multi-tool because the knife on their one was already starting to get blunt, a replacement flashlight for the one which had taken an unfortunate tumble directly into the river as they'd made a shallow crossing, a roll of strong string and a plastic repair kit to mend the hole at the bottom of the tent which had been there for the last couple of weeks. There was also a smaller bag of personal supplies that he knew not to question her about although she did hand him a new block of body and hair wash and concentrated toothpaste and a toothbrush.

She grinned. "What I forgot to get was a razor so you can get rid of that stupid hair on your face!"

He pouted dramatically. "It's not stupid! It's sexy!"

"Yeah. You tell yourself that Sam!" Leaning forward she brushed his hair out of his eyes. "And I should have got something to cut your hair. It's got far too long."

He chuckled as he grabbed his bag. "Well I'm not going to let you come at me with anything from the multi-tool so you'll just have to live with the hermit look for now!"

Sam was excited about his purchases. First were the hiking shoes, arch support insoles and socks to replace the ones they'd worn out. Mercedes rolled her eyes at the fact he'd chosen matching ones but he thought it was cute. He'd also bought matching teeshirts but at least they were just a plain blue. It was only when he'd shown her the label which had described the color as 'sea blue' that she got excited with her all over again.

Sam rolled through the other useful items that they'd needed before pulling up the final bag. "I got done a really quick so I took a liberty and got a few bonus items. There was a small second hand store near the entrance of the alley and something made me want to take a look inside. The first thing that caught my eye was this!" He pulled out a small fishing net. "I know it's not big but I figured as I nearly managed to catch a fish once with my shirt, this would increase my chances. It can just slot into the straps on the outside of my backpack so it doesn't even take any room."

Mercedes looked incredibly impressed with the purchase and he felt like bursting with pride. "Anyway, once I started thinking outside the box, I tried to think of what else we could need to improve the quality of our lives and I found some stuff for our entertainment."

He pulled out a small box. It was a compendium of travel sized board games. "This is because I don't know about you but I'm starting to get really sick of playing cards. There's six different games in here so we can play something every single night."

Mercedes smiled as she took the box from him and examined it with appreciation. "This was a really good idea Sam. I hope you know that you're carrying this in your bag right?"

"Of course!" He pulled out a second item. A small flat plastic thing which seemed to have a speaker embedded in it.

"What's that?"

"It's a digital music player. I used to have one of these. It can hold up to a thousand songs and when it's fully charged will play for about a hundred hours. I know we have nowhere to plug it in, but it's 97% charged and whoever sold it to the shop didn't delete their music collection first so we might find some stuff we like on it before the power runs out."

Again she took the item from him and fingered it with fascination. It had been far too long since they'd heard music.

"Then I picked up a little something for me..." He pulled out a small sketch book and tin of pencils. "We've passed so many beautiful places and I hate that I haven't been able to capture them."

"So you can draw as well as sing?"

"Absolutely! I'm a man of many hidden talents!" He felt himself blush and quickly continued. "I also got us these." He pulled out two bags of candy.

She laughed and nudged him with her shoulder. "I can't believe I give you money to get us needed supplies and you get us burgers and candy! You're such a man!"

"I know. But you love it!"

"Yeah." Her smiled wavered a little and she snatched the candy away from him. "We can open these tonight right? Seeing as we're gorging on treats and everything!"

He shook his head. "Not tonight."

"Why not?"

He pulled out another box. It was flat and rectangular. "I know this was brought with your money and everything, but I just wanted you to have something more than wild flowers for your birthday Mercedes."

She took it from his hand and gasped with delight. It was a box of chocolates. It may have seemed cheesy but she was already ripping the cellophane off it. She was half way through when she remembered her manners and gave him another squeeze in thanks. "Flowers and now chocolates!" She opened the box and sniffed the contents. A strange action for most people, but it made total sense too Sam. They'd reached the stage where even the smell of something delicious was a pleasure. Before even looking at the card to see the contents she held the box out to him.

He shook his head. "You have to go first. They're for you!"

Clearly put out by his insistence she studied the card and selected a chocolate. She then bit half and held other half to his lips. "We share. I can't celebrate on my own."

It was impossible to refuse. The chocolate was amazing. Not the fake flavored stuff that they'd been eating and drinking, but the real deal with a truffle center. "And I got you something to wash down the chocolate." He pulled out the bottle of wine and she gasped.

Sam frowned, suddenly realizing that he hadn't even bothered to ask beforehand. "You do drink, don't you?"

She flushed. "I… I've never tried it."

"Well as a welcome to womanhood this is your perfect opportunity!"

She looked slightly apprehensive. "In my Sector we're not allowed alcohol until we're twenty-one."

"That's a shame, because in mine you're allowed it at eighteen. And seeing as we're Outside and not under the rules of any Sector we can make up our own. I vote for a compromise and a ruling of twenty being the age to be allowed to have alcohol which by default makes you legal."

She eyed the bottle warily. "The bible condemns drunkenness."

"We're not going to get drunk. We're going to have one cup each as a celebration and drink the rest tomorrow or the next day. Just think of all this food and stuff today as being your belated birthday party!"

Mercedes loved the idea and nervously sniffed at her wine before taking a sip. "Take it slowly!" he warned her. He'd gone for a sweet white wine with a relatively low alcohol percentage and it went well with the chocolate. She smiled, clearly enjoying the taste. "I don't know what I expected but this is really good!"

Sam smiled and had a little himself. He was more of a beer drinker than a wine one but he hadn't had any alcohol in forever and at this stage absolutely anything would do.

Mercedes giggled as she continued to sip her portion. "I definitely feel all grown up drinking this!"

He watched her action, knowing that she deserved to be drinking from a crystal glass in a beautiful restaurant rather than while sitting on a fallen log, drinking from a reinforced plastic collapsible tumbler.

The thoughts both fired him up and made him feel sad. Not only that, he was already regretting giving her alcohol and having some himself. He didn't want any inhibitions lowered! It had taken all of his willpower not to kiss her when she had sauce on her lips. With alcohol in his bloodstream there was no telling what he could do. And as it was her first experience with alcohol, there was no way that he was going to let her be irresponsible either! Regretfully he tightened the screw top on the bottle he put it away before there was any further temptation. He was already in too much trouble with this girl.

She was still sipping happily with shiny eyes of happiness as dusk fell, making her look particularly beautiful and it made him remember the one thing that had bothered him since the exited the Transit Sector. Their whole adventure seemed like so long ago now, but something was still stuck in his head. He knew it was irrational but he just couldn't let it go. "So you got chatted up while you were getting supplies?"

She nodded wildly, the alcohol had definitely made her excitable. "And he was really cute too! He said that I had a beautiful smile..." He watched as she smiled at the memory and his eyes narrowed, jealousy initially coursing through his body, only to be followed by waves of thankfulness passing over him when he reminded himself that she would never be seeing the guy again. She had a wistful expression as she continued to speak. "Nobody ever really spoke to me like that or showed me much attention in my Sector. For a start, flirting is frowned upon, plus there were so many girls that were far prettier than I am."

He shook his head. "You're exceptionally pretty Mercedes!"

She knocked back the last of her wine and grinned. "I _know_ that! It's just that not everyone appreciates my brand of beauty."

 _He did._ "Well that's their loss. The right people will always appreciate you for the amazing beautiful person that you are."

She nodded. "I know that too. Daddy taught me well."

"Good, because I mean it! As well as beauty, you have drive, passion and inner strength that makes you far more special than any girl I've ever met!"

Mercedes looked at him with a frown for a moment, clearly wondering what he was getting at before breaking into a smile and nudging him. "Damn right I am!"

It surprised him. Girls from his Sector were always so bashful. Half the time they were just putting it on, but it was also something that was expected of them. Getting a girl to take a compliment was like asking her to take a slap in the face with a dead fish. Sam liked the fact that Mercedes had her own self confidence. Especially as it wasn't misplaced. She _was_ the brains and mastermind behind this whole journey after all! And she was sexy as hell in that understated 'not even trying to be sexy and achieving it all the same' kind of way.

"So I was thinking, as I'm the birthday girl, do I get to choose what we do this evening?"

"Yep. Tonight is definitely _lady's choice._ "

"Well in that case, I want to listen to some of the music on the player that you bought."

"Sure. Let's put away this stuff seeing as it's starting to get dark, then we can listen from inside the tent 'til we fall asleep."

The music player was an inspired purchase. Whoever had previously owned it was well traveled. There was music on it that they had both heard of as well as music that was totally foreign to their ears. There were songs she had to explain to him and others that he had to explain to her, songs that made them laugh and songs in Ancient languages they couldn't understand. Although as far as they were aware, every Sector spoke the same language, albeit with their own individual accents, some Sectors had their own Ancient languages. The use of such languages was frowned on but it often lived through in music and history.

The plan of rationing music to one hour blocks was disregarded for their first night with it and they ended up staying awake far later than usual, telling themselves they would just play one more song which would inevitably lead to another until the yawns of Mercedes made him realize just how tired she must be, especially with the alcohol in her system.

As they snuggled up in the sleeping bag she, she rested her covered head against his chest. "Sam?"

"Yeah."

"I'm really glad you made it out of the Transit Sector alive with me."

"So am I. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Same here." The dark and the silence made them recall how nervous they had been at the beginning of the day and they held onto each other that little bit tighter, just as they had when they first made it out of the Transit Sector.

"And Sam?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks for my birthday presents. This has been my best birthday ever. For the rest of my life I'm going to celebrate today in your honor."

"Really?"

"Really. I'll have burgers and chocolate and wine and I'll always remember what it felt like to eat those things after all the time spent travelling, and to listen to music for the first time in forever. And I'll never forget that feeling of getting out of the Transit Sector and the feeling of lying here right now, with you, knowing that we're safe and we're still together. When those Sector Patrols made me late I was so scared this would be over forever without me having the chance to say goodbye. My prayers were answered."

Sam didn't know what to say to that. There were no words he _could_ say to that. "I'll celebrate it too." He could feel himself choking up and opted to lighten the mood. "But don't forget, before the burgers you have to have barbeque wings and fries and the night has to end with you jamming in a sleeping bag to some random music you've never heard before."

She giggled. "Sounds like a plan. We'll have to come up with a name for our day, but not now because I'm too tired." She stifled another yawn. "Goodnight Sam."

"Goodnight Mercedes."

Within moments her breathing was slow and even and he could enjoy his favorite pastime of feeling her settled in his arms undisturbed.


	21. Chapter 21

The next morning they woke up later than usual and for the first time Mercedes didn't leap out of the sleeping bag the moment she opened her eyes. She lay for about twenty seconds looking deep in thought and then got up. He knew what her problem was. Sleeping together at night was something she could justify as a necessity, but to lie awake with him would be another matter. Her rules of appropriate behavior and decorum were strict and much as he hated them he understood that they were a part on who she was.

Despite leaving the sleeping bag she didn't seem to be in a hurry to actually leave the tent. Tucking the cover back over him she sat cross legged and shot him a beaming smile.

He rubbed his eyes. "Happy this morning?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Yesterday was pretty amazing. Started scary but ended as one of the best nights of my life."

He grinned back at her. "Me too!"

Actually that was a lie. His loner antisocial status meant that actually _was_ the best night of his life. But he couldn't admit so sad a fact out loud.

"So I was thinking, as we're fully stocked, maybe we could take one more day off to chill before moving on? This is a pretty cool location and it's best to do all our mending and stuff before we set off!"

That was true. And it also _was_ a pretty spectacular area that they'd stopped in. There were amazing views and unexplored undergrowth. Sam definitely didn't mind spending another day. Mentally he tried to calculate if her desire to stay was associated with her 'female' time but he didn't think so. On this occasion he took her request at face value, especially as he had an idea of his own. "Sure. It gives me the chance to spend time working on my technique with the new fishing net!"

He watched Mercedes eyes move to his bag in the front 'porch' of the tent but she said nothing, simply smiling that little smile she did when she was humoring him. "Sure. Maybe we can have a fish supper tonight."

"You don't believe I can catch anything!"

"I didn't say that!" No she didn't, but her eyes had twinkled and her lips had fought a smile.

"Oh yeah?" He pulled himself up into an upright position with the bag still around him and shot her what he hoped was his most serious stare. "I have two words for you Mercedes Jones… Challenge Accepted!"

She raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Well Sam, I have _three_ words for you… Bring It On!"

With more laughter and the challenge set she crawled out of the tent.

Watching her ass as she crawled out of the tent before him was always one of the highlights of Sam's day.

* * *

Sam spent the morning unsuccessfully trying to catch a fish in his new net. He was quickly filled with frustration at his lack of success, feeling that in some way it was a slight on his masculinity, but Mercedes was nothing but encouraging when they took a break for lunch.

As he headed back to the river she waved him off with her customary, "Promise me you'll be careful."

"Always."

At first it had annoyed him that she always said that. It wasn't his fault that he'd got badly hurt twice. But the more she said it the more he realized it was her way of wishing him well, and if she forgot to say it when they parted it was almost as if something was missing. It was their thing now, and one day he was going to try and be fast enough to say it to her first.

"Maybe I'll catch something if you come with me."

She scoffed. "I doubt it! I'll only be a distraction."

 _True. But a pleasant one!_ "So why don't you wish me luck?"

"You don't need it Sam! You're fine!" Laughing, she took the net from his hand, "Now this on the other hand, might need a little more magic." Raising the net to her lips she kissed it then told it to bring her back something delicious.

Sam smiled at her playful actions but in truth he could honestly say he'd never been jealous of a fishing net until that moment!

Somehow the magic worked because moments before giving up he finally caught a very decently sized fish and killed it with a swift blow to the head. He hurried back and showed it to Mercedes who was excited beyond words. Deep down he'd worried that the fish wouldn't be suitable for eating but one look from her confirmed that even though she couldn't remember the name of it, the fish was definitely edible. Then she belly laughed at the _now what do we do with it_ expression on his face and the afternoon had then turned into his first ever lesson in cleaning and gutting a fish. But the reward was more than worth it as Mercedes laid it out to cook on the new plate she'd bought for the stove.

Sam wasn't the only one to have supplied food. She showed him a large pile of freshly washed leaves which she assured him were edible greens that were a cross between spinach and kale. As someone who hadn't eaten a lot of vegetables growing up (and thankfully Zeben had never forced him), the travelling diet had still taken it's toll and the taste of lettuce from the burger had actually made him crave salad and green vegetables for the first time in his life. Mercedes had complained about the lack of vegetables more often but it was only now that he was starting to understand.

Then he suddenly remembered something he'd got for Mercedes and had the most idea in the world. Rushing back to his bag he returned with something behind his back. "Mercedes, I completely forgot I got something else yesterday for your birthday as well as the chocolate."

Her eyes lit up. "More? Sam you shouldn't have."

 _Yes he did! He wanted to give her the world not buy her treats with her own money!_

"It's not much. Don't laugh but I got you a cake."

It wasn't a real birthday cake, just a lemon muffin from the same diner he'd bought the burgers from. Being forgotten in the bottom of the bag it was a little crushed but Mercedes still reacted as if he'd bought her the moon, rewarding him with even more of those little peppery face kisses he loved so much. "Shall we save it for after dinner?"

He was so distracted by the kisses that he'd nearly forgotten what his idea was. "Tonight is special so I propose we have a party!"

"A party?"

He grinned. "Yep. We have amazing food, then after that we'll have cake and wine and maybe some of the candy, and then…" he held up the music player, "…then we have music! Because no late birthday party is a party without music and dancing!"

She stared at him as if he'd grown another head in front of her eyes. "Dancing?"

Sam grinned mischievously. "You'll see."

It was one of the best meals he'd ever eaten. A huge plate of wilted greens and mushrooms with the fish that she'd sprinkled with a little of the new seasoning which made it mind-blowingly delicious.

Once the meal was finished they sat in front of the fire and shared the remaining wine and muffin.

"And now for the fun part!" Sam pulled out the music player and turned up the volume to maximum. It still wasn't particularly loud but it was enough to be heard. Scrolling though he picked a tune with an electronic sound and a fast beat and immediately got his groove on.

Mercedes stared up at him from where she was sat with an expression that was equal amounts, confusion, amusement and disbelief. "Sam, what on _earth_ are you doing?"

"I'm dancing!" He held his hand out to her, "Come join me!"

This time she gave in to the laughter that had been playing at her lips. "That's _not_ dancing Sam. You look like you're having an upright brain seizure!"

Sam couldn't dance and would be the first to admit it, but there was one set of dance moves he _was_ comfortable with. "It's called the Robot!"

"I know what a robot is! What you're doing is-"

"Is FUN! Come on Mercedes! This is your party! Join in the fun!" He reached for both her hands and she allowed him to pull her up. She stood for a few moments, staring at him with utter mortification until she remembered that there was nobody around to witness this and hesitatingly made small movements in imitation of him.

"You've got to make it bigger Mercedes, like _this_!" He jerked his arms left and right, nearly hitting her a couple of times. He shook his hips, bobbed his head and waved his backside in a rhythm which didn't quite match the music that was playing. It was hilarious but he still took himself seriously.

She giggled but continued making jerky movements of her own. "Are you sure we're doing this right. This feels sort of wrong…"

He shook his head as he bobbed to the beat. "There _is_ no wrong. Even people like me who can't dance can still do the Robot."

"You can't dance?"

"Never had anyone to teach me or any reason to learn."

For the briefest moment it looked as if she'd shot him a look of pity but it quickly morphed into a wicked smile. "I'll teach you. My parents loved to dance and after mom died he taught me to dance so that we could dance and remember her together. Do you want me to teach you something?"

Sam's mind immediately went to slow dancing with her, their bodies melding into one as he dipped his head to steal a sweet sweet kiss… Suddenly his mouth went dry and all he could do was nod.

"Cool." She grabbed the music player and scrolled through until she found some classical instrumental music.

Sam was gutted. Instead of having her pulled in close, he had one hand on her shoulder and the other on the small of her back, with the constant count of '123, 123, 123' ringing in his ears. How men managed to do this with their heads held up instead of looking down at their feet and counting silently in their heads as opposed to aloud was going to remain one of life's mysteries. So was the fact that he somehow hadn't broken any of her toes while continually stepping on her feet.

Yet all that frustration disappeared into oblivion when she beamed up at him and said that dancing with him had made her feel like a princess.

They didn't keep the music player on for too long, knowing that the increased volume would drain the battery faster but the night still ended on a high. The thing that would have made it perfect was if he'd gone for a kiss. But Sam was a coward, leaving it too long and then missing his opportunity. It was too much of a risk. If she rejected him, how would they be able to continue the journey together? Just because he was developing feelings for the girl didn't mean should jeopardize what they already had.

So yet again, he kept his feelings bottled up.

* * *

The change in food and update in supplies uplifted them significantly and the next couple of days they remained with their spirits high. The weather continued to warm up and the adventure was suddenly far more enjoyable. Things between the two of them were calmer too. The danger of their brief foray into the Transit Zone and the subsequent 'celebrations' had given them a heightened appreciation of each other. Anxious not to lose what they had, Sam resolved to stay silent.

They walked with renewed vigor, following the river they had found.

Life was simple, but good.

Or was it actually just the calm before the storm…


	22. Chapter 22

_Something was wrong._

Sam could feel it in his bones. He didn't know why, but his whole body had suddenly and inexplicably gone on high alert. It was early one morning, and looking around for Mercedes he realized that she wasn't in view. She'd gone to answer a call of nature and should have been back by now. He knew ahe couldn't be having another of her female sessions because she'd only just ended the last one.

Maybe she was sick or had had an accident? Whatever it was, something wasn't right. His gut told him so and his gut was never wrong. "Mercedes?" He called out but there was no reply. " _Mercedes? Can you hear me?_ "

Still nothing.

During times like this she would always stay in earshot and she would always reply, even if it was just to let him know that everything was fine. It was something they'd agreed right at the beginning of their journey. There was no reason to randomly change that now.

His stomach instantly knotted and started turning summersaults. There were so many things that could have gone wrong. She could have fallen and injured herself, she could be lying unconscious, hidden by the undergrowth, having been bitten or stung by something poisonous. She could have been attacked by a wild animal- no but surely if that had happened he would have heard her scream?

Instead there was nothing.

Silence.

He would have preferred a scream. At least that would have given him a direction in which to head. It meant that he simply had to follow the route that he thought that she had taken. He hadn't exactly been watching too hard when she'd gone. "Mercedes?" He knew the anxiety was evident in his voice but he didn't care. Maybe it would cause her to actually reply. It didn't. His gut was telling him to move and to move fast! He stopped only briefly at his bag.

 _When he found her, if she wasn't already dead he was going to kill her for scaring him like this!_

"Mercedes!" This time his voice was angry and he didn't even care if she knew it. He traced what he thought her steps would been, the logical route that she would take to find somewhere secluded but safe.

And then in a blink of an eye, everything happened at once.

By now he'd been running, desperate, the sense of dread in the pit of his stomach causing him to feel physically sick. "MERCE-" He loudly crashed through some undergrowth the moment he saw her. She was stood still as a statue directly in front of him, facing something. Following her line of sight he immediately saw that something was a _bear_ which had been standing staring right back at her. The noise of his shouting and entry broke their silent stalemate, Mercedes's sudden distraction giving the animal the upper hand. The bear roared and leaped forwards towards her, rapidly closing the distance between them. She screamed and in her haste fell backwards, unable to scramble away. Sam felt adrenaline course through his veins. It was a split second decision and he didn't even think about it. Now that Mercedes had fallen to the ground it gave him a clear line of sight. He pulled gun the she didn't know he still had from the waistband of his pants and immediately fired. For a second the bear didn't even break its stride as it hurtled towards them. Then, just before it reached her it keeled over to the side and didn't move again.

"Mercedes!" She was sat where she had fallen, frozen in a stunned silence. Without even thinking he skidded to the ground next to her and scooped her into his arms. She was like a statue, frozen and stiff in his arms and he held her as tightly as he could. Pushing her face into his chest he looked over to where the bear had fallen, barely a meter away from her. Its eyes were wide open and there was a bleeding bullet hole directly between them. A perfect shot and he hadn't even been trying. But he couldn't feel proud of it. And it was disconcerting that she was still stiff as a board and unresponsive in his arms. Needing to take her away from the situation and the bear's body he lifted her and carried her back to the tent. She was silent and immobile the whole way. Sitting back down on the fallen log where they'd not long before eaten their breakfast he pulled her onto his lap and held her tight. "Mercedes. It's okay. You're safe. I'm here and I'm not letting you go." He planted a soft kiss on the top of her forehead and only then did she let go, her whole body shivering as if she were cold, the shock finally starting to sink in. He continued to hold her, rocking gently, the way he wished somebody had held a seven year old version of him after he'd witnessed the cold blooded murder of his family. Back when he was just a poor, confused and heartbroken little boy.

Finally the tears came, together with huge wracking gut wrenching sobs, her breath coming in sharp gasps and gulps. He continued to soothe her. "It's okay Jay. Just let it out." He hadn't called her that for a long time but it just felt right in that moment.

Sam didn't even realize he was crying himself. Suddenly what nearly happened started to sink in. He'd nearly lost her. And he didn't know what he would have done if he _had_ lost her. Not just because she had the compass and was leading the way, but because somehow, somewhere along the way, he had lost where he ended and she began. They were a unit. They were one. The thought of travelling without her was a thought he refused to entertain. The thought of _life_ without her was a thought that he didn't dare think about. Nothing was more important to him than the girl in his arms. His Angel. He wanted to erase all her shock and fear but he couldn't. All that he could do was hold her and be here. And that was exactly what he was going to do.

They sat together wordlessly for what felt like hours, Sam's tears were silent while hers were audible and uncontrolled. He held her so tightly he feared maybe he was constricting her breathing but whenever he tried to loosen his grip she'd begin to shake even more until he tightened his arms around her again. Sam had seen shock before and knew what it could do to a person.

Eventually the shaking and sobbing subsided and he could tell that she'd exhausted herself and fallen asleep. She curled up against him in his lap like a child and he stayed exactly as he was, holding her close, rocking her gently and humming some of the tunes she'd taught him, while resting his chin on the top of her head.

All the while he kept a lookout for more bears just in case.

It was a shock, a real shock, for so many reasons. Firstly, they'd been lucky and not really come across much wildlife at all apart from the odd harmless grass snake or the sound of coyotes deep in the distance. With the exception of the time they'd sheltered in the cave they hadn't even given too much thought to the possibilities of those dangers, other than the usual common sense precautions of staying within earshot of each other and never wandering far after dark without the flashlight.

What they were doing was already real, but now it was so much more real. The reality is that so far they'd been lucky. They needed to be far more careful from now on.

As for his Angel, his beautiful _beautiful_ Angel... She'd been sent to protect him, and he would give his life to protect her. This strange fascinating girl... who wasn't really a girl. She was way more than just a girl. He remembered how hard it had hit him when he'd found out that she was only nineteen. It felt wrong. _She_ felt wrong. Mercedes was far more mature than that. And his _feelings_ for her were far more mature than that.

And now she wasn't nineteen, she was _twenty_. No longer a teenager and more than old enough to be married. So what exactly were his hang-ups over her? His inner war with himself that had led to his cowardice was becoming harder and harder to justify

He felt her start to shift in his lap as she eventually started to stir. "Are you okay?" It was a stupid question. He knew she wasn't, but had no idea what exactly he should be asking at a time like this.

Her response was a small nod. "Hold me some more?"

He'd hold her forever if she asked him. Or even if she didn't.

Her voice remained soft and childlike. "And will you still hum to me?"

 _Hell yes I will! Anything for you!_

They sat. He held her. He hummed every tune he could think of and some he made up on the spot. All the while she nestled in his arms and he literally felt her taking energy and strength from him. Finally she pulled away. "I'm okay now." She stood slowly and stretched her legs. It wasn't true in the slightest. She wasn't nearly okay, but she was putting on a brave face and he let her do it for the sake of her own peace of mind. She leaned forward and touched his face, tenderly kissing his cheek, staring into his eyes and giving him a look that conveyed her thanks more deeply that she could have done with a thousand words. She didn't need to thank him. He would do it a thousand times over for her. But now that she was no longer in his lap he felt cold, colder than those first couple of nights when they slept separately and couldn't sleep. It wasn't a literal external cold, it was a physiological feeling, a coldness which equated to emptiness. He needed to be touching her. He _needed_ _her_.

Even though she'd been drawing from him, he was still somehow drawing from her too. He watched as she closed her eyes and gave herself a mental pep talk. "We can't stay here."

He knew that. But he also didn't think she should be walking.

She read his mind. "I'll be fine to walk. _Please_ Sam, I just want to go! I can't be here any longer!"

He didn't need telling twice. Within minutes the tent was packed and they were ready. He stood, looking out into the direction they would be heading when he felt her small hand slip into his.

And she didn't let go.

* * *

From that day forward it was like an unspoken agreement that they would hold hands while they walked together. Neither of them questioned it, they just did it. If one stopped, the other would hold out their hand until they were joined again.

The day after the bear incident she was still shaky, but the more distance they put behind them the better she got. He knew there was something eating away at her but wanted her to mention it in her own time. He wasn't sure how she was going to react or what he was going to say in response.

"Sam?" They were just cleaning up after dinner, this time ensuring that they left no trace of food outside at all in the fear of attracting more bears. They'd become lax with such things in the run up to the incident and were never going to be that foolhardy again.

 _This was it. He just knew it was._

"About the gun…"

He couldn't look at her and instead busied his hands with replacing the contents of his bag properly. "That gun saved your life Mercedes."

"I know. And I've already thanked you for it." She frowned and bit her lip. "I won't tell you to get rid of it because I see now how it is useful for our protection. But I just hope that one day… one day you'll see that you don't need a weapon. You won't always be out in the wild."

He said nothing and simply continued what he was doing although he could tell that she could see that he was still listening. "You're a good man Sam, a great man, and I hope that when that day comes, you can use your weapons of destruction for tools of construction instead. But for now I'm just going to let you keep being you as long as you promise never to let me see that gun again."

He looked up at her. He knew what she was trying to say. She hated the gun but she saw its purpose in this context and wasn't going to judge him for it. It was more than he ever could have asked from someone like her. Her principles meant more to her than anything. "I promise Mercedes", he said solemnly.

"Thanks Sam." She stood and walked over to him. Bending forward she kissed his forehead and brushed his hair away from his eyes, just the way he always liked it, before disappearing into the tent for some quiet time. It had taken a lot from her to bring up the subject and stirred up feelings she'd been trying to suppress.

He sighed and stared at the ground. How the hell was he going to handle this? _He was falling in love with her._ He'd reconciled himself to this fact and accepted it now, but he was still stuck. She was too good for him, far too good. And she could never be with someone so rotten to the core. It went against everything that she was.

There was no way on earth that she could possibly accept him.

 _A good girl like her does not belong with a gun slinger!_

She deserved more than he could ever possibly give. It hurt him to be forced to accept that she was way out of his league.

The thought made his heart heavy. And for the first time he began to truly regret ever agreeing to do this.

It was making him want a life that he could never have.


	23. Chapter 23

Something was off between them after that day but Sam couldn't place what it was. They were getting on perfectly well, better than ever actually. Days were spent walking and talking while they held hands. Evenings were spent playing games and listening to music. As the evenings were gradually getting longer, Sam would often take a bit of time to do some drawing of the various landscapes. Normally he would hate to have an audience as he worked, but Mercedes had a habit of quietly watching him, sometimes humming, singing or using the sewing kit to mend their worn clothes or take in her increasingly baggy ones, but strangely it didn't bother him. It was actually quite a companionable silence. She had finally, after weeks of him grumbling, turned down her incessant chatter. Either that or it was getting less irritating.

When she wasn't too close he would draw her. Different images of her face, smiling and laughing. He tried hard to capture her eyes, but the quality of their dark sticky mystery somehow eluded him.

Yet despite their travels being happy and pleasant, there was still always this certain _something_ between them which was a little tense. It wasn't a bad feeling. It was just _a feeling._ They were a well-oiled machine now, communication being non-verbal as well as verbal due to being so in tune with each other. They'd fallen into a pattern with each other that he relished.

The morning he heard her scream when she disappeared through the trees to do her morning routine his heart had nearly stopped. " _Mercedes!_ " Immediately dropping what he was doing he ran towards the sound of her voice, fearful of what he might come across. Images of another bear or wild animal filled his brain and he fought down the panic.

The trees suddenly cleared and he saw her stood, with her back towards him, gazing into the distance.

"What happened?"

"Sam!" He could tell by her voice that she was crying. "Come and see!"

He ran forward and she raised her hand. "Don't run!"

As he slowed down to a walk next to her he realized why. There was a sheer drop just a couple of meters in front of them. But instead of being the usual green landscape in front of them, this time it was blue. But it wasn't the sky because that was above it and the sky was a _different_ shade of blue.

"We did it Sam! That's _it!_ _That's the Sea!_ " He voice didn't even attempt to contain her excitement.

Sam took in the sight in front of him. It was like nothing he'd ever seen before. In his head he imagined this Sea to be something smooth, like a lake, almost shiny in fact. But the reality was that it was rippled like a river and even from the distance he could tell that it was moving, just as she said it did.

A myriad of emotions coursed through his body and the hairs on the back of his neck prickled despite the warmth of the morning. "Aren't you excited Sam?" She was looking at him again.

He painted a grin on his face. "Of course! This is brilliant! This is what we travelled for!"

" _I know!_ " She jumped up and down on the spot, squealing excitedly before pulling him into an enthusiastic squeeze.

He wanted to be happy, he really did. He wanted to be able to enjoy the softness of her body in the squeeze, but instead his overwhelming feeling was one of disappointment. Mercedes had wanted to find the Sea and now she had. What now? What next? If they stuck to her original plan, this would be the place where they part ways.

Only now he didn't want that anymore. Now he knew what it was he was feeling and understood it, he _definitely_ didn't want that at all!

"I've dreamed of this moment for years!" She was chatting again and he had to pull himself from his thoughts and zone back into her. "I just can't believe we made it! I wish Quinn was here. She'd be so proud of me!"

Sam said nothing. He just smiled as he watched her become overcome with excitement. How could he possibly explain that her achieving her dream was suddenly crushing those that he was daring to have for him and her? He was more than ready to permanently live the life of a nomad if it meant staying with her forever. As it was, he could only stand and watch as she excitedly did her happy dance, frustrated that the happiness and joy in her eyes hadn't been caused by him.

Finally he found his voice. "How do you think we can get down there?"

"I'm not sure. The river we saw two days ago will ultimately lead to the sea, but it could take a long windy path to get there. Or we could walk along this edge until we find a place to go down."

"Which way do you want to go?"

"I think I want to follow the edge. That way I can stare at the Sea the whole time!"

Sam would rather have gone the long windy route to extend their time together. But to voice that opinion would have been nothing but selfish. He forced a smile. "Sounds like a plan."

"Can we start walking now?"

 _Can we not?_

"Sure. Let's get a move on!" He hated having to fake his excitement, but it had to be better than seeing the disappointment on Mercedes' face when she realized that he didn't share her any enthusiasm. And she definitely wasn't ready to hear him to tell her _why_ he was no longer enthusiastic.

* * *

It took another two days to reach the beach. Despite his apprehension at finally reaching there, the pale golden sand and sight of the waves lapping the shore completely hypnotized him. They both took off their shoes and walked barefoot in the sand, watching nervously as the water hit the shore, sometimes with small waves, other times with slightly larger foamier ones. It was beautiful. He could stare at it for hours and he totally understood the attraction that Mercedes had for this mysterious new phenomenon.

There were so many things about it that surprised him. He didn't expect it to have a smell, but it did. It smelled salty and fishy and like nothing he'd ever encountered before. He also loved how it generated its own breeze that cooled the warmth of the sun and caused his now far too long hair to flap in his face. It was past his shoulders now and he wore it in a ponytail with of her hair ties to keep it out of his beard.

Mercedes often looked out at the Sea with a pensive expression as they sat on their sleeping mats, looking out at the sun setting over it. Sam didn't want to take his eyes off the view. He loved sunsets but the sun setting over the sea was something he couldn't get enough of. He wanted to be able to capture it but knew pencil would not be able to do it justice. He needed paint. He needed watercolors and rich bold oils.

They'd camped on the beach for three days, sleeping out under the stars rather than in the tent, listening to the sound of the waves and feeling the sea breeze on their skin, tucking their arms into the sleeping bag only when it reached the coolest part of the middle of the night.

* * *

"So I guess this is it then." Her voice was quiet and she kept her eyes trained on the water as they sat after their meal the following night, watching the sun set over the water as had become their custom.

"What do you mean?" He knew what she meant, but she was going to actually have to say it. It wouldn't be real until she actually said it.

"I know you can't see, but the Sector is just over there. I've been looking at it for the last three days. Part of me wishes I could just stay here on the Outside but I know that's not realistic. I can't stay out here alone, I need to build up my own life. And you need to go and do your own thing too. It's not fair to keep you any longer. You've more than fulfilled your obligations to me."

Sam said nothing. They'd been having fun at the beach, but it was dampened with the awareness of their impending separation. But there was one thing he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. He _wasn't_ ready to leave her. And he _definitely_ wasn't sharing her excitement. He thought carefully about his next words. "So I was thinking about that, and… well, I don't think I should let you just walk into the Sector and leave you to fend for yourself. I made a promise to your dad to make sure you're okay, not to just take you to the Sea and dump you there." He played with his hands and felt like a nervous teenager for the first time in years. "So I think maybe I should stay for a bit. Just to make sure you're okay. You need to be set up with a home and some employment. It's not as if you'll walk in through the gate and everything will be fine. These things take time. And I won't be happy to leave until I know that you're safe, you're set up and you're happy." _There. That didn't sound too needy of me did it?_

She looked at him thoughtfully. "You'll come into the Sector with me?" He nodded. "But won't that be dangerous for you? What if you get spotted? Surely it's too risky?" As she spoke her voice became more and more alarmed.

"Yes it's risky, but it's a risk I'm prepared to take. Besides, I'm safer within an actual numbered Sector than I am in any of the Transit Sectors."

She was silent, staring out to sea with a pensive expression. He'd expected her to fight it, to tell him that she would be perfectlynfine on her own. That she could do the whole independent thing. But she didn't and it surprised him.

"So what do you suggest?" Her voice contained no emotion at all.

"We should do what we did with your dad. Make up a story that's believable based on our circumstances."

She nodded, and thought for a moment, silently. "How about… we pretend to be engaged!"

"Engaged?" That sounded interesting.

"Yep. Just hear me out. You and I look like an odd couple, especially now. We say that we're engaged and we ran away to here because we heard we could get married here, because we would never be allowed to marry in our home Sectors…"

"…Which is true. For me at least…"

"Marrying Other Sector doesn't go down well in my society either."

At least that they had in common. She continued, "So then we can say to get married, we needed to find a home and work so that we can establish our lives. Then just as everything falls into place, you can leave. I heard that there are boats that can take you over the Sea where nobody will ever find you! You'll be safe Sam and you'll never have to fear for your life again."

He frowned. "Back up a bit… So you're asking me to jilt you? To leave you at the altar?"

"You don't literally have to leave me at the altar. But you can simply set everything up but not go through with it. Then I'd be able to keep the things we'd already established and you can leave and never look back. Even if people found out you were here, they'd hear that things didn't work out for you and you left again without leaving a trail!"

His jaw clenched. It was actually a really good idea. It's just that it didn't sit right with him at all. "So what you're saying is you want me to jilt you!"

She sighed. "It wouldn't be _real_ Sam. But it would be a perfect explanation of you being around to set up house then disappearing as soon as it's done. Cold feet happens!"

Sam struggled with the idea. Even if it was fake, he hated the idea of being the heartbreaker. Even the idea of _fake_ jilting Mercedes upset him irrationally. He would never do anything like that to hurt her.

But she was still looking up at him with hope in her eyes. "So what do you think? Is it a good plan?"

It was a lot to process.

At least the hurt he'd be causing Mercedes would be fake and not real. "Yeah, I guess..." No, the idea of even _pretending_ to do something as awful as that to her didn't sit completely right with him. There had to be a better way to buy the time to show her how much he loved her and didn't want to leave.

She glared up at him and he had an immediate sense of _dejavu_ which took him back to his initial rejection of the Plan to go find the sea. Her voice shook and he wasn't sure with which emotion as she breathed the words, " _You guess?_ "

He opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out so he shrugged, not quite able to find the words to express the multitude of hurt feelings that he was currently experiencing.

It was the wrong thing to do. Mercedes let out a huff as her eyes filled and stormed off. He couldn't blame her. Yet again he'd been dismissive of her incredibly creative idea. But this time things were couldn't be more different. They had come so far! There was no way that he could handle another cold shoulder from her. Not now that they were so close to potentially going their separate ways forever.

Sam realized that he had to take a leaf out of her book and just be honest for once. He had to take a gamble and hope that it would pay off because right now his future was walking away from him and there was no way in hell that he was going to let that happen!

"Mercedes! Wait!" For a girl with short legs she certainly moved fast and he had to break into a run just to catch up with her. "Mercedes!" It was as if she couldn't hear him.

" _Please!_ " This time her steps faltered. He quickly closed the space between them with a few long strides and grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him. She was upset, but she didn't understand was that he was upset too. And seeing her eyes shine with unshed tears was a kick in the gut he really could do without.

The plan was a good one. A damn near perfect one. It just needed a minor alteration. One thing he knew he would ever be able to do was jilt her. Not when she'd just flashed before him the kind of normal life he never imagined he would _ever_ get to have.

Sam took a deep breath. In a split second he _knew exactly_ what he had to do. Once and for all he had to battle his demons and push aside his own feelings of unworthiness to reach for his dream and hope for the impossible. It was either that or stand back and watch the hope of it fade away forever leaving a lifetime of regret. Facing up to a charging bear and criminal lowlifes was nothing compared to the inner strength it took to ask the question that was going to irreversibly and instantly change his life one way or another.

"What if we didn't set this up simply for me to leave at the end… Mercedes what if we actually did what you suggest, but _for real_?"

* * *

 _ **RIP David Bowie 1947-2016**_


	24. Chapter 24

"Huh?" Her face was the picture of confusion.

For a second Sam faltered. Maybe she hadn't heard him clearly. He still had a chance to take his words back! _But did he want to?_ He'd only wanted to tell her how he felt, not commit to actually marry her!

And yet… Now that the words were out of his mouth he actually _did_ want it! He'd never in his life considered having things that other people had like a wife and a home. His life had been unorthodox and he'd expected it to remain that way until it ended all too soon, the common occupational hazard of his line of work. And yet in the last few seconds it had all fallen into place so clearly. When he looked into Mercedes' eyes he saw his future, a future more amazing than he could ever have dreamed of.

And he determined to reach for it with both hands.

"I think you heard me Mercedes." She opened her mouth but no sound came out so he continued, "I know that according to your Plan you said when we reached the Sea, you'd stay and I could go and do what I want. The thing is, _my_ plans changed along the way. If by the Sea is where you want to be then that's where _I_ want to be too!"

She frowned at him and looked confused. "Like Ruth and Naomi?"

He had no idea who Ruth and Naomi were and didn't want to take the conversation off onto a tangent so he ignored the words and continued regardless. "I know I said I wanted to stay with you for a while to help you get settled because of what I promised your dad... But that wasn't the whole truth. I- I want to stay for me too."

Her confusion seemed to be turning into shock but thankfully she allowed him to continue without interruption. "Right now, my favorite things to do are to go to sleep in your arms and wake up in your arms. I know that might sound crazy to you and maybe even a little creepy but I really do mean it. However stressed we may get with each other during the day, we always end the night together. The sleeping bag is neutral territory and I love it there. The thought of having to say goodbye to you tomorrow or the next day and having to wake up alone makes my chest hurt. The pain is severe and I can barely breathe through it. I don't want to break our habit Mercedes. I don't want this to end. I want to be able to go to sleep with you every night and wake up with you every morning _for as long as we both shall live!_ "

He heard her gasp at his words but he knew he had her full attention and looked straight in her eyes, those dark sticky syrupy eyes that he knew would be the death of him one day if he wasn't careful. That day was probably going to be today because he was so mesmerized by her, the same way he'd been that fateful night in the diner, and yet again, all thoughts of rational behavior and speech left his head. Something about her left him with nothing but a naked honesty and a feeling that he _had_ to risk putting his heart on the line or risk losing everything for good and live out the rest of his days with the regret of not speaking up when he had the chance.

Taking both of her hands in his he sucked in a deep breath. "I know I have no right to ask you this because I'm a villain of the worst kind. I've taken lives in cold blood and there's nothing in my power that can undo that. I don't deserve redemption, I don't deserve happiness, I especially don't deserve _love_ and up until a couple of months ago I'd accepted that as my fate. My life was flat and gray and meaningless. Then _you_ burst on the scene and when I look at you I see a kaleidoscope. You're so many things all mashed up together, crazy, witty, infuriating, intelligent, frustrating, loving, caring, annoying, kind, generous... the list goes on. You talk too much, you never leave me in peace, then when you don't talk to me I get mad because I miss you like crazy. You constantly quote the bible at me so much that sometimes I feel like I've read a chunk of it already! You are the wittiest most intelligent woman I've ever come across in my entire life. You know so much about so many things yet sometimes you ask the most inane questions, and the worst part of all, the part that frustrates me the most, is that you've not been able to work me out well enough to see just how much I'm _in love with you!_ "

She gasped when he said that and went to say something but he didn't give her the chance. If he didn't say it all right now, it would never be said and the lifetime of regret would begin.

"So when I asked about it being real, I meant _us._ I meant _marriage._ You know who I am and you know _what_ I am but you've still taken me in, trusted me and cared for me over and over again." Keeping her hands in his he slipped down onto one knee. "Mercedes, I know I have nothing to offer you but the clothes on my back because I sure as hell know you don't want the money in my pocket. Right now I don't even have a ring to put on your finger and I _know_ that someone as amazing as you will get offers from men who are worth a thousand times more than me in quality, and who are a million times more deserving, but I promise that if you do give me the chance, I'll love you with everything that I am and with everything that I will be. I'll love you as the man you want me to be and the man _I_ _want_ to be. I nearly lost you twice on this journey and I can't bear to think that I would lose you for good after coming this far."

He was crying. At some point during that speech his emotions had got the better of him but he didn't care. He was begging, his pride long since cast aside. She was everything to him and he loved her so much it hurt. He begged for her the same way a man with a gun pointed at his head begged for his life. Too overcome to speak anymore he bent his head to hide his tears.

Mercedes fell down to her knees in front of him, brushing his hair from his face and stroking his beard. "Oh, Sam! I've been in love with you for _ages!_ I feel the way you hold me at night, I feel you stare when you think I'm not looking, I _know_ you draw pictures of my face when my back is turned. I just needed to hear you say it. I just needed to hear that you lov-"

Sam could do one better than that, pulling her body against him and his lips finding hers in the kiss he'd been so desperately seeking for so long, his chapped lips rough against her softer ones, telling her everything she needed to hear without words. He expected some kind of hesitation from her but there was none as her body melted against his in a way that felt even better than in his fantasies. By some miracle he found the restraint to be gentle and led her along with him as he slowly worked his way through this first kiss. He still remembered her inexperienced attempt from their first meeting and patiently guided them through.

Unlike the women from his Sector Mercedes had full lips, and they were a match made in heaven in the way that they were able to blissfully move against his own. But this kiss was also different in another more important way. He was a twenty-seven year old man. He'd kissed and done far more with many women. But none of those encounters had given him the swelling feeling in his chest that this one simple kiss did. That this unique girl did. And the way that her hands started to play at the nape of his neck drove him crazy.

Much as he didn't want to break the kiss, he knew that he had to. Firstly, because they needed to actually breathe, and secondly, because he needed clarification on one little thing. "So… just so I'm clear on exactly what's just happened here, you did just agree to marry me, didn't you?"

"Yes." She kissed him once softly. "Yes." She kissed him again. "And just in case you weren't sure, definitely _YES!_ " The third kiss was her bravest one yet.

Sam smiled against her lips. She'd said that she loved him back and agreed to marry him! Everything made perfect sense now. She wasn't being moody with him all this time, she was trying to deal with her own feelings. And as for the weirdness between them, it was just unacknowledged attraction which had built into sexual tension. Tension that he was dying to relieve them both of! He pulled her down to the ground with him as she relaxed into the kiss but as he pushed her back she pulled away. "My hair!" He rolled them so that she was on top. Mercedes and her hair! She protected it at all cost. He laughed and reached for a braid which had fallen out from the tie that held it back. She instinctively pulled away but looked regretful at the action, quickly tucking it behind her ear with a sigh, keeping it out of reach.

"Okay Mercedes, now that we've reached this point in our relationship, are you ever going to tell me what the deal is with your hair and why I'm not allowed to touch it?"

This time the blush on her cheeks was very evident and she took a deep breath. "In my Sector, a woman's hair is sacred. It's her glory and it's an intimate part of her. No man outside of a woman's immediate family is allowed to touch a woman's hair unless… well unless he's her husband. To let you touch my hair would be like letting you touch me naked!"

"But haven't we just agreed we're going to do the whole marriage thing for real?"

She nodded, shyly. "Yeah, we have. But we're not actually married yet so…"

"So no touching your hair."

"Exactly. No touching my hair."

Then it started to dawn on him. "And I guess by extension that means nothing naked…"

She blushed furiously and simply nodded.

 _Fuck!_

He banged his head against the sand with a sigh. "I'm not going to lie. I won't pretend that I'm happy about that little rule from your Sector…" She looked at him with a pleading expression in her eyes but this was hard for him. "But you're not in your Sector anymore Mercedes!"

"I know. But I carry it in my heart Sam. I may not have fitted in there, but I'm not a rule breaker. Once we enter the Sea Sector, we can marry. But until then I have to stay chaste." She caressed his cheek, "It's important to me."

Sam knew his face had involuntarily formed a pout but he couldn't help it. So near and yet so far…

She looked at him sympathetically. "If you want we can pack our things and go in the morning."

 _He wouldn't be able to wish for the morning to come fast enough._ "But I can still hold you tonight?"

"You can still hold me tonight Sam. I'd really like that."

"Okay. Let's go pack." He stood and offered his hand for her to stand, not even giving them a chance to brush themselves down before dipping his head and tasting her lips once more. Kissing Mercedes was going to be more addictive than any substance he'd seen bought and sold by the Transit Sector Dealers. Again she reached up and touched his face, brushing his hair aside which was something he loved her doing. Now that he thought about it she did often find innocent ways to touch him. It was just the not so innocent ones that she was always careful about.

Holding her in his arms and kissing her as the sun set on the beach was the most beautiful thing he'd experience but there was one thing that could make the moment truly perfect. "Mercedes, I believe I interrupted you earlier before you got to say something really important."

She frowned, "You did?"

"Uh huh. I was so desperate to kiss you I never allowed you to properly express how you feel about me."

"You did?" Her expression turned coy and he realized she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Yep. Three little words."

Her eyes turned down right mischievous. "Three little words?"

"To sum up what you're feeling."

"What I'm feeling?"

"Are you going to repeat everything I say?"

"Nope. I'm just thinking of what three little words to say."

"There's nothing to think about! I'll go first. My three little words are I…" He ghosted a kiss against her jaw, "Love…" He ghosted a kiss on the other side of her jaw, making her release an involuntary sigh of pleasure which made him hard as a rock, "YOU!" He pretended to peck a kiss on her nose then found her lips for a kiss deep kiss that left them both breathless.

"Now it's your turn."

"Mine?" She was staring at him with dilated eyes so full of love it was like she was already screaming the words back at him. But as he watched the eyes started to again twinkle with mischief and he knew she was up to something. "Three words you say?"

"Three little words. To sum up how you're feeling right now. Just like I did."

"That's simple!" She pretended to think once more, "My three words are… Let's… Go… EAT!"

For a second Sam was so stunned he was unable to more or respond and Mercedes used that moment to make a break for it.

"Hey!" Within a second he was after her and after just a few short strides was able to grab her by the waist and swing her around, glad to finally be able to spontaneously touch her in a more intimate way without risking causing offense. She giggled and didn't resist being caught. "Try again Mercedes! Say it or I'll…"

"Or you'll what, tickle me until I tell you that I love you?"

He shrugged and pinched her middle just the same, knowing how much it made her laugh. "I could, but you just said the words anyway so I still win!"

She chuckled. "I guess you do. But I win too!" Turning serious she wriggled out of his arms until she was facing him and rested her hands on his shoulders. "I love you Sam. You're the first and only man outside my family that I'll ever get to say that to."

Sam was bowled over by the words and responded in the only way he could, with another kiss, which led to several others before she finally pulled away. "Sam, I meant my other three words too!"

"Other three words?"

"I'm hungry and we have a major day ahead of us tomorrow. _Let's go eat!"_

This time when she led, he followed before grabbing her hand as was their custom.

"Mercedes, one question."

"Yes?"

"What's the deal with the whole Ruth to your Naomi thing you mentioned earlier?"

"They're from the bible."

He rolled his eyes. "I should have guessed."

"You said something which was almost word for word what Ruth said to Naomi. When it was time for them to part ways, Ruth decided that she wanted to stay with Naomi. I'd tell you more but I really want to start packing. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives Sam. I'll tell you more about them after we're married."

He let go of her hand so that he could walk with his arm around her shoulder instead. " _After we're married.._. I like that phrase. I like that phrase _a lot!_ "


	25. Chapter 25

They'd travelled for one hundred and twenty-three days.

This was their final morning waking up in the tent. As soon as Sam got the chance he'd be throwing the damn thing, together with the camping mats into the trash. The sleeping bag he might keep for sentimental reasons but everything else could go! Mercedes was still asleep and he took the moment to just watch her breathing. _This was going to be permanent! She was going to be his wife!_

He was still stunned that she'd said yes and that she loved him. This was something huge for her and there was no way he was going to screw this up by coming across as not being completely serious about this. During then night he'd been plagued by thought of Mercedes coming to her senses and realizing she didn't want to be with someone like him after all.

By the time she woke up, he'd been alone with his thoughts for a while. She'd been embarrassed and despite a few kisses and cuddles where admittedly his hands _had_ got a little out of control, and quickly left the sleeping bag before anything serious could happen. Sam packed up in record time and before they knew it they had eaten their final breakfast in near silence.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

She smiled shyly, clearly feeling self-conscious under his intense gaze.

He grinned and scooched closer to her so that he was totally pressed up against her side, kissing her cheek softly. "I was just thinking how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you by my side now and forever."

She flicked her spoon at his nose playfully. "I think I get something out of this too you know."

"I know. But…" Sam knew that from now on he wanted to be honest with her in everything. "When I woke up this morning I was still convinced that this was all a dream and that I made up last night in my head. I was so sure that you would never give me a chance. I even dreamed that you turned me down because I'm an Unbeliever."

She averted her head and cast her eyes down with a sigh. "I know. I did think about that too and you're right. But you know what sold it for me?"

"Nope. But you're about to tell me!"

She looked him in the eye and stroked his exposed cheek. "It's the way you asked. You're committed. You didn't just try to kiss me, you offered me everything. You offered me _marriage_. Anything less than that isn't worth it in my books. I have my reputation and that's important to me. My whole life I've been saving myself for someone who could truly love me and make me happy and I only ever wanted to be with someone that I could make feel the same way. I'm not Rachel. I'm not here for instant physical gratification and fun. I'm here for love and forever. That's what you offered and that's what I'm taking."

He placed his hand over hers before removing it from his face and kissing it softly. "I want nothing more than forever with you Mercedes. Until the diner I had no future. Now _you're_ my future. I love you for who you are and that includes everything that made you the way you are."

"And I love you too Sam. You're not what my Sector would call ideal for so many reasons. You have the wrong skin, you have a bad past and you don't share my faith, even though it's such an important part of my life. But you _are_ a man of heart. You're a man of honor and bravery. You've proved yourself willing to learn, to be humbled and to compromise and share. I know that I'm probably not the kind of girl you imagined seeing yourself with when you were growing up, but we've both had to see beyond the external, and the beauty we've found underneath is far greater than what we are on the outside. Neither of us are perfect but we make each other the best that we can be. I can't imagine my life without you Sam and I don't want to ever have to-"

He cut off her words by leaning in for a kiss. Kissing her was never ever going to be a chore. Breakfast was forgotten for a moment as he tasted the sweet vanilla porridge on her lips as she responded to his kiss more bravely than ever before. It was only as his hand, of its own accord, slid down her back, onto her hip and slightly round to her ass that she pulled back. He'd crossed a line and her reluctance to have to be the one to pour water on the flame was palpable.

"Sam…"

"I know. I'm sorry. I need us to be married so I can show you just how much I love you."

"All in good time."

"Of course." He stood up, taking his empty bowl over to the tent, knowing that he needed to take a few steps away from her to work off his frustration. "I just wish…"

"What do you wish Sam?" Mercedes was by his side. She didn't want to leave him for an instant.

He stopped what he was doing and pulled her into his arms, dipping his head for another kiss. She had instantly managed to synchronize her movement with his, their lips finding a rhythm which was uniquely theirs. One thing he'd quickly noticed was that Mercedes always gave herself completely in a kiss. Whatever passion he gave she accepted and gave back with equal force. Her lips, even on waking still seemed to be swollen from their kisses. As soon as his lips touched hers she would melt and his tongue was given automatic entrance to trace and explore her lips and mouth. A kiss with Mercedes was far more sensual than any sexual escapade he'd experienced previously. "I wish that I hadn't waited so long to tell you how I felt. I wasted so much time when we could have been doing this sooner!"

He pressed another kiss to her lips but this time she stiffened and backed away, confusing him. "What's wrong?"

She looked guilty and cast her eyes downwards. "I wanted it too. But I'm glad it didn't happen."

"Really, why?" He tilted her chin up so that her eyes met his again.

"It would have put us in an impossible situation."

"But you said you'd love me for ages!"

"And I have. But now is the only time I can act on it. Any time before this would have been impossible. You know my rules on morality and chastity. While we wandered around like Non-Sectors, there was no way that we would be able to marry. The only reason I could share a bed with you was because I knew you were too protective to let anything happen to me. You were a complete gentleman even though I knew it was hard for you and even though your hands had a habit of wandering while you slept."

He blushed. "They did?"

She nodded and averted her gaze. "And I liked it." She was blushing even more than he was and it was the most endearing look on her. "I should have stopped our sleeping together when the weather warmed up but I selfishly ignored it."

He smiled. "I'm glad you ignored it too."

"But that doesn't change things Sam. Nothing could have happened between us while our future was uncertain."

"So if I'd spoken up sooner?"

She sighed and shook her head. "You have to understand Sam, to leave my home and make this journey I've had to break so many rules and tell so many lies. It sits on my conscience every day. To add sinning with my body on top of that would have been too much to bear. I didn't want to end up in a position where I hated myself and resented you." Her eyes lifted to meet his and he saw the pain in them. "Telling myself you didn't feel the same was about me allowed me to keep you at a safe distance and was a protection. I don' think I would have been strong enough to hold back but what we had is was too good to throw away."

He pulled her to him and held her tight. "But what we have now is better."

"Precisely. Temporary stolen kisses and physical companionship on the journey aren't the same as long term commitment. While we were travelling you weren't looking for commitment, you were looking for company. Marriage didn't enter your head and I would never have been the one to bring it up."

Sam opened his mouth to deny it but knew that he couldn't. That he couldn't live without her was something he'd known for a while. But to offer the permanent commitment that someone of her caliber required hadn't entered his consciousness until the moment he'd proposed. Suddenly he felt it. something had been holding him back. He'd thought it was simply his cowardice but it was too coincidental. If he'd approached at any other time he would have been shut down, however reluctantly, but now that the time was right he'd found the words and the setting needed to make her finally say yes without guilt. For the first time he fully understood why she believed there was sometimes an external force controlling and maneuvering events to only happen at precisely the right time.

Reaching up she tenderly caressed his cheek. "Waiting gave our feelings a chance to grow from more than just attraction and desire to real and lasting love."

He had no words to reply to that so he met her upturned lips for one of their most searing and passionate kisses yet. Her mouth was so warm and yielding to his exploration as his hands roamed, wishing it was another warm wet part of her body that he was plunging into.

"Sam!" She broke free and only then did he realize that his hand had ventured to her breasts.

"Dammit woman! Stop talking about waiting in the past tense! I'm _still_ waiting for the chance to show you just how good things can be between us."

Mercedes shot him a smile that was equal amounts coy and flirtatious which did nothing to help his situation. It was almost as if she _knew_ what she did to him and reveled in it. "I look forward to it!" was her ominous 'threat' before spinning in his arms and walking away with an added swing in her hips had made his mouth water.

Turning his attention to the final packing that needed to be done served as the distraction he needed to calm himself down and get them moving faster.

* * *

Packing up had never been so fast and before long they were walking hand in hand along the beach.

Mercedes had seen multiple entrances and they had debated whether it would be better to enter directly into the Sector or via the Transit Sector. Even though it was slightly more risky, Sam opted for the Transit Sector first because it would make their story more believable of how they'd travelled to the Sea Sector via the Transit Highway rather than through the Outside which most people had no knowledge of.

"Why are we walking this way?" It suddenly occurred to Sam that the Transit Sector couldn't possibly begin on the beach, could it?

She squeezed his hand. "We're just taking a little detour. I wanted to conduct one last quick experiment while we're Outside. Just to satisfy my curiosity."

"Curiosity about what?"

"I'll tell you when it happens."

They continued walking for a few more minutes before Sam suddenly stopped.

"Why did you stop walking Sam?"

"I- I don't know." Actually, he didn't. There was nothing but miles more of beach ahead of him. There really was no reason to stop.

"Come on, let's keep going." She pulled at his hand and he took one more step but then stopped again, an unexplained feeling of uneasiness filling him.

"What's wrong Sam?"

"I don't know. I just feel weird."

"What sort of weird?"

"Weird like I don't want to go any further."

She smiled triumphantly. "That's just what I thought!"

Sam remained confused. "Are you going to explain this to me anytime soon?"

"Uh huh. Basically, we're standing right at the edge of the Sector. It actually extends onto the beach and out into the sea. Theoretically people should just be able to walk along the beach and end up Outside completely unintentionally. But somehow, not only do you _not see_ the edges of Sectors and their entrances, you also seem to have no desire to unwittingly _go near_ them. People probably go to the beach and take long walks, but will always feel the need to turn around when they get to the edge. I don't know why, or how it happens, but I guess that's how the entrances stay hidden in plain sight." She stepped forward and pushed into what appeared to be nothing, but his view of the beach suddenly warped and he realized that what she was saying was true. There was something there but his subconscious was telling him to back away before he even got to it.

"Anyway…" Mercedes had grabbed his hand again and this time pulled him inland, "Enough experimentation. Let's go and start the rest of our lives. And I'm also thinking that I want the next food that I eat to be in some sort of restaurant, even if it's the dingiest of fast food dives."

"Food!" Despite just having eaten breakfast Sam's stomach let out a loud rumble. He didn't need telling twice.

When they reached the entrance they stood and held each other one final time, this time adding a passionate kiss into the mix. Kissing her was something he would have been quite happy to stand there and do forever if it wasn't for the fact that they needed to go inside and get married before they could make the slow sweet sweet love that he'd long fantasized about.

This time they were a little less cautious entering the Transit Sector. That early in the day it was almost completely deserted and many of the stores hadn't even opened yet. Also, they were much further away in both distance and time from where they'd started. Months had now passed.

Although there were places to eat, they opted to pass through quickly and stop where it was safer. Passing through into the Transit and into the main Sector was so surprisingly easy that they almost walked into an older man in their excitement at getting through. Sam felt terrible, especially was the man had a wooden leg and crutches! But the man with the graying hair dark and thick glasses simply smiled at them. "Just arrived?"

Sam's words were lost but Mercedes nodded and smiled back at him. He seemed friendly enough.

"Well then in that case, let me be the first to welcome you to Sea Sector 5!"

"Thanks!" Sam felt himself warming and found his smile.

"I'm afraid, I'm sorry I can't stay and chat, I'm already late for an appointment. But one word of advice, don't stay too long in this part of the Sector. It's too close to the Transit Sector and it's not always safe. The daytime is usually fine but it's not worth the risk."

Sam nodded. "We're just passing through. Once we've eaten we'll go to Sector Center and get ourselves sorted out."

The man nodded. "Well, if you're all about the food, there's a restaurant on the next street called Mario's. I used to come every week with my wife. The food is amazing but they're suffering because of the decline in the area. He could really do with your custom and you won't regret it."

"Thanks for the recommendation. We'll definitely try it out."

"Great. Tell them Artie sent you and they'll look after you."

"We will!"

The man quickly hobbled away and Mercedes smiled up at Sam. "If everyone's as friendly as he was, I'm sure we'll be just fine!"

"I hope so!" And he did sincerely want to believe it.

The flashing neon sign for Mario's was a welcome sight. There was only one person inside eating and the chef was busy talking to a man who appeared to be Mario himself. He seated them quickly and telling the owner that Artie had sent them earned them the best table and a complimentary basket of warm breadsticks. Sam had forgotten how much he had missed something as simple as bread. It was nearly as good as the bread Mercedes had made and served for breakfast in her home.

The food was divine and as this was their first sit down meal together in a restaurant as well as their first official 'date'. Everything was the wrong way round with their relationship, sleeping together before becoming an item and getting engaged before their first ever date, but they wouldn't have had things any other way. For Mercedes, root beer was the drink she'd missed while Sam went for a real beer. He offered some to Mercedes to try, but after one sip she decided beer was definitely not her thing.

For the meal itself, Mercedes decided that money was no object. Sam wasn't happy about her being the one to pay but also respected her rule about his money. Besides, once the food arrived he quickly realized that argument was best saved for another time. Nothing was going to be a distraction from the food. To start they had prawns and crab, tasting food from each other's plates. Mercedes cracked crab claws and Sam chucked as he sucked morsels of the sweet flesh from her fingers, making her laugh with delight. For their main they both went for steak, Sam medium-rare, Mercedes well done. Mercedes with salad and his with mashed potato, green beans and gravy. Both side-eyed the other's choice but enjoyed every morsel of what they'd ordered. The additional vegetable sides went down just as fast as the meat. To truly taste real cooked food after their travels was bliss of the most intense kind and it engaged all of their senses. Fresh vegetables were one thing he would never have believed he could miss so much. Any other date would have left him skeptical for her reasons for ordering salad but after devouring half of Mercedes' he understood why her choice was inspired. Those were the sweetest ever tomatoes and cucumbers he'd ever tasted!

While they waited between courses, they sat, holding hands across the table and spoke quietly, finally getting to be the young couple in love that they were with Sam doing his best to make her giggle and blush and reveling at his easy success.

For dessert they shared an ice cream sundae and a slice of the most heavenly cherry and vanilla cheesecake in the world. Just as their sweets were being brought to the table they saw Artie arrive. He embraced the owner who immediately showed him to a table nearby where he also rested the small bag he was carrying. He'd barely sat and rested his crutches against the wall next to him before a waiter brought him a slice of what looked like a homemade cake and glass of dessert wine. Clearly it was his regular order. Catching their eyes he smiled warmly at them and raised his glass to them.

"Shall we ask him to join us?"

Mercedes was discreetly watching as he ate alone, a sad smile playing at his features.

Sam shook his head. "He seems lost in his thoughts."

"But I wanted to do something nice for him. He was so welcoming to us."

Sam thought about it. "Why don't we get his check. It won't be much."

Mercedes's face lit up. She liked the idea. Sam called for the check then explained that they wanted to pay for Artie as they'd come on his recommendation and enjoyed the meal so much. As they were leaving, Artie got up and joined them, thanking them profusely for their kindness.

Sam smiled warmly at the man. "It was nothing. A small gesture of thanks. You're the first person we've met here and you were so welcoming it's made us far less nervous." They waited as Artie embraced Mario and they walked along the street together as they were initially headed in the same direction.

"So what brings you to this Sector?" Artie asked as they walked.

"We want to get married. We can't get married in our home Sectors so we decided to come to somewhere where we can marry and set up our lives."

"Well you've definitely come to the right place. I pretty much came here for the same reason. To be able to marry my wife I mean." He reached into his pocket and handed Sam a business card. "Take this. Its details of the place you need to go to get your marriage arranged and legalized. Tell them Artie sent you." They reached the corner of the street and he stopped. "This is where I leave you. I have one last errand to run." He pointed them in the opposite direction. "That road takes you to Sector Center. It's a long walk or you can take a cab. I'd take a cab with those bags you're carrying."

"Thanks for all your help." Sam was truly grateful. He wasn't used to people helping him for nothing. Mercedes had taught him a lot about human kindness but it still surprised him.

"No problem." The man genuine seemed happy that he could help. "And best of luck for your nuptials and new life!"

They watched as he turned the corner and were still standing debating walking or taking a cab when they heard a panicked shout in a voice that sounded a lot like Artie's. Sam didn't think, instinct kicked in and he instantly ran towards the sound with Mercedes hot on his heels. It took only seconds to reach the alley where they saw Artie slumped on the floor and a shadow of someone running away.

"My bag!" Artie raised his hand towards the retreating shadow.

Sam immediately slipped off his backpack went in pursuit of the retreating hooded figure while Mercedes went to check that Artie was alright. The thief clearly didn't realize he was being followed because he'd stopped as soon as he'd turned the corner and was starting to look in the bag. The next thing he knew Sam's fist met his jaw and he was wrestled to the ground. "Why the fuck did you steal a bag from a frail old man!"

"Please don't tell my mom!" The hooded figure revealed his face and which couldn't have been older than thirteen or fourteen. He was just a kid! Why the hell was he stealing? Sam had been seconds away from beating him mercilessly for what he'd just done.

"You attacked an old man!"

"I didn't attack him! I snatched the bag and he lost his balance and fell. I would never attach someone on crutches!"

"So why did you take the bag?"

"I don't know!"

"How can you not know?"

"I was trying to impress a girl!"

"Huh?"

"I saw the bag. It's from an expensive jewelry shop. I figured if I could give her some jewelry she'd notice me!"

Sam internally screamed shoved him hard back against the ground, rubbing his temple. "I can't believe this shit!"

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone sir! I'm not a bad kid! I swear I just saw it and took a chance. There's nothing but papers and stuff in the bag anyway. No valuables."

Sam stood and pulled the kid upright by the back of his hoodie. Even though it was just a kid, Sam still wanted to kick the shit out of him. But Mercedes wouldn't like that. And luckily for all of them his gun was well hidden in this discarded backpack.

 _So what would Mercedes do?_ It was liberating to think differently to the way Zeben had taught him. Mercedes strongly believed in consequences for actions. What should his be? "You're going to give the bag back and apologize!"

The kid's eyes widened at the terrifying and humiliating thought. "Wait! I can't-"

Sam wasn't listening. He was already dragging the kid back around the corner when he caught sight of Mercedes and a now upright Artie talking to a pair of Sector Patrol officers. He nearly released the kid and broke into a run himself when he suddenly realized that for the very first time _he_ wasn't the criminal. He _wasn't_ the villain. He was the _hero_. He'd actually done something good for society. Mercedes would be proud of him.

It was a thought that made nearly made him burst with happiness.

Artie had said that there were plenty of Mixed marriages in this Sector. Hopefully he and Mercedes would draw less negative attention here. Maybe this really could work for his new life.

All eyes turned to Sam as he approached, clutching the collar of the boy and the Sector Patrol Officers stepped forward for the handover. "He's all yours Officers. But there's something he needs to do first." Sam hauled him in front of Artie and held him until he gave what he felt to be a genuine apology.

Artie wasn't hurt, only shaken, and after seeing the age of his assailant and hearing his pathetic excuse, decided not to press charges or even make a statement, but the boy would still have to be taken to Patrol Headquarters and officially cautioned. Thankfully the Patrol were happy to do less work and once they were satisfied all was well with Artie, they called him a cab and left.

Sam couldn't help but be relieved when they disappeared. They hadn't looked at him with any suspicion at all, despite his unkempt appearance, but the older of the two officers did seem to be looking curiously at the tip of his tattoo that showed on his neck when he'd turned his head. Sam had forgotten that it could be used to identify him and hopped it hadn't triggered any thoughts in the man's head. Most of the time, Sector Patrols were the enemy of the criminal classes, but occasionally some went rogue making them dangerous on both sides.

Sam dismissed the thought. Paranoia would get him nowhere. "Are you sure you're okay?" He was still nervous about how shaken up Artie really was but the older man laughed it off. Even Mercedes seemed more concerned about him than Artie and clung to him as though her life depended on it.

"I'm fine son. I've survived the death sentence in Sector 31. Some kid making me lose my balance isn't going to do a thing to me!" Sam stared at him in wonder. He'd heard all about the cruel atrocities of Sector 31 and his respect for the man suddenly hit stratospheric levels.

Naturally, Artie shared the cab with them and was profuse with his thanks, taking their hands in his. "I don't even know the names of the wonderful people that saved me!"

"I'm Sam and this is Mercedes."

"And you guys already know I'm Artie, Artie Abrams. So where are you young people going now?"

"We need to find a couple of rooms to stay in and get freshened up then look up how to get married here. There's probably a whole heap of hoops to jump through for people like us."

Artie beamed at them. "And how soon are you planning to get married?"

Sam looked into Mercedes eyes and they clasped hands together with a smile. "As soon as possible."

A mischievous twinkle suddenly appeared in Artie's eye. "I was hoping you'd say that! Would this afternoon too soon for you?"


	26. Chapter 26

Sam's jaw dropped and Mercedes choked.

 _Married today?_

Artie seemed unfazed. "You see, the thing you don't know about me is that I just so happen to be ordained and have been performing marriage ceremonies for the last twenty-five years, up until my retirement yesterday." He took the young couple's hands and put them together. "Plus I believe in love. I've been happily married to my amazing wife for forty years and at six tonight I'm being collected to go and join her. We've just bought a house and moved to Sea Sector 4 to be near my son and daughter in law who are expecting their first child any day now. My wife's already there and I've just been tying up some loose ends and paperwork. That's what the stuff in my bag was for. TinaMai and I came here to get married too, forty years ago. She was from Sector 31 and as you can clearly see, I'm not."

Without meaning to Sam's eyes drifted towards his wooden leg and when he looked up he saw Artie watching him curiously. "You've heard of Sector 31?" Sam did but didn't want to let on that he had also heard about the stories of torture and cruel killings there, but then he didn't need to.

He nodded and spoke softly. "I met a girl from there once. She was even shorter than Mercedes with jet black hair which was bone straight all the way down to her waist and very unusual eyes."

"Exactly. It was love at first sight for me when I saw TinaMai. I'd never seen anyone like her before in my Sector. But her parents had already arranged a 'promised' marriage for her. It had been set before she was even old enough to speak but to go against it would bring shame and on the family. And to attempt to be with someone else when a marriage had been arranged is punishable by death."

Mercedes gasped and Artie nodded. Sam held her hand tighter. This was something she wouldn't find written in any of her books. "There's also the minor detail that not being from that Sector and falling in love with someone from there is also punishable by death. We tried to run away together but somebody betrayed us at the last moment. We were caught entering the Transit Highway, taken to her Sector and sentenced without trial. TinaMai was sentenced to beheading. As a citizen she had a right to a speedy death. I wasn't quite so lucky. I was roughed up then given the traditional Death Sentence for Treason. We were immediately separated and I resigned myself to my fate. I didn't know that someone had helped TinaMai to escape. But instead of running she came back to save me. And somehow, with sheer will, determination and physical strength she did. Eleven days into my death sentence."

"Eleven days?" Mercedes looked confused.

Sam squeezed her hand comfortingly. "I'll explain it to you later." He looked at Artie's wooden leg again and the two men shared a mutual look of understanding. Few knew of the Death Sentence for Treason. Until this moment even Sam had thought it an Urban Legend but the wooden leg of the man before him spoke the bitter truth.

Death Sentence for Treason was particularly slow and cruel form of torture where they kill you slowly by removing body parts piece by piece. One per day. Sam did the mental calculation. Eleven days… that meant, starting with the right leg, it would have been one toe per day for the first five days. Day six would have been the foot from the ankle and day seven would have been the rest of the leg below the knee. Days eight through eleven would have been toes on the other foot. No wonder the man had poor balance. He shot Artie a look of sympathy and the old man acknowledged it. If he hadn't been rescued it would have continued, second leg to the knee, then fingers, ears, nose, hands to the wrist, arms to the elbow and so forth. This was the point where people started dying. But the whole time they would be kept on drips to prevent the two things which could speed up the process of death, infection and shock through exsanguination. Apparently the surgeons performing the amputations prided themselves on keeping their victims alive as long as possible. He'd heard stories of men with no limbs praying for the release of death. Sam couldn't imagine a worse way to die.

Yet somehow Artie was smiling as he continued, "But the thing about my TinaMai was that she was a total badass. A true ninja, even though she says in her Ancient Language _I_ would be the ninja because it means 'a person who can endure'. Luckily she had Perception and hid me on the Outside while I gained a little strength. Do you know of the Outside?"

He looked directly at Mercedes and she nodded emphatically.

"Apparently up to 80% of the people with Perception are female."

Mercedes continued to nod. "That makes sense. We're the ones most likely to want to get away!"

"I suspected that's how you got here. You guys appeared from nowhere!"

The car slowed and stopped outside a large gray building. "We're here." Artie looked at them intently, "Sam and Mercedes, do you _truly_ want to get married today?"

Without even looking at each other they squeezed hands and nodded. "YES!"

He grinned at them. "Well in that case, come with me."

Sam held the door for him as they exited the vehicle and they followed him through the entrance and into an elevator to the third floor.

"Mr Abrams!" A beautiful woman with tanned skin and long dark brown shiny hair immediately stood as soon as she saw him. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to check and see how this place is running without me."

"With all due respect sir, you've only been gone a day. There's still some of your leaving cake in the fridge!"

"Good. I'd have some but we've just eaten. Santana, this is Sam and Mercedes. They're going to be married this afternoon."

She frowned. "By who?"

"By me!"

"But you're retired!"

"But still ordained."

"Are you sure-"

"Ms Lopez, I could walk into this office thirty years from now as a crippled bent over old man and _still_ have the authority to perform marriages here. Now stop wasting my time and tell me, are there any rooms free?"

She checked the appointment book in front of her. "Yes. There's one."

"Right, well I'm giving you the rest of the afternoon off!"

"But you can't-"

Artie raised one of his crutches at her. "And who's here right now to tell me I can't?"

The woman who was Santana suddenly pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and grinned wickedly. "Artie you surprise me! Where was this commanding version of you hiding all these years?"

"I don't know, but I like it. And I think it's only fitting I go out with a bang."

Santana was already reaching for her bag. "Well thanks for the afternoon off…"

"Wait! I'm not sending you home to start scissoring your girlfriend early! This young couple have just arrived and are going to get married. I need you to take Mercedes home and do whatever it is you girls do to get ready for special occasions. Oh and find her something pretty to wear."

"But sir, they look like they've just arrived! They won't have any of their paperwork done!"

"Their paperwork is fine. I'll personally fast track it. Now hurry up and get gone! I'm leaving this Sector for good at six so this wedding has to happen at five!"

Sam's heart skipped a beat and he saw Mercedes check her watch. 'Two and a half hours!' She mouthed the words and all he could do was grin stupidly at her before recollecting himself and turning back to Artie. "But we don't even have anywhere to stay yet!"

"Don't worry about minor details! It's all in hand! Mercedes, just go with the lovely Ms Lopez and she'll sort you out, I promise."

For the first time Mercedes' expression held doubt and fear at the strangers. "But my bag-"

"Just take the personal items you need. We'll take the big bag."

Santana was already pulling her out the door and she tried to reach up and kiss the still shell shocked Sam but Artie pulled him back. "None of that now! You'll have plenty of time after the wedding." He shot Sam a huge wink and with the couple barely scraping fingertips the girls were gone and he was suddenly left to the mercy of a man he'd only just met.

* * *

An later, Sam wasn't ashamed to admit that he'd cried. He simply didn't understand human kindness because it was something that had never been shown to him before, but seeing the kindness, generosity and selflessness of another person, a stranger who owed him nothing again made him assess his priorities and see what had true value. It also again made him reflect on the idea that someone was indeed looking out for them.

Artie Abrams belonged in the category of Angel in the same way that Mercedes did. People who did things for others with no expectation of getting something back. And Sam had no idea how or why he did it.

The first thing they'd done when the girls left was complete the needed paperwork for the marriage license and certificate. Sam used the information he knew, and the information he didn't know he made up. When it came to his name, he wrote down Sam then had to stop and think. What was that name Mercedes had said the _spirit_ family were called. Artie watched him as he paused but said nothing. Sam blushed. "I- have problems with writing. I normally just write my first name on stuff…"

"You need to but both names on these."

 _Evans!_

Sam had remembered just in time. But his face still burned. "I- I can't write so well. Um… How do I spell Evans? I always get jumbled in the middle so I just write Sam…"

Artie helped him to spell out the letters and if he was in any way suspicious he didn't let on. Hell, the man had run from Secor 31. There's a good chance his name wasn't Artie either.

Sam looked down at the unrecognizable name that he'd just written, thankful that he hadn't automatically started to sign as Aleks. He wasn't that other person anymore and hadn't been since they'd first ventured Outside. Sam Evans was now official in writing and would remain forevermore.

Weeks' worth of bureaucracy was sorted within moments. Artie had opened a drawer in his already cleared desk, pulled out an official stamp and slammed it down in all the correct places as well as signing all the parts that needed signing. It was official!

Then they went shopping. It felt good for Sam to finally use his cash. Their first stop was for him to have a professional close shave and haircut. Once it was done he barely recognized himself. Removing the beard took years off him, but the lines that Mercedes commented on around his eyes were definitely there. Suddenly worried that the barber might remember him he fed the man a story about being on his way to the next Sector to meet a lady friend and needing to look presentable before he got there. If the man was ever questioned he hoped he'd be remembered only as passing through. Next stop was to buy a suit, and he took the liberty of purchasing a few other items of clothing while he was there. Sam had plenty of cash to flash and totally made the day of the taxi driver who he commissioned for the entire trip to wait for them and store the purchases while still running the meter. Then they headed to a jeweler for rings. He'd just found a matching set that he liked when he realized that Mercedes wouldn't want his money used for her ring. She probably wouldn't make a scene, but she wouldn't be happy either and he wanted nothing that would make her anything less than ecstatic.

But how was he going to do this? He had nothing of personal value! Then he remembered the comment of the man at the barbershop about the hole in his ear. He still had his father's ring in his lobe! Yes he'd sworn never to remove it, but this was for someone he loved. His father would understand. "Are there any pawn shops nearby?"

Artie thought for a moment then led him down a small alley. The man in the shop watched as Sam took the flesh tunnel ring from his ear, leaving the gaping hole. Handing the still warm piece of metal to the man was hard but it had to be done. After examining it for what felt like an eternity the store owner opened a small drawer and pulled out some simple wedding rings. "You can choose one of these."

Only just realizing that he didn't know her ring size, he picked what he hoped to be correct then thanked the shop owner so profusely that the man gave him a free ring box to go with it. Next stop was groceries. Artie grinned with a sly wink. "Despite what you may think, you _are_ going to have to eat at some point over the next few days, if only to keep your energy levels up!"

"But I still don't even know where we're staying!"

"You're staying at my place."

"But-"

"It's empty at the moment. My wife and I have already moved to the next Sector. The place is fully furnished and you can stay there as long as you need."

 _What the-_

"Artie I can't-"

"Yes you can, now take this cart and hurry, we now have less than an hour! I'm going to sit here and wait for you because my leg's tired."

With no time to argue Sam flew around the grocery store. Living alone helped him rapidly home in on essentials. He grabbed eggs, milk, sugar, flour, butter, syrup, bacon, tomatoes, salad, chicken, ground beef, rice, pasta, juice, coffee and a couple of jars of ready sauces, a loaf of bread, chocolate, chips and cookies before running back and grabbing some fruit and a tray of prepared oven ready vegetables. Artie was impressed at his speed but Sam's previous life had been all about getting in, grabbing what was needed then getting out fast. Plus he'd been craving pancakes for weeks and fully intended on making them for Mercedes for her first breakfast as his wife.

Then it was back in the taxi to Artie's house. The ride was amazing. They drove right up to the beach then turned off and headed up a small hill with a cute house half way up.

"This is it!" Artie was looked at his watch with a concerned expression. "We're really short on time. I'll give you the mini tour then you have fifteen minutes to shower and dress before we need to head back to Sector Center and get you guys married!"

"Cool." Sam still stood, staring in amazement. "And we can stay here? Are you _sure_? It's big! How much do you want for rent?"

"Not that big. Only three bedrooms. And no rent. You're not earning yet."

"But-" Sam's hand was already reaching for his money.

Artie simply shook his head and tapped his watch. "Thirteen minutes!"

Sam turned to head to the shower, preparing for his second round of argument about payment when an amazing idea struck him. "Are you only allowed to perform weddings at your office or can you do them anywhere?"

"Anywhere. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that Mercedes is really religious and even though I'm not, I'm sure she would've loved to be married in a religious building. Failing that, I think that it would be a really nice gesture and it would save time to get married here, outside by the Sea. We came here because she wanted to see the Sea and it would be fitting to do something like that. She could come here, do the ceremony, then you can take her cab back to Sector Center while we stay here."

He could see Artie running the plan through his head and looking at his watch. "Okay... That might just work… We can't do actually _on_ the beach because my wooden leg and crutches don't fare well in sand, but we can head to the top of the hill, the view there is amazing. Get yourself in the shower and I'll call Santana!"

Sam was washed, dressed in his brand new suit and back out in record time, stepping forward to meet a smiling Artie. "Looking good! Apparently your girl was already dressed and waiting. Someone's definitely eager! They're already in a cab on the way up so we need to get moving!"

Sam followed Artie up the short walk to the top of the hill and the view at from top took his breath away. The sea, the beach, the grass and the trees, all were in view. He couldn't wait to paint it. But first he needed to see Mercedes. All the running around had been fun but now he was suffering from acute separation anxiety. They'd been together all day every day for so long that being apart from her felt wrong. Even though he trusted Artie and knew she was in safe hands, he still didn't like being away from her. It was easy to understand why she'd been ready so early. She was probably going through exactly the same feelings he was!

The sound of a car engine in the distance signaled their arrival. "They're here!"

Sam swallowed and his heart raced. He'd worry about paying for the house later. Right now his Angel was coming and he could think of nothing else but having her back safely in his arms.


	27. Chapter 27

Sam heard the sound of a car approaching the house followed by female voices getting closer and closer. Then he saw them. Santana came into sight first, with her arm linked with a taller blond woman of a similar age. Then came Mercedes. She wore a pastel pink knee length dress which emphasized her curves, pink shoes and a pink flower in her hair which, for the very first time since he'd met her, was completely down with the braids falling over her shoulders. Her hands clutched a bouquet of matching flowers.

She was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen.

"Sam!" She ran to him and he ran to her, gathering her in his arms, swinging her round and kissing her fiercely.

She _had_ been wearing lipgloss but wasn't anymore. What their kiss didn't transfer to his lips was removed by his tongue. Somewhere in the background was Oscar's voice and he felt someone pulling the back of his jacket. "We haven't got to that part yet son!"

Of course they hadn't. But he hadn't seen her for a couple of hours. They were overdue a reunion!

Oscar looked at his watch and cleared his throat. "Sorry guys but the sooner we do this, the sooner we can leave. And I think that at this point I can safely say that we _all_ want the same thing!"

Reluctantly he pulled away from Mercedes and turned to face Oscar who was holding a bible in his hand. Mercedes smiled up at him and stroked his freshly shaved cheek before frowning at the bare hole in his ear. Sam said nothing as he focused his attention on the man who was about to begin speaking.

Artie winked at Sam. "As we're pressed for time, we're going to bypass the speech and just get to the important part." Nobody had any complaints about that.

Turning first to Mercedes he addressed her directly. "Mercedes, I've only known Sam for a couple of hours but it's been more than enough time for me to get a measure of the kind of man he is. His heroic actions earlier today on my behalf spoke for themselves and so does his love for you. When I see him look at you I see pure unadulterated love. Even in making decisions in purchases I saw him putting you first. And when it came to the location of this ceremony he picked here rather than one of the rooms in the office. Why, you might ask? _Because he thought of you_. He knows that your preference would have been a religious building so he did the best he could. He picked the greatest religious building of all. The Great Outdoors. He chose Creation and Nature. He told me that you always wanted to see the Sea. Well now you're getting married and seeing the Sea at the same time. He wants to make all things possible for you. That's the kind of man Sam is. I don't doubt that he'd move the heavens and earth if he could for your love." He paused for the words to sink in a little. "Now Sam, do you have anything that you want to say to Mercedes?"

Sam took her hands in his, staring her right in the eyes. Immediately he felt the hypnotic effect that they had on him and he gave in to it willingly. "Mercedes, when we first met, I never imagined we would end up like this, here, together and in love. I was a split second away from making the hugest mistake of my life. But just one look from you stopped me and changed me forever. And now here we are. It goes without saying that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I love you more than any words could possibly describe. You're my precious precious Angel. You're my saving Grace. I owe you my life and your unconditional love is the greatest gift I've ever been given. I promise to cherish it and cherish you for as long as I live. I love you Mercedes. " He brought her hands to his lips and watched as tears of happiness streamed down her face, mirroring the ones building up in his own.

Oscar smiled warmly at them both and turned to face him properly. "Now Sam, I may not have spent as much time with Mercedes as I have with you but I can tell you one thing. In all the weddings I've ever performed, I have _never_ known the bride to not just be early, but to actually be hurrying those who were supposed to be getting her ready! This girl _can't wait_ to be married to you, just as she can't hide the love that shines in her eyes whenever she looks at you. When you failed to think of yourself when you chased my assailant, she thought of you. She worried about you being hurt and coming to harm. She told me that she's an extension of you now. If something hurts you it hurts her. And that's what the bible says should happen when people marry. They become 'one flesh', impossible to see where one person ends and the other starts. That's what I see when I look at the two of you and it warms my ageing heart. Now Mercedes, do you have anything you want to say to Sam?"

This time she kissed his hands before reaching up and touching his face again, again stroking his freshly shaven cheek with wonder and smiling as he tilted his head toward her touch. "I just want to say that I love you _so_ much Sam. We may have come from a strange beginning but this is definitely our happy ending. I didn't start out with any plans to fall in love, but the real you is impossible not to fall in love with. You're everything a man should be and you've proved in small ways as well as big that you feel the same way about me too. I know you're not perfect, but neither am I. I love you for the real man you are and man that you will continue to be. Always remember Sam that I _chose_ to love you and that I love you _willingly_. I'm so happy to be marrying you today and starting my future with you. Thanks to you I'll never be alone and that means the world to me. I started this Journey to find the Sea and ended up finding something far greater than I could ever have imagined. I love you Sam."

Oscar smiled indulgently at them and Sam was sure he heard Santana in the background quietly making vomiting noises. A hard glare from Artie quickly quietened her. "So, this leads me to the final part of this ceremony. Samuel Evans, do you take Mercedes Jones to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to cherish from this day forward, through all hardships, until death do you part?"

"I do."

Mercedes let out a small squee.

"And Mercedes Jones, do you take Samuel Evans to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish from this day forward, through all hardships, until death do you part?"

"I do."

Sam bent his head down to kiss her but Oscar cleared his throat loudly. "Rings?"

Pulling himself together Sam reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out the ring box. Taking out the smaller ring he took her hand. "I really hope this fits."

It did. Perfectly. "With this ring I thee wed."

Mercedes stared hard at it then back at him. "Where did you get this?"

"I sold something precious to get something else precious."

Her eyes drifted back to the gaping hole in his earlobe before gasping as it dawned on her what he'd done. "Oh Sam!" She completely broke down and sobbed so loudly that he had to hold her and whisper soothingly in her ear.

"I wanted to do it Mercedes. I was happy to do it. I can always buy back the earring with my own money, but I wanted to get you something that came from my sacrifice. It's a way of proving how serious I am." He wiped away the tears on his own cheek and held out his left hand. "Now it's your turn before we both completely lose it!"

Finally recovering herself with a small smile she took the other ring and slid it onto his finger. "With this ring I thee wed."

Oscar smiled and took their hands in his. "Before these two witnesses", indicating towards Santana and her blond friend, "and by the power vested in me by God and the authorities of Sea Sector 5, I pronounce you husband and wife. What God has put together, let no man put apart. You may _now_ kiss the bride!"

So he did.

Thoroughly.

After a quick round of thanks and congratulations the others made a hasty exit.

They stood and waved until the taxi was completely out of sight. Then Sam noticed the sadness in Mercedes gaze. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It was perfect."

He agreed with the perfection but still saw that something wasn't right with her. Pulling her into his arms he kissed the top of her head then tilted her face up to meet his gaze. "What is it?"

She shrugged. "I'm just being stupid."

He said nothing, waiting for her to speak in her own time.

"I guess I miss… I just wish my dad had been here to see it. I would have loved his blessing and for him to give me away."

It hurt Sam in the gut to see the pain in her face and know there was nothing he could say or do to make it better.

 _Or could he?_

"I think you're wrong babe. Firstly, your dad helped us plan our escape and supported us. It may have been grudging but in that sense he did give his blessing and contribute. Secondly, that last morning when he said his goodbyes he asked me to take care of you. He may not have walked 'up the aisle' with you, but he sure as hell gave you away to me." He reached down and gave her a comforting kiss. "He let us go, believing that we were going to be married. By doing this we're actually meeting his expectations."

He watched her think about it and her expression relax as she realized he truth behind his words. Maybe things might have been different if Mr Jones hadn't been led to believe there was a baby involved but the way things stood, he _had_ as good as given her away. "It's okay to miss him and think about him Mercedes."

She responded with a fierce kiss that left him breathless and turned him on completely. With a groan he pulled her to him, practically lifting her off the ground as he grabbed her ass. She'd started to do this thing where she nibbled and sucked a his bottom lip which was sure to kill him slowly. If they were going to finish what they were clearly starting they could stay standing outside!

He broke away reluctantly. "What are we doing still stood here?

Sam quickly swept the giggling Mercedes off her feet and carried her down to the house. "Baby, I've got something amazing to tell you. This is Oscar's house. He says that as he's already moved out, we can live here as long as we like until we get settled!"

Mercedes literally screamed with delight. "Really? That's amazing! Are you sure? How are we ever going to thank him?"

"I don't know. He still seems to think he should be thanking us."

"I think it's a blessing Sam. I really do."

Sam _knew_ that it was a blessing.

He nudged the door open with his shoulder and carried her over the threshold before giving her a quick, literally running tour of the house and the food he'd purchased as a mini stock up. "Slow down Sam, I need to see this place properly!"

"Not yet! There's something I have to do first…" He swept her back up into his arms bridal style and carried her over the threshold of the bedroom before placing her on the bed. "…It's our wedding night baby, everything else can wait."

"But it's not even six o' clock yet!"

"The time on the clock doesn't matter. Any time after the ceremony ends is technically the wedding night."

"Sam, stop being so…" He stopped her mouth with a kiss and felt her melt against him.

Just as she started to deepen the kiss he pulled away, smiling to himself at her whimper of frustration at the broken kiss. "Although I suppose if my beautiful new wife wants to go back to the kitchen then her wish is my command!"

She looked up at him with lust filled eyes that registered disappointment that things were suddenly going off track. "You're hungry? I guess the way to a man's heart is through his stomach…"

Sam laughed and caressed her cheek before suddenly turning serious, her innocent expression humbling him. "I _am_ hungry. Ravenous in fact. But, my beautiful little wife, my hunger is _not_ for food…"


	28. Chapter 28

_This was finally it!_

Despite the intensity of the kiss Sam's humor still danced on the edge of his consciousness for one last tease and he pulled back and shot her his most smoldering look. "So, after all these kisses are you still scared of me?" He grinned, asking the question periodically had been a source of amusement but the grin quickly faded when he saw she wasn't smiling back.

Mercedes looked up at him with eyes that were starting to fill and nodded. "Now more than ever."

The words were like a knife in the gut after hearing her beautiful vows just moments before and he opened his mouth to respond but she touched his cheek reassuringly. "My fear wasn't that you'd hurt me physically. I knew moments after we met that you would never do that. At first I was scared because I knew you were going to change my life. I just didn't understand how. Then I was scared because I was starting to have feelings for you but you only saw me as a child and now… now you're mine you have my heart and the power to shatter it."

His chest tightened at her admission. "Love _is_ scary Mercedes. But you know what? I'm just as scared as you. I've never been in love before I may have the power to shatter your heart but equally you have the power to shatter mine. We're in this together. Forever. We have equal power to hurt. But one thing holds true. I know with every fiber of my being that _we would never do that to each other!_ " He bent and kissed her passionately before remembering one last thing. "And for what it's worth, I _never_ saw you as a child!" _If only she had known the struggle!_ He cast a slow hungry lingering gaze up and down her beautiful body and the fact that she shuddered without him even touching her told him she'd read every single intention in his eyes and was more than ready.

Clutching each other close they kissed for ages, exploring each other's lips and mouths, licking, nibbling and caressing. Sam permitted the slow burn kissing for a while before starting to add movement. He took his hands and ran them up and down her arms until she shuddered in response. "You like?"

She nodded. If she was even half as turned on as him she'd fall apart with hardly any touching. Yet he knew this was special for her and continued with his gently movements. This time he pressed himself closer and got braver with his hands as his lips moved away from her jaw to her neck. First he touched her hair. She flinched initially, an automatic trained response, but soon turned her head to the direction of his hand. The braids felt soft and strong, almost slightly spongy and the loose ends were soft, but not quite like the raw cotton that the texture always reminded him of when he looked at it. Then his hands got braver still, skimming her body, but still always over the clothing. There was absolutely no need to rush.

He decided that he wasn't going to start undressing her. She would have to be the one to initiate it although he was desperate to see what lay beneath the dress. It took a while but eventually he could tell that what he was giving her wasn't enough. His hand crept underneath the skirt of her dress and she let it. His hands grew bolder still with her ass but she still let him.

Then finally she made her move, undoing the buttons on his shirt. He helped her and together they rid him of the fabric. The first thing she did was look at his scar. It had healed but still looked a little raised. She pushed him onto his back and grazed the scar with her lips. He wasn't expecting that but it was definitely a welcome sensual surprise.

Next she traced her finger around his tattoo and kissed the face of the little girl. "Hey Stacey. I'm Mercedes and I'm your new big sister." Sam's heart pounded at the intimacy of her words as she kissed the tattoo, then moved her kisses from his chest to his flat belly. The abs were long gone after months without targeted exercise but his core was still firm and it took all his resistance to permit her exploration when all he wanted to do was flip her over and get inside her. Soon though, even the fascination with his torso eventually waned and she finally backed away from him and stood.

Sam sat perched on the edge of the bed watching with bated breath as she slowly unbuttoned the front of the dress before slipping it off her shoulders and letting it fall in a pool around her feet to reveal matching pink underwear. "Momma told me a girl should always have a good support system." All he could do was nod in agreement. He was still gasping in appreciation at her underwear clad body as she reached back and unhooked her sensible looking bra, releasing the fullest breasts he'd ever seen and even as that garment hit the ground she was already bending and peeling down her panties to reveal her full nakedness. It wasn't a slow sexy strip tease and he knew doing something like that would never have crossed her mind, but he had plenty of future time to teach her how to do _that._ Neither did she realize the underwear should have been for his slow appreciation. But this was her first time and there was so much she needed to learn. Instead he sat back and let her do it her way. This was her opening herself up to him and he wasn't going to disturb that and distract her.

When she was completely naked she stepped out of her clothes, raised her arms out to the side, causing her breasts to lift slightly and looked at him shyly before spinning in a small circle so that he could get a good look at her whole body. _Oh lord that ass…_ She bit her lip nervously as she looked self-consciously down at herself, touching first her breasts and then her hips. "I know it's not much, all the travelling made me get thin, but I'm all woman, I promise. I'll get it back after a few weeks and-"

 _Thin?_

He stopped her words by reaching and pulling her towards him to stand between his legs, quickly capturing her mouth with a kiss. He'd expected her to be a little self-conscious, women in his experience always were when they undressed, but whereas in his Sector they'd prized thinness as a sign of beauty, she felt it to be the opposite. And she was in no way thin in comparison to what he knew. She still had full breasts, belly, hips and thighs that actually met all the way down. She was glorious and most definitely still soft! He ran his hands slowly down her sides. "You're still beautiful and soft Mercedes. And I love you. I love you so much. You are perfect to me as you are, as you were and as you will be." _This girl was making him fucking poetic!_

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed closer, causing her breasts to squash against him again, this time hot skin against hot skin, and her nipples pebbled against his pectoral muscles. "I love you too. I'm yours Sam. I'm all yours."

"And I'm yours Mercedes."

It took all his strength not to be mister grabby hands. She was right here, naked and pressed against him, but this was her first time and he didn't want to scare her by pawing at her hungrily the way that he wanted to. There was no rush, he had a lifetime to get this so he could afford to take his time right now. After allowing himself one single swipe over her ass and a quick squeeze with his hands he slowly allowed them to roam up her sides until they reached uncharted territory of the curve of her breast. He skimmed them lightly before moving his hands inwards, cupping their weight while using his thumbs to slip between them and flick the nipples. His touch caused her to gasp and tilt her head back, allowing him to trail his lips from her mouth to her jaw and down onto her neck while his hands began to gently massage her breasts, taking note of the fact that her nipples hardened even more. They stayed in that embrace for a moment, enjoying the new sensation of skin on skin until Sam couldn't take it any longer and had to shift his position slightly. He'd been hard right from the start but now it was getting painful.

She clearly sensed his movement and giggled, rubbing herself against the bulge in his pants. "This feels like morning."

Sam cringed. "You knew?"

"It's not like I could miss it digging in to me every morning! Anyway, I know these things happen naturally for men."

He shook his head and met her lips again. "Nope. You caused it every time. You and your hot little body snuggling and rubbing against me while you slept. You have no idea how much self-restraint I had to show!"

"You don't have to anymore!"

"I don't plan to!"

Sam reluctantly moved his hands from caressing her breasts, only for them to find their way back to her ass. Standing, he lifted her and placed her gently on the bed before climbing over her and settling between her legs. "You have perfect breasts Mercedes, they're so soft." He ran his mouth down her neck to her shoulder, along her clavicle and down to her nipple which he flicked with his tongue a couple of times before taking it into his mouth as she released a moan of pleasure. Her breasts fascinated him. As she lay back they flattened and spread slightly like encased jelly unlike the enhanced ones of his Sector's women which stood up independently like mounds against their ribcages. And unlike the pink or pale brown nipples and areolas he was used to, these were dark, far darker than her skin, and had a deep brown color as rich as her eyes. As he lowered his mouth to them he almost imagined that they would taste like the chocolate they resembled. "These are amazing Mercedes…"

There was no chocolate taste, but he was able to trace and memorize every contour with his mouth and his tongue while her back arched in pleasure, her hands finding the back of his head and his name repeatedly whispered from her lips. He found himself having to grind into to mattress just to get some relief. He wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer and he wasn't nearly finished with Mercedes. After introducing himself thoroughly to her breasts he pulled back, smiling at her subconscious soft cry of protest.

"Don't worry baby, it's my turn to strip for you." Already naked from the waist up it took seconds for him to unzip his pants but he did it slowly, amused by the fact that she couldn't meet his eyes, first from staring at his bare chest, then from having her eyes firmly fixed on the bulge in his pants. Eager to not waste time he slipped his pants and boxers off at the same time, revealing his cock hard and ready. It was long was thick with a full head already leaking pre-cum and stood proud, ready for action. He already knew he was slightly larger than average, but he also knew that the tall men from her Sector were also apparently well-endowed so he was sure that she'd be able to handle it.

She on the other hand, didn't look quite so sure. Making his way back to the bed he lay back down next to her and kissed her gently. "Give me your hand."

Unblinking she offered her hand and he took it in his. "Do you trust me?"

She nodded and he brought their joined hands down until she was touching him gently with her fingertips. Even her briefest touch caused it to twitch in anticipation and her hand jerked back. "It's okay."

"I thought I hurt you. Does it hurt?"

"Nope. It feels good right now and when you touch it, it feels even better."

With furrowed brows she touched it again gently and he groaned pleasure from the tiny touch. "It feels… it feels hard but soft at the same time."

 _It was a bad idea. This touching was never going to allow him to last._ Panic started to set in but rather than being nervous, Mercedes was strangely fascinated. "How come the skin is different here at the tip?" She ran her finger along the tight smooth skin on his tip and he nearly burst all over her.

"I'll explain another day." Quickly turning he scanned the floor for his shirt and leaped up to grab it before she could say anything. "I'm sorry I-"

 _He was so close. If he could get rid of this one he would be able to last long enough with the next to show Mercedes the good time that she deserved._ She clearly sensed his panic. "Show me what you need me to do. I want to do this for you Sam. I want to make you happy."

How was he supposed to resist this beautiful angel that was kneeling on the bed, naked as the day she was born with eyes only for him? Without a word he stepped forward and she offered her hand again. Laying back down he placed it back on his length and guided it to curl around him and stroke from length to tip. They only had to do it three times before his breath caught in his throat and he started to see stars. The shirt caught everything that escaped him and when the waves subsided he wiped himself down with it and tossed it aside. He closed his eyes for a moment as he calmed back down and felt her kissing his face gently. "Did I do good?"

"You did perfectly."

After a few seconds resting and enjoying her kisses he opened his eyes and smiled. "Now it's my wife's turn." Rolling her onto her back he resumed his position between her legs but this time, he only spent a brief time on her breasts before starting at her sternum and kissing his way downwards. By the time he reached her bellybutton she was giggling. "What are you doing?"

"Kissing my wife."

"But my lips are up here!"

"Those aren't the lips I'm thinking of this time!" He heard her gasp and felt her stiffen involuntarily. "It's okay Mercedes. We're married. We're allowed."

"I know but…"

"So let me make you feel good. I love you and it's what I want to do for you, as my wife. A sort of a wedding gift. Think of it as the starter that comes before the main course." Before she could reply he grabbed her thighs and parted them, causing her unique scent to reach his nose.

She was beautiful. Unlike the shaved girls he was used to she was completely natural. He had his own pubic hair so there was no reason why she shouldn't have hers too. Besides, using his fingers to part her lips and see the deliciously pink insides, all it did was add to the delicious contrast of her inner and outer folds. Raising her knees and spreading her legs further he gave her no choice and his mouth went straight for the little bundle of nerves that seemed to be taunting him, her mild creamy taste sending him into sensory overload.

Mercedes immediately bucked and cried out and he grabbed her thighs to calm her and keep her still and in position. "It's okay Mercy. Let yourself go and enjoy it!"

Her hands found his hair as he made his way down towards her hole, teasing around the edge before dipping his tongue inside and teasing her again. Her hips and thighs were strong as she bucked against him but luckily he was stronger, her thick thighs unable to completely block him from hearing the involuntary sounds of pleasure that were escaped her lips.

When she came it caught them both by surprise, Sam because he wasn't expecting it so quickly, clearly too busy working his mouth to notice the buildup while she, having never experienced anything like it before, quivered uncontrollably for a couple of seconds while Sam collected her essence straight into his waiting mouth. Rather than scream or curse she made a soft mewling noise that made him feel proud of being the one to make her totally lose control.

Licking every drop of her from his lips he moved back up her body to lock mouths with her again as she calmed down. "You okay babe?"

"Mmmmhmmm…" She still wasn't quite with it but he was already hard as a rock again, turned on by his attentions to her and the sounds that she made in response. Pressing close to her again he ran his hands over her body, stealing more feels of her breasts and ass before slipping a hand between them and sliding it down until it reached and parted her nether lips. As his tongue explored her mouth, his fingers explored the areas his tongue had been, first flicking and rubbing the already engorged clit before making their way to the jackpot.

Sam thought it would be easy to slip a finger inside. It wasn't. That she would be tight was to be expected, but this was something else. "Baby, you need to relax and let go like you did just now." He nibbled at the sensitive spot behind her ear and felt her loosen up as she was overcome. Lubrication wasn't an issue, it was more her first time nerves and once he got his finger in he worried he wouldn't be able to get it back out again.

"Am I hurting you?"

"No. Feels… good…" She relaxed even more and he strummed her clit with his thumb before raising himself up into a near kneeling position to allow him a better angle over her and working in another finger as he kissed her mouth again.

"Good?" She didn't reply but the arching of her body and the fact that she was starting to ride his hand was answer enough. Lowering his face he captured one of her breasts in his mouth again and she gripped his head. He could feel her tightening and constricting around his fingers and knew she was responding. Just as he tried to add a third finger to stretch her out, she stopped him.

"No Sam."

"Huh?" He stopped his movements and shot her a confused look but she was quick to reassure him.

"Don't stop. I just…" she sighed as he resumed his finger movements "I just need to feel…" A shudder of ecstasy ran through her body as he hit that magic spot inside her, the second hidden bundle of nerves and he had to slow his movements to let her pause for breath to finish what she wanted to say. "I know it might hurt, but I need to feel the moment you make me into a woman. I want to do this properly."

Sam understood. It was one of her quirks, and although he'd been trying to save her the discomfort, for her it was all part of the traditional experience and he wouldn't deny her. Forgetting the third finger, he worked the two he was already using back against that magic spongy spot, causing her head to tilt and her eyes to roll back before quickly removing them and lining himself up, swiping his head against her gently to lubricate himself with some of her sticky juices before slowly pushing his way inside. As he did so, he kissed her lips again, swallowing the gasp that came as he powered through the small wall of resistance he met when he was part way in until he was totally sheathed and squeezed to within an inch of ecstasy himself without even having moved yet.

When he was fully inside her he paused, feeling her muscles spasming and fluttering around his length and trying not to groan. He broke the kiss and looked down at Mercedes. Her eyes were closed and she was frowning. He was big, he knew it and she was still adjusting. "You okay?"

She opened her big tear filled eyes and smiled up at him. "I'm a woman now!"

"You were already a woman. This was just a technicality!" He smiled back and she reached up to touch his face tenderly before bringing it down for a kiss.

"I love you Sam." Sliding her hands down his back she rested them on his ass, pushing him gently, indicating for him to move and he did.

"I love you too Mercedes." He moved slowly as she widened her legs to accommodate him and adjusted herself to a more comfortable position. It was hard but he kept it slow. _There's nothing wrong with a slow grind and I can keep one going for ages…_

Sam made slow and gentle love to her, grinding and rocking with his hips for maximum friction without thrusting too hard or going too deep. She matched his movements and moaned with each forward press that he made, the tone getting higher and higher as she neared her climax. He knew that it was supposed to be rare for a woman to orgasm on her first time, but he wasn't going to stop until he achieved it. He used his experience to do everything in his power to make her feel good and it was working. Grazing his teeth on her left nipple, while flicking the right with one hand and rubbing circles on her clit with the other made her scream out as her walls contracted around him, milking every last drop out of him. He didn't fare much better with his elongated battle cry as he came deep inside her.

Sam had planned to give Mercedes a night she'd never forget but the reality was that the combination of the intense lovemaking and being comfortable on a soft bed for the first time in months meant they both fell into a deep sleep.

Dinner was forgotten that night as they lay in each other's arms, exhausted, satiated and simply happy to have ended their journey together.

* * *

 _ **Hope this doesn't disappoint. It was written for a novel rather than smutty smutty fanfiction! Lol!**_


	29. Chapter 29

As usual, Sam was the first awake and lay still, relishing the long awaited feeling of holding Mercedes skin against skin. Tempting as it was to wake her so that they could make love again, he forced himself to leave their warm cocoon and poured a warm bath. When it was ready he carried his still drowsy bride into it, knowing she'd appreciate the soak both after their long journey and to soothe any discomfort her inexperienced body might be feeling after their first night together. He cursed himself for not thinking of bath salts as he'd raced around the store the previous afternoon and instead raided his bag for their usual body wash and started to gently bather her, starting with the beautiful breasts that just called out for his touch.

"Join me?"

How could he say no! Sleeping on his first soft bed in months had actually made him feel aches that he didn't even know were there. The invitation was impossible to resist. Unfortunately it wasn't practical. There simply wasn't space for the two of them in the tub and Mercedes behind pressed between against his groin was impossible to bear. By the time they'd soaped each other down, his idea of a long soak was replaced with a long something else in the bedroom where they wouldn't be hindered by water splashing out of the tub and ruining the floor…

It was the perfect honeymoon with no need to leave the house. They made love day and night, pausing only for sleep and food. Even the beach was forgotten in their hunger for the touch of each other. When she slept Sam would stare tirelessly at her serene face still stunned that they had made it and that she was really his. Every inch of their bodies were explored, caressed, teased and stimulated. He would lay back and allow Mercedes to examine or touch whatever she liked on him. Obviously there was one part of him she loved above all else and her touch, under his guidance, was highly stimulating.

For the first day, all they ate were pancakes. Sam was determined to make her breakfast, and eventually at lunchtime that's exactly what he did. Those pancakes, syrup and bacon gave them the energy to continue what they'd started the night before.

One thing Mercedes wasn't was shy. Once her virginity was lost there was no going back. She wouldn't talk dirty but Sam actively encouraged her to tell him what she wanted him to do at she rapidly became adept at it. Very quickly it became clear that she liked it fast and rough. She liked it when he held her hand and liked it even more when he pinned her hands down. She loved the feel of his weight on top of her either on front or from behind and was more than happy for him to take control, even taking handfuls of her hair as reins. On the other hand, there were times when she loved to reverse the roles, pinning him down and riding him without mercy. The juxtaposition of her innocence and self-awareness fascinated him.

For someone who was a 'good girl' in life, she could be pretty 'bad' in the bedroom.

And Sam's obsession with her breasts continued. He couldn't get enough of them. He liked to sleep with his head on them, squeeze and weigh them in his hands, explore them like a baby with his mouth and slip his cock between them when she was too tired to let him do any more to her, or as part of their foreplay. It was a fascination that would never end.

* * *

It took two days for Mercedes to find Artie's note. He'd hidden it in the kitchen behind some of the groceries. Sam swore he must have done it while he'd showered in preparation for the wedding because there had been nothing in the cupboard when he'd first unloaded into it. The words inside left them speechless. The house where they were staying wasn't just on loan to them, _it was actually theirs_! The note explained more detail of Artie and TinaMai's story. Apparently, when they arrived in the Sea Sector, a kind man had taken them in and allowed Artie time to recover from his wounds. The man told them that he too wasn't a native of the Sea and had come years before to flee from persecution in his home Sector, sing his funds to find a place where he could live out the last of his days in peace and safety. As he was was already old, terminally sick and had no family he told them that when he died they could have the house. Three weeks later the man died while Artie was still in his recovery. He and TinaMai fully expected people to turn up and claim the house was theirs, leaving them in the lurch, but nobody ever did. In fact, it turned out that the old man had even told other people in the Sector that he he'd given the house away and it already had new occupants who would soon be looking for work. Because the house had been given to them for free, they felt bad to sell it and profit in any way, especially as they'd worked over the years and bought property elsewhere that was truly theirs. TinaMai had always wanted the house to go to someone who would appreciate it, someone who was starting out just like they were at the time, and now Artie was happy to be able to grant his and his wife's wish and hand it over to them with the keys, explaining how their situation had resonated so much with him.

Dropping the note Mercedes exclaimed and slapped her hand over her mouth. "It's a miracle!"

For the bitter unbeliever that he was, Sam found he had to agree. As there was no forwarding address for Artie they had to eventually reach him through Santana at the office to thank him properly. The man explained that he'd wanted to tell them on the day that the house was theirs but he worried they might not accept it so he had to be a little more sneaky. It was important to him that they had it and his insistence and generosity was something they would always be thankful for.

And finally Sam got to fully explore her hair. He sat and watched as she undid the braids she usually kept and twisted the soft hair into locks. Now that they'd married and made love, she would no longer wear the braids of a child, but the permanent locks of a married woman. It took Mercedes all day to get the little twists just the way she wanted and she even allowed Sam to help her with making the sections. When he thought of how she used to go and disappear to do her hair he appreciated just what it meant for her to allow him to be part of this and it felt just as intimate as making love.

* * *

On the third day they finally left the house and made their way to the beach to frolic there. After a picnic lunch, Sam brought her to the top of the hill.

"Mercedes, it's important for you to see this."

She stiffened as she watched him pull out his gun. But before she could say anything he flipped open the chamber, removing the six bullets and throwing them one by one off the edge of the cliff and into the sea as far as he could. Then he took out the clip and threw it. Finally the body of the gun was thrown into the salty depths. Nobody would ever be able to claim that gun or use it for their evil ends.

For the longest while she just stared out to Sea, where the pieces had been thrown, then she reached up, grabbed his face and kissed the life out of him, her face an expression of pure joy. "Thank you Sam. That must have been hard for you."

He shook his head. "No. Actually it was easy. I'm not that man anymore. I never will be."

She pulled him down for a second kiss before sinking into his embrace. "I'm glad. Because 'those who live by the sword will die by the sword' and I couldn't bear to lose you."

The words formed a lump in his throat. "I've done so much bad-"

She stopped him before he could finish. "That was all in the past Sam. I love the man that you are _now_ and would rather die than have to watch your former life catch up with you!"

Sam swallowed. He knew she'd meant the words to comfort him but for some reason they felt like ice around his heart and sent a shiver right through his very soul.

He knew she'd spoken the words in innocence but they had a prophetic ring about them that left him feeling uneasy for a long time afterwards...

* * *

Eventually they settled into a routine. Although they had the house but they still needed work to support themselves. Sam reluctantly put his money into an envelope and kept it in a drawer. He didn't like living off Mercedes' savings but she refused to have it any other way. She even bought him his earring back on her first visit to the Sector Center. At first he'd been upset at what she'd done but she explained that it was as important to her for him to have it back as the only heirloom he owned belonging to his family as it had been for him to demonstrate his love with it's sacrifice. The fact that he had sold it meant the world to her and would always remain that way.

Going into the Sector made Sam nervous and he constantly made excuses as to why he wouldn't go with Mercedes when she went down for supplies. She never pushed him to come with her and he was thankful for that. The first thing she did was buy fabric and a sewing machine. She would then spend hours putting together sample outfits and taking them down to the Sector Center to see if she could sell them. It took a few weeks but eventually a boutique store signed her up as a designer and she'd make items for them to sell. She also produced fliers and established herself as a bespoke dressmaker for tailor made outfits and special occasions. Word of mouth quickly got her a good reputation and a healthy business following.

"What happened to your dream of being a doctor?" He pulled her into his lap one day as she sat staring at fabric. "Aren't you going to look into the opportunity to try and do it here? I'd support you all the way."

She smiled brightly and kissed him. "Thanks Sam. I did think about it when we first got here but I'm not going to go for it. I've missed my chance. It takes years of study and I don't feel like having to start from the beginning. If I'd been alone maybe I would have looked at things differently, but with the two of us, I want to start working quickly. If this clothing line works out I'll be able to have my own business and maybe even employ others. That's more than I would have ever been able to achieve if I'd stayed home. I haven't lost my dream by not going to medical school, I'm just pursuing another equally exciting one. I can be a business woman. Here I have choices and I'm happy with the one I made."

Mercedes put the weight back on that she lost during the journey and as she did her self-confidence grew. The increase in her weight came an increase in her breast size which drove Sam nearly insane with desire. From the moment they arrived she seemed to flourish.

Sam found things far less easy. He told Mercedes that he was suffering from agoraphobia and that's what she told others. She accepted the explanation without question even though they both knew it wasn't true. Sure he had a fear of going into the Sector and although there was a good chance that it was safe, there was also a degree of rationality to it. What she didn't know was just how much of it was guilt over being free and facing no consequences for his actions in his previous life. He was still struggling to live with himself. He'd killed many men and even a few women. Aleks may not have been officially punished for his crimes, but Sam could punish himself for it and he did every day.

One thing his self-imposed 'house-arrest' did do was make employment difficult. It was only after Mercedes had bought him a painting set and reassured him how good his art was that he contemplated actually selling it for a living. First he would draw his own pictures and sell them via mail order online using the SectorNet. Then he started to take commissions. People would email him photographs that they would request be converted into watercolor paintings, pencil sketches or even caricatures and he would do it, creating his own niche market business. Working with art was far better than having to work with words. But he also knew that now was the time to finally take Mercedes up on her offer to help with his reading and writing. When it came to Mercedes he'd long left his pride behind and the 2 hours each day that she spent gently coaxing him came to be among the highlights of his day, and his progress was beyond anything he dreamed could be possible for someone like him.

Life was good and they lived in their own little world. Mercedes would go into town twice a week to take her clothes, collect her money and get various groceries and things that they couldn't purchase online and get delivered. A few of her clients would come up to the house and Sam didn't mind that. Usually he would make himself scarce but on occasions he would let them in the front door or say a brief hello first, just to assure the world of his existence. They were older women who were no threat to his existence and he wanted the Sector to know that his beautiful Mercedes did in fact have a husband and was definitely off limits.

It was a simple life, but it worked for them. They each had work that they enjoyed, a comfortable income, a lovely home and most importantly, each other.


	30. Chapter 30

**Three years later…**

Sam hated it when she cried. She tried to hide it from him but he could always tell. Whenever he asked about it Mercedes would make excuses – she was missing her dad, she was homesick for her Sector, work deadlines were stressing her or she was just tired. When that got old she blamed it on her hormones and he accepted that excuse for the longest time not knowing any better. Every time she got her period she became positively depressed and one time he'd even suggested maybe she needed to see a doctor to find out if there was something that could be done to help.

She hadn't spoken to him for three whole days after that and he never quite understood exactly what it was that he'd said that was so damn wrong.

Then one day it all came flying out. One of her clients had come for a fitting and brought her baby along with her. Mercedes had cooed and fussed over the child and even Sam had stayed around to play a little. The girl was around the age Stacey had been when she died and he felt a strange affinity to the chubby little thing. Mercedes was fine the whole time the visitors were there, but the second they left she fell apart.

"I'm a failure Sam." He held her as she wept against his shoulder, the first time that she hadn't had the opportunity to hide her tears from him. It was as if she was simply too tired and drained to attempt to escape him this time.

"No you're not! You're a successful business woman, you have everything you could possibly need and to top it all you have me! Not that you _need_ me, but I'm like some stray puppy you found on the street once and decided to keep out of the kindness of your heart and I'll always be grateful for that."

She smiled a watery smile and smacked him gently on the arm. "Don't be so silly! You're not some stray puppy. You're the man I love! And I love you with every ounce of my being Sam. I just wish I could give you everything but I can't."

He didn't understand. "You have! You gave me my life back and you gave me your love. You've already given me more than I could ever have hoped for."

She pulled back from him a little and looked up at him sadly. "Not everything though…"

He could tell that she was struggling with something and suddenly for the first time he started to understand what it might be. "Mercedes, you don't have to-"

"A _baby_ Sam. I can't give you a baby!"

"Cede-"

"It's been three years Sam, _three!_ "

Sam held her tightly, not knowing what to say as she sobbed. "I have so much love in me to give and so do you but-"

He stopped her with a kiss. "When the time is right, it will happen and we'll be the best parents in the world. And it _will_ happen. We love each other and there will be children born out of that love."

"So why hasn't it happened yet. I'm young, I'm healthy, and it's not as if we don't, you know…"

Oh yes he did know. They made love, all the time, the only exception being when she was on her period, but even during those times she still made sure that he was completely satisfied in other ways. "We'll just keep trying. I want nothing more than to have children with you Mercedes. You'll be the perfect mother and I'll just be right here doing my best to keep up with you."

She buried her face in his chest. "But how long is it going to take?"

"It'll take as long as it takes Mercedes. Like you said, you're still young. If you have faith that it will happen then it will."

Mercedes pulled back and looked up at him with another watery smile. "Did you just talk to me about having faith Sam? _You_ of all people?"

He grinned back. "Yeah. I guess I just did. Seems like I've been spending far too much time around you! Unfortunately it seems to be a bad habit that I can't seem to give up."

"But I really want this for you Sam. I want this for _us_."

"I want it too." He brushed his hand against her locks which had matured nicely and grown in length before kissed her tenderly. "The way I see it, the only way for us to get a baby is to make one. So… if you're up for it…" Sam started trailing kisses along her neck and throat that made her gasp, "I was thinking we could start trying right now…"

Mercedes grabbed his face and kissed him feverishly. It was all the answer he needed to carry her into the bedroom and spend the rest of the day making slow sweet love to her.

* * *

"Happy anniversary babe!"

Mercedes was so busy stuffing her door keys into her purse that she almost didn't hear Sam's words. Looking up at him she grinned at the sight and he could tell his surprise pleased her. Pulling her towards the table she saw the two trays, one piled with fries and the other with wings coated in his own special barbecue sauce. Since he was home the most he had developed a love for cooking. Obviously his skills were never going to be a match for his wife but he made sure that he more than pulled his weight in the kitchen when she was out and loved to experiment.

Mercedes grinned and ran to him, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "Happy anniversary love."

He looked down at her with a cheeky grin. "You forgot didn't you…"

Her face turned sheepish. "Sam we have an anniversary every month for something!"

It was true. The undiscovered romantic in Sam loved to make an anniversary out of any small event in their lives. "I know. But this one's special. The burgers are outside on the grill. I put them on as soon as I saw you approach."

She grinned at him then grabbed the two trays of food. "So what are you waiting for? Go grab the music player and some wine!"

"That's the spirit! But you're forgetting something that has to happen first." Holding out his arms she walked straight into them, allowing him to squeeze her tight. "That first hug when we got out of the Transit Sector-"

"The one where you nearly squeezed the life out of me!"

"You know you loved it!"

"Mmmhmmm…" Her voice was muffled as her face got buried in his chest. Every time they were in this position he remembered exactly how he'd felt. The fear that she may not make it back out of the Transit Sector and the desire to never let her go.

As they sat outside sharing burgers sliced in half he grinned. "Did I ever tell you how you nearly drove me insane with the sauce on your lip?"

She raised an eyebrow. Of course he'd told her, a million times. But her eyes were lit with mischief. "Really? What did it make you want to do?"

"Remove it."

"Is that so?"

The wicked glint in her eye got stronger and her pupils dilated as she dipped her finger into the ketchup and smeared a little on her bottle lip. "Care to demonstrate how you would have done that…?"

What they started over the meal they finished in the bedroom. Usually after making love he had the sweetest sleep, but this night he dreamed of that day. He was back in the alley sweating and waiting impatiently for her. But this time after hearing footsteps he raised his head to see not his sweet Mercedes, but a group of armed Sector Patrols surrounding his, each with a gun pointed at his head. Only the Patrols weren't really men but the pale ghostlike faces of men he'd killed. As he recoiled in fear one of them smiled, ashen skin peeling back to reveal maggot ridden teeth. The maggots crawled down his chin and started to fall to the ground as he mouthed the words 'Did you think we would never catch up with you?"

Fighting for breath Sam's eyes struggled to adjust to the darkness. Mercedes lay next to him, her breathing steady and indicative of deep sleep. Reluctantly he pulled away from her and got up, making his way to the bathroom where he washed his face before staring at his reflection in the mirror.

Damn he looked spooked. Closing his eyes he took several deep, calming breaths.

"Sam are you okay? You've been up a long time."

He turned to see Mercedes at the bathroom door with a concerned expression on her face. He opened his mouth but words failed him so he simply nodded. But his wife could read him like a book. Before he could even think she'd approached and embraced him. "What did you dream?"

"I was in the Transit Sector waiting for you but instead of you it was my past that came to meet me."

Reaching up she caressed his cheek the way she did when he was still wearing his beard. "You're safe here. You're with me. We made it. We made it _together!_ "

He nodded but could barely look at her, the happiness of their anniversary evening now a million miles away. How could she want this? How could she want _him?_

"Come back to bed." Unable to find the words to express what he was feeling he allowed her to lead him back to bed and crawled in beside her, pulling her close but not even daring to kiss her even though he wanted nothing else.

Mercedes placed her hand on his chest over his heart and moved her mouth to his ear. "I'm never going to stop reminding you that I love you Sam. I know and I understand that you have a past, but I also know and understand that it's behind you now. If I had any problems with it I wouldn't be with you. It's not my place to judge or punish you for what happened before we met."

"But-"

She moved her hand and placed a finger over his lips. "No 'buts' Sam. When we you said your vows to me I knew that you meant them with every atom of your being. The same goes for my vows to you. I told you that I love you and that I love you _willingly._ I _choose_ to love you. I know who you are and I chose to accept. You didn't force me to have feelings and whatever pain you're going through I've chosen to be by your side through all of it, until death do us part. We're both damaged and we both have hurt inside that may never be fully repaired, but we also have each other, and that's the most important thing."

Sam was glad for the cover of darkness. It hid the fact that her words had made his eyes sting and water. Knowing there was nothing he could possibly say in response to her he reached over and kissed her, holding her close and knowing he could never let her go.

* * *

 **Another three years later…**

Things were strained. There was no denying it. Two damaged people living together would undoubtedly eventually take its toll. Even though they were still trying for a baby they made love less and less and Mercedes spent more and more time in the Sector Center. She told him that she was working but he knew that she was seeing her 'friends' too. He understood that she needed the outlet but also resented her time away.

It frustrated him. Sam _knew_ Mercedes was made of a strong moral fiber that meant she wouldn't cheat on him, but she was beautiful and continually travelled into Sector Center without his protection. For her to be seen alone all the time would surely give men the green light to see how far they could go with her. His greatest fear was that maybe one day she would stop coming back up to their house on the hill. Maybe she would find some other man who could give her what she wanted.

The rational side of his brain told him that paranoia was taking over but it was getting harder and harder to fight it.

Then it occurred to him that maybe the reason she wasn't getting pregnant wasn't actually her at all, but they had never properly spoken about it.

What if the problem _was_ him? What if _he_ was some way inadequate in the fertility department? It was a tough question as well as a blow to his manhood. Maybe it wasn't for a monster like him to procreate and bring more potential killers into the world. But would he be prepared to let her go and find somebody new to have children with? He should, but he knew the reality was that it would only happen over his dead body. There was no way he was ever going to give her up!

Then there was a name she'd mentioned. A name which came up in conversation more times than he was comfortable with. Joe. Joe Hart. Mercedes didn't realize it but she smiled whenever she mentioned his name. He was a wanderer who did odd repair works at the boutique where her clothes were sold. Apparently he was also a man of faith. Sam didn't like him. He had no reason to as he'd never met the man and if he was a man of faith he should be above reproach, but… Mercedes was beautiful. Very beautiful. And great men had fallen at lesser hurdles.

And even if he wasn't after her to destroy her marriage, what if she looked at him and saw what she didn't have? Joe was a man of faith rather than a heathen like himself. Someone who could give her the life that she wanted. A man who could go out around the Sector with her, her doing the kind of things that couples did. Not like the one paltry first and last meal date in a restaurant that they'd been on where she had paid. A _good_ man. A man who could give her the children she wanted to make her happy. What was to stop her from deciding that Sam wasn't what she wanted after all? What was to stop her from realizing that she'd sold herself short and that there were men who were _so much better_ than him out there who could give her not just a little more, but who could give her everything that someone as amazing as her deserved.

Men who didn't come with the kind of baggage that he had to carry around on a daily basis. Men who weren't spooked by shadows.

The thoughts tortured Sam. Every time Mercedes closed her eyes when she kissed him he wondered if she was picturing someone else. Every time she went to Sector Center and was more than five minutes later than she said she'd be, he wondered where she was and who she was with. Every extra trip that she made which wasn't for the bare essentials he put down as her taking an opportunity to find somebody better than him.

It drove him mad. All the time that he wasn't going into Sector Center was time Mercedes could spend finding somebody better than him. And it wouldn't be hard to do. Yet the longer he stayed away, the harder it became to actually bring himself to actually do it. It had been years and he'd now reached the point where leaving their home area and mixing with others became an impossibility. It was like a self-fulfilling prophecy. All it took was one person to recognize his tattoo and not only would he be dead, but Mercedes would be taken out too. Besides, he should be rotting in jail for his crimes. If the Sector couldn't do it, he would do it for himself. He didn't deserve a normal life when he'd taken it away from so many others.

So instead, he brewed. And all that happened was the jealousy got greater. Mercedes mentioned Joe again. This time he'd seen her at the market and they'd talked. The man had told her he'd considered purchasing one of Sam's paintings and the thought of I made Sam livid. How _dare_ the man use _him_ as an excuse to talk to her! He'd scoured each of the names on his order list just to make sure that none were by a person named Joe.

"This Joe Hart guy knows that you're married right?" Sam asked the question randomly one afternoon while Mercedes packed her latest batch of clothing to take to Sector Center.

"Of course he does. He asks after you and your wellbeing." She looked up at him with an expression of confusion and he guiltily was unable to meet her eyes. Sometimes her innocence knew no bounds.

"Good." He had turned and made himself busy, sorting through his paint brushes, but he could still feel that she was staring intently at him.

"Sam, are you jealous?"

 _Damn right I am! I can't go into the Sector and defend you from the man's lecherous ass!_

"Because Joe's not like that. He's respectful. I know what it's like to be hit on and he doesn't do it."

Now he was definitely piqued. "So guys hit on you?"

"Only a couple." She bit her lip, clearly regretting those words, and it took everything Sam had to not fly into a jealous rage. _Nobody_ had the right to hit on his _wife._ If it wasn't for the fact that he'd put himself at risk that first day in the Sector and caught the attention of Sector Patrol Officers, he would follow her on every trip and act like her bodyguard. "But don't worry Sam," she touched his arm gently with a smile and held out her hand with her simple wedding band, "I definitely put them in their places before they get any ideas."

"Good." He pulled her to him and pressed her against his body. "Because you're mine."

"I'm yours and you're mine Sam." She lifted up her face to him and he immediately kissed her, taking his time to suck on her bottom lip and only releasing it at the last possible moment. He listened at the contented moan she produced in response to his action. "You know I love you and there's no need to be jealous."

"Who says I'm jealous?" He brought his face down to nuzzle her neck.

"Your eyes Sam, your eyes."

He slid his hands down to her ass and pulled her to rub against his hardening erection. "You're not looking in my eyes right now."

"You know exactly what I mean."

"And you know exactly what you mean to me Mercedes. You're my _everything_. Other men may be better than me, but I got you first and I'm keeping you!" He moved his lips back to hers and kissed her possessively, one hand moving to her breast while the other smacked her ass, smiling against her lips at the moan of pleasure he received in response.

Now that he had her, he was a man with a mission. He needed to distract her from the thoughts and paths of other men. Taking the hand from her breast he slid it down between them, underneath her skirt and into her panties. "Don't go to Sector Center this afternoon."

She gasped as his fingers teased her clit. "I have to. I have clients with orders due in today."

Sam could tell by her tone that she was going to hold to it. With a frustrated moan he slipped his hand even further down, pushing one finger up and inside her, causing her hips to rock. "So go in late then…"

"Sam I-"

He moved his kisses from her lips to her jaw and then her neck. Her body was an instrument of pleasure and he knew how to play it perfectly. Mercedes was quickly lost in his touch, not even realizing that her sweater was raised and her bra now undone.

Despite initial protests, that afternoon she did make it to Sector Center but went almost an hour late. And she bore fresh marks of love on her neck and walked with a spring in her step.

Best of all, she wore a grin of sexual satisfaction that there was no way she'd be able to hide from the world.


	31. Chapter 31

Things continued as they were for a while. Sam still stayed out of Sector Center but tolerated more of Mercedes's friends coming to the house. It was hard for him but the more that knew of his presence, the less he worried about others thinking his wife was free for the taking. Unfortunately, this Joe character was also well spoken of among her friends. He knew he was being irrational but he couldn't help it. The final straw came when Mercedes came home clutching a book. She was stood in the kitchen, stirring a pot of rice and flicking through the chapters when he asked her what she was reading.

Excitedly she handed it to him to see the title and the picture of the author on the back. "It's written by a writer from my Sector. Joe kindly lent it to me..." As soon as she said the name her smile faded. He knew why. He couldn't help the flash of emotion that had crossed his face and found it impossible to bite his tongue.

"So he's _giving_ you things now?"

"Sam! Don't overreact. He just decided to lend me a book, that's all!"

"That's how these things start!"

He expected her to be defensive, but her hand slipped to her hip and her stance strengthened. One thing he loved about Mercedes was the way that she was unafraid to stand up to him and call him out if she thought he needed to be told. Unfortunately for him he could feel that this was going to be one of those times. "How _what_ things Sam?"

"Things to distract you. Things to make you see that he's a better option than me!"

"Don't be crazy Sam. Joe's not like that. He's respectful. He's a serious and deeply religious man. He grows his hair like a Nazarite, walks around in sandals and only wears natural fibers."

"So he's not attractive then!"

There was no way she could be fast enough to hide the flicker of a smile that crossed her face at the thought of him. Clearly the man _was_ attractive but she was too polite to say it. Noticing her faux pas she stroked his chest and hopefully his ego. "He's not nearly as gorgeous as you Sam. You're my handsome husband. You have nothing to worry about."

Her reply didn't make him feel any better and he could feel his frustration rising. "It's not just about looks. That's subjective. You may love me for my body, but that's all I've got. He's a good man. He's educated, shares your love of books and your reliance on faith. He's precisely the kind of man a woman like you _should_ be with, not a heathen like me-"

"Sam! Stop-"

"But I need you to know that I _will_ fight for you Mercedes. I'll fight for you until there is no breath left in my body."

"Sam you don't need-"

"And I won't stop until I know that you're mine and mine alone! I love you and I trust you. It's _other men_ that I don't trust. Men who see what I have and want it. You're beautiful, you're sexy, you're intelligent, you're kind. You're a million amazing things all wrapped into one and any man would be crazy to pass up an opportunity to be with you if they thought they could be. But the thing I need you to remember is this…" As he spoke and stepped towards her and she stepped back away from him until he had her backed up against the kitchen table. "You chose me. You didn't have to agree to marry me but you did. And whatever any other man may offer you, and there are things they can offer you that may tempt you because I can't give you them, like meals out in beautiful restaurants, proper dates, the option of travelling freely and in complete safety. They might even lure you with the thought of having a baby, because that's your heart's desire right now, but they can't make you feel the way that I do." He buried his face in her neck and lifted her by the ass to sit on the edge of the table while he stood between her legs. "If Joe touches you it won't make you moan like I do." He ran his hand up between her open legs and pushed her panties aside. "He doesn't know how to play your body like a finely tuned guitar, or a harp which requires different movements for different sounds…"

She sighed at his touched and ran her tongue along the shell of his ear. "Jealousy makes you hot!"

"Does it?"

"Mmmmmm…" He tortured her clit, making her temporarily speechless before stopping his movement. "Wha- why did you stop?"

"I think my point has been made."

She looked up at him with dilated pupils and a face that screamed at him to make love to her but he wasn't going to give in that easily. Unfortunately his wife had the upper hand. She bit her lip, pretending to be shy as she slowly unbuttoned the her shirt to reveal her purple bra clad breasts, not breaking eye contact with him as she squeezed and caressed them with her hands, her words slow and sensual. "I'm sorry to hear that Sam. But I'm sure that _Joe_ would never leave me hanging like this! I'm sure he'd _push_ _hard_ to make me _deeply_ satisfied-"

Game, set and match to Mercedes.

Sam didn't even recall reaching for his zipper. He next thing he knew he was plunging inside her before she could even finish her sentence. He had her, ass hanging over the edge of the table, screaming his name and only his name as he pounded relentlessly into her wet welcoming heat before coming hard, deep inside her, quivering as he following her into the oblivion of ecstasy, the forgotten pot of rice left to burn at the bottom.

Later that night, as they lay together in the dark, she snuggled up against him. "How much do you love me Sam?"

He raised himself up on one elbow and stared down at her face, partially lit by the moonlight, wondering where that question had suddenly come from. "I love you more than it's physically possible to comprehend." He kissed her forehead and reached underneath the covers for her hand, clutching it in his. "What's going through your mind Cedes?"

She sighed but said nothing. So he waited.

Eventually she let out another sigh. "I'm twenty-seven and I'm scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared that one day you've going to regret all this time and effort you spend on me. All the time that you worry I might find someone else, I worry about you too. I know that you don't like to leave our hill, but what happens if this life doesn't continue to be the way we imagine it? I always envisioned us as a family, filling this home with love but it's not happening."

"It will-"

"But what if it doesn't? You always think I'm the one to get fed up of this but I worry it's the other way round. You're stuck with someone who isn't a complete woman. I want nothing more than to give you a baby but I can't. Family is important to me Sam. It's the foundation unit of my Sector. The whole point of marriage is to procreate. I'm failing you and I love you too much to let this go!"

Tears flowed from the corner of her eyes and Sam kissed the salty liquid. "You're not a failure Mercedes. Nothing about you is a failure and I can see I'm going to have to correct you on a few things. First of all, marriage isn't just about procreation. Yes that's a benefit, but first and foremost it's about love and companionship and we have that by the bucketload. I didn't ask you to marry me simply to breed, I asked you because I wanted us to be together forever. Me and you. That hasn't changed and it never will. Second, you haven't failed me. I've loved every second of being with you. I told you right from the start that I want to go to sleep and wake up in your arms and that hasn't changed. Or maybe that isn't true. It _has_ changed because the more time I spend with you, the more I learn about you, because yes even after all these years I'm still learning, the more I find things about you to fall in love with all over again. Even when we're mad at each other I love you."

"I love you too. But is love enough?"

"You're the one that quotes the bible at me saying that love never fails. Because it doesn't. You're the woman I'm going to grow old with. When we travelled through the Outside it was just me and you for months and that was enough. _You_ are enough. _You_ mean the world to me Mercedes and everything else is a bonus."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "Do you mean that?"

He stared back into her eyes. "Completely. Yes I would love us to have children of our own, but first and foremost I want _you._ And the version of you that I want is one that is happy and healthy and I'll do everything in my power to keep things that way. I said my vows to _you_ and I meant them." He leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. "Don't ever think that you're letting me down. For all we know it could be me. But that's not important right now. What's important is that you know and understand that you are the center of my universe. You are the light in my day and the air that I breathe. Whatever happens, you're it for me. _You_ are _enough._ "

She sobbed at those words, but he knew her well enough to know that they were happy sobs. "And you're enough for me Sam. We both have our days when we're low for various reasons but we pick each other up and keep fighting. That's real love. And that's what we have!"

Flinging her arms around him she pulled him into a passionate kiss that turned into the slow lingering lovemaking of two people with no reason to rush things.

* * *

Four weeks later Mercedes was sick. She didn't usually get sick and Sam was immediately concerned but she dismissed it as something she'd eaten. After being off her food and sick nearly every night for a week he begged her to see a doctor but she told him she was improving all on her own. And she did seem to be. The sickness calmed, or at least she got better at hiding it. But he also knew her regular cycle. It was a long one, roughly six weeks, but just when he expected her to start experiencing her cramps she didn't. One day late became two then three and she got really quiet. Day four he walked into the bedroom to see her standing naked in front of the mirror staring at hard at herself and examining her breasts. They _had_ changed, he could have told her that. They were definitely more sensitive and the nipples and areolas seemed darker too. He watched silently as she stood to the side and ran her hand over her belly, oblivious to his presence and completely lost in thought.

"Mercedes?"

She jumped at the sound of his voice and he felt bad for alarming her. But she turned to him with a smile. "It's happened Sam! I'm finally with child!" She held up a plastic strip with a pink line in the middle and he yelped with joy.

Running over he scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bed where they lay, holding each other, laughing and crying for what felt like hours, too joyful even for words.

Pregnancy suited Mercedes. After the initial weeks of morning sickness passed she took on a literal glow. Sam thought she never looked sexier than she did when she was sporting the bump. Her travels into the Sector became less and less until they eventually stopped and they did everything online and via courier.

As time passed, Sam was beyond excited but also felt a little stupid. He couldn't wait to see to see the baby. He still didn't quite have an idea of what their child was going to look like. He'd never seen a mixed Sector baby from such extreme of colors before and his dreams were filled with the endless possibilities of combinations that their child could look like. He'd known a few Non Sector people in the past but each had been so unique it was impossible to make a comparison.

Mercedes' scans posed a challenge that he was initially unsure how to deal with. He wanted to be with her for them but he also still 'supposedly' had agoraphobia. He was willing to break his rule and go into the Sector for them but it wasn't necessary. Thankfully her doctor was understanding and did home visits with a special machine that allowed him to see the baby and hear the fetal heartbeat.

Sam loved watching her belly swell. That she was beautiful was a given, but now Mercedes had taken on a whole new look which suited her so well. The mood swings and weird food cravings were less easy to deal with but he knew how to handle her and when to just steer clear. Yet despite this, some of the happiest times of his life were spent simply lying next to her with his hands on her belly or his head resting gently against her, feeling the baby kicking inside. It seemed to respond to her singing and he liked to think that it responded to his voice too.

They spoke at length before deciding that they didn't want to know the sex of the baby. They didn't care when all they wanted was simply to bring a healthy child into the world.

Throughout the pregnancy he'd assumed that he would eventually have to make the trip to the hospital for the birth and had mentally geared himself up for it, so he was surprised when five weeks before her due date when he tried to open the conversation about how they would travel down to the hospital once her labor started she simply shook her head.

"I'm not going to the hospital."

" _What!_ "

"I said I'm not going. We're having this baby right here!"

 _No. That couldn't be right. That WOULDN'T be right!_ "You can't do that! You need doctors and machines and pain relief and-"

She simply smiled and shook her head. "I don't need any of that Sam. I just need you with me. You'll help me do this."

He felt all the blood drain from his face. " _Me!_ You want _me_ to deliver our baby!"

She took his expression of complete panic in her stride and smiled at him. "My mom was a midwife Sam. I've been going to births with her since I was ten years old. I've seen plenty. I know what to do and will train you and help you to do what's needed."

It was a step too far. "Mercedes, I can't-"

"Yes you _can_. Home births are the norm in my Sector and are preferred. Women have been giving birth long before hospitals came into existence. It's a natural process and nothing to be afraid of."

"I know but-"

"I'm not arguing with you Sam. This is going to happen here!"

One look at the expression on her face told her that it _was_ , in fact, going to happen here, because to argue with her while she was pregnant was more dangerous than the facing the most ruthless of the underworld. Just because he loved her didn't mean he couldn't be scared of her at times.

And she did talk him through it. She answered all his questions and even pre-empted things that he hadn't thought to ask. Mercedes smashed all the myths and horror stories he'd been reading about on the SectorNet in the name of research. She made sure that all the necessary supplies were ready and did trial runs just in case the baby came early which she assured him was unlikely for a first birth. They would often sit in the freshly decorated baby's room and talk about how their lives were going to change. Because they'd intentionally decided not to know the sex of the baby, Sam painted the room a neutral soft yellow.

From the moment her estimated due date arrived, Sam was her shadow to the point that she had to yell at him not to follow her into the bathroom. Unluckily for Mercedes it took another seven days before she sneezed in the kitchen while she was making herself breakfast and felt her water's break. From then another nine hours of gradually increasing contractions and bone crushing grips on his hand and forearm before the baby started to crown.

After that it was just a couple of pushes before there was a sticky wrinkled screaming being in his arms needing to be cleaned and have the cord cut.

A baby girl.

A beautiful baby girl with five fingers, five toes and a head of extremely fine soft hair who decided she didn't want to open her eyes until she was latched firmly onto her mother's breast.

And Sam fell in love all over again.


	32. Chapter 32

**_Shout out to Lamimi25 who named the baby in her last review. She chose a better name than my original one so I'm going with it!_**

* * *

Anastasia Grace Evans was perfect. Her skin was the color of milky coffee and when she did open her eyes they had flecks of green like his, brown Mercedes's and blue which his sister had. Mercedes had told him that her eyes would probably get darker after a few days but he liked them just the way they were.

When it came to names, Mercedes had wanted a bible name and Sam was happy to give her anything she wanted for bearing him such an amazing gift.

"How about Anasastia Grace?"

He nodded. "That sounds pretty."

"It's more than pretty. Anastasia is from one of the Ancient bible languages. It means resurrection or coming back to life. We've both died to our old lives when we took our journey and have been restored to something new and fresh here at the Sea. Plus it can also be shortened to your sister's name, Stacey, so it'll always be a remembrance of her."

The explanation left Sam speechless. He didn't know what to say and the back of his eyes burned with emotion. Mercedes reached out and squeezed his hand. "By being your Angel, Stacey has been mine too."

Unable to express himself, Sam leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. He thought back to their first night together as husband and wife when Mercedes had introduced herself to his tattoo as her sister. To someone else it may have seemed silly but to Sam it meant the world. She returned the kiss, nibbling gently on his bottom lip until he had to reluctantly push her away with a groan. Six weeks until they could have sex again? How was he going to survive that long? Instead he changed the subject. "And what about Grace? Where does that come from?"

"Grace was my mom's name and it means beauty and the mercy of God. I've missed her so much during this pregnancy but just like dad, she's always with me in my thoughts."

One name for each of them. Nothing could have been more perfect. Every time he thought he couldn't possibly love Mercedes more she went and did something to top it.

 _Anastasia…_ Sam rolled the name over his tongue. It was beautiful but he didn't feel inclined towards using the whole thing each time he wanted to address his child. On the other hand, it also felt weird to call her Stacey. She didn't _look_ like a Stacey, much as he appreciated the sentiment of Mercedes choosing the name. "How about Stasia? Anastasia can still be her full name but Stasia is shorter for every day."

Mercedes nodded. "I like Stasia. I think it's perfect."

"Thank you!" He kissed her cheek, knowing that she understood. To pronounce the name Stacey every day would bring back images he'd rather forget but this was close enough to honor her while allowing their child to be their own person, not living under the shadow of someone from the past.

* * *

Sam's favorite thing in the world changed from feeling baby kicks to sitting and watching Mercedes breastfeeding, expressions of pure contentment on the faces of both mother and daughter. It made his chest feel like it was going to burst with the combination of love and pride that radiated from it. If anything was going to make him into a believer it was the precious bundle of love that he and Mercedes had created. And the thing he adored most was the sound of her hiccups. How such a loud sound could come out of something so tiny he had no idea but it frequently did and it never failed to make them laugh. Even her tiny high pitched cry filled him with amazement. He didn't mind being woken up by it when she called in the night for her feed and he would sit and snuggle up to Mercedes as she patiently held and comforted the baby during instead of going straight back to sleep.

Those moments were precious and they didn't even mind how tired it made them because they didn't really have anywhere they needed to be early in the mornings. Mercedes now had people that worked for her and could afford to take the time off from her work. The two of them would just lay in bed with the baby on the pillow between them, staring at her in wonder as she scrunched herself up small or kicked her little legs and arms out.

As well as visits from the midwife, there were also Mercedes's friends and staff from Sector Center who wanted to see the baby and bring gifts and Sam did his best to make an effort with them. He would open the door and let them in, briefly playing the part of the proud father before disappearing, usually outside to paint, uncomfortable spending too much time around strangers. He knew it was fine and Mercedes reassured him it was fine, but he'd grown used to being around her and only her. Making conversation with strangers was overwhelming and he often struggled with what to say. Being brought up as an only child then working alone meant that he'd never been the world's greatest conversationalist. Often he would grimace as he remembered how much Mercedes' chatter had irritated him at the beginning. Nobody had ever really spoken to him that much before and it was a huge adjustment. One time he'd been left alone in the room with one of the friends when Mercedes went to the bathroom and after a few uncomfortable smiles at each other the woman had attempted to break the ice with the worst possible question. "So, how did you guys meet again?"

Sam literally felt the color drain from his face and his palms begin to sweat as the words came out. What was he supposed to say? There'd not been anybody to ask him that before! Artie certainly hadn't.

What had Mercedes been saying when she was asked that question? For all the time they spent with each other they'd never actually put their heads together to come up with a story that didn't involve him having pulled a gun on her and putting her life in danger.

"We met in a diner didn't we honey." Mercedes was back and put her arms around him as she smiled at her friend who was still holding their baby. "This was back in the days before Sam got sick. He came in one night and literally swept me away right then, changing my life completely. We came here so we could get married and now it's been nearly eight years already!"

"That's so sweet!"

"Yeah." Sam smiled but he still felt physically ill from the emotional intrusion. He turned and kissed Mercedes on the cheek. "I have to go honey, and do that… that thing…" He stood from the place where he'd been nervously perched on the armrest of the couch. "If you need me I'll just be outside painting."

"Sure baby." Mercedes shot him a look of understanding that he was grateful for and he quickly made his escape.

But despite everything Sam never failed to count his blessings for Mercedes, how she tolerated his self-exile and how she covered for him without lying as only she could.

* * *

It seemed irrational for Sam to be scared of such a tiny thing, but five minutes after Mercedes left on her first visit to Sector Center without the baby he was drenched in a cold sweat. It was one thing handling her when Mercedes was just the other side of the wall and quite another when she wasn't there to rely on.

Mercedes had reassured him over and over that she trusted him fully with their little girl but that didn't help as the two of them stared each other out on the bed. Stasia was the first to cave, kicking her legs and breaking out in a gummy smile that melted his heart.

"Hey there beautiful!"

She responded to his voice, her eyes following as he approached and lay down next to her. "I guess it's just you and me kid!"

Stasia blew bubbles with her mouth and continued to kick her arms and legs.

Sam leaned forward and kissed her tiny squishy nose, inhaling her baby scent as he did so. "You're super cute. You know that right?"

The response was a happy gargle and more bubbles. Of course she knew she was beautiful. She _was_ her mother's daughter after all! Her huge eyes took him in and just like Mercedes' they had the ability to hold him in a trance. Sam played with her for a few minutes, using his finger to stroke he palms of her hands and the soles of her feet until she gave a jerky reaction.

Suddenly the gargling stopped and she frowned, starting to fuss.

"Hey, what's this noise?"

She fussed some more and drew up her legs, looking as if she were about to wail. Just as he was about to pick up her up a loud noise came from her nappy and she looked relieved.

"Oh no you didn't! Mommy's been gone less than ten minutes!"

Stasia simply shot him another beaming smile, her eyes twinkling as she put her hand in her mouth and started to suck on the fingers.

"I refuse to believe you need another clean diaper so soon!" With mock annoyance he checked.

Clean.

"Okay trouble, I guess that was just a whole lot of hot air!"

She laughed again and kicked her legs, making the most of her diaper free seconds for unrestricted movement before he did it back up again. Stasia frowned at him for destroying her fun before hiccupping and yawning.

"Nap time!"

As if recognizing the words, the baby immediately began to fuss and Sam picked her up, placing her on his shoulder and pacing the room before she could actually start crying. Several songs and infinite laps around the room later and he had one small sleeping child with her face in his neck. All attempts at putting her down to sleep in her crib resulted in fussing and whining so he was left with no choice but to hold her. "I guess there goes any hope of getting any painting done while mommy was out!"

Sinking into the seat that Mercedes usually sat in to breast feed he kicked the foot rest into reach and released a contented sigh as he got comfortable.

"I told you that you'd be fine!"

Sam opened his eyes to see Mercedes smiling down at him. Had he really fallen asleep? Stasia was still curled up against his chest, her diaper clad butt in the air and her face turned towards him.

"I'm surprised she hasn't woken up for her feed yet!"

The sound of her mom's voice made the baby start to stir, and Mercedes took the drowsy child, expertly opening her top and attaching the child to her breast without even fully waking her. The sound of milk being gulped down and the opening and closing of her little fist told him the baby was enjoying herself. Sam leaned forward and kissed his wife. "I'll make you some tea then you can tell me all about the interviews you just did."

"Thanks love."

She still didn't get it. He was the one who should be thanking her for his happiness. This domestic bliss gave him life!

* * *

 ** _Author's note: In my head their child's name is pronounced 'Stasya' but you my dear readers, may pronounce it whichever way you hear it in your own head._**


	33. Chapter 33

The years sped by. Sam had no idea how. One minute Stasia was the tiniest most precious thing he'd ever seen. The next she was growing chubby and constantly casting them wide eyed gummy smiles. Then she was pulling herself up onto her feet, literally trying to run before she could walk, no longer content to be held in their arms when there was always something to reach for. Next came the words and her constant questions about the world around her.

Then in the blink of an eye she was up, dressed and full of smiles, ready for the walk down the hill with her mom for her first day of school.

Little Stasia was the center of their universe and daily she brought them hours of joy and love. Her soft curly hair and affectionate nature made her a dream to be around even though her cheeky mischievous streak sometimes got her into trouble.

But Sam clearly remembered the day he came to realize the way that things were eventually going to go with her. He was sat on the beach with Mercedes and a four year old Stasia. They did it often and it was great bonding time with their daughter. This time, however, Stasia was far more thoughtful. She seemed distracted while building her sandcastles and kept looking out into the water. The reason was the big ship which was leaving the harbor.

"What's that?"

"It's a big boat."

"Where's it going?"

"Across the Sea."

"What's across the Sea?"

"I don't know." It wasn't a lie. They didn't know that lay across the sea. Mercedes said that occasionally, boats came with people who'd come from across the Sea, from a land where there were no Sectors. They would always leave again on the first boat back across the water. None of the visitors ever stayed. Sam found it hard to imagine a world without Sectors, but then he'd also struggled with the concept of there being a world Outside of Sectors, yet clearly there was.

Mercedes didn't find it a stretch to believe it at all. She constantly explained to him that the world as they knew it wasn't always in Sectors. The bible was written during a time when there were no Sectors and people had travelled the Seas freely. Then something had happened. Nobody seemed to know what, but the Sectors and Transit Sectors were built and designed by somebody and people were divided up into their respective physical groups for a reason. Even the fact that all the Transit Sectors were the same indicated the setup was specifically designed at some point. Somewhere there had to be a blueprint for the way in which their land was set up.

"I want to go in a boat across the Sea." They were simple words, spoken by a child but they cut Sam deeply. He looked at his wife who shared his shock, but hers also held an acceptance he found hard to find in himself. He leaned forward and kissed his little girl on her sandy cheek. "You need to grow up first sweetie!"

She looked up and him with eyes wide with anticipation and hope. "But when I'm big can I go on the boat?"

Sam shot a worried look towards Mercedes who just smiled and shrugged before replying herself. "Sure you can baby. When you're all grown up you can do whatever you like with your life."

The answer made Sam sad. In that moment he felt like he was already losing a part of his daughter before he'd had the chance to fully enjoy her presence.

That night, as Sam climbed into bed and pulled Mercedes into his arms he sighed. "You know we're going to lose our little girl to the Sea. I can see it in her eyes already."

"I know." Mercedes snuggled up closer to him.

"I blame you. She inherited your wanderlust!"

"I would say I'm sorry but I'm not. I can understand her. By her age I already knew I was different."

Sam paused. He sensed that everything was already or if his control. "Stasia has Perception, doesn't she."

Mercedes was quiet. "I think so. I don't know for sure but there's been things she'd said and done while we're on the beach that made me suspect it. When you know, you know, and nothing can change that. And when you get that desire it burns so bright you feel nothing else. If she wants to travel across the Sea then she's going to have to do it. If things were different I'd be tempted to go with her, but I like it here. I'm happy, and I really mean it when I say that. I have you, I have Stasia and I have the Sea. They're the three things I've always wanted." She tilted her head upwards and kissed him deeply. "How did we manage to create a little girl so beautiful and clever?"

"She got it all from you baby. But I feel like I already have to start preparing my heart right now for her to leave us."

"Me too. My only wish is that she can find someone like you to be with her and protect her."

Sam raised himself onto one elbow. "No man is _ever_ going near Stasia!"

"That's what my dad used to say about me!"

"And yet now I get to make you scream on the regular…"

She giggled softly. "Yeah, you do."

Sam flipped their positions, pulling her on top of him, then palmed her breasts as he moved the strap of her nightdress with his teeth. "So how about we keep going with our 'plan b' to give our girl a brother to look out for her…"

Mercedes slid her hand into the pants of his pajamas to find him hard and ready for her. "Hmmm… I think I like your way of thinking darling…" Lifting her nightdress she straddled him, sighing contentedly as she slid down onto his familiar length and rocked her hips in a way that was guaranteed to squeeze every drop of seed from him within minutes.

* * *

The years passed but no little brother or sister came along. It was hard for them, especially Mercedes, but they decided to focus on finding joy in the miracle child that they'd already been blessed with rather than lamenting what they didn't have. Their daughter grew fast and she grew more and more beautiful with each passing day.

Stasia Evans was a social butterfly who got on with everybody. She was highly talented, artistic like her father and intelligent like her mother. At a young age her reading ability far outstripped Sam's, much to his embarrassment. He would sit and listen to Mercedes help her with her homework and despite the fact that she'd taught him well, still felt inadequate for his lack of natural ability with words. Thankfully they reached an unspoken agreement that whenever homework involved the written word, mommy would be there to help, but when it was art, that was definitely daddy's domain, because try as she might, much to the amusement of father and daughter, Mercedes's art skills left a lot to be desired. Even her stick men managed to look alien. The only drawings that seemed to work for her were her clothes designs and even then she preferred to test them out on actual fabric prototypes rather than simply draw. Her business had continued to flourish and she was able to employ actual designers to handle that part of things as her business grew. Sam still worked alone, but had reached a point where he was able to command a higher price for his work and could be far more selective with his commissions.

Stasia loved spending time with her parents but she also loved her friends in the Sector Center. Hard as it was, her parents knew that their solitary life in the house on top of the hill wasn't normal, and did their best to make sure that their child was integrated and in no way viewed as being different. Sam had worried that her unusual heritage would count against her in some way, but thankfully, the Sea Sectors were where people came when they wanted to escape the stifling lives of their own home Sectors and she was one of many Mixed Sector children in the locality. There were various different combinations and her view of the world was a much broader one than either of her parents had had when they were her age. She would often go to sleepovers at the homes of friends and occasionally would even bring friends up to the house. Sam didn't mind visitors in small amounts but found too many people at one time overwhelming. Mercedes loved having children around, but once they left she would get sad that she had only one and Sam would comfort her as best he could.

A house full of children just was not to be for them, but they were eternally grateful for the opportunity that they'd been given to become parents, using the opportunity to continue to work on their own relationship rather than allowing the unfulfilled desire for more children to pull them down.

One thing Stasia never lost was her desire to cross the Sea. Sometimes she'd sit with Sam at the top of the hill where he did most of his painting and sketch along with him. But right from the start, in her pictures of the sea she'd often put a boat into the scene, even though the water in front of her was empty. He asked her about it once but she couldn't explain it. Mercedes then told him that there _were_ other ships in the water. For some reason he only saw the ones that docked in their Sector, but she and Stasia were also able to see the ones further in the distance which were travelling to dock in one of the other Sea Sectors. At this point nothing surprised him about their visual abilities when it came to Perception. He understood that it was on a need to know basis and as he wasn't planning on breaking his exile and leaving their home on the hill he didn't need to know.

By the time Stasia was a preteen, every other sentence was preceded with 'One day, when I've crossed the Sea, I'll…' They accepted it but Sam didn't have to like it. This was all moving too fast. Stasia was, and always would be, the center of their universe.

The other thing that Sam didn't like was the fact that she was beautiful. Stunningly beautiful. Her unusual colored eyes settled into more of a general hazel color but the shade appeared to change depending on what she was wearing. They permanently sparkled with laughter and her constant smiles. Her hair grew thick with curls which seemed both wild and tame at the same time. It had a softer texture than her mother's but was nothing like the kind of hair that his family had had. As the years progressed he still marveled at the fact that she had his eyes, nose and mouth yet still managed to look just like a paler version of Mercedes. She wasn't quite as soft as her mother in the figure but she still had more curves than the women from his Sector and the older she got, the more she learned how to dress to make them work for her.

Sam wasn't stupid, he knew that she would have plenty of male attention, he just didn't like to think about it so he pretended that she didn't. But he'd never met anyone like her. She was the definition of a free spirit. Everything about her personality was attractive. There was so much of her mother in her it was almost painful to watch. Stasia also radiated with an inner joy. Even when she was small she took pleasure in the simple little things, always fearlessly catching insects and small animals to secretly take care of as 'pets', before Mercedes would eventually find such creatures and scream the house down until Sam removed them then, leaving him the job of soothing the tears of a confused disappointed little girl. All the months spent outside sleeping in a tent had made Mercedes no more tolerant of creepy crawlies and she couldn't abide them in the house.

"Tell me again about when you lived Outside!" The story of her parents fascinated her. Obviously they'd told her a toned down version to protect Sam and his past she constantly longed to hear about what it was like travelling and living in a tent. She had friends whose parents had also spent time on the Outside, but as far as Sam and Mercedes were aware, they had been Outside and travelled the furthest. Their travels was something that wasn't spoken about in public. Most of the Sector residents remained oblivious to the Outside but those with Perception shared their stories behind closed doors. Mercedes came to appreciate just how blessed they had been. Their one encounter with the bear and the three day storm had been their only real experience of danger. Almost everyone else she'd spoken to mentioned the coyotes and after hearing stories of others who didn't fare as well as they had, Sam again struggled not to share his wife's opinion that someone or _something_ had definitely been looking out for them during their journey.

On one occasion as a pre-teen, Stasia had taken it upon herself to go Outside, leaving her parents fraught with worry when they couldn't find her. The stress of it nearly killed Sam and Mercedes had had to explain to their daughter that if she got lost out there he would never be able to follow and find her. The Outside was not for playing and was filled with dangers of its own. From that day she promised never to go Outside alone. And it was only the fact that her obsession with the Sea being greater than her obsession with the Outside that reassured her she would be safe. There was no way they could afford to lose their only child.

But with all of her curiosities, she was still the best child they could ever have dreamed of having.

The teenage years were harder and it was a struggle to balance her independence with their desire to keep her as their baby. She was popular and had many friends and while he resented having to share her, he was glad to have helped to produce a fully functioning member of society.

She was a girl who made her parents proud!


	34. Chapter 34

Time was like sand slipping through Sam's fingers. With every blink another year seemed to pass.

He'd never had anything in his life that he could be proud of and now he had a family, a beautiful wonderful family. His art was his living, but his wife and his daughter were his life.

But suddenly, what felt like barely days after she was born, Stasia was no longer theirs anymore. Their baby had grown into an independent young woman.

As soon as the excited twenty-one year old started talking about how a few of her friends were looking at getting a huge apartment to share in Sector Center Sam locked eyes with Mercedes, knowing that if she was feeling even a _fraction_ of what he felt, then she'd be utterly devastated. For so long they had dreaded it, and now the time had finally come.

"… and they asked if I wanted in too. And I said I'd definitely be interested but of course I wanted to run it by my folks first…" Stasia looked at them with an expression of pure hope in her eyes. Mercedes glanced over him too but he hung his head and avoided her gaze, using all of his energy to fight the agonizing pricks of tears that he felt ashamed were starting to form. The inevitable was happening and he wanted to do everything in his power to stop it.

Only there was _no_ stopping it.

They didn't have a leg to stand on and he knew it. Mercedes had been younger than Stasia when she'd left home with him, and her leaving had meant completely leaving her family behind and travelling across the country, not simply moving into digs in the middle of town. With a heavy heart he stepped towards Mercedes and took her hand. She held onto it like a vice but then he changed his mind, disentangling his hand so that he could wrap his arm around her shoulder, unsure if the action was to support her or support himself. They'd already talked about this day coming. It's wasn't as if she didn't already spend most weekends crashing away from home with one friend or another so that she wouldn't have to come up the hill late from wherever she'd been out with them.

Finally he calmed himself enough to raise his head and find his words. "You already know that we can't stop you from going. Obviously we'd love you to stay here, and you'll always have a room in this house with us, but if this is what you really want to do then we will support you in your decision."

Stasia's eyes wordlessly confirmed it _was_ what she really wanted to do.

Mercedes sniffed as she reached forward and pulled their daughter into her arms. "My baby's all grown up! I don't know what I'll do without you in the house!"

Stasia chuckled and raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you and dad will _definitely_ think of something," she said, with a wicked glint in her eye.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mercedes tilted her head in curiosity and Sam internally cringed, knowing exactly where this was going and not wanting it to reach its destination. He tried desperately to change the subject. "Anyway, how about-"

But Mercedes was having none of it. "One second Sam. Stasia was trying to say something."

The girl was now blushing furiously and so was Sam. Somehow this had come up in conversation once before, and it was a conversation which he'd hoped would never be revisited! Unfortunately mother and daughter were equally blunt and shameless. "What I meant is that you and dad won't have to try and _be quiet_ for my sake. The walls in this house are thin. Let's just say I got my sex education _waaay_ before I went to school!"

Mercedes let out a gasp of mortification while Sam eventually relaxed and laughed, grabbing her hand and kissing it with a wink that was more for Stasia's benefit. "She does have a point. And I'm sure we can _definitely_ think of plenty ways to fill our time!"

* * *

Things moved quickly. It felt like only a matter of days before the house was overrun by Stasia's friends who were 'helping' her to pack. He chose to stay and quietly get on with his painting outside, leaving Mercedes to deal with the chaos of a house overrun by young people, cardboard moving boxes and seemingly endless bags of clothes. His daughter's love of clothing rivalled her mom's and he wondered if her new housemates quite understood how much space all of her things would actually take up!

Stasia didn't even have the decency to look sad about leaving. Her eyes were bright and shone with excitement as she hugged her parents at the front door, her friends beeping the horn of their car for the third time in a failed attempt to get her to hurry a little.

"I'll be back for lunch on Sunday!"

"Don't be late, I'm making something special!"

Everything Mercedes made tasted special and even Sam looked forward to what the meal might be.

Stasia waved one final time, her arm weighed down by the giant bag Mercedes had pushed into her hand at the last moment. An edible care package of freshly baked cookies and brownies that he knew, between his daughter and her friends, wouldn't even make it the journey to her new home.

"I know what you did." Mercedes spoke without taking her eyes off the car as is disappeared into the distance, Stasia waving madly through the back window instead of facing forward with her seatbelt on as Sam would have preferred her to be.

"What did I do?"

She picked the incriminating large cookie off the front of his sweater and he knew there was no place to hide. "Three cookies Sam! _Three!_ _"_

He grinned sheepishly. There was no defense but neither was there regret. All three had been delicious and devoured in one bite.

Mercedes matched the grin. "I had to take a fourth, just to even it out again. And for quality control." She chucked, "I'm sure Stasia is too excited to notice a missing row of cookies."

"I thought I'm Mr Quality Control around here!"

"Today is a special occasion so I needed a second opinion. Besides," she poked at his slowly expanding waistline, "I'm going to have to start baking less pies and cookies and dishing up more salads. What happened to those firm abs of the handsome young man I married?"

"The still handsome but now slightly more distinguished man that you're still married to still has them. He just prefers to keep them safe under a layer of delicious cookie dough."

Mercedes rolled her eyes with a smile and led him back inside by the hand. "Indeed…"

* * *

The first few days after Stasia's departure felt strange but they quickly fell into their routine. It was just back to plain old Sam and Mercedes as it had been in the years before their little girl had come along. And they were happy with that. All they really ever needed was each other. They were each other's air. Life had been good to them.

Life for them was also far more comfortable. Mercedes's business was flourishing with her own store and small fashion label. When they looked back to where it had started, with just some fabric and the second hand sewing machine that she'd bought the first time Sam had allowed her out of their bed after their honeymoon was nothing short of a miracle. She would have loved for mention of her success story to get back to her Sector to give hope to other little girls who wanted to do more with their lives than be simply wives and mothers, but her Sector believed she was missing, presumed dead, and that was the way it was going to have to remain. But Sam always believed that she could excel at anything she put her hand to. If she'd decided to go the other route to medical school to train to be a doctor she would have been top of her field, but her skills had been used in another way and she was equally happy with the successful outcome.

Sam too was successful in his field. As well as his online commissions, which he could now charge pretty much whatever he liked for, he also had some full sized paintings on display in a gallery in Sector Center 2.1, the largest city furthest away from the coast. The fact that he didn't make appearances only added to his value. He was doing what he loved without having to deal with people. Everything was handled via the SectorNet and his anonymity became a unique selling point for his work.

They were going to miss Stasia bustling in and out of their lives, but now that he was well over fifty, he could also handle the slower pace of life with just him and his boo Mercedes. The fact that a word like 'boo' had become part of his vocabulary was testament to how ingrained into his life she was. If anyone had told him, the morning of the fateful diner incident, what his life would be and who he would be with he would have laughed in that person's face.

Him and her. Stuff like that didn't happen.

It flew in the face of what each of them had been brought up to believe.

However broken the world around them was, the reality that they'd been able to create was something bold and beautiful. Without each other they would each have lived a life of sadness and loneliness yet they were thrown together, two opposites in every single way and the result was happiness beyond all comprehension.

* * *

As Sam snuggled against her soft ass as he spooned her in bed, he broke into a random chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

"Us."

"What about us?"

"I was thinking about that cringe worthy embarrassing speech I made when I proposed that night on the beach."

"Really? I thought it was really romantic. Well most of it was, but there were parts where I wasn't sure whether you were complimenting me or insulting me!"

"It worked though, didn't it? You married me the very next day."

"I Sure did!"

Sam pulled her tighter. "Well, I was just thinking about how my wish has come true. I've slept in your arms every night since then."

She thought about it. "Yeah. You're right. We have."

"And I just wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"For loving me. And for saving my life with love."

"You love me too Sam. And you saved _my life_ too so we're equal."

"I guess so."

"And the best part is that now we're growing old together."

He tickled her in the ribs and made her squeal. "Who are you calling old?"

She laughed and turned slightly to touch his face. "Remember those laughter lines? They're ravines now!"

"Ouch! That was harsh!" He pretended to be offended. "Just because _you_ don't look a day older than you did the day I met you."

"Didn't I tell you all those years ago? _Black don't crack!_ But anyway, I _did_ find a gray hair today."

He gently stroked the scarf that covered her head. "Poor you! You can show it to me tomorrow."

Her smile grew cheeky and she stroked his face. "You can see it now if you want."

"But you've already tied up your hair for the night."

"True." Her mischievous grin was back. "But it's not on my _head_ Sam…"

It took him a couple of moments before he cottoned on to where she was going with this and felt himself harden in eager anticipation. "Aha! Well in that case, all that leaves me to do is remind you that without Stasia there is no need to try and muffle yourself with a pillow when I make you scream..."

He moved down her body to check out this gray hair and indulge himself in his favorite familiar taste. Even after all these years, Mercedes was still as responsive to his touch as she had been after she'd stepped out of her 'wedding dress' that first night all those years ago.

Maybe having the house back to themselves wasn't going to be too bad after all…


	35. Chapter 35

**Three years later**

First came the pain, she wouldn't admit to it but he could see it etched onto her face in unguarded moments.

Then her appetite stopped. Mercedes, like him, was a great lover of food, but suddenly she rarely ate because of the pain that it caused, and her softness rapidly diminished. Unlike the leanness that she'd developed as they travelled to the Sea, this was hard, angular and left excess sagging skin. Her face lost its glow and her eyes lost their light. Soon she was too tired to travel to Sector Center anymore. How she'd managed to hide it from Stasia's brief visit he would never know, but seeing her like this broke his heart.

Within a few short weeks there was none of her previous softness left. Only her belly remained distended, not unlike how it was when she was carrying Stasia, but this time it was hard, hot and painful to the touch.

She knew what it was, they both did, but despite his pleading she refused to acknowledge or speak of it.

And she didn't smile like she used to.

It had been thirty years. Surely they had a cure by now?

Thirty years that felt like less than five minutes. Why had he not savored every second of it more?

And with her pain came a return of his nightmares, but he didn't want to worry her by mentioning it.

Sam made a decision. A selfish decision. Mercedes refused to get help but there _had_ to be something he could do. That morning he'd made her comfortable on the bed, filled her favorite mug with her favorite drink and fixed her some food that he knew she would never eat.

"Where are you going?"

"To the top of the hill."

They both knew he was lying but she was too tired and weak to acknowledge it. Closing her eyes she sank further into the pillows, all of her fight gone.

It was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, breaking his self-imposed exile, the house arrest that he'd voluntarily put himself under and that Mercedes had tolerated because she understood him so well. He'd only seen Sector Center once and that was thirty years ago on their wedding day. From the day he'd arrive at the Sea Sector he'd been serving his sentence for the crimes he committed. House arrest had suited him and his conscience. But now he was coming back and it was such an alien space. There were so many buildings, so many people, so many smells and far too much sound. Not the sounds of nature that he was used to, but noise, artificial noise.

How the hell had he been able to live and function in a City all those years ago? His part of his home Sector had been industrial and built up and he'd relished the buzz of it. Now returning to such an area was all too much. Everything was overwhelming. Plus he was nearing sixty. He wasn't the young man going it alone anymore. He'd lost his skills of self-preservation. It was somebody else who preserved him now. Somebody that he couldn't afford to lose.

Sam clutched the small scrap of paper tightly and stepped out of the cab onto the sidewalk. His senses were in overload and his feet refused to move. He cursed himself for asking the cab to take him to a vague area. Why didn't he just give the driver the specific address and ask to be dropped off outside the door? How did he not think of that?

Suddenly someone pushed into his back and he jumped, alarmed.

"Are you okay? Sorry I got knocked by the crowd. Are you trying to find somewhere?" It was a young woman of around Stasia's age. Her smile was warm and friendly. She was exceptionally pretty with a generous smattering of freckles on her nose and thick wavy hair the color of terracotta. He'd never seen anyone with hair that texture and color before.

He opened his mouth to respond but no sound came out. It had been years since he'd spoken to anyone other than his girls and visitors to the house and his tongue clung to the roof of his mouth. Instead of speaking he handed her the crumpled piece of paper. She took it and squinted at the words.

"I know where this is. I'm heading in the same direction so I'll walk you there. It takes about fifteen minutes."

Sam would rather she'd simply given him the directions and allowed him to walk alone with his own thoughts, but instead he mumbled a quick 'thanks' and they began to walk together.

"Are you new here?"

Technically he wasn't but in terms of Sector Center it was a different story. "Yes… Yes I am!"

She beamed at him. 'Well in that case I'd officially like to welcome you here. Sea Sector 5 is the friendliest and most diverse Sector in existence! Well, _I_ like to think so anyway! I've always lived here but my fiancée came here a couple of years ago after a very long journey escaping persecution from his home Sector. Since he was a boy he always wanted to see the Sea. We just got engaged three months ago." She showed him the small ring on her finger. It was thin metal and didn't even have a stone. "I know it's not much but I'm proud of it." She stared down at it as if it were the most precious gift in the world.

"Congratulations!" He was genuinely happy for her.

"Thanks!" She seemed thrilled that he was pleased for her and it was all the encouragement she needed to continue talking. Within minutes he decided that she reminded him of the chatty version of Mercedes all those years ago, and how close he'd come to killing her that first night, just to shut her up. This terracotta haired freckled girl also clearly loved to talk. As they walked together, she told him all about how much she loved her fiancée but how, even though she would marry him tomorrow if she could, but they were literally starting from nothing, and they would have to wait for at least a year so that they could save up and at least get a home first. Her fiancée worked long hours for little pay and she often took extra night shifts just to make ends meet. Her walk to work was over an hour each way but she was saving the money she would have used for the bus. It made it hard for them to spend time together but they knew that it would be worth it in the end.

Sam had a lot of respect for what they were doing and told her he hoped they'd eventually get their perfect home for all their hard work. A strong work ethic had been instilled into him and he was always glad to see it in others.

"Thanks. He's worth it, and I know that our love is worth it too. He left everybody and everything behind to come here and I want to help him have the big loving family that he deserves." She became thoughtful for a second. "Anyway, this is where I have to leave you", they'd stopped at a junction, "I'm going straight ahead and you need to take this left here, and it should be the second- no the _third_ building on your right. You can't miss it because the name's right on the front."

He took the paper back from her, truly grateful for her assistance. "Congratulations again and thank you for your kindness."

"It was nothing! I was already coming this way and it was good to have some company." She looked at his face intently as if she knew him from somewhere and seemed as if she might say something more as her eyes followed his hand to the edge of the tattoo on his neck which he had a tendency to rub when he was feeling anxious, and he moved away before she had the chance to say anything more or ask any questions.

Thankfully she looked at her watch. "Crikey! I need to hurry!"

With one last quick wave she was gone and he was glad she didn't even ask his name.

"Dad?" He was stood outside the building, looking at the multitude of buzzers and cursing his failing eyesight when he heard her voice.

Turning, he was enveloped in Stasia's embrace. "Dad! You _finally_ came to Sector Center! And I was _literally_ just on my way to visit you! It's far too long since I visited and I've been feeling guilty for weeks! It was going to be a surprise!" She held up her overnight bag and showed him. Then she stiffened when she saw the expression on his face, sharing the same ability as her mother to read him like a book. "Oh no… Something's wrong! You _never_ leave the house to come here, only mom. Is she with you? Where is she? What's happened?"

Panic quickly emerged in her voice and his resolve broke at the sight of her, his eyes instantly beginning to well up. "She's sick."

"Mom never gets sick!"

"She's sick", he repeated.

Stasia paused, suddenly taking in the seriousness of his tone and of the situation. She took a small step back and looked at him hard. "What is it? What's wrong with her?"

He couldn't bring himself to say it but reading his face she still understood. Mercedes had turned out to be one of the unlucky 'one in three' from her Sector.

"I came," Sam said slowly, "to find a hospital or a medicine man."

Stasia released her breath in a slow loud stream. She was a lot like him in that kept her emotions contained but it was still enough to indicate her extreme distress. "I know someone. Better than the hospital." Taking him by the hand she quickly led him through the streets. It was a struggle for him to keep up but he refused to show his discomfort. About ten minutes later they stopped at a plain door she knocked hard five times before entering.

The place smelled of lemons. Fresh lemons and freshly grated zest and rind. It made him think about Mercedes's lemon meringue pie and then his chest hurt again.

There were dozens of bottles on display on shelves along the walls, all beautiful hand blown glass ones. Behind the counter appeared an old man, far older than anyone Sam had ever seen in his lifetime. The man had tough wrinkled skin, a similar shade of brown to Stasia and tanned like leather, with long hair on his head and beard that looked as white and soft as fresh cotton.

"Hello my child!" He clearly recognized Stasia and greeted her warmly before sensing her distress and turning to look at Sam.

She made no attempt to formally introduce him, but she did point him out and say, "This is my father. My mom is sick."

The man transferred his warm smile to Sam. "Then you have come to the right place. What is her ailment?"

Sam felt himself shaking as he tried hard to say the two words that Mercedes had refused to let pass either of their lips. "The Hardness."

The man's smile slowly faded and it was in that instant, for the first time, that Sam finally truly gave up all hope. Even Stasia sensed the change in the atmosphere.

The old man's expression turned sympathetic. "How long has it been?"

"Several weeks."

The man shook his head and cast his eyes down. "I am truly sorry. I cannot lie to you and will not sell you something that I know won't work. 'The Hardness' is one of the Ancient illnesses. There is no cure. It's genetic and is present from birth, a ticking time bomb for any woman who carries the gene. The only cure is to breed it out as you have done. Mixing the blood weakens and destroys the gene."

Sam heard Stasia choke back a sob at the news and he squeezed her hand like his life depended on it as the man continued. "The only thing that can be bought is time. If told within the first few days of her pain I could have performed an operation to remove the Hardness from her belly before it affected her other internal organs. It's not a cure but it does buy an extra couple of years. After that there's no fighting the inevitable. Sadly the human body is clever and always finds other ways of reaching that same ending." He reached under the counter and pulled out a small bottle which he handed to Sam. "Three drops in a full glass of water. She can sip it as often as she needs to for the pain."

Sam reached into his pocket to pay but the man shook his head. "Please take it with my condolences. Go straight back to her. Do not leave her alone again."

Sam nodded his thanks and the man acknowledged it, aware that he'd just passed on the worst possible news. He cast a look at Stasia who was pale as a sheet. "I'm sorry Stasia, I should have got you to sit down before I broke that news. Would you like a glass of water?"

She shook her head.

"I think you should-"

"I'm fine!"

Sam was shocked to see her snap at the old man but he didn't seem in the least bit shocked or upset, only concerned.

She hung her head. "I'm sorry I snapped. It's just that it's a lot to take in. And like you said we need to go, _now._ " She paused, "But I'll see you when I come back."

He nodded and walked them to the door.

"Dad?" Stasia started to speak as they left the small shop but he was still processing what they'd been told so he shook his head and she remained silent. She wrapped her arms around him and he leaned against her for a few minutes.

To save time they took at cab back to the house and spent the entire journey in silence. He knew that Stasia had questions but he wasn't yet ready to face them. It was only when they were nearly at the house that Sam remembered. He turned and looked at Stasia as if he'd only just noticed she was there. "You said you were already coming? To see us?"

She nodded. "I have some news. But it doesn't matter right now. And it can wait."

Sam knew he should question her more but he didn't have the energy. He was already suffering separation anxiety from being away from Mercedes, but the medicine man's words about not leaving her alone had frightened him more than he let on.

* * *

Stasia wanted to run straight to her mom but he managed to get her to hold back, telling her to put her things in her old room while he checked on Mercedes first. She was awake, sitting up and actually eating. She looked much better than she had in a long time. Immediately running to her he kissed her head. "You're eating! You're doing better and you look so much better!"

She smiled at him sadly and shook her head. "The pain has stopped."

The smile froze on his lips. The tone that she used to say the words wasn't a happy one. It was a heavy one. The pain had stopped. It meant that she now only had days at most. "I need to see Stasia. Bring me the phone and I'll call her. She needs to come right away."

Sam smiled sadly, unable to get excited by his next words. "I can do better than that!"

Right on cue she came through the door and ran over to her. "Oh mom! Why didn't you tell me?"

"And do what? Make you sad for longer than was necessary? I didn't want you to have to see me in pain!" Mercedes held open her arms and their daughter fell into them. Sam had seen the gradual shrinking of Mercedes's frame. For Stasia it was a sudden and terrible shock. Her mother now looked nothing like the way she had the last time she'd been to the house. She was a shadow of her former self.

The young woman looked as if she wanted to yell and scream and shout but none were appropriate and she held it together well. "What do you want me to do for you mom?"

Mercedes' eyes filled. "Just be here. I need you here with me so I can look at you."

"Okay mommy. I've come to stay and I promise I'm not going anywhere."


	36. Chapter 36

Later that evening, while Mercedes slept, Sam cooked a meal they were all too distressed to eat and Stasia approached him. "I'm still mad at you for not telling me dad! All those times you said on the phone that everything was fine! All those times that I spoke to mom and she never said a word…" Every word resonated with heartbreak.

"I'm sorry baby. But mom didn't want me to tell you and I couldn't break my promise to her, you know that." He hung his head, "And to be honest, I didn't want you to be burdened with the knowledge either."

"But I _do_ know now! And I wish I'd known before. I wish I'd known longer. I wish I had _more time_! That wasn't _your_ decision to make! What you did was selfish dad! It was _so selfish_!" She started to beat his chest with her fists as she shook with sobs. Sam held her close, ignoring the fact that her blows actually hurt. He and Mercedes had been in that same position after he'd got sick on their journey all those years ago, only at that point he hadn't understood that it was her love for him that had made her so upset. Now he knew all too well what his daughter was feeling

Holding Stasia was different to holding Mercedes. Stasia was taller and slimmer, but he still had a comfortable feeling when he touched her and he let her cry onto his shoulder to release her grief. Finally she was able to speak again. "If I'd known before I would have made better choices… different decisions!"

He pulled back a little and lifted her face so that she was looking at him. "What decisions?"

She did her best to avoid his eyes. "The money you put aside for me to buy a home with… I used it and I… I bought a ticket."

She didn't need to say what for. He already knew. He'd always known this was going to happen. And Mercedes constantly told him that was what she'd inevitably end up doing with it. He could literally hear a roar of sound in his ears, an avalanche, the sound of his world crumbling around him. Now it wasn't just Mercedes breaking his heart. He was going to lose his wife _and_ his daughter at the same time.

Stasia wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I made a rash decision in the heat of the moment and booked for the next ship out. Then they moved the departure date forward and now it leaves in just under three weeks- but now I won't go!"

"No!" His voice came out stronger than he expected. "You'd already been saving up for the ticket. Of course you'll go. Those ticketss are non-refundable. Don't waste your money! Don't waste our money."

"But mom wouldn't want you to be on your own!"

"Mom wants you to follow your dream."

"Not like this!"

"Okay, we'll ask her shall we?" Sam grabbed her hand and marched her back up the stairs.

Stasia asked and as predicted Mercedes told her to follow her dream. She pulled her daughter to sit on the bed next to her. "Stasia, you already know what I'm going to say. Being here in this place, right next to the Sea, was always my dream. I pursued my dream and it brought me happiness and love. You need to do the same. We're built that way. All the women in my family have been motivated and proud. You are no different from them. Never change that about yourself and certainly don't try and change it for me because of what you mistakenly think I want!"

"But-"

"Hush…" Mercedes brought her finger to her daughter's lips. "You came from my womb and now I live through you. I've already taken my Journey and my wish for you is to do the same. Do it for me!"

Sam smiled wryly. Even in this sad circumstance, Mercedes was still the queen of emotional manipulation. Stasia looked torn but deep down she knew she had no real choice. Mercedes caressed their daughter's face and softened her voice. "I had to leave my father. It was hard and to this day I still think about him, but it was something I had to do. You're the same and we know it. We've known since you were a child that you were going to leave. We've had 20 years to prepare ourselves for it. Don't you dare put your life on hold now. You'll only resent yourself and us for it."

* * *

The next day Mercedes was much weaker.

She asked to go to the beach and although Sam wasn't keen on the idea he would have done anything to make her happy. He carried her all the way there in his arms. She weighed nothing. Stasia followed with a blanket and some food to make it at least seem like a happy picnic.

Once they hit the sand she tried to struggle out of his arms. "I can walk from here."

"No." He held her tighter and shook his head.

Mercedes sighed and looked at him sadly. "I need this, my love. I need to feel the sand under my feet one last time…"

Sam squeezed his eyes shut her words to prevent himself to prevent his tears from escaping in front of her. After taking a couple of seconds to compose himself he gently lowered her down to her feet. She walked a few steps with his assistance before he got Stasia to set the blanket where they stood. Mercedes looked as if she might collapse at any moment and he didn't want her to fall.

They sat there for most of the day, watching the sea crash up against the beach. Even the sea looked unsettled, as if it also knew that great sadness was to come. She leaned against Sam for support to stay upright and Stasia covered her with a blanket and snuggled close. She dozed off a few times, but while she was awake they talked about happy times and shared positive memories until it was clear that Mercedes was far too tired to be out and he carried her back to the house.

As he tucked her back into bed she reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

She patted the space next to him and he snuggled in close. Even her voice sounded tired now and was barely above a whisper. Once he was settled she kissed him gently on the cheek.

"What was that for?"

"To say thank you. For today. And for yesterday. And for the last thirty years." He opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him. "That night in the diner you changed the direction of my life from quiet desperation to hope and possibility. And most importantly you brought me happiness. Because of you my life has had adventure, excitement and most of all love. You brought me to this beautiful place and you gave me a miracle child. I don't regret a single second of my life with you and I don't want you to be sad for what we're losing, I want you to be happy for what we've had. Whatever your life was before, it brought you to that moment where we met and I have no regrets from having shared my life with you. You _are_ a good man."

She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. Just talking had exhausted her. The final words resonated with him. She'd never mentioned the return of his nightmares but he doubted that she hadn't noticed them. He stroked her face and kissed her cheek, bringing a smile to her lips. "You know the amount I love you is insane, don't you?"

He smiled back at her. "Nearly as insane as the amount that I love you!"

"Our love is too strong to die!"

"I know. There's far too much of it."

Sam exhaled slowly. "It's just that you're too young-"

"I've had a full life. There's been more adventure, excitement and love than some people who live to a hundred have had."

"I just wish time could have passed slower."

"So do I."

They lay silently for a moment before Sam finally asked the question that had been burning him for weeks. "Are you scared?"

She paused. "Not for me. Only for you. Stasia is resisting but I know she'll be fine. There's so much of me in her it scares me. I just need to know you'll look after yourself."

"I was perfectly capable of looking after myself before we met!"

Mercedes ignored the statement. "When you went for my medicine did you get anything for yourself?"

Sam was stunned into silence so she filled the gap, "I don't know what keeps you up more, the nightmares or the constant trips to the bathroom."

"It's fine. It's just age."

"Promise me you'll get something."

"I'll get it on my next trip to Sector Center."

She didn't respond. They both knew he was never going back to Sector Center again.

* * *

When she eventually slept, Stasia found Sam sat on the stairs unable to control his tears and did her best to comfort him. When that didn't work she went for distraction. "There's something else I haven't told you and I'm not sure if I should tell mom."

Sam could tell this was serious by her tone and facial expression when she asked, "Do you promise you won't overreact?"

It was the worst possible thing she could have said to _make_ him overreact but he hid it as much as he could in his already distraught state.

"Say you promise dad!"

She left him no choice. "I promise."

"Okay. Well…" She bit her lip nervously and played with her hands. Then she took a deep breath and closed her eyes and said two words he never expected.

"I'm pregnant."

"You're _wha_ -"

She pressed her finger to her lips for him to lower his voice. "You said you wouldn't overreact!"

 _How the hell was he supposed to not!_ "But you're-"

" _Please_ keep your voice down dad!"

"Then you can't go!" He was determined. This changed everything. He was allowed to change his mind!

"You don't get it. I was thinking about what mom said yesterday and it's _more_ of a reason for me to go. If I was here I'd be trapped. If my baby is born in the Other World it'll have instant roots there and so will I! I don't want my child to live in a World of Sectors. It's already hard enough for me to belong because I'm Mixed Sector. If it wasn't for the fact that we're in a Sea Sector I would have no place at all!"

It was a tough truth.

There were too many questions racing through Sam's brain in that instant that he felt overwhelmed. So he went with the obvious. He hated to think about his daughter having sex, even though it was inevitable at her age. This was life changing! "Who's the father? Is he going with you?"

She looked even more worried. "He… he doesn't know."

Sam took a deep breath and held his head in his hands as he tried to keep his voice down and stop his head from pounding. "About the trip or the baby?"

"The baby. We… broke up before I could tell him."

It just kept getting worse. "What happened?"

"It was a whirlwind. He was everything I ever wanted and he swept me off my feet. Then I ruined things. I told him I loved him too soon and he couldn't handle it so he ran."

Sam looked her in the eye. "And do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Love him."

Stasia stared down at her lap before nodding. "Yes." Her voice was quiet and the single word ripped through his soul. Sam pulled her into his arms again as she began to sob. "He was just like you daddy. He's from your Sector only he doesn't have the earring. I think that's part of the reason why I fell for him. He reminded me of you. He looked at me the way you look at mom and he made me feel like the most special woman on the planet. I really thought he was _the one._ But he doesn't love me enough to follow me. And that's fine. I can't make him do something he doesn't want to. Me and the baby will be just fine by ourselves. Travel is in our blood." She sat still in his arms for a minute as if trying to convince herself with her own words. "Oh daddy, I've made a mess of my life haven't I!"

Sam shook his head. "Your mom would never say that a baby is a mess. You know exactly what she _would_ say."

She smiled and wiped her eye as she did a perfect imitation of Mercedes's voice. " _Human life is sacred._ " Then her laugh turned bitter. "It's true. She wouldn't. But I still don't know if I should tell her or not."

"That's your decision."

Stasia chose not to tell her. When Mercedes woke up she was incredibly weak and they didn't want to add any burden to her. She kept repeating herself even though she was lucid the deterioration was obvious. But the message of her words came across loud and clear. Stasia must definitely cross the Sea and Sam shouldn't be too sad for her.

And most importantly, she loved them both.

So very _very_ much.

That night they all fell asleep together on the bed, Sam and Stasia on either side of her and instead of his usual nightmare, Sam dreamed of Stasia and the baby he was never going to meet.


	37. Chapter 37

**_Just like last time, the final two chapters are being posted together for closure. You might want tissues..._**

 ** _And I might need forgiveness…_**

* * *

Sam woke up first with a feeling of complete and utter despair. Mercedes had been the one to believe in miracles but when he needed one the most it hadn't happened.

Before he even opened his eyes he knew that the love of his life was gone. When he finally got the courage to look he saw Mercedes had a soft smile on her face. Somehow while they slept she'd taken both his and Stasia's hands in her own. She felt still warm and it was only the fact that she was unusually still that belied there was anything wrong at all.

Sam's chest felt as if a huge hole had been ripped through it as he brought his lips to her cheek and kissed it gently. His movement woke Stasia.

"Mom?" One look at Sam gave the answer she didn't want to hear and she immediately started sobbing.

"She's smiling Stasia. She went happy, knowing she was with the two people she loved the most."

He said the words as much for himself as he did for their daughter. But it didn't make the pain any less.

In keeping with the tradition of Mercedes's Sector, they buried her at sundown.

"Are you sure this is even legal?"

Sam nodded but in reality he didn't know and didn't care. Mercedes had made only two requests and he was determined to follow through on both. The first was a request for her burial. She didn't want to be put in a cemetery plot in Sector Centre. She wanted to be Outside. She belonged Outside.

"I don't care. It's what she wanted."

Stasia's face was solemn and her lips formed a narrow line, but she silently led the way. Sam couldn't do this on his own. There was no way he would have found the entrance to the Outside or his way back in. She helped him to dig a shallow grave at one of Mercedes' favorite spots overlooking the sea. Stasia pressed flower seeds into the fresh earth that they had piled on top. She didn't want a headstone or any markings. She simply wanted to go back to the ground from which she'd been created. At first Sam had protested but she explained that it was important never to be found. Having gone missing, presumed dead years before, she didn't want to be found and tied back in any way. Even in death she protected him. Nobody would be looking for her Outside, and even if they eventually did, she would never be found. Her epitaph was engraved, not in stone, but in the hearts of her husband and her child.

They each said a few words then sat together to watch the sun set. Wrapped his arm around Stasia and she snuggled close. He took the smallest comfort in knowing that Mercedes going first meant she would never have to live with finding out the true horrors of his past. They'd kept all mention of it from Stasia, and Mercedes had seen him only as a new and changed man.

"I'm not going!" Her words broke the silence of the moment.

"What did you say?" Sam looked at her in surprise. After spending time the day before assuring him that it was safe to travel in her condition and that the journey only took about three weeks give or take a couple of days, was she now changing her mind?

"I said I'm not going. I can't leave you like this. I don't want to leave you!"

Sam shook his head. "Don't say that. It's your dream to cross the Sea. It always has been."

"But I have my child to think about. I know I thought it would be good for the child but I was wrong. Maybe I should stay here with you. I could move back in. Company for you in return for you helping me with the baby."

Sam shook his head. "You can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because you would never be happy. It would eat at you and you'll start to resent your life. You'll resent me, you'll resent your child and it will make you bitter. I can't let that happen. We've had this conversation before. You are so much like your mom. She had this thing inside of her that burned and made her leave. It wasn't something she could fight, it was something she _had_ to do. She wanted nothing more than to come here and she found what she was looking for which made her happy. You're the same Stasia. Your mom always knew she was meant for something more than where she was and you are exactly like her. You _need_ to cross the Sea. You've been obsessing about it since you could talk and it's important that you do this. You need to make your own adventures and take your own Journey."

"But I always loved the stories you guys used to tell about your journey here. I wanted to have adventures like that."

He pulled her into an embrace and kissed the top of her head. "And you will. I've already accepted that. I accepted it back when you were drawing boats in every single picture of the sea even while I looked out and remained convinced that there weren't any! You were a gift to us and deep down we always knew and appreciated that we only ever had you on loan. The day was always going to come when you would continue the journey your mom started. The only difference is I thought we'd both be here to send you off."

Her eyes welled up for the millionth time that day. "But I don't want to leave you daddy!"

His matched hers. "And I don't want to see you go. But I always knew it would happen and I've prepared myself for it."

She shook her head. "I can't leave you now that mom's gone."

"Yes you can. This is the perfect time for you to go! Besides, you made a promise to your mom that you would and you have to keep it."

"I would have said anything to make her happy at the end."

"And you know how she feels about going back on your word. If you don't do it for me, do it for your promise to her."

Stasia sighed, knowing that there was no way she could argue this. "But I won't see you again. You… you won't see the baby!"

That was a kick in the guts Sam would never be able to get over. But again, it was nothing more than history repeating itself. "I did the same to your grandfather. He never got to see you, but he had faith that his daughter was safe and with someone that she loved and that was enough to keep him going. I know that you'll never be truly happy if you just stay here with me and I can't be truly happy either unless I know you're doing what your heart keeps telling you to do."

"But dad-"

"Shhhh…" He held her tight, feeling all cried out for the day already. He eyed the mound of freshly turned earth next to them, casting it into his memory forever. "You owe it to yourself to do this, and more importantly, you owe it to the memory of the amazing woman that was your mother."

They sat in silence for a moment before she spoke again. He could tell from her resigned expression that she wasn't going to fight him anymore. "And what will you do?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think I can stay in this house forever, there's too many memories. I'll move too."

Her eyes lit up. "You can come with me!"

The idea wasn't even tempting and he shook his head. "I'm too old for doing the kind of journey you're going to make. I think I'll retire and live as a man of leisure. Maybe I'll just go to the next Sea Sector like Artie did. I can get my own place and draw and paint only the things that inspire me. It's the thing that made me happiest after being with you and your mom."

Stasia sighed as she stared out at the fading yellows, reds and oranges of the setting sun being reflected on the seawater as the sky rapidly darkened and the temperature started to drop. "So this is it?"

Sam nodded. "You're not mine to keep. We brought you up to have your independence. Now that your time has come it would be wrong of me to keep you."

"I love you daddy."

"I love you Stasia. Go be amazing like your mother and make us proud."

That night they sat in Stasia's old room, neither with any desire to sleep or return to the room where they had woken that morning. They looked at photographs, laughed and shared happy memories of Mercedes before falling fitfully asleep on her bed.

* * *

Despite Sam's protests, Stasia stayed with him a week. He would have protested more but he was genuinely grateful for her company and as she pointed out, she _had_ already packed a bag to stay for several days when he'd met her in Sector Center. Seeing how determined he was to move from the house that held so many memories she helped him to pack everything up and he was grateful. He would never have been able to go through Mercedes' things on his own. She also helped him to look for alternative accommodation on the Sector Net. Sam decided he wanted a single story bungalow and shortlisted a couple which were available for immediate occupancy.

On the seventh day Sam gently reminded her that she had affairs of her own to sort out and time was rapidly running out before the departure of her ship. Stasia had already seen it arriving and heading for port. It would be there for ten days, refueling and storing up supplies for the return journey. There was no way on earth Sam was going to let her miss it. She wasn't happy that he seemed to be pushing her away, but knew that her own time _was_ running out. It had been ages since they'd spent so much time together and she realized just how much she was going to miss him.

The next day, Stasia was sad but calm. She took a few of her childhood items as mementoes, as well as the pink dress that Mercedes got married in, already knowing she would never return to this house again. Sam returned to the bedroom and stared hard at the empty bed that he hadn't been able to sleep in since that fateful night, before reaching into his bedside drawer and taking out the envelope which had lived there since the day he'd arrived.

Without a word he took it and handed it over to his daughter.

"What's this?" Stasia tore it open and gasped at all the money inside. "I don't understand? What's this? I know its money but it's not from this Sector!"

"It's mine. From before I met your mom. She didn't want me to spend it on her so I'm giving it to you instead. I know you have some savings, but think of this as your inheritance."

She frowned. "Why wouldn't she let you spend it on her?"

"They were her wishes and I followed them. She had her own money for the journey and wanted to use it first." They'd never told Stasia about Sam's previous life and occupation and resolved that she never ever find out. "But I want you to take it. This money is me being with you when I can't be with you. Use it for the baby."

As she silently stared at the envelope in awe, he handed her a small box.

"What's this?"

"Mom wanted you to have this."

She opened the box to reveal Mercedes' wedding ring. "I know it's not much, but she wanted to make sure you had it as an inheritance from her. When we started we had nothing. I had to pawn my earring just to get something to put on her finger but it was worth it."

"Did she really want me to have it?"

He nodded. "And if you don't want to put it on your finger, you can wear it around your neck with one of these…"

Sam handed her another box. Mercedes hadn't been one to wear much jewelry, but she had a couple of simple chains and a few sets of earrings for when she'd dressed smart. "…I think it looks nicest with one of the very simple chains."

Stasia played with the ring, examining it closely for a moment before clenching it tight in her hand. "I'll make sure I keep this ring close to my heart where nobody can steal it."

Their final embrace was heartbreaking. She had only ten days before the ship left but although they'd never said the actual words, they both knew it would be easier to make a clean break. Besides, she had several loose ends to tie up and had also been charged with organizing a memorial service in Sector Center for Mercedes's friends, employees, clients and others who wanted to pay their respects.

Sam said that he'd try to come to the memorial but they both knew that he wouldn't.

Just as she was about to turn to leave he touched her belly and then sobbed, again remembering that it was the same thing that Mercedes' father had done to her. He didn't get to see his grandchild either. It had all gone full circle.

It was only fair.

She kissed him one last time and then she was gone. He stood, watching her as she descended the hill and stayed staring with teary eyes and a shattered heart long after she disappeared from view.

They both knew that they would never see each other again.

* * *

 **Present Day**

Sam couldn't eat and he couldn't sleep. Nights were spent in sweat drenched fear, his nightmares back with a frighteningly vivid vengeance. His days were often spent outside painting. He had to, because when he was inside he would be tempted to just stand and stare at the empty bed, just as he was doing now. He'd stopped taking commissions the day Mercedes' pain had stopped and worked only to finish his current 'works in progress'.

With a heavy heart he brought all of Mercedes's already packed things out of the house. She lived in his heart now and he couldn't face the constant reminder. He piled it all, together with many of his own things, smothered them with gasoline and burned the huge in his own private ceremony, held on the same day that he knew Stasia was doing hers in Sector Center. He knew he couldn't take the things with him and didn't want and stranger touching them.

His own remaining things were few and easy to pack into one easily manageable case. He was an old man with few needs now. Being in the house brought too many memories and he needed to be free to get out as soon as possible. There was a small one bedroom single story near the beach in Sea Sector 4 with his name on it. Sam knew that he would never be able to live in the city, so to find a place where he could truly be alone was the best that he could possibly hope for.

All he had to do was actually go. He'd been sleeping in the one room of an empty house for days, his few belongings in boxes by the door, wondering why he couldn't bring himself to cross that threshold for one last time. Instead, he spent his days staring at the empty frame of the bed that had been the center of his new life. The bed where he'd taken Mercedes's virginity, where Stasia had been born, and where their life had truly been lived and loved.


	38. Chapter 38

**_I posted 2 chapters together so make sure you haven't missed one!_**

* * *

 **Present day**

It had been four long days since he'd sent Stasia back to Sector Center to prepare herself ahead of her departure. Four long days of wandering the empty house like a zombie. Four even longer nights without a wink of sleep. The nightmares were now so vivid he was scared to close his eyes in the dark. There was nobody to shield him from them anymore.

 _CLICK!_

The sound made the hairs on the back of his neck immediately rose.

The house was empty.

Had he left the front door open again? Now that Stasia was gone he kept forgetting to do things like that.

Or was the sound simply a hallucination from his sleep deprived brain?

 _No!_

It wasn't. He _knew_ it wasn't. And he also sensed the presence of a someone standing not far behind him.

The _click_ resonated around his brain like an echo. A noise he hadn't heard for longer than a lifetime but one he would never ever be able to forget.

The unmistakable universal sound of a safety clip being released on a gun. Specifically a pistol. If Sam thought about it hard enough he would probably have been able to work out the make and model. Instead, the click rang through his ears just as if it had been as loud as a gunshot. His heart pounded like a drum while his body froze solid like a statue.

"Aleksander Kolitczev!"

It had been years since he'd heard that name. It was alien to him. And yet it wasn't.

 _My name is Sam Eavans!_ His brain screamed out at him.

 _I am Sam!_

He slowly raised his hands, high above his head with fingers spread wide as battled to find his words. "Who's asking?"

The question was ignored. "Are you him?"

Sam turned slowly, carefully keeping his hands raised and in full view, to see the tall well-built young man who addressed him. He looked to be about thirty and had the same light brown hair and green eyes that were typical of men from his Sector. He responded immediately. "Yes. I was known by the name Aleksander Kolitczev."

The man looked almost disappointed by his response. Then he straightened his spine and steadied the gun in his hand as began to talk. "My name is Pejter. My father was Mikhail Cszink. He was framed for fraud of which he was entirely innocent and was executed in cold blood. He'd been trying to get out of the crime game because he had a young family but he had so called friends and associates who would rather see him dead than leave their lifestyle." The man's voice sent a shiver down Sam's spine. It had been years since he had heard his accent spoken in another voice. "I have no memory of him and he had no knowledge of me. I was born eight months after he died but my brother will never forget the last day he saw him. He was five years old and dad had just dropped him off to school as he did every day. Only this particular day, my father was found dead by his car thirty minutes later."

An image of a man's face flashed into his memory and Sam gasped. The name meant nothing but the scenario did. He remembered the assignment clearly. It was the last one he did before being sent to the diner where he'd met Mercedes. It had been straightforward, having tailed the car, ready to take the target out as soon as he got out, but then he noticed the child. Others in his profession would have simply taken out man and child to ensure no witnesses but that kind of behavior was against his moral code. So he'd watched and waited as the man walked the child to school and said his goodbyes, biting back the sense of envy. Usually his targets did not have the chance to say goodbye just as he hadn't been able to with his own family but even though he was cold he wasn't entirely heartless.

He'd caught up with Mikhail as the man reached his car. Sensing a sound behind him he'd turned and suddenly the two had been face his face. Both men knew the inevitability of the situation. Only one of them was carrying a gun. It was supposed to be a bullet between the eyes but now that it was revealed the man had a family, he'd gone for the heart instead.

It was a kindness. At least there could now be an open casket.

Pejter was still talking. "Mama was distraught. That morning she'd discovered she was pregnant with me and immediately packed bags for us to leave that same night. They were going to travel as soon as my brother returned from his day school to start a new life somewhere else but they never got the chance. My brother had to live every day with her hurt and resolved that when he grew up, he wouldn't rest until he had avenged the death of our father. It took several years to get through the web of lies and find all those responsible but one by one he made sure that they all paid, right up to the man who hired you until eventually they were all gone.

"Rumor had it that you were dead, killed after hunting down and murdering an innocent girl who'd witnessed one of your cold blooded killings, but he never believed it. You were far too slick and professional and even now, years later, people still say that you were the best. There was never a body found and your ability to negotiate the Transit Sectors made it very likely for you to have escaped but the trail was cold right from the start.

"Only by a freak coincidence did he happen to be in Sea Sector 5. He suffered from a life-long lung condition which worsened over the last couple of years and was told the Sea air would do him good. It didn't and he developed pneumonia. He eventually died just over two weeks ago. I was with him at the end. He told me that one of his nurses had met a man with green eyes who had the same accent as him one of the days that she'd been in Sector Center. His age would have put him at about the same age as Aleksander. She also mentioned seeing a partial tattoo on his neck."

Sam definitely couldn't hide. He was only wearing a tank and even more of the tattoo was currently exposed. He breathed deeply as the man continued his explanation.

"I'm not like my brother, I'm an academic. I love books and I love travel. Sokol dedicated his life in the pursuit of justice for our parents so that I could have the life he never would. But on his death bed he made me promise him one thing. I was to find this green eyed man and see if he was the nan my brother believed he was. He gave me this gun and said that if it was, I had to finish his life's work for him. If it wasn't then I was to throw the gun in the Sea and it would all end with his death.

"You have _no idea_ how much I wish I'd never found you. You have _no idea_ how much I hoped you that you would not confirm who you are. Then I could have walked away with no blood on my hands. But now…" his voice strengthened and he gripped the gun tighter, suddenly more confident, "…now I'm bound by honor and duty and we're on a path that cannot be altered!"

Finally, Sam finally found his tongue and for the first time in years his original accent returned, thick and strong as if he'd never left his home Sector. "I always knew you were coming. Maybe not you specifically but someone from my past and I have already accepted the inevitability of what is going to happen. You gave your promise to a dying man and you must keep it. I've lived here in self-imposed exile with thirty years to think over my crimes. I know that I've committed many wrongs, and I know I didn't deserve the years that I've had here. But let me tell you one thing. I remember your father. I remember watching him say goodbye to your brother. I wanted the little boy's last memory to be a good one which is why I waited. I know you may not think of that as a kindness but in my mind it was. All I ask in return is for one final request."

"What is it?"

"I want to see the Sea one last time. My wife loved the Sea and I want to die where I will feel closer to her."

"Where is she?"

"She died."

Pejter looked hard at him them shrugged. The man he was after looked to be around sixty and he could easily take him on if he struggled judging by the way that he painfully moved. But his final request was one he couldn't find fault with so he agreed.

The pain had been getting progressively worse each day despite using Mercedes's pain medicine for himself. With Stasia around he had hidden the discomfort, but with another man he didn't bother. He slowly led the way, Pejter's gun carefully trained on him, on the lookout for any false move. But there wasn't going to be any.

Sam picked up the keys to the house. "Do you still see the nurse that met me?"

Pejter frowned at the question. "No, but I know where she lives."

Sam handed him the keys. "Give this to her and tell her it's a wedding gift from the man she met on the street. She'll understand." The other man frowned as he took the keys and a piece of paper with the address written on it, but it wasn't for him to understand. There wasn't time for Sam to write a note, so he scribbled the two words 'welcome home' underneath the address. Mercedes was always saying the quote 'you received free, give free'. Oscar had been given the house and gave it to them on his last day in the Sector. He was only carrying on with tradition. The fact that the recipient had unwittingly signed his death warrant was irrelevant. She was a nurse, a carer and a woman in love. As his last act he wanted to do something good to make Mercedes proud and this seemed entirely appropriate. This was a house that needed to be filled with love and he knew just from those few minutes of meeting her, that she would do that.

The fact that she'd brought him swift justice made her an angel of mercy.

By the front door stood his single solitary suitcase which represented the last of his personal items. He never did get to confirm on that bungalow to move to the next Sea Sector. Maybe deep down he'd known that he was never actually going to get there. He indicated the bag to Pejter. "Get rid of this. Burn it, bury it, I don't care. If people think I moved away there will be no questions."

Casting one final look back at the empty house he silently led them to his favorite spot, the place where they'd been married. Sam was relieved that Mercedes and Stasia weren't there to witness him finally having to face the justice that he deserved. He'd already said goodbye to the only two people he cared about.

Clearly uncomfortable with silence as they walked, Pejter talked, and talked, and _talked_. By the time they reached the grassy outreach Sam was more than prepared to die, if only for the silence it would grant him! Then suddenly his words started to grab Sam's interest. "So I was thinking after this I want to travel the Sea. I need to leave this place behind because of the bad memories. And there's this girl, she's so beautiful I can't even begin to describe her. We've only been on a few dates but I think I've got it bad. She's really clever and says she's heard that across the sea people live without Sectors. She already bought her ticket and asked me to come with her. She told me that she loved me but I told her I couldn't deal with it because I didn't think I was ready. That wasn't the truth. I was just overwhelmed with my brother being sick and the idea that this girl could actually be feeling something back for me. But now, now I'm going to head straight back down after this and buy my ticket.

"Up until last night I thought I was doing the kind thing by letting her go. But today I realize that I was wrong. I haven't told her this but I love her too. Whenever I look at her and she looks at me I feel something, like I'm lost and I'm found at the same time. And her eyes, not only are they the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, but they give me this feeling. Like calm, inner peace. It's so strange. Her eyes have this sort of mesmerizing effect over me. I feel like whatever craziness has to happen today, if I can just get back to her and look into her eyes I can have some peace. Do you know what I mean?"

"More than you'll ever know." Sam muttered, quietly to himself, fighting a smile. Mercedes had eyes like that. And there was only one other person that could actually have eyes like her.

"I need to get my ticket, find her, tell her I love her and that I want to spend the rest of my days with her and have a family with her!"

"Then you'd better hurry," said Sam, "The boat leaves in a few days."

"Yeah." Pejter looked thoughtful for a moment before his eyes narrowed, wondering how this man knew when the boat was supposed to be leaving.

Sam realized there was one last piece of good that he could do. "Make sure you look after this girl to the best of your ability. She sounds special."

He nodded. "She is."

"Good, because I bear you no resentment or ill feeling for what you have to do to me, I've been looking over my shoulder for years in expectation of you or someone like you. Take courage, you already have my forgiveness and acceptance over the death I rightly deserve, but I'll haunt you for the rest of your life if you fail step up to your responsibilities to this girl and care for her with everything you have!"

The mam frowned, confused as to why Sam would be so passionate about this random woman, but he never got the chance to question him about it further.

They'd reached the top of the hill.

Sam clenched his jaw. This was already taking too long. He stopped in front of a patch of freshly dug earth. As he was unable to visit Mercedes' burial site due to it being Outside, she'd dug a flowerbed for Sam and planted seeds in the shape of a small angel. They hadn't had a chance to grow yet, but when they did, he hoped that it would look like the outline of an Angel. Stasia had worked hard to plan carefully plant each seed into a pattern. Sadly it was too early to see anything grow from it.

He'd had enough. "Just finish this! I want to join the love of my life and I'm sure you want to join yours!" He didn't mean to snap but this wasn't exactly the most normal situation to be dealing with. He was ready so it had to happen now or never.

 _I would rather die than have to watch your former life catch up with you…_

Her voice carried in the wind and he had to turn to Pejter to make sure he hadn't heard it too. At the time, Mercedes' words had upset him, but now they brought him comfort. As much as he hated being left behind, he knew it was a kindness that she'd gone before him. She wouldn't have wanted or deserved to see this day and he would be eternally grateful that she didn't.

But he _did_ deserve to feel the pain of loss after having caused it to so many others.

Although he was ready, it seemed that Pejer was going to need some help. Not everyone was a natural born killer. Tilting his head forward Sam pointed to the base of his skull. "One shot here severs the spinal cord and obliterates he brain. Painless for me and straightforward for you."

He heard the other man gasp but eventually he felt the cold metal press against the base of his skull and the click of the safety being released again. Sam let out a long ragged breath. _This is finally going to happen at last!_

Instead of fear he felt an overwhelming sense of relief.

"Any final words?"

He shook his head. There was nothing left to say. He was guilty of the crimes and now with Mercedes gone and Stasia's life sorted he had nothing left to live for. What happened on this hill would stay on this hill. Stasia would never find out. Pejter may or may not work it out, but even if it did, the guilt would just lead him to treat Stasia well. He'd given them his blessing. Of all the people on the planet she loved him and was carrying his baby. Who was Sam to judge? One thing he could tell from this man's dealings, was that he wasn't cold and heartless. His actions towards Sam were done from a sense of duty and familial loyalty, not pleasure. It was a trait of his Sector and it would be disrespectful to go against it.

Besides, after this, the gun would be thrown into the Sea, just as he'd done with his the first time they had managed to drag themselves from the house after consummating their marriage over and over again. It was a gesture for Mercedes to let her know that everything from his past was behind them and Pejter would put this behind him too. There would be nightmares, that would be inevitable, but Stasia by his side would help with that. Sam had no doubt that she had the same dream curing qualities as her mother.

Sam closed his eyes and saw Mercedes. She was young, her eyes were smiling and her body was soft. In her arms she clutched a chubby six month old Coral who was also smiling up at him with a gummy grin. She clung tightly to her mother, one chubby dimpled deep in her mom's thick locs, the other gripping a fist full of fabric on the front of her dress, making it strain even tighter over her large breasts.

He felt the cold metal press harder against his neck and knew that Pejter's hand was shaking. He hoped the man had enough strength to hold it together and do what he needed to do. Squeezing his eyes even more tightly shut he focused back on Mercedes, her soft smile and her soft eyes staring straight into his, those deep sticky pools of molasses he'd first encountered that fateful first night in the Transit Sector. And he smiled right back at her, sensing her welcome drawing him closer.

He leaned forward towards woman who held his heart and gave him life, gently brushing his lips against hers in the softest sweetest kiss they'd ever shared.

And felt nothing but _freedom,_ happiness and peace…

* * *

 _THE END_

* * *

 ** _Special thanks to my regular reviewers on this fic. You know who you are and you kept me super motivated. I stepped out of my comfort zone with this story but it burned in my head for a long time and demanded to be written in this style so I hope it didn't upset anyone too badly. There was supposed to be a sequel, tentatively entitled The Journey Across the Sea which is based on the story of Sasia and Pjeter who travel the Sea to the Other World and find it isn't as they expected, but I haven't actually written it yet. Maybe that one will one day become my published story instead of this one._**

 ** _Thank you for reading!_**

 ** _Vicky x_**


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